Trouble With Horns

A knock at the door woke me from my blissful sleep, and with a growl, I called, “Who is it?”

“It’s Kimberly!” a feminine voice called through the door, so cute and sweet when compared with her real life one.

Beside me, Dawn grumbled and called, “Come in!”

My eyes widened as the door opened. We weren’t exactly in a state that our poor bashful friend would appreciate. The sheets were charred to the point of uselessness, and one of the bed posts had been blown apart by lightning. The whole top of the four poster bed had been ripped off after that and placed on its side against the wall.

After the careful, gentle lovemaking that had begun the night, things had gotten a little more… wild. Our powers had clashed together like hot and cold air to form an electric evening and early morning full of… well, I’m sure Kimberly was about to get the picture. Dawn was naked on her back, wings splayed out awkwardly, while her hair crackled with a gentle flame that didn’t quite set everything on fire.

I was on my side next to her, one wing furled quickly to cover my body, while the other reached out to cover my girlfriend. Funny thing about the wings actually. Turns out they could take us lying awkwardly on top of them very easily. I guess our relatively light bodies were nothing compared to the stresses of flight and combat. Our wings were stronger than our normal limbs, even.

“The servants were too scared to open the door, said they heard sounds of combat or— oh!” Kimberly, or as she was known ingame, Civette said. She pulled up short when she saw the scene and stood there with a comical look on her face as her cheeks slowly flushed with embarrassment.

“Hey there,” I laughed, watching her struggle not to look. I could see her cute blue eyes drifting up to look at our legs, then quickly away again.

“C-can you please equip some clothes?” she squeaked, now as red as a sub’s spanked buttock.

I snorted in amusement. “Sure thing baby gay.”

“I’m not gay,” Civette squeaked, her cheeks flaming bright red. “I’ve dated guys. I’ve had sex with… guys… uh… I think? Shit. Shit.”

“Care to explain to the class?” Dawn asked, giving me an intrigued look as she opened her menu to equip a cloth shirt and breeches.

The poor healer blushed a deep crimson and waved her hands about like she was drowning in a three foot deep paddling pool. “It’s nothing, it’s nothing. I mean, it’s not nothing, but it’s a lot to explain and I don’t even know how to explain it so… I’ll just, not. Sorry.”

My girlfriend shrugged, and dropped the horrible, terrible truth on little Civette. “Hate to tell you this Kimmy, but a good number of lesbians had sex with dudes before they realised it. Some might have even enjoyed it a bit. Also, calling you a baby gay is just a… an expression, and an all inclusive one too. You could be bisexual, pansexual, or whatever else, after all.”

Biting her lip, Civette looked like she was about to speak, but then shook her head. “It’s… not relevant, anyway. How did you two destroy your bed like that?”

“Oh come on, Kimmy,” I laughed. “Look at us. We had sex in our inhuman forms and made a mess.”

Surprising both me and Dawn, she frowned rather than any sort of blushing. “Surely you should get a… a fire and lightning resistant bed, then?”

“That’s… not a bad idea,” Dawn mused. “We could get it all enchanted with energy resistance. That would cover both of us.”

“It’s a plan,” I said. “Once we have the money, I mean. While we get ready, though, why don’t you tell us about your adventures, Kimmy?”

Oh boy, had Kimmy been on some adventures. Ethilie, the winged officer from my sister’s guild the Ravensmiths, had invited Kimmy to hang out.

“We messed around in a low level area for a while, and she taught me like, all about healing and stuff,” Kimmy explained as we wandered down towards breakfast together. “That, and just general game knowledge. I had some friends who were gamers so I was vaguely familiar with some concepts but I needed to learn so much more.”

“That’s really kind of her,” Dawn said as we pushed the door to a sitting room open. We liked to have breakfast in a cozy little room near our bedroom, and the servants knew this. As soon as the door opened, a maid bounced to her feet and rushed into a servant’s door like her ass was one fire.

Dawn gave us a look. “Uh… what was that?”

“I don’t—“ I began, before Leila burst into the room from the same door the maid had left.

“Is everything okay? We heard terrible noises from your bedroom, but none of us are fighters and we feared to go inside. Should I be hiring guards?” she asked in a rush, breathing heavily.

All three of us players blushed, although I was also grinning like a fool. I decided to fill her in on what exactly those terrible noises had been. “No need. That was just Dawn and I, we were having fun.”

“You were having—” she began, before her eyes widened and her feathers all quivered. “— Fun? My goodness, girls, you really must warn the staff before you engage in such vigorous and… destructive fun.”

“Yeah, well… we’re going to need to get the money for an enchanted bed,” Dawn coughed, clearly unsure how to talk about this to our steward of all people. “Can you ask around for someone to make a nice bed with sheets enchanted to withstand, um, lightning, claws, and fire?”

“You’ll need to enchant the wood of the bed to take a beating too,” I said, trying my best not to laugh at the incredulous look on Leila’s face.

“Well then,” the steward coughed, clearly rattled. “I will get to that, then. Breakfast will be here shortly.”

She left the room with a quick bow to each of us, leaving us to our devices. The room was silent for a few moments, but Dawn broke it with a clap. “So Kimmy, let’s hear more about your adventures.”

****

“We went into one of those crazy breach things with a party of her friends,” Kimberly explained as she daintily picked at some pancakes. “The other side was this… it was a literal hellscape. Fire everywhere, ash raining from the sky, lava lakes, you name it. Ethie gave me a little cooling ring that kept me cold and helped with the fire damage, which was pretty much the only reason I didn’t run back out of that portal.”

“Sounds like my kind of place,” Dawn chuckled. “Not so much for you, though, given your church upbringing. Hell of a random instance to get stuck with.”

“Yes, yes,” Kimmy giggled, rolling her eyes. “You’re very funny Dawn. Now, we actually did pretty well. I struggled to get big enough heals to help our tank at first, but then one of the enemies dropped a healing staff. After that, I got some more levels and… well, yeah. I think I’m going to spec for shields, though.”

My eyebrows rose at that, and my girlfriend looked like she was about to launch into a big explanation about how healing worked in games, but Kimmy held up a delicate hand. “Hold on, hold on. I know that in other games you heal the health bars and all that stuff, but it just doesn’t make sense to me in a game like this. The pain might be dampened to everyone’s tolerance levels, but it still sucks. I’d rather keep my friends from getting hurt at all, and then heal when I actually have to.”

“Oh my god, Kimmy,” I said, clasping my hands as though in prayer. “Your church was wrong, you are an angel, not any of those wheely boys they love so much.”

Kimmy’s smile was small and sweet. “Thanks, Tami.”

She focused on her food for a minute, and it gave me time to watch her. She seemed so much more at home in virtual reality now. Even the way she looked up and smiled as a maid refilled her juice was more natural, like she didn’t consider this realm of qbits as something to be feared anymore.

Her food paused on the way to her mouth as she watched the maid leave, and then lowered back to rest delicately on the plate. “You mentioned making money, right? I think we need to get serious about that, and soon.”

“We have been serious about it,” Dawn said, sharing a look with me.

Kimmy gave her a look like she was crazy. “No, you haven’t. Big lump sums from a good haul of loot is one thing, but we need to find a market to exploit. We need capital from adventuring, but that capital needs to be put into something sustainable.”

“Oh, gross,” I winced.

She raised her hand and gave me a knowing look, the kind that said, I agree with you, but hear me out. “I was thinking about… well, our holdings and our people. I want us to be different, I want us to make the lives of our maids, gardeners, cooks, and whoever else, I want to make their lives better. I know they’re just code, but some of them are like… thinking, and feeling, right?”

“Sort of,” Dawn replied. “The controllers split their attention between dozens or even hundreds of NPCs, depending on how lifelike they need to be. A bandit that you’ll fight on the road, for example, won’t need much processing power. Leila on the other hand, she’s probably played by a controller that only has a handful of other NPCs to worry about. That’s as I understand it, anyway.”

“When did you learn all that?” I blinked, reaching over to touch her arm. “God, you’re smart.”

“I just listen when your little sister babbles,” she laughed, eyes glowing with mirth and warmth alike.

Kimberly gave a little snort and shook her head for a moment. “Nerd. Anyway, I just want to be better than I was, and better than… than the American Republic and the UN both.”

“Not a high bar to clear,” I muttered, then met the eyes of both my companions in turn. “Look, I don’t know anything about money or how to make it, so you can tell me what to do there. I’ll handle the schmoozing and the punching, okay?”

“I think all of us here can handle schmoozing,” Kimmy said with a lopsided smile. “It’s just you who enjoys it the most.”

Dawn had been silent for a few moments, and now she spoke, her voice rising with increasing excitement. “Eat your food quick, girls, because we need to think of a plan to get that influx of gold we need.”