Longmen Memoirs

She is still so domineering, even in a dress, it is difficult to show her graceful appearance. She has never been a meek person, and she is not willing to submit and compromise.

She took a small step forward.

"I make you so disgusted that you want to avoid even seeing me!"

What should have been a question turned into an affirmation when it came out of her mouth.

She is a broom star, she has always been like this in everyone's eyes, and now, she seems to have become a broom star in Chen Mo's eyes. She is a bum star who only brings misfortune to others, so she should be ostracized and avoided as a matter of course.

Of course they had reason to think so, and she didn't care, but the sadness hidden behind her deep red eyes when she looked at Chen Mo and said these words could not be completely concealed under the anger.

Chen Mo wanted to explain, but the words he could explain uncontrollably turned into another language.

"If you think so..."

"Why are you avoiding me?"

"I haven't thought about what to say..."

"Again! Then don't say anything. If you haven't thought about it, just shut up!"

Chen Mo closed his mouth, but sighed heavily in his heart. It was like this again. He had never been able to talk calmly, and he could no longer calm down and talk properly.

Chen Mo didn't think about what to say, and Chen didn't think about what to ask. They looked at each other, neither of them could speak. In the end, it was Chen who spoke first.

"I told you to shut up, but you really didn't say anything. Are you an idiot!"

Unreasonable and angry.

"What do you want to hear?"

"Why are you here?"

"Why are you here too?"

"I'll ask you again!"

She walked up and grabbed Chen Mo's collar: "I didn't ask you to ask me!"

Chen Mo didn't tell Chen why he came here, nor did he make up a lie to try to deal with it. Lies are something that he knows will be of no use, and there is no difference between telling them or not.

Even if Chen Mo said it, Chen would still keep asking, leaving people speechless in the end. It was difficult to deal with the strong Chen in the past, let alone now.

As a result, the conversation that ended without any resolution turned into a quarrel.

Chen never listens to what others say. She was like this before, but now it's getting worse.

He is similar to Chen in some aspects, such as insisting on having his own way, and also asking for trouble.

We have to give up something in order to get it, or we may get nothing in the end. This is not something we should choose. Destiny is not in our own hands, but to put it another way, this is not actually a kind of destiny.

Only now did Chen Mo wake up. When she met Chen again, what remained between them was an endless quarrel. She tried to use her words to convince herself, but she always kept silent and avoided her. The problem.

Once again it ended without a cure, and once again the connection was severed.

"Listen, I didn't come here to quarrel with you, can't you control your temper? Have you only learned to act impulsively and emotionally over the years?"

"Am I impulsive? Am I motivated?"

Chen paused.

"Yes, in your eyes I am impulsive and motivated, but what do you think this is all for? Tell me!"

No one is born stupid, and no one likes to be treated coldly and is willing to get involved. The reason why those who have been hurt by you again and again are still willing to smile at you is not how great you are, nor is it because of you. What can you give them, but because you are important to them.

"Don't push me, and don't push yourself, Chen."

Chen Mo said, but he suddenly lost his confidence in his heart, as if he had fallen into a quiet and deep seabed.

"Even if you question me now, even if you know what happened before..."

He looked at Chen, looking at her who was now as bright as a star, staring into my eyes because of anger.

"It doesn't matter anymore, do you understand? No matter what you do, it doesn't matter anymore."

"I know you are not willing to give in. I also know that Tallulah's departure is difficult for you to accept. None of us can escape. We must always face what we have to face."

Why should you insist on doing meaningless things? When you understand the truth, only regret and pain will be waiting for you.

But Chen Mo forgot that he just wanted Chen to avoid the so-called truth, but ignored Chen's feelings. He said it was for her own good, but he never considered whether she needed it or not.

Chen Mo said such words, but he suddenly felt ridiculous in his heart. No matter how reasonable and upright he said, it was just high-sounding.

But you can't keep escaping. One day you have to face it.

Those that catch up with you, those that belong to you, those that you can’t escape.

There were soft and long sounds in the hall, ups and downs, and leisurely swings, but the two people in the corridor on the second floor were arguing inconclusively, and looked at each other with indifferent eyes.

Chen's words can't help but sound a bit harsh.

Maybe only when she hit her head and bruised her head, maybe only then, would Chen be willing to stop for a while. Chen, who hit her head and bruised her head and was bleeding all over her body, looked at the scene in front of her in confusion, feeling at a loss.

Time seemed to go back in time, to that afternoon on the balcony of the orphanage.

Chen Mo said to Chen, you can't protect her forever.

Now it was him, and he had made the same mistake. Chen Mo finally understood what Chen Mo was feeling when he said those words.

People cannot empathize with others, but when faced with the same situation, they will more or less have the same feeling in their hearts.

Chen Mo wanted to let go of Chen's hand, to let her spread her wings and fly high, but at the same time, he couldn't help but subconsciously hold on to the thread in his hand, fearing that she would fly too far, too high, and be torn apart by the violent storm at high altitude, and would never be found again. There is no way back.

...I am also afraid of her getting further and further away from me.

So far away that when we meet again one day, we can calmly say to each other that we haven't seen each other for a long time and then pass each other by.

"You shouldn't have come." Chen suddenly fell silent, and after a long time he pursed his thin lips and said, "You shouldn't have come, you shouldn't have appeared, you shouldn't have appeared in my life and hers, you shouldn't have known us. .”

If he hadn't known each other from the beginning, if on that early morning, Chen Mo hadn't held Tallulah's hand to push open the door, and hadn't curiously looked past Tallulah to see the little girl sitting on the bed.

If I hadn’t climbed out of bed secretly on a rainy night, and if I hadn’t met Tallulah, I wouldn’t have known Chen, and nothing would have happened after that.

Maybe at this time he should be on the streets of Longmen, worrying about tomorrow's livelihood, or maybe he has already settled down safely.

But there is no if, just like now, Chen Mo has never regretted, regretted the experience of more than ten years, regretted the seemingly endless road he took later.

"I have no regrets." Chen Mo said: "I have no regrets about why I didn't grow up faster, I have no regrets about coming to the orphanage, and I have no regrets about knowing her and you."

He lost his home. The orphanage gave him a new home and gave him a new family. What did he have to regret? Chen Mo thought, if he doesn't have it anymore, he shouldn't regret it.

But Chen Mo had to admit that when he left, he did not have pure thoughts in his heart, nor was it just because of Chen and Tallulah. He wanted to leave, but because he knew that in this world, useless people are constantly He is not worthy of holding his own life in his hands. A useless person cannot even protect the things in his hands. A useless person can only watch the precious things drift away from him unwillingly.

]【}

"But I regret it. I regret why I met you in the first place. It was you. I hate you, Chen Mo. I have always hated you!"

I hate you for being so smart that you deceived my trust, I hate you for sneaking into my heart, I hate you for taking away my place beside her, I hate you for leaving without saying goodbye, I hate you for appearing suddenly.

But there was no hatred in Chen's eyes as she said.

At least, it's not the kind of hatred that Chen Mo is familiar with, but something deeper and more penetrating. The way she looks at her eyes tells her that she hates me.

Because I tried to get close to her and held her hand, but when she needed me most, I left without saying goodbye. When she saw me, for various reasons, I began to distance herself from her, but she Nothing can be done.

If I didn't like it so much at the beginning, how could I hate it so much later?

"Hate it."

Young Chen has not experienced too many ups and downs, has not yet recognized her own life, and has not despaired. She is different. Whether she wants to admit it or not, Wei Yanwu protects her very well and makes her "heart All your wishes come true.”She has never been in a helpless situation, nor has she ever encountered a choice she had no choice but to make.

Whether you hate it or love it, it will eventually make you remember so that you won’t make the same mistake again in the future.

"stop!"

Chen Mo wanted to leave, but when he was walking past Chen, Chen suddenly reached out and grabbed his arm.

"This time, I won't let you escape easily!"

Chen, who was speaking of hatred, reached out and grabbed Chen Mo's hand tightly. Her hand was very strong.

Chen Mo's footsteps stopped, but he didn't dare to look back. He looked back at Chen at this time, to see the struggle and hesitation on her face, to expose her lies, and to seize this opportunity again to try to get her. understanding.

Maybe as long as he is willing, he is willing to make up one or two lies, put all the faults on the person Chen identifies in his heart, and resent him. He can use this resentment and hatred to force Chen and make her feel guilty. She would be willing to forgive herself, and there would be no excuses.

Chen Mo knew in her heart that what Chen wanted was not an explanation, nor did she really want to find out what happened to him in those ten years. What she wanted was just a reason, a reason that could convince her and relieve her. .

She was ready, no matter how real or bloody the answer was, she was ready.

But what's the use?Will I be relieved? 【-

The box was buried in the soil for many years. There were no bones in it, but it became someone's grave.In fact, it doesn't matter what he represents. What matters is that in people's eyes, he is here.

...stay here forever.

They are relatives after all, whether they like it or not, no matter what mistakes they have made, they are relatives after all, with the same blood flowing in their bodies. When I was young, I realized that I was an outsider, but now, nothing has actually changed.

Who would really hurt their loved ones for an outsider, and what reason would there be to hurt him? Just like Wei Yanwu never thought of really hurting Chen and Talulah, they certainly wouldn't do that.

No matter how much he said he hated him, he would never actually do it in the end. After all, after his death, there would always be one less "relative" in the world.

Chen Mo no longer has any relatives, no one who can forgive him with open arms no matter what unforgivable mistakes he has made, and no one who is willing to accept him selflessly without hesitation.

A helpless person, like a duckweed, walks home alone in the cold wind at night, trying to give himself warmth, opening the door to the empty house, turning on the light and welcoming you. There was only a terrible silence.

He found Tallulah when he was a child and mistakenly thought they were the same. Later, Chen Mo discovered that they were actually different. But he had gotten close to her and he could no longer bear to leave her, and he couldn't bear to be alone in a corner.

He is very afraid, very afraid of this strange world. After losing the only person who can trust him and trust him, he has experienced the indifference and terror of this strange world, so he is very afraid. This fear of being a stranger has always been Hidden in Chen Mo's heart, it lingers.

"List……"

Maybe she should be called Hui Jie, just like when she was a child, Tallulah called her Xiao Jie. Chen Mo did that once, then she became Chen, then became Hui Jie, and now, she has become Chen again.

"I have been running away for many years, and I don't want to run away anymore, so let me take a good rest this time, okay?"

Chen Mo held Chen's hand that was tightly grasping his left arm and wanted to pull her hand off, but Chen's grip was very tight. The back of her hand was cold. After putting it on, Chen Mo could feel Chen's hand trembling slightly.

"I told you, I won't let you escape this time!"

"You can't hold me forever, we both know that."

"I want to take you back!"

"I have already returned to Longmen."

Longmen is where everything first begins and ends. That city is prosperous and bustling with traffic. Unfortunately, Chen Mo can no longer fit into its high-rise buildings and streets. .

It was also my home.

"Not Longmen."

"Go back with me, anywhere." Chen said, "I won't let you stay alone outside again until I find her..."

These words were not something Chen should say. She had to give up something to make this decision that she would never have made.

"impossible."

"I won't let you go! No matter what you say, you can't!"

"I won't leave, I'm just going to rest for a while and catch up soon."

"I don't believe your words!"

"I promise……"

Chen Mo slowly pulled up Chen's hand, watched her hand drop, then tried to lift it up to grab something, and finally fell in the air. He looked at the thing in his hand and slowly left it again.

Her willful words will eventually be shattered bit by bit in reality.

She knew very well in her heart that she should face it, and she also knew very well in her heart that it was time to wake up from those dreams she had had a long time ago.

In the hall, well-dressed gentlemen and elegantly dressed ladies shuttled among them, some young and some old.

The small fountain that decorates the pool glows with unusually brilliant colors under the bright crystal lights overhead.

The soothing sound of the piano floated through the sky above everyone. The sound was ethereal and sweet, but it was continuous and undulating, mixed with the low voices of talking and laughing, and served as a foil.

Chen Mo looked at the only figure on the high platform under the spotlight, and silently stopped, looking at the pianist sitting on the high platform, until the sound of the piano gradually stopped, the pianist's fingers gently pressed on the keys, and then She stood up only when she couldn't hear any whispers from Qin Xuan. The light makeup on her white dress made the face that had lost its beauty over the years look much younger. Her hair was tied up high in a bun with blue dots. hair accessories flashing in the light.

She bowed slightly with a small smile on her face.The light of her hair ornaments flickered slightly, and then she stepped off the stage and disappeared behind the scenes.

Chen Mo recalled the conversation many years ago in his mind. On the streets of Longmen, three small figures stood in front of the electronic piano stand of a wandering singer.

She and Tallulah were sitting on the large piano chairs. There was warm sunshine outside the window. The breeze in the sunshine blew the fluttering white curtains, and some light spots fell on the smooth body of the piano, drifting into the distance along with the music.

They persuaded the wandering singer, and in front of Chen Mo, Chen and Tallulah sat together again. Their cooperation was so familiar and intimate, without a trace of slowness or stagnation, as if they had already understood each other, which he once envied.