Trouble With Horns

My night sucked. I mean, I got to cuddle up with Rora in her bedroll, sure. I loved it, it was amazing to just hold her and kiss her lazily, although we didn’t go further because we were in a room with Rusti. No, my night sucked because I itched everywhere. My body was on fire with the sensation, just itching constantly. Most notably in my groin and stomach, but everywhere else itched too. I still itched everywhere.

So I woke up from the short amount of time I’d managed to sleep as the grumpiest little demon in existence.

I was in charge of breakfast, mainly because I’d insisted on making it, because if anything was going to distract me from the itching, it was getting lost in a hobby. However, I began to get grumpy at the cooking instead. I was used to a hob on a stovetop, where I could precisely set the temperature. This unpredictable fire was doing my head in.

While I grumbled and grouched at the fire, Rora began asking curious questions about Rusti’s gender, which Rusti was more than excited to talk about.

“I don’t know, every enby is a bit different, you know? Personally, I like I’m more masculine than feminine. At the same time though, I like my body a little more on the feminine side with some aspects. Like, I like feeling soft, having a few small curves and stuff. Plus, boobs are kinda too fun not to have, in my opinion, but I want them to be small so I can pass them off as pecs when I’m all dressed up,” Rusti explained as they switched through a series of outfits using the equip menu. They had a lot of outfits.

“I do enjoy boobs,” Rora commented, giving me a sly look that heated my face. When we finally got time together alone, I was so done for.

“Yeah, I’ll bet you do,” Rusti snorted, finally settling on an outfit.

The outfit ended up being a vest, shirt and trousers, with leather armour strapped to the shoulders and thighs, and the cloak going on over the top. The ensemble ended up doing as they’d described, shifting my perception of them into the masculine range, although the lace around the inside of the shirt collar was decidedly feminine. I kinda liked the style to be honest… maybe I should get some clothes like that when I got outside. Maybe with a skirt though… oooh I couldn’t wait to wear dresses and skirts.

I got lost down that rabbit hole for a bit, finally being distracted from the itching I was feeling, and even getting breakfast right. I levelled up my cooking a bit and gained a new recipe, which was cool.

After that, it was time to head out. Our plan for the day? Find that noble the magus had been talking to and follow him. Thankfully, we didn’t have to wander the streets at random, because Rora knew his schedule, courtesy of a bribed guard from her time in the city before I arrived.

The three of us made our way through the city, but again we were distracted. In reality, we’d learn we were too slow… too late. We’d ducked into an alley as a bored group of Red Pins walked up. An outer patrol that we hadn’t seen. They were talking.

“I can’t wait to get away from this shithole and back to Pagutum,” one of them said.

“We’re not going home for a long time, you know that right? We’re here to occupy. Same as if we’d gotten a regular assignment from the arcies when we got out of basic,” another one said dismissively.

“Well, at least after today we’re going to be able to put the non-humans in their place. Finally, we’ll get to clean the streets up a bit,” a third laughed. “Can’t wait to pin a few with my sword.”

“That’s fucking disgusting dude, you know what the House of the Arcanes says about fucking the half breeds,” the first one said, outrage riding his voice.

“I meant with my actual sword, you idiot. I’m not a halfie lover,” the third growled as they left hearing range.

Rora and I turned to look at each other, a look of worry passing between us. Something was happening today?

“Whatever they’re planning, it’s happening today,” Rusti said, frowning in thought.

“They said occupation right? Which means they are going to take over?” I asked, trying to figure out what they were going to do.

Rora’s face on the other hand, was deep in thought, thought that might actually prove useful. “How are they going to occupy this place without having an army…? The prince has like several thousand troops stationed in the city.”

“I dunno, what about the big totem thing? That’s got to do something right?” Rusti asked, fidgeting and playing with one of their knives.

“I think that there must be something to do with the Prince. You can’t occupy a city without taking out the ruler of the place right?” I asked. “Well, at least like, bribe him or lock him up.”

“They have been talking to some nobles remember. That guy I followed to find you, Tami, was a lackey for one of the dukes I think. Third in line to the throne or something,” Rora said, chewing her tongue in thought again and distracting me from anything else.

“I mean, so long as we follow the prince around, that should be fine right? Just, sneak along the rooftops and peep at him. Something is bound to happen,” Rusti said nonchalantly, around a mouthful of apple they’d gotten from somewhere.

“Peep?” I snorted, “How do we know he’s not going to just hang out up on his rock all day?”

“Doesn’t mean we can’t go up to his rock though. They let citizens and adventurers go up there and talk to him and his court during the afternoon,” Rora said.

“Well, let’s go line up then,” I groaned. I missed E-Queues already.

****

“So, when do you think they’ll pull this thing? Whatever this thing is?” Rusti asked, rifling through someone else's purse they had… found, along the way.

“When did you get that?” I asked instead of answering their question.

“Oh! That grouchy merchant who bowled us out of the way with his guards a few minutes back. A little stumble, a quick flick of the knife, you know how it goes,” they laughed, waggling the knife in question that their tail was curled around.

“Damn… I mean I’m pretty good, but you’re unreal. How long have you been learning how to pickpocket?” I asked in awe.

There were a lot of things you couldn’t simply assign a stat to in VR gaming, and pickpocketing was one of them. They were learned skills, ones you needed to perfect as a person, rather than as a player. I’d played a lot of thief characters in the past, and if I’d played my original character, I’d have been able to use a lot of the skills I’d picked up from other games. Like pickpocketing, and how to sneak, things like that.

“Oh, I’ve been playing games like this since forever! I’m from the EU, so like, I can spoof my age pretty easy. Not that I have to do that anymore mind you, don’t worry,” they winked, spinning on their heel and throwing the now empty purse over the heads of the crowd like they were trying to put a ball through a basketball hoop.

We’d made it to the top of the big-ass-fuckin’-ramp™ a few moments earlier and were already waiting in line to go and see the Prince. The line was huge, out the door as they say, and I wasn’t sure if we’d even see the Prince this week, let alone in time to see whatever was going to happen and maybe step in.

The courtyard at the top of the ramp wasn’t the typical french-medieval as the rest of the architecture around these parts. Instead, the princes of the past had imported a shitload of reddish brown stone from up north where it was warmer, in an attempt to make the place look less like the backwater that it was. The real cultural powerhouses were up north in a region that would find its analogue in medieval spain or italy, depending on how far east or west you were.

The roofing on the buildings within the castle walls was still your standard dark grey slate as every other roof in this country, but it somehow looked better when it was paired with the red of the stone. The quality of the construction did not stop the ground from being as filthy as the rest of the streets.

I was idly looking around, already bored out of my mind, when I saw a little flash of light from the corner of my eye. That was odd.

I looked closer, my enhanced perception allowing me to look at the spot where it had been in greater detail than I was used to in real life. There was nothing there, just the shadow of the overhanging roof on the wall. I shrugged and looked down, only to see another spark of light somewhere else. This time, I was fast enough to catch the after image. It had been a little spark of electricity. Weird…?

It wasn’t just that though now, because I felt the hairs on my arms beginning to prickle and stand up. I began to see more and more flashes in the shadows, shy flickering little things that were gone in an instant.

“Rora… Rusti… I think that ‘something’ we talked about is going to happen right now,” I said slowly, my eyes darting around at the little signs that something was very, very wrong right now.

“Hmm? What do you mean?” Rora asked, displaying way too little alarm as she looked around.

“I mean, shit is about to go down, and we need to get our backs to a wall,” I urged, my eyes wild as I stared a plea at her.

“Right, okay. Rusti, lead the way, over by the blacksmith there,” Rora pointed.

We left the line, earning curious looks from the guards who watched with idle boredom from their various stations around the courtyard. We were almost to the blacksmith when there was a collective murmur from all the adventurers in the area, and I blinked as I read the notification that had caused it.

A Cauldron Event is Occuring in your area! The piece of the Realm of Energy has drawn near to the Cauldron, be aware of your surroundings and fight well!

“Oh, shit,” Rora swore, drawing her sword as several adventurers did the same. “These things aren’t meant to happen in cities!”

I opened my mouth to reply, but any words I might have spoken were drowned out by the choir of thunder that opened up above us. The sky boiled over with tumultuous cloud, already singing a heart pounding chorus of booms.

Above us, a bolt of lightning crackled across from one wall of the courtyard to another, before snapping with a boom so intense that it knocked most people in the courtyard to the ground. If it hadn’t been for my strength increasing gear, I would have been one of them. Rora and Rusti were not so lucky, and I reached down with one hand to pull a shaking Rora back to her feet.

“They aren’t meant to happen in cities,” Rora repeated as she hung off my arm.

“Yeah well, it looks like it’s going to be a thing, so get ready,” I said forcefully, then pulled her in for a hard kiss to get her mind working again. We needed it thinking, it was our greatest asset.

We probably held the kiss for too long, but it had been too long since we were intimate, like a few hours at least, and it seemed that even in the crisis we were craving each other. When we broke apart, figures started falling out of the sky.

The first to land was not at all what I expected. I don’t know why, but I expected some sort of rock and lightning golem as other games did things, but no… Cora had to be different.

Rising from its crouched landing, an enormous half-stag half-man rose from where he had landed. His legs were two huge and furry hooves, his chest and arms were that of a man, and his head was also that of a man, although two huge stag horns rose from his forehead. His skin held a multitude of open wounds, runes that looked as though they had been recently carved into his flesh, the insides of which now sparked lightning even as they seeped blood.

He roared, an enormous mace made of wood and stone swinging an arc through the waiting supplicants like a broom chasing dust. In the path of that club, lightning crackled and snapped, latching onto people and blowing them apart like popping balloons.

“Holy fuck,” Rusti murmured in terrified awe.

I checked the level of the giant stag man, and saw… “Oh god, he’s level one hundred and twelve.”

“What?!” Rora said, her eyes focusing as she checked too. “What the fuck is going on? This shouldn’t be happening, these events aren’t meant to happen in cities, and this whole country is a bloody starter zone!”

“Rora! Plan? Try and save the prince or something, or run?” I asked, looking to her for guidance.

“Well, this is pretty obviously what they were intending to do, which means either the prince is involved, or they’re going to kill him. I think we go for it, the worst that will happen is we lose some gear and a little experience when we die. I think even if we don’t succeed, we’ll see it happen and get a quest update,” she said hurriedly, nodding for us to make a break for the keep.

“Okay!” I nodded, summoning my demon form and feeling the armour shift and move to make way for my wings. Oops, didn’t know the magic of my form would do that… thank gosh it does do that. I didn’t want to imagine what would happen if it didn’t alter the armour when I summoned my wings...

Looking at my friend and… girlfriend, I said, “I’m going to distract that thing, since he’s in the way of the main door.”

I tried to lift off, but Rora lunged forward and caught me before I got off the ground. “No! Don’t!” she cried.

“Why not?” I asked in confusion.

“Because the sky is raining lightning dumbass! You’ll get exploded!” she chuckled. “No flying!”

“Right, no flying… oh, and I guess I don’t need to distract big boy anymore either,” I blinked, watching a party of adventurers engage the big guy. “I think we have like two seconds before their level twenty tank gets gibbed.”

We didn’t wait. As more weird deer people of various sizes rained down around us, we rushed towards the main door of the keep.

One smaller deer man got in the way, and I charged up and crashed through the air towards him, fist held forward... only for him to catch my fist. He grinned an awful bloody-mouthed grin and began to force me to the ground, using my caught fist as leverage. I cried out in pain as he twisted it into an odd angle, and only Rusti sticking a knife in his eye saved my arm from snapping.

I cradled the protesting limb and rushed past as the deer man pulled the dagger out of his eye with a roar of pain. Holy shit. Alright, the city was fucked. I highly doubted there was anywhere close to enough high level adventurers in the area to fight this shit.

“Thanks Rusti,” I grimaced as we got through the door, my arm still hating me for trying to take on the angry deer.

“No problem, I gotcha friend,” they winked.

The ante chamber of the keep was beginning to fill with people who’d rushed to take shelter inside it. The guards were trying to stop people from going further inside, but they were failing pretty spectacularly. There were only four guards and like eight times their number in people. Rora led the way as we shoved through until we were in the throne room.

The place wasn’t actually as big as I thought it was. It was pretty big, sure, but not ridiculous anime throne room style big. There was a lot of gold trim though. Along either side were galleries where the nobles of the court were looking suitably outraged at the whole affair. Front and center at the other end of the long carpet, was a rather lanky man who was furiously gesturing from the throne high up at the other end.

The Prince was weighed down with so many pieces of heavy gold jewelry that he looked like he might fall over, and he wore the largest, fluffiest cloak thing I’d ever seen. The very idea of this guy having enough brain cells to rub together to create a plot like this was ridiculous. He wasn’t our guy.

“Get these peasants out of my throne room!” he screamed, his deep voice cracking under the weight of his impotent rage. He did not look like he understood what was happening.

“Okay that guy is clueless, He’s only like, level twenty as well.” Rora remarked in exasperation, then she frowned. “That Duke is missing though. He’s almost always supposed to be in the court, but he isn’t right now. Duke Vachelli. If I was a conspirator of a plot that saw a giant angry lightning stag outside a place, I wouldn’t want to be in that place.”

Around us, guards were converging on the now forty or so people that were milling around at our end of the room.

“We should slip to the side. I’m willing to bet that big guy is going to come through the wall behind is in a few moments, and we don’t want to be in the way when he does,” Rora whispered to us, and Rusti and I nodded in agreement.

We made it into the galleries full of angry nobles when he came through the wall we’d just been standing in front of. The nobles had begun to draw blades on us as we rushed into their ranks, but we were quickly forgotten as their eyes turned to the monstrosity behind us.

“We need to get the Prince out of here, his death is probably important to their plot,” Rora said, and turned to me. “Can you fly over and warn him while we come over?”

“Okay… I’ll try. I’m the people person after all. What will you be doing?” I asked.

“We’ll be right behind you, now go!” she urged, giving me a light push.

I did as she asked, theatrically leaping across the throne room to kneel in front of the prince. Up close, I could see that he was sweating and scared, even if he had looked regal from back at the other end.

“Who are you?!” he spat, glancing down at me.

“Uh, Tami, your Royal Highness,” I said as humbly as I could manage. “I’m an adventurer, and I uh, implore that you leave so that we may see to your safety. The Realm of Energy is invading!”

“No, I do not need petty adventurers like you to protect me! My guards are far more adept than you rabble!” he said dismissively. Waving his hand in a shooing motion like he might actually be able to move me with his mind.

I looked back at the angry lightning-giant-stag-man-thing and watched as he pulped one of the guards that had just been mentioned with a crushing blow from above. Yes. Definitely looked like they were handling it.

“Ah, there is also a plot to kill you during this attack, sir,” I told him, my tone almost begging him to listen. Probably was a plot. Maybe to capture you, I didn’t mention. Didn’t want to confuse the man.

“A plot?” he said, looking around us almost comically.

Oh god he was a fucking cartoon character. What a moron.

“Yeah, the plot is currently demolishing your guards over there,” Rora snarked as she walked up, looking pissed. Oh no.

“Who are you?” The Prince demanded, then turned to his scared looking and very distracted guards. “Guards! Take these so called blessed away! I honestly don’t know why we call you petty adventurers ‘blessed’. It’s ridiculous.”

“Because we’re immortal, and you aren’t you fucking idiot. If you and your heir die, this country will probably fall into the hands of Pagutum,” Rora sighed.

I got up off my knees and rushed to press a hand to her mouth. I always forgot how blunt she was when she wasn’t talking to me.

“Shut up, Rora. You’re just making him angry,” I hissed.

“What are you whispering?” he demanded, his voice full of outrage. “Are you the ones plotting? Is this part of your plot?”

“Oh for fucks sake,” I grumbled quietly. “Do we have to save him? Can’t we just save his kid and let the fuckwit die?”

“Actually, that’s not a bad plan…” Rora, said, her eyes lighting up, then she turned to the Prince and asked with absolutely no subtlety, “Hey, where's your kid?”

“Devin? He’s with his matron in the royal quarters,” he said, then he twitched for a moment and coughed, “To the left, down the hall, then left again. Careful of the servant lady, she’s like, a total wild woman.”

Rora looked confused, staring at the Prince as he said the second part in the same feminine tones that MaTRON normally used.

“Cheers ma’am,” I winked, then took Rora’s hand and ran with her as we’d been directed.

We needed to move fast. Entering the hallways of the castle through a side entrance to the throne room, we looked around for a moment to get our bearings. The hallways were gaudy in the extreme. Too many mage-lamps made it almost oppressively bright, shining off all the gold that had been spread over everything. The storms outside were causing the shadows to seem almost blue tinted, it was strange. Huge gold trimmed paintings hung on every available space depicting someone heroic looking, who vaguely reminded me of the Prince behind us.

“Wow, why did he just tell us like that?” Rora wondered as we rushed down the hallway.

I didn’t respond, despite knowing the answer. There was no way I could give her the answer without giving away everything else.

“Rusti’s not with us,” Rora commented dryly as we ran, and I noticed that their party sense indicator was still pointing back into the throne room.

“Yeah, I imagine they’ll catch up,” I laughed, already chuckling at the raw unadulterated theft that was probably going on behind us.

“I wonder if we’ll get a cut or not,” she chuckled, her expression clearly showing she doubted it.

We arrived at the door to the Royal Chambers just as our kleptomaniac little friend caught up with us.

“I’m almost over-encumbered,” they said, wheezing with laughter.

“Nice,” I grinned, offering my hand for a high five, which they accepted with a little less enthusiasm than last time.

“Hey, didn’t break my hand this time!” they chirped. “So what are we doing now?”

“Saving the kid on the other side of this door from the horrors of being smushed by a giant,” Rora explained, knocking on the door.

“Right. Save the kid, make it out of here with the gold. Good plan,” Rusti nodded sagely.

The door opened on an older looking woman in servant’s clothes, who frowned at us disapprovingly. Behind her, a little boy played innocently with some wooden toys, making various loud shouts and other noises. Wow, the kids clothes were almost as gold-laden as his father’s outfit. I noticed that the shadows seemed to be a smokey blue here too. Was something going to— 

“What do you want? Who are you?” she asked sharply. “Where are the guards?”

“Wait, where are the guards?” Rusti asked, looking around in confusion.

That was true, there weren’t any guards at all… Had they been called away to deal with the creatures that were attacking out the front? Surely the Prince would have guards on his heir?

Rora didn’t wait for the servant lady to admit us entry, instead barging past her, earning a surprised cry of outrage from the woman.

“We need to get the kid out of here,” she said, ignoring the irate servant woman, “Get him to safety.”

Shrugging and pushing past the woman too, I moved over and knelt down in front of the kid. “Hey dude, wanna come have an adventure?”

As I was asking, I noticed the shadows flicker and change, and I had just enough time to give a wordless cry of warning before shit started crawling out of them.

The creatures crawling out of the shadows weren’t the same deer people that were falling out of the sky either. They were basically dryads, but not the fun hot type of dryad. No, these ones were the creepy stick murder kind. Their wood was a bluish grey, carved with runes that crackled with the same lightning as the ones carved into the flesh of the deer people.

I saw one coming out of a shadow directly behind Rora, and I tried to cry out and warn her, but I couldn’t for some reason. I watched in dizzy confusion as Rora raised her blade with a cry, and pointed it… at me? I felt strange as I watched her, my neck felt funny. It was really warm, and kinda wet.

Rora’s beam of fire lanced out and straight past my face, hitting something behind me. Whatever it was, it had been supporting my weight, and I spun like a limp rag doll towards the ground. My vision was getting darker. Really dark. This felt really strange?

The last thing I saw before the world went dark, was the room, on the other side of a strange shadow. Had I fallen through a shadow? How?

You have Died. You will resp-p-p-p-p-p-p-p— 

>ERROR<

>WARNING. PLAYER HAS LEFT THE GAME BOUNDARIES. PLEASE RETURN TO THE PLAYABLE AREA IN 10 SECONDS.

>WARNING. PLAYER HAS LEFT THE GAME BOUNDARIES. PLEASE RETURN TO THE PLAYABLE AREA IN 9 SECONDS.

>WARNING. PLAYER HAS LEFT THE GAME BOUNDARIES. PLEASE RETURN TO THE PLAYABLE AREA IN 8 SECONDS.

>WARNING. PLAYER HAS LEFT THE GAME BOUNDARIES. PLEASE RETURN TO THE PLAYABLE AREA IN 7 SECONDS.

>WARNING. PLAYER HAS LEFT THE GAME BOUNDARIES. PLEASE RETURN TO THE PLAYABLE AREA IN 6 SECONDS.

>WARNING. PLAYER HAS LEFT THE GAME BOUNDARIES. PLEASE RETURN TO THE PLAYABLE AREA IN 5 SECONDS.

>WARNING. PLAYER HAS LEFT THE GAME BOUNDARIES. PLEASE RETURN TO THE PLAYABLE AREA IN 4 SECONDS.

>WARNING. PLAYER HAS LEFT THE GAME BOUNDARIES. PLEASE RETURN TO THE PLAYABLE AREA IN 3 SECONDS.

>WARNING. PLAYER HAS LEFT THE GAME BOUNDARIES. PLEASE RETURN TO THE PLAYABLE AREA IN 2 SECONDS.

>WARNING. PLAYER HAS LEFT THE GAME BOUNDARIES. PLEASE RETURN TO THE PLAYABLE AREA IN 1 SECONDS.

>WARNING. PLAYER HAS LEFT THE GAME BOUNDARIES. PLEASE RETURN TO THE PLAYABLE AREA IN 0 SECONDS.

>WARNING. PLAYER HAS LEFT THE GAME BOUNDARIES. TIMER EXPIRED. KILLING PLAYER.

>PLAYER IS ALREADY DEAD. ATTEMPTING TO BEGIN DEATH DREAM.

>DEATH DREAM FAILED.

>CHARACTER PROFILE CORRUPTED.

>REQUESTING CONSTRUCT OVERSIGHT.

>CONSTRUCT: [NOT FOUND], IS RESPONDING.

Welcome to the Cauldron of Realms Asce— 

>ATTEMPTING CHARACTER PROFILE RECONSTRUCTION.

>HOLD TIGHT TAMI.

>CHARACTER PROFILE RECONSTRUCTION PARTIALLY SUCCESSFUL.

Entering Death Dream.
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