Longmen Memoirs

If a person has experienced too much, he will no longer be able to become naive and enthusiastic, and maintain the spirit and unruliness of his youth. This is undoubtedly a kind of sadness, but it is also the original appearance of reality.

This piece【%$

Tallulah said nothing more.

This was the first time she heard such words from Chen Mo since she met him. Tallulah finally understood that the liar in front of him was no longer the liar in her memory.

She felt as if she had finally recovered from more than ten years of separation. After she recovered, she and Chen Mo were no longer the familiar faces in her memory.

Does Chen Mo have the same idea? In his eyes, he is no longer the person he is familiar with.

Tallulah suddenly felt regretful.

I regret that I didn’t realize this until now, regret and helplessness. The helpless thing is that most of the things that happened on this land cannot be turned back. Once those people and those things have passed, there is no way to start over.

She thought that she should apologize because she realized this too late. Only if she used this method could she hear Chen Mo's true thoughts. If there was no such thing as today.

She might still think that Chen Mo stayed here and became one of them, even if it was because of her, but also because he was also an infected person.

She suddenly felt a little guilty.

It was only now that Tallulah understood that he had sins in his heart that were too heavy to speak out. Only then did she understand that everything he did when he stayed here was just because he wanted to make up for the wrongs he had committed.

But these are undeniable facts, whether it is the cold black wall behind him or everything he said he had done.

"If I hadn't come with you today, wouldn't you have mentioned it to anyone?" Tallulah suddenly asked.

Chen Mo paused.

"It's so embarrassing. These words should be buried with me in the cemetery."

"That's too pathetic for me."

"..."

Chen Mo never expected to hear these two words from her mouth. Poor, she shouldn't use such words to describe herself, but she did say so.

When a person uses words that would never describe himself to describe her in your eyes, it means that you are far more important to him than you think.

"Feel sorry."

"I'm the one who should be sorry." Tallulah shook her head. "If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have come to Ursus. It's because I didn't realize what you were really thinking. It's really funny. I actually thought I knew you very well. You're a liar."

She smiled, but the smile quickly faded.

"It's something that I can understand if I think about it carefully, but I've never thought about it that way."

"It's not your fault. I didn't talk to you about this either."

"Tell me about the past that you don't want to talk about. Tell me what kind of life you lived before, in this building..." She opened her mouth, but did not continue.

"You can't speak, liar, I know, because if it were me, I wouldn't be able to speak to others about this, about being the adopted daughter of a duke, about the evil things I did for Cosiche in the past. "

"…That was not your intention."

"Are you just willing?" Tallulah asked.

Chen Mo calmed down.

Because he knew very well that no matter whether the things they had done were from their own intentions or not, the facts would never change, and the fact that they killed people because they were unwilling to kill people did not mean that they had never killed anyone.

Over and over again, until I finally accepted this fact, and it almost became a kind of instinct to take action later.

It took Chen Mo two years at Black Steel to finally control himself from always staring at the opponent's fatal points during training, and finally stopped showing that stern look.

The doctor said it was a kind of sequelae of traumatic stress, and Heigang arranged for him adaptive courses for more than two years.

But since then, no one is willing to train with him anymore, and he has become an unpopular guy on the training list of Black Steel.

He and Tallulah fell silent again. Tallulah, who was leaning next to her in the silence, turned slightly, her silver hair falling on her shoulders, and the dark horns on her head lightly rubbed against Chen Mo's neck.

"Are we going to keep doing this?" she said, closing her eyes.

"What kind?" Chen Mo asked.

"Together with the infected, we will fight against our fate until one day we can truly live and have our home, our city and our land."

"This is your dream, Xiaota, you have to ask yourself."

"I don't know. Just thinking about the future, I feel like I'm at a loss. Maybe we won't get there, but as long as we don't stop and the infected people don't stop, Shasa and Ino may be able to See you."

She curled up her legs slightly, like she did when she was a child. Their backs were against the door behind them. Outside the window was the warm and bright sunshine of Longmen. That day when Chen just came, Tallulah rarely lost her temper.

It's just that this time, they have grown up and can no longer think about what they were like when they were children, without those worries, those cares and extravagant hopes, carefree, only looking forward to the present, and not even thinking about what they will be like when they grow up.

Only now do I realize that those were the happiest days in my life.

They relied on each other, and their body temperatures met. In the cold rainy night, Chen Mo seemed to have finally realized his greatest wish as a child, but this situation was completely different.

He didn't feel any regret in his heart, and he didn't dare to expect too much. It was just that, he was satisfied.

"I will." Chen Mo suddenly said, "I promise you."

"Your promise has never come true." Tallulah whispered: "You said you would come back. I have been waiting for you at Longmen. I have been waiting for you for a long time..."

Until I finally understood that maybe you would never come back.

"I'm back now."

"...It's too late, liar, you came back too late."

She said softly, but there was not much complaint in her words.

"I kept you waiting."

"As long as you know."

"You haven't said why you followed?"

"I originally wanted to discuss with you about the infected education group. I wanted to organize the group into each team of soldiers."

"Have you talked to Alina?"

"I will go to her after listening to your thoughts, otherwise she will ask the same questions as you. I don't even know that Alina believes in you so much, which makes me a little jealous."

"Alina does this to everyone."

"That's not necessarily true. You've never seen her become sour."

"I really haven't seen it."

"so……"

If Chen Mo could come back earlier, if he could return to Longmen earlier, Tallulah couldn't help but think about what they would be like now.

Maybe they already have a home in Longmen, and maybe they won't become infected at that time.

Tallulah just thought about it, she didn't dare to regret it.

Because she later met Alina, Shuangxing, and the career she was fighting for now. She was unwilling to give up on any of them, but she could not decide on any of them.

She thought that she should have some complaints, but sitting under this black wall, she could no longer complain about Chen Mo, blame him for not coming back, blame him for living a good life outside.

Tallulah couldn't say such words, nor did she dare to think so.

Compared to the liar she left, her life was much better. When she complained about him, he was desperately trying to survive.

He just came back a little late.

Chen Mo couldn't speak anymore.

He couldn't bring up anything about Chen, Tallulah's sister and everything he left behind in Longmen.

He felt guilty, reluctant, and struggling in his heart.He is a ridiculous and pathetic person. The ridiculous and pathetic Chen Mo cannot give them an ending that is satisfactory to both the people he loves and the people who love him.

He can't give anyone happiness.

Maybe after meeting the Chen sisters, or maybe falling in love with the Chen sisters, Chen Mo was destined to have a rough and wandering life, because fate is fair, and fate gave him two equally brilliant loves, but fate is fair. Also allowing him to choose only one of them.

It’s just that Chen Mo is too greedy.

He was greedy and arrogant in his attempt to interfere with the fate of Tallulah and the infected people in the snowfield.

He dared to regard fate as his opponent.

Chapter 95 People always see themselves later

(bgm: the promise Secret version)

When I was young, I often thought about what I would be when I grew up. Because Longmen is a prosperous and stable city, my ideals were limited to the world I could see.

Longmen in my world is better said to be the old neighborhood of Longmen.

At that time, I had not met Chen, Tallulah, or met a fox. My life at that time was peaceful and peaceful, and I was not yet old enough to go to school. What I often did was lie on the balcony and look outside, watching this A strange world to me, look at this mobile city called Longmen.

Its sun rises and sets, it walks between heaven and earth, and the sky in Longmen is always so blue.

There is a tall magnolia downstairs in the community. When you walk through the gate, you can see its leaves falling outside the wall. In summer, children squat under the magnolia to dig out ants, and you can often see elderly people in the courtyard shaking their heads. Sitting under the tree enjoying the cool air and playing chess.

I don’t know who’s family has a yellow dog. When the lights are on at night, it will bark incessantly downstairs.

One year, the yellow dog gave birth to puppies, so I had another pleasure when I lay on the balcony and looked out. I watched the shambling puppy follow the yellow dog's butt, and its fat body always made too many jokes.

That was my most reassuring memory. I never thought at that time that my life would turn out to be like this. On a rainy day, I would hide under the eaves of the resettlement camp, listening to the joy of reunion there, and looking above my head. The sky was gray, raindrops were falling along the eaves, but I had nowhere to go.

In my dragon gate, I lost my home.

----

Chen Mo gently hugged Tallulah, and the girl's breath and warmth came to him. When his life was about to come to an end, he realized how reluctant he was to leave this land.

He wanted to catch it, but he could no longer hope for more.

Life was too merciless to him.

Looking back at the short life, how much bitterness, how much sweetness, how many ups and downs, how many ups and downs have been walked along the way, from the ignorant and ignorant child to the current vicissitudes of life.

Chen Mo only felt that life was too long, with too much suffering and pain that made him struggle in embarrassment. It took him too much effort to walk from the black wall to the dragon gate, but he also felt that life was too short. It was so short that he had not had time to be with his Chen didn't have time to say something, but he didn't have time to leave some memories with Chen, and he didn't have time to spend some time with Tallulah and the fox dislike each other.

Chen Mo gently leaned against Talulah's forehead and felt the touch from her soft hair. He closed his eyes. The sound of rain continued, but it was so quiet that he seemed to be able to hear the heartbeat of the girl in his arms.

Maybe it's just an illusion.

Chen Mo thought, the rain was so loud.

He no longer thought about so many plans in his mind for how the infected would proceed in the future, nor did he think about the many disagreements that would arise if the infected were no longer firm in their ideas.

He could not protect Tallulah for the rest of his life, nor could he arrange everything smoothly so that Tallulah could continue her journey in peace and contentment.

Chen Mo understood.

He had understood since he was a child that Chen could not protect Tallulah for the rest of his life, but if it were him, he would become just like Chen, wishing that he could keep them safe for the rest of their lives.

What does it matter about a lifetime? In fact, a lifetime is not that long.

He always has a lot of worries, worrying about this and that, and he can never feel at ease and believe that even if he is gone, even if he is gone, Tallulah and Chen can still live well.

Maybe Chen Mo takes himself too seriously, or maybe it's Chen Mo's own wishful thinking. In fact, Chen Mo knows very well who is irreplaceable. Even if there is really someone irreplaceable, no one can truly live without him. Not going down.

He just couldn't feel at ease. He just felt that he couldn't feel at ease if he didn't do that.

What he is afraid of is not becoming a dirtbag【%-

The man never thought about it, but Chen Mo couldn't help but think about it.

it's time.

Chen Mo thought.

Just like he had thought about it when he was young, he wanted to let go and think that Tallulah could become the kind of person she wanted to be. They were like kites, she and Chen, they were both destined to embrace the sky. .

It’s just that he holds the string of the kite in his hand. He hopes that they will embrace their ideals, but at the same time he is worried that they will get farther and farther away from him in the process. The string of the kite is getting longer and longer in his hand. It is he who lifts the kite with his own hands. Putting it in the sky, watching them become what they were supposed to be, and holding on to the thread tightly, afraid that she would fly too far, afraid that the violent storm in the sky would tear her into pieces.

He thought he could still get them back then.

He can also get his kite back, repair it, and take a good look at it, so that they don't have to be torn apart by the wind and rain in reality, and that they still have a place to come back to.

But it's different now.

But Tallulah and Chen were not his toys after all. After all, they also had their own lives and thoughts. He could not deny or tamper with these, nor was he willing to do such a thing.

He had to put things back to the way they were.

He had to accept these facts and try to believe that they would be able to live well even without him in the future, and that they would eventually be able to realize their ideals and wishes.