Longmen Memoirs

Franka suddenly said, Chen Mo was stunned.

"Your eyes are very beautiful, instructor, clean and deep black, but unfortunately, they can't hide much." Franka put away her hand leaning on Chen Mo's shoulder: "Actually, I can tell, you see The look in Razer's eyes seemed not to be directed at her, but at another person, another...person who looked similar to her."

Chen Mo didn't answer, and a few seconds passed.

"...Sfeldt told you." he asked.

Chen Mo didn't believe Franka's words. Eyes, can eyes really tell what a person is thinking? Maybe, but Chen Mo still didn't believe that Franka could see so much from his own eyes. The only possibility was Si Feierte, that bitch has never been able to control her mouth.

"I didn't say anything. Did the instructor forget? Let me help you recall your memories." Franka denied it, but her denial was not firm: "When we first met, in the bar, I remembered, You taught me how to knock your mother."

Chen Mo did remember it, but he was not so willing to think about it.

"Yan Guo's words to express love are quite interesting."

Franka's teasing eyes seemed to be retaliating for the original grudge. She should already know the meaning of this sentence.

Chen Mo had no easy explanation.

The amusement in her eyes quickly turned to sympathy.

"If Razer knew the truth, he would definitely be sad." Franka glanced at Chen Mo sympathetically, as if looking at a scumbag who had played with a girl's feelings: "Oh, it turns out that I am not special. It turns out that I am just a substitute.”

After speaking, he paused deliberately and glanced at Chen Mo quietly, as if waiting for him to explain or argue.

But Chen Mo didn't speak for a long time.

"The instructor doesn't want to explain."

"You know in your heart what I want to say."

"How do I know if you don't tell me?" Franka asked matter-of-factly. "I don't have such high-end abilities as mind reading."

"Is that why you're here?"

"Yes." She nodded: "Because I saw a man sitting here with an unexpected frown, so I thought now must be the best time to break through his psychological defense. If I go over and say a few witty words at this time, maybe he can I can make him like me, have I succeeded?"

"A little bit, if you can act more like it."

"That's really a pity." She said regretfully, without any embarrassment or surprise after revealing her target, nor any expression of regret. What she said made it difficult to distinguish between true and false, but in fact, true and false are not that important. .

They sat on a bench at Black Steel Headquarters.In the blue sky of Colombia, the bright sunshine is blocked by passing clouds.

Franka's regret didn't last more than a few seconds.

"Will you tell Razer the truth?" Chen Mo asked. "Tell her that I just regard her as an old friend."

"In fact, it doesn't matter. Whether we treat him as an old friend or a substitute, some things will not change." Franka shook her head and said, "Still, you care about her and feel a little guilty."

"No."

"Really?"

"real."

"I do not believe."

"Believe it or not, it's up to you." Chen Mo turned his head to avoid the eyes that were staring straight at him, but Franka suddenly came around, put one hand on the bench, and lay half in front of Chen Mo. Lift your head and look into his eyes.

After a few seconds, she stepped back.

"Still... you care a lot." Franka said: "After all, even if the person involved doesn't care, he should still know what might happen to him."

She meant something, but Chen Mo understood the meaning of her words.

"Razer is different from me. She is simply persistent. She is the kind of stupid woman who can be deceived by hooking her fingers." She said, sighing softly: "But looking at it now, She has no chance of winning, it’s really miserable.”

"Ok?"

"She may be temporarily unable to distinguish between her feelings, which is gratitude, which is longing, and which is love." Chen Mo said: "She is very strong and works hard. What she lacks is time and Experience, besides, don’t I still have you as a good friend?”

"Gratitude, admiration, like?" Franka read one by one and smiled softly: "These are just excuses, otherwise how can anyone be sure that they will fall in love with someone from the beginning."

She looked at Chen Mo.

"The instructor knows it very well, right? When Razer needed encouragement and help the most, it was you who appeared in front of her. When no one else had expectations of her, it was you who taught her." She said: "If such a person appeared in front of me, I think it would be difficult for me not to have a crush on him. This method is really cunning, but it happens to be someone with the personality of Razer."

Her words left Chen Mo speechless.

In fact, as Franka said, Chen Mo was very aware of Razer's different feelings for him, so he left the training team in time, but they later became friends.

"Is it okay to avoid it like this?" Franka asked. "If you can't give anything, don't give people hope. Instructor, that's very difficult to handle. I might hate you for it."

She seemed to be here for a chance encounter, so she chatted with Chen Mo for a few words, but later it gradually turned into some kind of fight against injustice, some kind of indignation due to a certain mistake Chen Mo made.

But there was no anger or rage in her words. Instead, they were just plain and casual when chatting with friends, mixed with an indescribable curiosity and temptation.

"Is Razer really similar?" She suddenly brought up the topic again.

Sfeldt always reveals a lot when he spills the beans. If this premise happens to be asked about Chen Mo by a curious acquaintance, and Sfeldt drinks some wine, it will often become unstoppable.

He might have let it slip on purpose, or it might have just been an unintentional mistake. At least when he let it slip, he never mentioned anything about Chen Mo’s words in Kazdale and Rhine Life. Even about the Black Wall, he never told Anyone, even Huwei, maybe Huwei doesn't care about Chen Mo's past at all.

But what Chen Mo can be sure of now is that during the period when he was no longer there, Sfeldt must have betrayed himself and told Franka something about himself, otherwise he would not have such a determined tone and eyes in front of him.

The floating clouds on the horizon gradually drifted with time and air currents. Fragments of sunlight penetrated the prosperous tree canopy. The two people sitting on the bench under the tree fell into a brief silence.

Chen Mo broke the silence.

"Do they look alike or not? I'm not sure. We haven't seen each other for almost ten years." Chen Mo guessed, "Maybe I can't recognize him now."

Franka looked at Chen Mo's young face.

"That means...isn't it?"

"No matter how long a relationship is, it can't overcome the ten-year barrier, let alone the experiences that happened when I was a child." Chen Mo replied: "What do children know? They can't even tell whether it is good or bad. They don't know what they will do in the future. What it has become.”

"I don't like Franka, and I don't even love her. I don't expect it, but I can't tell what's left...whether it's reluctance or nostalgia." Chen Mo said, pointing to his chest: "Even if it's not... It’s out of reluctance and regret.”

He looked at Franka.

"You asked me just now, if you can't give anything, don't give people hope, but you forgot that instead of hope, people should accept and escape failure first. Yes, I know very well that Razer feels sorry for this in his heart. I was born with a certain emotion, and I knew very well that I had been avoiding it, because I felt that I couldn't respond." Chen Mo said: "But before that, she had passed the test of black steel. No matter what happens in the future, I’m finally closer to my dream.”

"For her, this is the most important thing, and for me, this is enough." Chen Mo looked at those bright and charming golden eyes: "As for the future, who can say what will happen in the future? What about."

Will it be worse or better in the future?

No one can tell.

Franka fell silent. She just looked into Chen Mo's eyes and looked at him. After a few seconds, the corner of her mouth gently raised a smile.

"Suddenly he said such heartless and dangerous words in a serious manner." She looked at Chen Mo with regret and sighed: "Didn't this make me more interested in you?"

She originally just saw Chen Mo sitting alone on the bench on the way back to the headquarters after completing the mission. She rarely saw him sitting there staring into the distance in a daze, so she came over curiously.

She didn't have any extra feelings for Chen Mo, the former instructor and current friend. She was just curious, and because of Razer's complicated feelings for him, she was a little more concerned about it, so she asked Si Fei Some experiences.

But now it seems that because of his unnecessary actions, he has some different emotions. He is still curious, and still doesn't like him, but he is more familiar with it, and there are more things he can't explain.

Chapter 35 Old acquaintances of Heigang ([-]) This is a topic about regret and debt

[Later, I began to recall what happened that day. It was the first time I saw this taciturn and paralyzed man smile in front of me. 】

[His smile looked forced and abrupt. I imagined what he would look like when he smiled one day, but just like what I thought in my mind, he actually couldn’t smile. When he smiled, he looked extremely ugly. 】

The amber liquid swayed slightly in the transparent glass quilt. In the small bar in Rhode Island, a young Custer girl sat opposite Wolper.

His steady golden eyes stared at the sloshing wine in the glass. Under the warm and dim bar lights, his long brown shawl hair seemed to blend with the surrounding colors.

[I don’t like that smile, Amiya. It makes me feel a little dull, dull and depressing. There are many secrets hidden in the instructor’s heart. I don’t know whether I should say it as a secret, or it would be better to say unwillingly. Maybe I’m afraid even He didn't realize it himself. Whenever someone tried to get close to him or get closer to him, he would always find various ways and excuses to avoid them. 】

[It seems that he can handle the relationship with everyone he knows, but in fact, he always makes things a mess. 】

"Then you, Miss Franca, you..."

[No, little rabbit. 】

The index finger on the wine glass gently tapped the smooth rim of the glass. Wolper turned his head and looked at the girl beside him, his eyes flashing with intoxicating confusion.

[I can’t compare to a dilettante like Razer. I won’t casually put my feelings on someone I don’t know. 】

Her tone was both thankful and unspeakably free.

--------

The penultimate day after leaving the headquarters.

Razer seems to have gone to another mobile city due to a certain escort mission, and should not be able to return to Black Steel before the mission is over, while Sfeldt may be in a hurry to clear things up due to the consequences of the Rhine life incident. Heigang, who had a good relationship with him, assigned him other tasks.

Tasks that Chen Mo has no access to.

He should have expected that one day, even if they are under the same company, they will gradually get together and separate because of each other's careers, and gradually separate because of various jobs that do not belong to the same department.

Even if we can see each other occasionally, such a life is destined not to last long.

They are not like themselves, who have too many things waiting for them to solve, nor are they like themselves who have already been involved in it and cannot get out.

Destiny is coming one after another, it is impatient and inevitable.

Maybe this is okay, Chen Mo suddenly thought.

Sfeldt is kind, at least compared to the cold ending after gathering together and having a fool around with him, such a plain and indifferent farewell is the best, with less loneliness before parting, less blessings and Expectation, less reluctance and sadness.

Otherwise, it would be so embarrassing to see a man hugging him with tears streaming down his face. Chen Mo felt that he probably couldn't bear that kind of scene.

At least he no longer had to listen to Sfeldt's nagging, and no longer had to endure Foxtail's bitter and hateful look. The latter might be Chen Mo's own psychological effect.

But...it is inevitable that there will still be some reluctance and nostalgia.

I don’t want to leave the blue sky and white clouds of Colombia, I don’t want to leave Black Steel for being together and being apart, and I don’t want to have such a group of ordinary and common friends by my side.

Or maybe, it's just that it doesn't want to let go of the Black Steel International that it has lived in for several years. It doesn't want to let go of every plant and tree it has become familiar with, and it doesn't want to let go of every bit of it that grew up in the mercenary company.

I can't bear the absurdity and frolic here, although it seems that there is nothing left that is too unforgettable and worthy of being remembered for a lifetime.

That empty box buried deep in the soil, that Christmas that didn't come as promised, that noisy late night shrouded in fire and smoke.

The past buried deep in the deepest part of my memory, the fragments of the past that disappeared into thin air.

The young boy watched everything he owned gradually disappear from him after a heavy snowfall and fire.

He never forgot.

It turned out that he had so much reluctance, so much regret and powerlessness hidden in his heart, and finally, with a little despicable and shameful inducement, he got the chance to change his destiny.

What's funny is that because of his later life in the orphanage, he had hesitation and regret, and had expectations and extravagant hopes that he shouldn't have.

It was he who chose to abandon everything on that rainy night.

It was he who drove himself to a dead end.

It was because he couldn't bear the torture and frustration in his heart, and therefore gave birth to more guilt and regret.

For many years.

He has grown up,【+/

He just took away this rootless body, wandering around this land like a lonely ghost that had lost its soul.

He deceived himself and told himself that everything was because of the choice that man gave him and made him powerless, but he never tried to fight.

Maybe there is nothing wrong with what Wei Yanwu said later about bringing the blame on himself.

He always attributes his mistakes to others, and he is good at doing this so that he can feel at ease and feel better.

Chen Mo knew it, and so did Sfeldt.

He is leaving Black Steel and Columbia, and this time, he probably won’t come back.

But the road ahead was long, and he had no idea where he would go.

In front of the desk, the silhouettes of people and pens swayed under the soft light of the desk lamp.

[Small tower:

I am leaving Colombia. I think I should be able to return to Longmen soon. For so many years, I have never had the courage to go back.

I am an infected person now, Xiaota, I think you should understand the meaning of the three words infected. After all, we all know what it means, but I have no regrets, Xiaota, maybe I have, But now I don’t regret that I became infected.

Maybe I just deserved it.

Remember what I told you about 052, the big Ursus boy. I couldn’t tell you that I killed him with my own hands. Not only that, I also killed many people with my own hands. Among them There are good, bad, guilty, not guilty enough to die, even innocent people, including infected people.