Longmen Memoirs

【$

Is it the name Chen Mo, or is it his long lost soul.

Chen Mo turned into a snake, but the snake was not Chen Mo. In other words, it was more than just Chen Mo. After leaving the orphanage, the name Chen Mo and what he represented were gradually no longer distinguishable and could not be found.

He forgot what he wanted to do in the first place, and what else he could do.

Drifting aimlessly became his later life.

In order to survive, I forget why I want to live.

"She is important to you?" Texas glanced sideways at Chen Mo, who was leaning on the railing.

The face was still the same as before, but for some reason, it gave Texas a strange feeling.

He is less cold and decisive, and his eyes are much gentler.

Maybe it's the changes of time, and there will be some unfamiliarity after a long separation.

Chen Mo knew who she was that Dezhou was referring to. He would not consider Xiao Mo, nor just Chen. Maybe both, or just one of them, but to Chen Mo, there was no difference. .

"She is my relative, do you know? Gouzi, I have met many people and experienced many things in my life. Some are good and some are bad. Some can still be remembered, but some are gone in the blink of an eye. Forgot." Chen Mo said: "Except for the time when I was sent to an orphanage when I was a child, I have never thought that I would be as...lucky as I am now."

Dog, I haven’t heard this name in Texas for a long time.

The gray tail behind her swayed slightly, and she turned her head. Her cold and delicate face was always expressionless, and her golden pupils quietly looked at Chen Mo, who was dozens of centimeters away from her.

As if thinking about his words.

The glass-like pupils reflected the brilliant glow of Longmen and his figure in the glow.

It was clearly within reach, but Texas just pinched her fingers and retracted her hands into her pockets dejectedly. She had never felt that they were so far away.

"Are you happy?" Texas asked.

The answer is self-evident.

Chen Mo didn't smile, but Texas could still feel that he was happy, which might not be accurate, because even though this man could smile on the surface, the expression on his face might not be the same in his heart.

But this time it was different. He should be really happy, but Texas didn't understand.

"Well, I'm very happy, of course it's worth being happy about."

Chen Mo breathed a sigh of relief and spread his hands. The evening breeze blew through his fine black hair. He seemed to be hugging the city, even though he couldn't hug anything.

Texas saw his long shadow extending all the way to the floor and wall behind him, and in the dim yellow, the faint sunlight filled his body.

He was bathed in light and became a little blurry.

"Really?" Texas pursed his lips and stared at him, slightly silent, and his eyes dimmed.

She didn't ask why?

She didn't care much about why he was happy, because she could see that his happiness had nothing to do with her.

The man in the memory of Texas was a bit talkative, a bit mother-in-law, and a bit of an old woman's mentality. The man in the memory always liked to do something out of the ordinary, whimsical, a bit childish, and out of tune.

But after he calmed down, when he suddenly became reliable, he felt a little strange.

Since when did Texas start to care about his behavior, his actions, and the words he said.

Maybe it was the time when she was injured and bedridden, when he tried different methods to persuade himself to quit smoking, or maybe it was that night of heavy rain, looking at the corpses on the ground in front of him under the heavy rain in the hotel parking lot, or maybe it was just It was the light of the bonfire day and night on the road together and the steaming vegetable soup that filled the cold air under the night sky.

As he became familiar with it, the wandering but warm life began to make people feel reluctant to leave it, so much so that when he thought about it later, he thought he would never feel that way again in his life.

I just don't want to be abandoned, but I don't know what I can do, because he can do what I can, and he can do it better than me.

Texas doesn't have the courage or determination to fight for something for herself, even though she feels very reluctant and sad in her heart.

"I've always wanted to live an ordinary life." Chen Mo took back his hand. He did not look at Texas, but stared at the city in the distance under the sunset.

"The funny thing is, Texas, although I want to be ordinary in my heart, I have been doing the opposite. Over the years, ever since I left this city, I have never felt the word ordinary again. It's so important." Chen Mo said: "We all want to live the life we ​​imagine, but imagination and reality are two different worlds."

Just as Texas never imagined that one day she would be the only one left in the huge Texas family, Chen Mo imagined that he would stay in the orphanage until he left with Tallulah when he was 16 years old.

Texas did not speak.

The wolf girl just looked at Chen Mo quietly. They looked at each other, their figures overlapping in the sunset.

Just like the day they first met, Chen Mo saw his own reflection in this girl.

The confusion after leaving the dragon gate, the vigilance of pretending to be indifferent after walking out of the black wall, you may have the greatest hostility towards the world, but you cowardly huddle within the defenses you have built for yourself.

Thinking that this way you can abandon your cowardice and become strong, treating everything as insignificant, so that life and death are ignored, like a ghost wandering in the world, learning to fight and fight, finding similar people, but not a home.

He found her very kind.

Chen Mo raised his hand, stretched it into the air and slowly took it back.

Texas didn't like the top of her head being touched, and he tried many times.

She looked at her eyes calmly, showing no unnecessary emotions, just calm and accustomed to it.

"The days of traveling with you are the times I miss the most." Chen Mo said: "You never asked me why I appeared there and why I saved you. I have been waiting for you to ask and I have thought up many excuses. , but you didn’t.”

"No need." Texas shook his head.

Lies and excuses, Texas doesn't need that kind of self-deception.

"Knowing I wouldn't tell the truth, I didn't feel the need to."

"No, I don't care."

I don't care if what you say is true or false, and I don't care why you saved me. For Texas at that time, just being alive was the reason.

Chen Mo didn't expect this to be the reason. He was stunned, but it was so natural that Texas would answer like this.

"You have a new life. The people here are very nice. It can be seen that they regard you as one of them. Texas, do you like it here?" Chen Mo suddenly asked.

Texas took a deep look at Chen Mo and nodded.

"not bad."

Chapter 59 and Texas

[Nobility and baseness, honor and despicability, black and white, death and rebirth.The sharpest weapon in the world is never in your hands. 】

--------

Texas watched quietly as the cigarette in his hand was lit, and the burning sparks flickered on and off under the dimming sky. As he breathed, a thin layer of smoke filled the gloomy sky.

There was a pungent smell of smoke in the air.

Makes Texas a little nostalgic.

He didn't give it to himself, but occasionally handed the last cigarette in the pack to his hand like he did in the past. He rarely did such a thing unless... Texas killed people again.

The smell of tar and nicotine will paralyze the human brain, bringing a moment of peace, emptying the mind, and not having to think about anything, as if you are the only one left in the world.

Texas would remember the incense that always filled her nose when she was a child. The smell of smoke mixed in the incense was disturbing. The two contradictory flavors were so compatible that it was difficult for her to Find a flavor to pair with it.

She escaped for half her life, but in the end, the most profound thing in her memory was the smell. The ever-dark room and the depressive dark tones became her memories for the rest of her life.

Texas lowered her head slightly. She subconsciously wanted to see the nameplate she had worn on her chest, but after lowering her head, she remembered that she had lost the nameplate a long time ago.

Along with her identity, now only the codename Texas remains, proving that she has not forgotten her past.

How can one forget one's past.

Those experiences that are engraved in my bones and deeply imprinted in my mind [{*

Texas suddenly felt some interference in her throat. She opened her mouth, but she couldn't say a word, nor could she think of what she should say.

Until a hand was handed to her.

Texas hesitated for half a second and took the half-remaining cigarette in his hand.

Jerky, pungent, and strong, it is not a very expensive tobacco, but the moment it penetrates deep into the lungs and nasal cavity, Texas's brain becomes blank. Sass seemed to see Syracuse gradually disappearing in the smoke. Under the same sunset, a little girl from the Lupo tribe walked through the black corridor of the villa. The glass windows under the corridor fell into pieces of dim yellow one after another. .

Who could have imagined that her life would change so dramatically later.

The only thing that remains unchanged is this sunset and this sky.

Texas gently exhaled the smoke that was pent up in his chest.

"Stay alive, Texas."

She raised her head and saw Chen Mo smiling.With a faint smile, he stretched out his hand and gently placed it on the top of his head.

Texas put up no resistance.

She held a burnt cigarette between her fingertips, and the fluffy ashes drifted into the distance with the breeze from the rooftop.

Texas nodded slightly.

"I will."

Angel Neng said that when she first saw Texas, she thought the girl was a little lonely and pitiful. Chen Mo didn't think so, even though Texas at that time seemed worthy of pity and indeed miserable.

But Chen Mo will not forget it, and Texas will not forget it either.Those who die in their hands will not feel this way. Pity and misery are what living people are entitled to have. As for the dead, they do not need such things.

They don't need mercy either.

Texas looked at him with calm and indifferent eyes.

Chen Mo slowly took back his hand.

He looked at the cigarette Texas held in his hand.

"It's the last one," he reminded. "Just quit after that."

In fact, he is the person least qualified to say this. The person who persuaded Texas to quit smoking has never been able to quit on his own first, and would occasionally drag her along.

"it is good."

Texas was used to what he said. She couldn't remember how many times she heard it from Chen Mo's mouth.

Because he will also feel lonely.He felt that it would be too monotonous to be alone, so he pulled himself together and joined a group to keep warm, which was better than the two of them alone.

Chen Mo has always felt that this girl is very similar to him, maybe because we share the same problem, or maybe like attracts each other. This is a very lucky thing, because you can find someone similar to you in this vast world.

Her experiences, her actions, everything about her are very much like you back then.

At this time you will have two different choices, because you have already walked a similar road and you know where this road will lead, but she has not yet.

You have enough capital to gain her trust, and you can feel that she will trust you.

It's strange, but also normal.

Probably there will never be such a wonderful and normal thing in the world again.

"Will you blame me? Texas, blame me for leaving you in this strange place."

Although when talking to Angel, Chen Mo told her that Texas could understand, and he also believed that Texas could understand, but even if human beings can understand, they may not not care.

Texas rarely speaks, so it is naturally difficult for people to detect her true thoughts.

Maybe she really cares, but she won't tell anyone and keeps everything in her heart.

Texas threw away the cigarette butt in his hand, and there was no sound the moment it landed. It was as silent as the scene when Chen Mo left her at Longmen.

Because it was no longer needed, and because he had done what he wanted to do.

"I remember I told you, Longmen is my home." Chen Mo looked at Texas. They stared at each other, each other's figures reflected in their pupils. There had been such experiences in the past, but not like now. So candid.

"It is now, and I hope it can be, your home as well, a place where you find a new family and start over."

Chen Mo didn't try to explain, but to Texas' ears, these words seemed like his explanation, telling himself why he wanted to keep her here.

Facts have proved that Texas has indeed found her new life here, she has also found friends, and she seems to have found a home and a destination. She doesn't know if she can still have these things.

But it is undeniable that Texas has an inseparable affection for Penguin Logistics.

She doesn't hate the plain, peaceful, noisy life. At least now she knows how and why she lives.

Some people have been searching all their lives, and then they suddenly understand when they find the moment of death, but they can never look back.

"Can people really start over?" Texas asked Chen Mo.

Chen Mo was about to answer, but when he looked at Dezhou's eyes, he suddenly understood that Dezhou's words were not a question about herself, but about herself.

Just as Chen Mo thought, Texas did see her own shadow in him. Because of this, she had complicated feelings for Chen Mo.