I was raised in the simulator, and I’m really not a bad woman in Ark!

[After your grief, you can unscrupulously hate the existence named Haisi. ]

[But... you understand that you are not an ordinary Agor at all. You are likely a monster, or even... a sea heir. ]

[So you can't transform your sorrow and grief into hatred for Haisi.]

[The deep feeling of powerlessness further intensifies the sadness and grief in your heart, and gradually the idea of ​​embracing death reappears in your mind. ]

[This is undoubtedly an escape from reality, but it is also the only way you, as an ordinary person caught in a whirlpool of rudeness, can think of to alleviate the sad and powerless reality.]

[Lost happiness, suspicion of identity, official truth, helplessness of being targeted, sudden disaster, misfortune again...]

【All of this almost overwhelms you as an ordinary person. 】

【But fortunately, just before you are about to do something irrational. 】

[An unexpected girl appears before you, giving you hope for the future again...]

[At least that’s what it seems now.]

Chapter 101: Death by Inevitable Choice, Another 'Ekaros'

……

The white-based ward is filled with high-tech medical equipment surrounding the sick girl on the bed. In the quiet and empty ward, there is only the ticking electrocardiogram recording the passage of time, as if recording the last calm before death.

The roses on the windowsill have drooped because no one is taking good care of them. The flowers that should have been bright and juicy now look withered and dull.

A drop of morning water slid down from its haggard and gloomy petals, as if mourning for the souls who died in the disaster, and as if reluctant to let go of its own life which was about to come to an end.

Looking at the rose, Ikaros's blue eyes lying on the hospital bed flashed with a hint of dimness and death. The sea, which was once as gentle as the one that embraced everything, seemed to have fallen into silent dead water, losing its former vitality and gentleness.

All there is is lingering despair and constant self-torture and regret in the heart.

After several days of recuperation, Ikaros' body had actually returned to normal, or rather, she had only fainted due to excessive fatigue and a sudden severe mental shock.

But physical pain can be forgotten, but the scars in the heart are difficult to heal.

Ikaros knew that if he had returned to the monastery earlier, or if he had not left the monastery to go back to the flower shop, he would have been able to stop the sea monster that massacred the entire monastery.

She deeply regretted refusing the old nun's invitation and hated her own weak body.

In the past few days, every time Ikaros closed his eyes, he would recall the tragedy in the monastery, the church covered in blood, the people left with only broken flesh and bones, and the child with a pierced chest in the basement...

When he fell asleep at night, Ikaros would always recall the warm years in the past, and then face the questions from those who died in the monastery in the sudden flames, questioning himself why he did not save them, why he left, and what he was.

All the warmth and beauty of the past became like a nightmare that haunted Ikaros after being destroyed.

Deep down in her heart, the girl knew that gentle people would not hate her or question her. On the contrary, they would probably worry about her before they died. The old nun would also be glad that she was not invited to stay for lunch after knowing that she survived.

But...what if I knew?

Everyone would die in the end, and it would be impossible to answer Ikaros.

Therefore, all the remaining debris turned into nightmare demons in Ikaros's inner guilt and self-blame, as well as his accumulated doubts and confusion about himself, constantly tormenting Ikaros's already fragile heart.

Perhaps at this moment, for Ikaros, who is alone, only death can bring her eternal peace.

She is really tired.

Stay optimistic, work hard to live, be kind to others, try not to cause trouble to others, do everything you can to overcome the injustice brought by this body and want to live like a normal person.

But why?

What did she do wrong?

I have clearly tried so hard to survive, I have clearly been so careful to maintain everything around me, I have clearly done everything I can, and I have treated everyone and everything around me with kindness.

But why does this world still seem to be targeting me, depriving me of the important things in my heart time and time again, robbing me of the happiness around me time and time again, and denying the meaning of my persistence in living in this world time and time again?

Could it be that... am I really so unfortunate? Am I not even qualified to have my own happiness...

Guilt, doubt, unwillingness, and a dull pain that was about to burst from his chest corroded Ikaros's ego and reason.

The repeated thinking and questioning in my heart constantly breaks down my own defenses, and I constantly deny and doubt the value and meaning of everything I have done in the past.

At this moment, Ikaros had no mood or energy to doubt whether his misfortune was a conspiracy planned by someone else.

She just wanted to quickly grasp the only remaining hope that could support her to move forward in the quagmire, or...

——Let this unfortunate life end here.

After having this idea.

The negative emotions accumulated in the heart are like a shark that smells blood and becomes agitated.

They continued to expand the idea in Ikaros' mind, wantonly destroying the girl's fragile heart, and growing wildly in her heart like a plague.

This also made Ikaros's desire to stop here become stronger and stronger.

Just when that thought was about to completely occupy Ikaros' heart and the darkness was about to drag the girl into the lightless abyss.

Ikaros suddenly thought of the three girls he took care of.

If I stop here... they will be sad, right?

A fleeting thought curbed the darkness that was about to completely devour Ikaros, protecting the last pure land and hope in the girl's heart and preventing her from falling completely into the abyss.

Recalling the moments I spent with them during the nearly ten years of my life.

The memories of the past are like bits of silk thread entwined with the precious and short-lived picture scroll. The warmth condensed from the past starlight surges out of the lonely heart, guarding the last hope in Ikaros' heart and giving the girl more hope of living.

She is not completely left with nothing. She still has hope in her hands, and there are still people she cares about in this world.

She...can't stop here.

……

No, maybe that’s why I should stop here?

The azure eyes were dimmed again after a brief moment of hope.

Hope flashes by, like a meteor that brings a moment of light with its tail flame, but in the end it only makes the dark night seem even deeper.

Yes...it's because I know there are people I care about.

At this moment, Ikaros wanted to touch death even more and stop his misfortune here.

After all, how many times has it happened?

From childhood to adulthood, all the people I cared about have died, and I am the only one who survived, continuing to endure the torture of pain and misfortune.

Ikaros was really tired and really scared.

The two losses made her more aware of her few remaining hopes and the people she loved.

But because of this, I don't want to pass my misfortune on to them.

Goletia has grown up now. Although Agor's officials are not trustworthy, Goletia, who is at the core of power, has a bright future anyway. She is destined to move towards a bright future that countless people can only dream of.

And such a great person doesn't need an unfortunate sister like herself who can't provide her with anything.

Laurentina already had a very happy family. I was just a stranger who had taken care of her for half a year. I had no right to get close to her.

She has her own goals and home, so she doesn't need a sister like me who has nothing and can do nothing but grow flowers.

And Skadi...

Although the little killer whale is the child that Ikaros is most concerned about, he is also the child she has spent the longest time with, is closest to, and is the child who is most like a family member to her.

But Skadi has already embarked on the path she wants to take and has her own future goals.

She is no longer a whale drowning in the deep sea, needing the guidance of a glimmer of light.

Sooner or later, she will find her own light, her own future, and her own true family and blood relatives in the future.

Rather than an insignificant person like himself, a monster belonging to the deep sea.

Death really can't change anything.

Ending one's own life is indeed the stupidest choice.

Believing in so-called destined misfortune is the most tragic and hopeless idea.

But for Ikaros, who gradually realized his inhuman identity, gradually realized that he was already at the center of the vortex, and witnessed his own misfortune taking away his loved ones time and time again.

As an ordinary person, as an ordinary, weak and disabled person like Ekaros who has nothing but gentleness and optimism and is useless.

Taking the initiative to face death is the last gift she can give to the one she loves.

It is also the final elegy she chose in order to avoid misfortune and drowning in the deep sea and turning into the monster she hated in her heart.

After all, only death can soothe the sorrow of this body.

In fact, Ikaros felt that he had lived long enough, and perhaps he should have died on the day he was born.

And it should not linger on until now.

Thinking of this, the despair in the girl's heart gradually turned into relief after making this decision, and the heavy burden that had been piled on her in the past was suddenly alleviated.

However, Ikaros was very clear that at this moment he did not let go, but chose to give up.

Although there is only one letter difference between the two words, the difference between them is as great as heaven and earth.

Ikaros knew that choosing death was stupid and would not solve any problems.

But this is the only choice she can make based on her own will.

Ikaros is an ordinary man.

She is powerless to change it all, but she also hopes to be able to decide her own future for once.

Even if the price to pay is one's own life.

This is probably the last thing she can do for them as a sister...

Gradually making up his mind, Ikaros, lying on the bed, withdrew his gaze from the pot of withering roses, closed his eyes and felt the last warmth of life.

Ikaros's expression was as calm as usual, and his demeanor was as soft and gentle as usual even without any expression.

It was as if the person who had the determination to die was not her.

But the slightly trembling hands still betrayed her.

Even though they have made up their minds, no one really wants to die.

But she had to push herself towards death, otherwise the abyss surrounding her would swallow up the people she cared about.

Therefore, the fear of death is no longer strong.

It’s just that regret will eventually bring resentment.

……

More than two hours later, taking advantage of the time when the medical staff was changing the dressing and the patient was keeping watch, Ikaros left the sight of the nurse who was taking care of him and came to the top floor of the hospital. He sat on the edge without the protection of the railing and looked at the post-disaster city below.

The breeze blew across her face, gently caressing the girl's long, delicate and smooth blue hair that was as blue as the sea.

Ikaros swung his legs gently, with his hands on the edge, staring at the scenery of the water city in a daze, thinking about his life. Looking at the sea surrounded by the lonely and deep sea with a faint blue glow, he couldn't help but think of the promise his parents made to him, the wishes of everyone in the monastery, and those warm and peaceful daily lives.

She recalled all this quietly, feeling the coolness on her fingertips, slightly clenching her pale hands, feeling the warmth, as if the world had become gentle to her again at this moment.

However, Ikaros obviously would not give up his idea because of this little bit of tenderness.

The girl simply lifted her hair from her forehead, closed her eyes, recalled the past, and began to take deep breaths to give herself the final hint and mental preparation.

After all, deciding to die is one thing.

When he was really about to die, Ikaros found that he was more afraid of death than he had imagined.

It was as if every cell in my body was resisting jumping off here.

After realizing Ikaros' inner thoughts and decisions, Ikaros's 'body' wanted to stop Ikaros from choosing death.

Even the environment of the past enveloped the surroundings this time.

The city around Ikaros seemed to be corroded by the deep sea in an instant. The tall buildings were clinging to the spreading branches and water plants. The salty smell and deep coldness of the sea enveloped Ikaros' body. Countless looming creatures began to appear with long and distant chants.

The normally normal high-rise buildings seemed to have been abandoned for countless years, becoming dilapidated and desolate. Pedestrians on the road also disappeared without a trace, leaving behind only the dead silence and coldness that only a city that had been abandoned for many years could have.

At this time, Ikaros, who was wearing a blue dress, walked over to Ikaros, who was wearing a hospital gown, and sat beside her. She hugged Ikaros's snow-white neck from her side, and asked in a calm and somewhat resentful voice:

"Is it worth it? Doing this for the so-called identity, for meaningless protection."