Truth is, they only remembered her

The girl grasped the iron plate tightly with her cold hands. Because of too much trembling, its leaving moisture to the frozen metal.

 

” Be precise. Do it with no hesitation. ”

 

With no hesitation, her mentor’s words ring to her ear. It reminds her of that time she aimed fearlessly at a straw man. Like what he said, she aimed at it with no hesitation. But the very thing that she should aim at with no hesitation and great precision now are…

 

” Cut it out. ”

 

Her eyes fall on her trembling hands. Her attention is mostly on her small and slender fingers. Her mentor’s commands are firm like iron. The girl shudders, feeling defiant for the first time. His words are not making any sense to her. No matter how much she makes her brain works, she could not understand why. She hates what her mentor tries to command, But there is nothing she can do. She was obliged to obey.

 

Her mentor works for the duke. He is a long-time veteran and a great hero from the war. While she was just a ragged commoner, he picks up on the streets. Her obedience to him is what makes their tummy full and gives her enough money to send to her younger brother.

 

She remembers her younger brother. His life has more worth than her little finger. After coming into a decision, she gulped down the saliva forming on her throat. She decided to remember what she learned.

 

According to her mentor, the body of a human is soft. But the gap between the flesh and the bone has that firmness. So you would need to cut the hinge down with such precision for the joints to be detached.

 

He handed her a dagger, and she lifelessly clutched on it. Like she was grieving about something.

 

Now, without any hesitation, she swung her arms on one swift motion that she couldn’t close her eyes or even avert it to somewhere else. The dagger’s sharpness is touching the exact spot but not her fingers.

 

Thud. Thud. Thud.

 

She hears the sound of skin breaking and the wound opening. Her eyes gazed down to the wrinkled hands that blocked her fingers. Red blood is gushing down to her fingers. It was from someone so quick that her eyes missed. Someone so familiar that she knew it was the same one who trimmed her hair countless times. She lifted her head, looking at her mentor, who is now beside her.

 

” You did great.”

 

He praised, calm, and yet so different from her reaction. She still couldn’t speak as her thoughts were still on her uncut finger. And that horrifying act is how her journey as a knight begins. That act to cut her fingers is what made her the duke’s knight. At first, she thought it was impossible as she needed a guardian. But her mentor suddenly offered his last name, which she gladly accepts and giving her the name Clarence Holton.

 

Clarence is determined to learn how to fight with a sword. So she put a lot of effort into it and see it in a more detailed manner. With her first earned salary, Clarence was able to buy decent clothes for herself as well as eating desserts in addition to her meal. She was purely pleased with the amount of money given to her. Actually, no. There was nothing to be happy about it.

 

When girls around her age were busy playing with dolls, Clarence was stabbing life-sized ones. Engage, finding where the vital points could be. As it was interrupting her sessions, her pretty blonde hair cut on random lengths. She doesn’t want to hide her identity as a girl, but boys her age wouldn’t want to live in the same dormitory as her. So she dresses the same way as them. Believing it was for the better.

 

She only realized the reason her mentor asked her to cut her fingers. After five years, when she is designated to be in war. It was a test. As being the duke’s soldier is repeatedly killing people, like cutting a piece of you. No matter how precious that part of the body is. She constantly kills someone and just like her mentor, her loyalty became to the duke.

 

Maids, the innocent looking ones. The one who looks kind and good at making jokes you’ll be her friend in no time but maids are also good at fishing out pieces of information from the duchess. They dazzle them with their friendliness and kindred tongues. And within those five years of war, they became more rampant and sold their pieces of information to nobles and those who lived outside the country. Giving more risked to a dozen more lives, that a slightest suspicion would send them to their un awakened sleep.

 

It was also at that moment she got Duke Spencer’s attention. He gives her an order to be his escort. She needs to stand beside him before anyone else.

 

” You said to escort you right? I am greatly honored Sir but I can’t help but feel worried too . Your Duke’s swordsmanship might be good when you were young, but now you are still powerless and considered as an old man to your enemies. The more we limit the soldiers around his duke, the more likely your life will be in danger.”

 

“But being on the frontlines too is risk. Let’s just leave it all to fate.”

 

His expression was the same as her mentor when he ordered her to cut her finger. So she was quick to assess that it was a test. He wanted to know how far her abilities are. She mounted on her horse, killing every enemy in the vicinity. Like it was the most natural thing to do, without any affection or conscience left to her enemies. It was not her who kills an innocent child and maid. It was them whose sins were big than her. These are her duty as a knight to protect the empire and the families in it.

 

The bodies stacked on top of the ground, leaving white molds as birds suck the blood out of its corpse. The bird’s tummy is so full that it can’t even fly at its full height. The blood at the end of her sword was all far from gone. The Duke’s test was longer than she thought.  When he asks her to move forward, she will move her feet forward. If he asks her to back off, she will move her feet backward. It was a different order but killing someone was always in the process. The king’s army were far more greater than the Duke but their loyalty were always to the king. She didn’t know if the Duke was just too loyal to the King or he knows something was up. Like a threat to the king’s safety he couldn’t ask for assistance.

 

Clarence’s sword is at the last opponent’s neck. She looks at it for a few seconds. A nameless knight from another country. A war loser. She swung her arms, causing the head to fall to its neck. Leaving no traces, all of it cut off to its body.

 

Her eyes unwavering, focusing onto the cold headless body. These are what she needs to learn. These are her duty as a victor to endure the horrors of the battle.

 

Flap.

 

The sound of the head falling to the concrete must have created a noise. Despite the brutal victory, she heard an enthusiastic shout coming from her fellow soldiers. Clarence turned around, unconsciously kicking the headless body with the tip of her foot. She moved her feet again. Scattered rotten bodies were on the ground. She doesn’t even know if the soil she’s stepping at is soil or a corpse. The only good thing is that it rotten well to the ground.

 

” Ms. Knight, shall we prepare a meal?”

 

The young meddler asked. Skipping and jumping between the dead bodies.It wasn’t a meddler. It was a commoner. Who must be friends with her fellow knight?

 

Considering how comfortable she is around her. The meddler’s family must be beyond grateful too as they are willing to serve Clarence and her fellow knights.

 

“No Need.”

 

“I caught a big bird. It was a big one.”

 

Clarence brushes the stain on her shoulders. She looks at the meddler’s face. It seems the meddler doesn’t know that catching these birds is nothing she should be proud of. Of course, the birds on the battlefield were big.

 

” I guess so. There’s a lot to eat here. The bird’s tummy must be so full it can’t even flap their wings properly. ”

 

She replied, her gaze falling to the dead bodies. The meddler’s face turns blue, frozen as she understands her words.

 

***

 

Clarence felt weak due to the lack of sleep. Even if the war has finally ended, her mind still lingers on something else. It bothers her sleep and giving her nightmares at night. As promised by the old Duke, he gives her a mansion, bags of silvers, luxurious foods as well as the honor of being the king’s knight, but she just shook her head.

 

” I will only take the money. I won’t be needing anything else.”

 

” You would at least need a place to live. A place you deserve for all the honor and achievements you worked hard for.”

 

” I won’t be needing it. I don’t intend to stay here in the capital.”

 

The Duke carefully examined her expression.

 

” Are you sure? Those who fought with you along the war would be sad when they hear that?”

 

Clarence was sure that they would not be able to contact her, or even alone remember her. Everyone is probably busy with their respective jobs. The knight, helping the families affected by war. The priest, praying for those who died. The wizard with his never-ending researches. The crown prince on his preparation to be the new emperor.

 

” I am not sure. I am just a simple commoner. They probably won’t remember me.”

 

” Where will you go?”

 

” Wherever my feet would lead me.”

 

” Seems, I won’t be able to change your decision now. So, I will send my blessing to you and send your regards to the others. ”

 

The old Duke Spencer smiled. Not sure if this would be the last time someone would try to convince Clarence or either to chase her down.

 

* * *

 

Clarence packed her things up. She feels strange about the truth of being alone again. Within those past years, Clarence was always with someone. With the Duke as her superior now and her mentor when she was just a little girl. And only by then, she realized that no one would be above her or either below her now. She only has herself now. Clarence laughed bitterly.

 

Knock Knock.

 

A familiar knock was knocking on her door. Clarence opened it and was shocked when she sees one of the duchess maids is at the front of her door. Tears are the corner of her eyes. This maid is her only friend that shares the same gender as Clarence. Did she straightly go here when she heard the news?

 

” Ms. Knight. Is it true you will leave without an accompany of a chauffeur ? ”

 

” Yes, Anna”

 

” When you got the mansion, you said you would take me with you right? Tch. Me being grateful to you, all these years are just for nothing. ”

 

She pouted, leaving no traces of regret in there. But it still makes Clarence scratch her head. Feeling sorry for the promise she failed to keep.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Those were her words. Words that Anna doesn’t want to hear. She wants Clarence to take anything, just anything. Anna knows how much Clarence has worked hard for it. She sees how tough it was for her friend. So Anna grabbed Clarence’s hands. She becomes more agitated when she saw Clarence’s untreated hands. A knight of a hand filled with wounds and cuts.

 

” This. This is how hard it has been! ”

 

” Anna”

 

“Not just your hands, but also thus your ears.”

 

Anna’s hands drifted over Clarence’s blonde hair. The form of her ear looks strange. It was all swollen now, as she continues to fall and roll on his horse.

 

“The capital has a lot of things to offer. You can buy any dress you like. Expensive or not, you can. You can even watch a stage performance or even attend the most high-end parties by nobles. You can have everything a noble have. Something that we commoners rarely have an opportunity for so, I don’t understand Why? Why won’t you take anything? or even just anything? ”

 

Anna’s voice trembled as she speaks those out of her mouth. Her eyes were brimming with tears.

What Anna says is true. If Mayin heard the benefits Anna was talking about, Clarence would probably be in big trouble. She won’t forgive her for letting that opportunity go.

 

“Thank you, Anna. I understand what you are trying to say.”

 

Clarence hugged her cute friend. Anna looked up and gave her a tearful look.

 

” Then… then… You would take the mansion as well as the honor with you now right?”

 

Clarence didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want to disappoint her only friend.

 

” Sorry, Anna. I won’t, but I will take the silvers. That’s already enough.”

 

” But…………. Why!”

 

“That is……”

 

Clarence bends her knees and pushes Anna a bit to look on her eyes.

 

“Because maybe having this will make me happy.”

 

Anna froze into her feet when she heard her answer. It was so out of the ordinary that she can only mutter a question to her response.

 

” What….?”

 

What does Clarence suppose to mean? Isn’t the war over now? Aren’t the number of couples who want to get married now are so much that it filled the streets? Weren’t  all those who help in war happy now as they are filled with pride? Aren’t everyone is making their way to the thing that’s making them happy now? So why? Why does Clarence doesn’t want to move her feet forward to her happiness?

 

” Anna”

 

” You deserve to be happy! You deserve it more than anyone else. That’s how war works….!”

 

” But the victor of the war shouldn’t be happy…”

 

” What are you trying to say?”

 

” Because if the victor of the war is, then another war will occur.”

 

“It’s ridiculous. That doesn’t make any sense.”

 

Anna fiercely shook her head. This war has nothing to do about whether she deserves her happiness or not. Of course, what she said about her happiness is just something trivial for Clarence. It was insignificant as it was her conscience bugging her. The scene where the head falls of to its body is still so vivid in Clarence’s memory that she’s having trouble sleeping at night.

 

” I’d rather not have this happiness. It’s the least I could do for the people who died in these hands.”

 

” But… But it was the Duke’s order. ”

 

“Yes. That’s why I will take the Duke’s money.”

 

Clarence laughs hard, but it didn’t fool Anna. She could see how her lips tremble, so her hands move into Clarence’s cheek. Anna knows how it’s both an emotional and moral torture for her. And she also knows that Clarence is the strongest woman she knew. She is far braver than those who let their mouth moves than their fist, those who were all talks but lacks action.

 

” Anna…”

 

“Goodbye, Ms. Knight. This is the only gift I can give you.”

 

Anna lifted her toes and slightly kissed Clarence’s forehead. A parting kiss.

 

” If there is any happiness left for me Ms. Knight or rather to my best friend Clarence Holton. I will give it to you. ”

 

Anna stepped back a couple of steps behind and gave Clarence a bright smile.

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” So if you happen to come across it. Don’t be surprised, okay? Don’t run away from it. That is my gift. It was all I can give you.”

_____________

Translator Notes :

Hi this is Enlightenedmao hope you will enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed translating this one. I picked up this novel because Clarence’s character is really intriguing and it’s rare to see a knight as a female lead. Aside from having the love lines, this novel focuses more on Clarence growth as a person and her realizations. Hope you would join Clarence journey and thank you so much for dropping by.