Longmen Memoirs

There are not so many clear-cut right and wrongs in this land.

She couldn't control this, but someone had to bear some responsibility, such as... Gouzi, no matter what these people did, he had to be responsible for the actions of his people.

Some people in this world have made mistakes, and what catches them is not law and restraint, but power, power... human heart, morality, emotions, in short, they are all specious things, who can say for sure.

ps: Do you feel that you are getting closer to Terra?

Chapter 44 It’s all over

Chen Mo was sitting among the wreckage of a collapsed building, which was supposed to be a shop, because he saw an almost indecipherable signboard with worn words among the collapsed prefabricated panels and rubble.

The sky in Longmen is dark, and the heavy rain in the dark sky forms rain lines and drips along the broken floors, rusting steel bars, twisted pipes, cracked cement, and rotten rags.

He gently sat down against the rough and hard wall, holding the heavy knife beside him, with visible cracks in the middle of the blade, and watched the heavy rain turn into water and flow from the ruins in front of him.

The wounds on his body had already stopped bleeding.

Pain is temporary, and the injury will heal one day, leaving some terrible and hideous scars, but once the injury heals, people will forget the pain.

The weak orange-red fire of the silver lighter was ignited in the night and rain, illuminating his face with mottled blood stains and his rags and rags, which made him look so miserable.

He held the lit cigarette in his mouth and exhaled a long breath.

Wei Yanwu is not an ordinary person. His swordsmanship is surprisingly powerful. Not to mention the Guards Bureau and Longmen, the power he controls alone is enough to make people feel fearful.

No one would have thought that the ruler of Longmen would be so powerful before facing him in person. Chen Mo was already cautious enough, but he still underestimated him.

At that moment, he didn't think about killing Wei Yanwu on the spot.

[You let him go. 】

He saw a blurry figure gradually condense in the rain curtain in front of him, and it slowly became clearer. The monster appeared in the rain, but the rain failed to fall on him. He had no entity, as if he was in another space.

Or perhaps, His very existence is false.

The wind and rain made the air seem a bit colder. In the darkness, only the sparks of the cigarette flickering with the breath were reflected in the eyes of the monster and Chen Mo.

"He has to live."

[You can obviously kill him, he is so close to you, you can kill him before his guards and the rat, they can't stop you, no one can stop you! 】

"I can kill him..." Chen Mo held a cigarette between his fingers and said calmly: "But he is of greater use alive than dead. He is not worthy of my action. If he dies, most of my people will have to stay in Longmen. He was buried with him. If he died, many people in this city would be implicated. None of this is important. The important thing is that he must live."

[For those Sakaz people? 】

"For myself."

【Do you believe it? ] The monster sneered: [No, you don’t believe it. 】

"You are wrong, I believe it!" Chen Mo rested his head on the wall behind him: "I believe it, I believe they did not misjudge me, I believe I should take this road, he is guilty, many people are guilty, you , me, and those Sakaz, no one is innocent, we all deserve to die!"

Chen Mo said, his black eyes glancing at the black figure in front of him.

"You know, what's the biggest difference between you and me?"

[You said... I'm listening. 】

"I only understand now." Chen Mo closed his eyes: "You, the biggest difference between you and me is that you are just a prisoner in prison, but I can do a lot that you can't. You long for freedom, so you have been tempting me, but you are not a human being, you are too straightforward in doing things, and you don't know the complexity of the human heart based on your own heart."

He paused as he spoke.

"But I'm different. You don't know what people will choose. You only live for yourself." Chen Mo said, opened his eyes and asked: "Are you lonely? Monster, you must be very lonely. No one cares about what you think. No one I know your name, no one even knows you exist, you don’t even know why you are alive, you are such a pathetic little person~~”

Chen Mo deliberately lengthened his tone, shook his fingers gently, and the ashes fell down.

【how about you?Watchdog. 】

He did not show emotion because of the irony in Chen Mo's words. He looked at the scarred Chen Mo sitting in the middle of the collapsed ruins. The scene looked like a homeless wild dog hiding under the eaves.

[You have freedom, you have care, you have your own name and friends, so how do you live?You are living your life to the best of your ability, but I don’t think so. You are outside the prison, but you are living more like a prisoner than me. 】

"You still don't understand." Chen Mo chuckled and shook his head: "...I'll teach you, because people can never live just for themselves, so people are destined to not have smooth sailing in this life."

"People will grow up and meet some friends, teachers and elders. People are born with care, family affection, and friendship found later. Some people are luckier and can add a little love, one or two. , no more."

Chen Mo exhaled the smoke, and the nicotine temporarily numbed the pain on his body, allowing his brain to temporarily wake up: "Because life will let us humans encounter these, because these can prove that we are human beings and prove that we have lived, but they will also be like The intertwined webs trap you like chains. Some people become weak because of it, and some people become strong because of it. You can't stay the same at all. You encounter some things, lose something, career, prospects, hear some words, and make choices. , make some mistakes and then do something right, and people will change."

"...This is what human beings are." Chen Mo concluded: "Living with seven emotions and six desires, living unsatisfactory, living ups and downs, this is called life."

[You are telling me great truths, and I don’t like to hear them. 】

[You get nothing... watchdog. ] He did not laugh anymore, but whispered, as low as a whisper: [You paid such a price, you should have killed Wei Yanwu, who will care about the life and death of this dragon gate, these have nothing to do with you, but you But you chose to make this deal with him. He set up a stage for you without even telling you, and then you happily jumped on and sang this childish show with him. 】

He said: [Have you forgiven him for everything he did to you?Do you just forgive him like that?Don’t forget, who is the reason why you are like this! 】

"Yes, I forgive him." Chen Mo did not refute: "This old guy sent me out of the dragon gate without hesitation. His arbitrary decision ruined my life. I should hate him, but have you ever hated anyone? You didn't, you I don’t know what that feels like.”

"That feeling is...how should I say...wonderful? This word may not be very appropriate, but I have never studied. The first thing you do when you open your eyes every day is to think about that person's appearance, miss him and then hate him. Him, so that you have the strength to live. The last thing you have to do before going to bed every day is to think about him and tell yourself not to forget to open your eyes the next day."

"I always thought that I should hate him. If I don't hate him, who should I hate? I don't even know why I came to this world. It's like a superfluous person. One more of me is not more, and one of me is less. Quite a few, the meaning of my existence, the reason for my living.”

Chen Mo said, the cigarette in his hand burned quietly, and the hazy smoke drifted across his sight.

"But then I stopped hating him, and I stopped hating him." Chen Mo said, "Because I would think, would 052 hate me? After all, I killed him, and those two people buried in Longmen would hate me. Is it? They died because of me. I caused their families to be destroyed and their wives to be separated. They didn’t hate me. I knew it in my heart. But there were also people who hated me. Those who died in my hands, I was also hated by others. But I don’t care, I really don’t care.”

"It's easy to hate someone, there are countless reasons, even if it's just a look, but it's hard to forgive, bitch, it's really hard to forgive." Chen Mo said softly, as if talking to himself: "Before returning to Longmen, I thought about killing him Drop Wei Yanwu, you are right, as long as I think, no one can stop me, this is what I deserve."

"But after I got to Longmen, I realized that I actually didn't hate him that much, at least not as much as I thought. I didn't come back to kill Wei Yanwu. I came back to see what kind of person I was. I came back because I want to know how important this dragon gate that I love and hate is really."

【…】

Chen Mo said, throwing away the cigarette butt and lighting another cigarette.

"Longmen is not important. What is important is the memories I left here, as well as the living people I know and their lives." He whispered and sighed softly: "Wei Yanwu's crime will not lead to death. , he did harm some people, and he also saved some people. Life should not be measured by numbers, but sometimes, life is indeed just a series of numbers."

"Ah... I feel like there's no point in talking to you about this. After all, you're not even a human being."

[Then...why are you still talking about this? 】

"Because you once had the opportunity to become a human being, but I took away this opportunity from you." Chen Mo said, and smiled as he changed his words: "...But it may also be because there are only two of us here now. I'm bored, complaining, and talking about my ideals and insights. I'm telling you, you can't tell anyone else, and I have no intention of handing my body over to you."

[You will do this sooner or later, sooner or later. ] He said: [...I'm waiting for that day. It won't be long. These things you mentioned will drag you into the abyss sooner or later. I will be waiting for you in the abyss. 】

"It's still the same thing." Chen Mo waved his hand indifferently and imitated his tone: "I will be you, and you will be me. Don't you think this statement is disgusting? You really don't know how to be ashamed at all. .”

[...There is no point in trying to be verbally quick. 】

"But you can't hide that you feel quite awkward right now, right?"

【roll. 】

The black shadow twisted and seemed to be about to disappear.

"and many more--"

The twisted shadow stayed, and Chen Mo could feel his eyes looking at him, waiting for his words.

"Are you shy?"

He looked at the rainy sky quietly, and some raindrops fell on him in the broken ruins of the city.He also knew that he looked very embarrassed and ugly now, and was no better than a beggar.

But he had nowhere to go.

He sat in these ruins and licked his wounds, just like when he was performing missions in Black Steel in the past. He was always alone, not very gregarious, and had few friends. At that time, no one came to talk to him or talk to him. This nonsense, he sighed a little, no one came to listen, he could only tell himself.

If he goes like this for a long time, he will inevitably have some mental problems, but at that time, there was a heavy stone in his heart, which weighed him down so much that he didn't have time to think about it.

Now that it was fine, the stone was gone, and he breathed a sigh of relief, but at the same time he felt that an empty piece was missing.

He knew what was missing.

It is the life of more than ten years, the things that were originally owned and lost, and the lonely shadows of the past that I thought I could have but left behind.

It was Xiaota and Hui Jie, it was the life he had wanted, it was the ordinary and warm home that should have belonged to him in the New Territories.

Chen Mo slowly closed his eyes, thinking about that kind of life. He didn't dare to think about it before because he had hatred in his heart, but now he dares.

The sun is very good, bright but not dazzling, gentle but not blazing.

He would open the door and see his young wife.

She is so beautiful, she is taller than when she was a child, and her round and tender face has become more mature and beautiful. She has a pair of eyes as gorgeous as rubies, which reflect her own appearance.

She would smile to herself, a gentle smile, just like when she came back in the past, she would come over and hug herself.

I would also hug her with my backhand, feeling the softness and reality of her body, the warmth and light fragrance emanating from her body.

Then put down the badge and sword.

He could hold her like this for a whole day, a whole week, a month, a year, not to mention countless days, nights and hours in the future.

He would hold her hand and sit in front of the sofa and talk about today's experience. Maybe the experience was not very interesting, trivial, and cliche, but she would still listen and make some comments and opinions.

She will go into the kitchen... She has to learn how to cook well. Maybe she doesn't do it well at first. Just don't rush, just take your time. She won't get bored cooking anything.

More luxuriously, they would have a son, or maybe a daughter.

She has the same beautiful and bright silver hair as hers, and a pair of small horns, which are exactly the same as when she was a child. She also has the shadow of her father, such as her eyes.

Can't ask for more...

Chen Mo slowly opened his eyes.

What he saw was a dark and deep night, cold wind and rain, dilapidated ruins and himself sitting alone under the ruins.

I woke up from the dream, so it’s all over.

Cold raindrops drifted in along the wind, and Chen Mo raised his hand to wipe the rain that fell in the corners of his eyes.

【Are you crying?Watchdog. 】

"...It's rain."

He never cried again after the woman died, not when she left Longmen, not when 052 died, not when death grabbed her throat.

His tears had already dried up.

He didn't let Wei Yanwu go, he just let go of his young self and the sad dream he had at that time.

------

"you are here."

The fox saw Chen Mo standing in the cemetery, the two bouquets of white chrysanthemums placed in front of the tombstone, the paper that burned into ashes and floated to the sky, and the slowly burning incense candle.

The sky in Longmen is gloomy, which is a good weather for memorial ceremonies.

The bustling high-rise buildings in the city are far away. It is quiet here and you don't have to be disturbed by the hustle and bustle of the city.

The fox's voice attracted Chen Mo's attention, and he did not turn his head.

The fox walked slowly to Chen Mo amid the sound of footsteps. The black and white photo on the tombstone had long been blurred by the wind and sun. After all, no one had seen them in more than ten years.

She put down the white chrysanthemum in her hand and bowed to the tombstone. After doing all this, she turned to look at Chen Mo's side face. He was wearing a black coat, his black hair was fluttering slightly in the breeze, and there was a long man beside his feet. box.

"There's no need to do that, and they can't see it."

"It doesn't matter if you see or see it. The purpose of the ceremony is to express the living's respect and condolences to the deceased."

"But you never see them."

"I've seen it now." Fox said, looking at Chen Mo turning his head and looking into his eyes.

Wolper's orange hair was slightly raised in the wind, her pointed ears on top of her head and her furry tail behind her.

"How did you find it here?"

"It's not difficult for me to find someone in Longmen." Fox said, looking up at Chen Mo slightly: "Your people have evacuated Longmen. They are waiting for you in the wilderness outside Longmen. When...are you leaving?"

In fact, before asking this question, the fox knew that he would leave today, maybe after leaving the cemetery, he would leave this dragon gate.

But the fox couldn't help but want to ask, even though she already knew the answer.

Chen Mo did not answer the fox's question. He turned to look at the tombstone in front of him.

"I have kept them here for more than ten years, and I have never come back to see them for more than ten years." Chen Mo said, "I have had opportunities before, but I didn't dare. I feel guilty for them. I don’t know how to face them ever since.”

"But you're here now, it's not too late."

"It's different, Fox."