Longmen Memoirs

Because those things did not happen to them, and because most people do not have a long-term perspective, it is not that they do not think about it, but that it has nothing to do with their own lives and surroundings.

After all, Ursus is not Kazdaele, Tallulah is not Theresia after all, and the infected person is not Sarkaz after all.

After all, the integration movement cannot become the next Tower of Babel.

He has discussed their way out with the doctor countless times, but the answer he got is undoubtedly the same. Even with foreign weapons and assistance, they still have a long way to go. On the contrary, those weapons and supplies may become their The reason for attracting attention, and as long as they show up a little bit, what awaits them is the bloody suppression of the army.

It seems like another Forty-Five Thousand Miles Journey, but their situation is even more desperate. Most people only remember the later glory, but ignore the hardships and struggles at the beginning.

But none of that matters anymore.

After Chen said these words without any concealment, these past calculations and plans seemed not to be so important.

Chen Mo didn't react for a while, but waited until he came to his senses.

Chen Mo, who said these words in one breath, breathed gently, her breathing becoming disordered due to the violent fluctuations in emotions and continuous words, but she stared straight at Chen Mo, refusing to let go of every expression on his face.

Chen's fingers couldn't help but clenched tightly, and she bit her lip.

She had wanted to ask this for a long time!

She has always wanted to ask why!Ask the things you wanted to ask but couldn't.

But when there was no chance, these words kept pressing in her heart, and by the time she understood, everything was irreversible.

There is no better opportunity than now, even if the person in front of him is him several years ago, even if he has not "woke up" yet but because of the device of Kazdaele and the Tower of Babel and the anchor point. The sword and the spell of the woman named Nian sank into the illusory space of this simulation.

Two years ago, before he "died" and became a useless person, he was on the northern front of the Yan Kingdom.

Under Chen's gaze, Chen Mo finally came to his senses.

He was as calm as ever. Although there were violent fluctuations of emotions in his heart, his face was still calm.

He looked at the firm yet slightly unfamiliar eyes in front of him.

There is no action.

After two seconds of silence, he slowly spoke.

"who are you?"

The Redness in the Sheath ([-]) got past it, but not completely.

"who are you?"

There was no expected surprise, no sudden tension.

Except for these words, there was no sound in the room. The hand pressing the document stopped, and the silver badge on the military uniform reflected the gentle and bright light.

Silent and subdued.

Chen's hand quietly held Chi Xiao's scabbard. He did not draw out the knife. Chen Mo's eyes moved sideways and rested on her hand holding the scabbard.

"Why don't you guess for yourself?"

Chen asked coldly, looking directly into Chen Mo's eyes without any retreat. She would not allow herself to retreat. She had already retreated and escaped once.

She won't make the same mistake again.

"You are not Chen Huijie... No, no, you are, but not the Chen Huijie I thought. The magic is still..." Chen Mo was not sure, but if she was not Chen Huijie, why would she know those things.

"I need an explanation." He said, looking at Chen's hand holding the scabbard: "If I were you, I wouldn't act stupidly here. No matter what purpose you come here for, there is always your reason. , since you can say what you just said, it means that you don’t think that I will take action against you because of this, so we still have to talk.”

"You are not here for those infected people. If you want anything, you can just say it."

"That's it?" Chen asked.

"Don't want to talk?"

"If I don't want to talk, are you going to take action?" Chen's hand holding the scabbard tightened.

Chen Huijie's integrity is deeply rooted in her bones, which also causes her to suffer. She will never be able to live as she pleases.

"I think there are many things that can be solved with words. It's easier to sit down than do it, but that doesn't mean... I won't do it," Chen Mo said. "you understand me."

"Hey, you look exactly like that old guy Wei Yanwu now." Chen Leng said with a hum, not hiding the impatience on his face, but his hand holding the scabbard loosened a little.

"I don't like that guy either, but my current situation is not much different from what he was back then."

"Ok?"

"Go on, you have to say it, sooner or later." Chen Mo loosened his fingers: "After you appeared in the military camp, I sent an advance team of rangers to search your place of origin along the path you left. Counting the time, they You’re coming back soon, you probably won’t have time to clean up those traces, so do you say now, or should I ask in person? You choose one.”

"you!"

When facing the red in the sheath, Chen Mo did not waver at all. He just looked calmly at the sword pointed at him, and the stunned and somewhat angry face behind the sword, holding the hilt.

"Is this unbearable?"

"I knew you had done something good without telling me!"

"Don't say that, aren't you hiding it from me too?"

Chen Mo reached out to move the sword's edge, but as soon as he moved it a little further, Chen Mo moved the sword's edge back again as if he was losing his temper. After two times, Chen Mo gave up this childish move.

"Put your sword away, what do you look like when people see you like this?"

"You think I'm kidding you!"

Scarlet light slowly flowed in the red sky. Chen's hand holding the sword was very steady, just like when she first started practicing swordsmanship. At that time, she couldn't even hold the sword. At that time, every training was exciting. Exhausted, trembling and unable to lift his arms.

But later, her hand holding the sword became more and more stable, and her swordsmanship became better and better.

Chi Xiao seemed to be able to feel her determination, the sword was trembling, and the sword energy spread throughout the room.

"You didn't come here specifically to fight with me, did you?"

Chen Mo's tone seemed to be perfunctory. He reached out and held Chen's wrist, suppressing the raised Chi Xiao.

Strangely, Chen didn't stop his movement.

Although Superintendent Chen still couldn't hide his anger, although Chen still hated her self-righteousness, maybe she didn't hate him, but she hated the feeling of being kept in the dark.

Is this for your own good?He always thought so, but never asked for other people's opinions.

I didn't ask her if she wanted to, or her opinion.

Chen was disgusted, resentful, and even hostile to this kind of "good [*

But it cannot be denied that Chen, who has never felt family affection since she was a child, and has no father's love or mother's love, has longed for this kind of love in her heart. It was the only gain in her childhood besides Tallulah.

On the surface, she loathes and despises Chen, the soft-hearted person, but in fact, she misses him all the time and even loves him deeply.

"If the only way to change your mind is to use a sword, I will never hesitate."

As Chen said this, his eyes gradually became firmer. She held the unsheathed Chi Xiao tightly, but the sword energy flowing around the sword was gone.

"When we were in Victoria, you clearly promised me personally that no matter what happens in the future, you will not hide it from me." Chen whispered, his voice getting lower and lower.

Perhaps she suddenly realized later how a man's words in bed could count.

"But after returning to Longmen, just when I thought you would stay, you quietly ran away to Ursus."

Chen Mo said nothing. Looking at him who had calmed down, Chen Mo suddenly laughed silently, his smile full of self-deprecation.

"I was really stupid at that time. I really thought we could live together like this. Wei Yanwu must have told you about Tallulah's experience and what he said to you. Yes, it's always like this, just like he did to me. As he said, teach me Chi Xiao's sword skills and tell me to grow up quickly. The three of us seem to be involved together, and no one can stay out of it."

"I know that one day, I will not be able to help but run to Ursus to find traces of Tallulah and bring her back. You and he also know that I will do this. We both know that this day will always happen, Because none of us can let her go." Chen said: "But you know more than me. You know that Tallulah will never return to Longmen. You know her life experience. You know that my dream will eventually be shattered. You know Just how difficult her situation was in Ursus.”

"Why! Why didn't you tell me then! Why are you always like this... always so self-righteous." Chen suddenly stretched out his hand and grabbed Chen Mo's collar: "You always want to make me angry, and you always make a mess and throw it away. Absolutely! Do you think you are doing it for my own good! I feel like I can’t do anything. Are all the efforts I have put in over the years just a joke in the eyes of you and Wei Yanwu! Ah! "

"So...you are indeed not the Chen Huijie I know." Chen Mo said suddenly. He looked down at the collar that was grabbed by Chen. There was more grievance in her words than anger. Maybe she had suppressed it for so many years and had no idea when she was in Longmen. The unsaid things finally broke out at this moment.

She doesn't resent others, she resents herself, the one who made mistakes but naively avoided them.

She didn't run away anymore.

Chen was making trouble. She was always an awkward person. Her father didn't care for her mother and she had been a broom star in people's eyes since she was a child. Wei Yanwu looked at her with more disappointment than expectation. He had never received any encouragement from anyone. She She relied on her own tenacity along the way, and she was always angry in her heart, which supported her until now.

Tallulah was the hurdle for both her and Chen Mo to overcome. Too much had happened to them in the past, and their fates had been connected since childhood. As Chen said, no one could stay out of it.

Tallulah found her ideal, her way out and her career. That career with no prospects would lead her to self-destruction. Koxiche disrupted the lives of the three of them like a nightmare. Wei Yanwu's inaction and hard work Concealing the truth makes everything irreparable.

If Chief Wei could have had a good talk with the young Tallulah at that time, if he could have taken out Chen and Tallulah alone instead of letting them stay in Chen's house, if he could have shown even the slightest bit of emotion to the three children. A little love.

Wei Yanwu, he was indeed, as Lin Kerui said, so timid that he was shattered by the bitter fruit of failure.

There is no turning back on what happened on this land.

"You want to know why." Chen Mo said, and then asked: "You actually know why, don't you? We really should have a good talk. I didn't know you had such dissatisfaction with me in your heart."

"Then let's talk about it." Chen Mo's eyes softened: "When did we start talking about it... After we parted in Victoria, my friend Foxhound, the Su Li you met, who stayed in Longmen, It was she who told me the news of your pregnancy in a letter. At that time, the war situation in Kazdare was in a stalemate, and I could not get back. I wrote you a letter and sent it back to Longmen through a messenger. I told you in the letter that everything was fine. In fact, my situation is far from easy. The war is coming to an end. Both the forces under the Regent and the enemies in the Tower of Babel who are afraid of me are gathering strength to get rid of me. They know that neither His Highness nor the Tower of Babel can If you take action for me, the number of assassinations you have to face at that time will be too many for me to count."

"In their eyes, I am just a dead outsider. Everyone knows that the war is coming to an end. The new royal regime will not destroy the good situation for me, an outsider. They have reason to get rid of me. After all, If I live, it will not be a good thing for everyone, and the benevolent and generous new royal court will not tolerate sinners like me. I should have been waiting for death. If I die, everything will be settled." Chen Mo said: "But I I still want to survive, but I haven’t gone back to see you or Xiao Mo, so I can’t die like this.”

"So I went to Victoria, took Vina with me, and relied on the power of Victoria Aslan's royal family to avoid Kazdaele's pursuit. I survived like this, and killed countless people in Victoria, with countless more on my back. Unclear debt, in fact, is just as you think. In my transaction with the Aslan royal family, I took action for them and used my name to clean up the political situation in Londinium. Vina sat on the The throne, and I... I had two choices at the time, to become Victoria's regent in the name of the new king. This road seemed easy but the most difficult, so that I would no longer be nameless and use the name of righteousness. I have turned against my original allies, but if I want to live, I have to kill everyone who has helped me, put Vina in a dilemma, let Londinium continue to be unstable, or give up the rights I hold and leave Lundi Nim, so the remaining old forces of Londinium had an outlet to vent. Aslan and the others made it worse, and Kazdel also had an excuse to continue to pursue me. This was not Vina's idea, but in order to ease the relationship between the two sides. This is the most effective way to maintain the stability of Londinium."

"I know they will do this, Hui Jie, I know it."

Chen Mo said: "There are both pros and cons. In the latter, at least I can have a chance to come back. What if I really become the prince of Victoria? What should you do? What should you do if you stay alone in Longmen?" Tell my newborn child who her father is and where he is now?"

Chen Mo gently stretched out his fingers and gently touched Chen's face that turned slightly pale due to these words. She bit her lip, but her body was trembling slightly.

"I escaped all the way, all the way from the Victoria border. Every day I had to face people chasing me from nowhere. I was down and out. My enemies all wanted me to die, as if I could only die if I died. Once I am liberated, this land will be pure only after I die."

He said that these were experiences that Chen had never imagined, and that he had never told Chen about his embarrassment. He said in the letter that he would come back after the war, and that everything was fine, so don’t miss it.

Chen was waiting at Longmen, but he never knew that it was so difficult for him to come back. He brushed against death every day. His enemies laughed at him, saying that he was a fool who was willing to give up his rights, and that he had no ambition. Shortsightedness.

He was supposed to be a high-ranking king and a powerful minister, controlling the lives and deaths of countless people and ruling the world, but instead he fell down and became a lost dog.

No one knows why he did this.

Just like at that time, Wei Yanwu chose the former between Longmen and Talulah, and he, he couldn't be the kind of person Wei Yanwu was.

"Why do you think it is? Hui Jie." Chen Mo took back his hand and stared at Chen's delicate face: "Because when I did those things, I also knew that I was an unqualified husband and... father, but But I had no chance to save you, no chance to be by your side when you needed me most, to watch Xiao Mo’s birth with you, to hold our child in my arms like an ordinary person, to tell you everything. Okay, I'm by your side, always."

"I hope Xiao Mo can have a normal child's childhood. I don't want her to be like you and me, who didn't have time to feel the love of her parents and lost it."

With the soft sound of Chixiao in Chen's hand falling to the ground, she slowly let go of Chen Mo's collar and lowered her head slightly.

"Why do you never..."

"Because it's not important anymore. What's important is that I'm still alive. That's enough. Even if I tell you this, it has no meaning other than making you blame yourself. Your temperament is sometimes too stubborn and even paranoid. Yes, you You are right, I am a little self-righteous." Chen Mo said: "But you are my wife, if I don't even love you, who will love you?"

"If I let you stay in Longmen, and make up a happy dream for you in Longmen, and wait for you to leave me quietly one day to find the whereabouts of Xiaota, given the relationship between you and her, you will not stay with her. , you will feel that she needs you more than me, and Xiaomo already has my company. You have felt guilty and self-blame for Tallulah since you were a child, and you will choose to face the road without an end with her. "

Chen Mo said that Chen opened her mouth and was speechless. She could not refute Chen Mo's assumption, because if it were her, she might really do that, just like when she left Longmen to find Tallulah later, she never said anything to Tallulah. La mentioned Xiao Mo’s existence and Chen Mo.

Of course she also has selfish motives.

But she really decided at that time that she would die with Tallulah.

She owes and regrets to Chen Mo, and she can only repay it in the next life.

But Chen always thought that Chen Mo left Longmen for Ursus because of Tallulah...

It turned out not to be the case.

"I don't deny that I miss Xiaota, but many years have passed, Hui Jie, many years have passed, and I love her and I love you too. The vagaries of the world have brought us to this point. How can I allow myself to do it again? Losing you."

He has a vision, he can imagine, he is an eyewitness who has gone through the war in Kazdaele, and he has spent the first half of his life in intrigues and intrigues. He can weigh the ideals of this land better than anyone else. The meaning of two words.

It was he who achieved himself.

If you feel you have been wronged, you can tell me your grievances, but I also have grievances, but I cannot tell anyone about my grievances.

Because I am self-righteous and self-righteous, I love you so deeply.

Maybe he is really a fool in the eyes of others. Fox has said this more than once. Maybe he is really self-righteous. Maybe it is because of this that Chen Mo, who is not very upright, is not shameless and selfish at all. There is nothing worthy of people looking up to him. He is not as bright and positive as Tallulah and Theresia.

Perhaps it is this kind of Chen Mo that makes Chen both love and hate him.

Chen Huijie is already a model of integrity and hatred of evil, so there is no need for another positive character to accompany her.

He is the dark shadow behind the light, he is an ordinary and ordinary mortal.

Chen said no more words.

The truth of the facts left her with mixed feelings. She had so many grievances and dissatisfactions hidden in her heart. The resentment she had hidden deep in her heart for so many years seemed to have finally been vented at this moment.

What followed was self-blame and depression that caught her off guard.