Hikigaya doesn't want to be a force of strength

Since the exam has come to the third day, it has become extremely intense in a sense. Most students don’t even dare to go out for fear of exposing their identities as the favored students or missing the opportunity to find other favored students.

Up to now, among the twelve groups in total, except for the Monkey Group where Koenji is located, which ended the exam early due to Koenji's report, the Ox Group where Sakura Airi is located also ended the exam early due to the appearance of a traitor.

Sakura herself was so confused and surprised by the result that she sent a text message on her mobile phone to report the situation to Hikigaya.

I think the test results of these two groups must have been beyond the expectations of all the class leaders. They were probably caused by people like Koenji who acted completely on their own.

However, this low-probability event is destined not to affect the normal progress of the examination, and most students are still racking their brains for the tense and exciting cruise ship examination.

Although Hikigaya himself is a lone ranger who doesn't want to get involved in class struggles, due to various pressures and reasons, he now has to pay attention to the exam itself.

Although he didn't want to, he was still forced to become a corporate slave. Hikigaya felt that this was a true reflection of his own miserable life.

Therefore, considering that this was the only time he could relax, Hikigaya did not hesitate to stare blankly on the deck and began to indulge in self-degradation.

It’s strange, but when I have nothing to do, it’s normal to be lazy and there’s no change in my mentality.

But this feeling of 'being extremely busy but still forcing yourself to squeeze out some time to slack off' makes people inexplicably happy, and even gives them a feeling of having earned something out of nothing.

Is it possible that the essence of human beings is masochism?

A chaotic stream of thoughts flashed through Hikigaya's mind, and he noticed a golden figure swaying and slowly walking towards him at the far end of the deck.

Karuizawa seemed to be in a state of confusion and anxiety, and his reaction was a little slow. It was not until he walked in front of Hikigaya that he came to his senses.

"Hikigaya...you were the one who called me out, right?"

"Yes."

Facing Karuizawa's confused reaction, Hikigaya nodded silently.

He took the opportunity to observe the girl in front of him carefully.

Although Karuizawa now looks the same as before, with the same Ji hairstyle and the same clothes, the feeling he gives him is completely different from before.

If Karuizawa Kei in the past was still trying to disguise herself to some extent, now she is almost giving up, completely exposing her vulnerability.

Especially when facing himself, Hikigaya could clearly feel the anxiety, fear and guilt emanating from the other person.

Obviously, the failure of the uninhabited island exam is still binding on the other party.

Hikigaya had given her so much help, but he still messed everything up. This fact made Karuizawa particularly afraid to face herself.

During this period of time, the other party has never come to see him once, which is enough to show the pressure the other party is under.

"What's the matter with you looking for me..."

At this moment, Karuizawa lowered his head in panic, glancing at him from time to time, but he had no courage to look at Hikigaya at all, like a cowardly hamster.

Facing such a Karuizawa, Hikigaya sighed silently and said, "It seems that you had a conflict with the people in Class C. How is the situation?"

"This..." I didn't expect Hikigaya to talk about this. Confusion suddenly appeared on Karuizawa's face. "How do you know? Did Hirata tell you?"

"Is this important? Don't you think that solving the current problem is the most important thing for you?"

"I, I...but?"

There was obvious confusion on Karuizawa's face, and she even had an urge to escape from here.

This is also natural.

She was being forced to ask her questions to the person who had once let her down and for whom she felt extremely guilty. Karuizawa must have mixed feelings and wished she could find a hole to crawl into.

Even though she had already failed once and had clearly let down expectations, she still had to face Hikigaya's gaze, which was undoubtedly torture for her.

Hikigaya, who had had countless similar experiences, knew Karuizawa's mentality very well.

However, precisely because he understood Karuizawa's thoughts and because he had made mistakes before, he wanted to give his advice before the other party stepped into the abyss of no return.

"Karuizawa, do you remember what I told you before?" Hikigaya began to speak slowly in a guiding tone, "Animals mostly live in groups, and carnivores have a hierarchy. If you don't become the boss, you will be oppressed to death. Once you choose this path, you must keep climbing up, or at least maintain your current rank and not fall down. Otherwise, the backlash will only swallow you up along with your bones, and end completely amid the laughter of the crowd."

"This sentence can be applied not only to Class D, but also to this school. In this school where strength is everything, everyone is a hunter and prey. If you don't want to be shot to death, you should arm yourself in advance and attack others. The earlier the preparation, the better the effect of preparation and the greater the probability of success. That's why I helped you in exams again and again, and allowed you to successfully possess something you couldn't have otherwise."

"However, you seem to have forgotten my reminder and given up on the road to climbing up... Why? Did you collapse because of just one failure? Or have you already fallen into depravity and willingly become the one to be laughed at by others, teased and manipulated by others?"

"..."

Hikigaya's series of words tried to arouse the anger within Karuizawa Megumi and ignite the rage in the girl's heart.

This is his best persuasive approach.

Although the method of provoking someone is simple and old-fashioned, many times, people are always easily influenced by their emotions and do impulsive things that are not driven by their own rationality.

After all, Hikigaya doesn't believe that there are people in this world who are so fragile that they don't even have the courage to pick up weapons and fight to the death when facing danger.

At least Karuizawa shouldn't be that kind of person...

However, Hikigaya seemed to be mistaken.

His impression of Karuizawa was completely wrong.

Even though he was so stimulated, so enraged, and even attacked by Hikigaya, Karuizawa not only did not feel angry, he did not even have the slightest desire to resist.

The girl's heart was like a completely dead vine. Even a raging fire could not ignite it at all. It became something completely extinguished.

"Do you really not have the slightest desire to resist?"

"Can I really have something like that?"

Karuizawa responded to Hikigaya with a rhetorical question. His expression was so stiff that he looked like he would die at any moment. His body seemed to be restrained, frozen in place, "Hikigaya... do you know? When someone puts a reality in front of you that you can't save even with your own strength, how will you react..."

"..."

"I will give up resistance and just think without emotion - yes, I am being preyed on. I will not be able to cry or make a scene, and I will just accept everything."

As if to prove it, Karuizawa took the initiative to move closer to Hikigaya and hugged him, while staring at him with a pair of almost dark eyes.

Hikigaya then realized that the seemingly brave and strong Karuizawa had a bottomless darkness in her heart.

Some kind of horrible and twisted past is oppressing Karuizawa, so that after being bullied, she cannot muster even the slightest will to resist. She can only squat on the ground and lick her wounds in pain and despair.

"What have you been through?"

"In elementary and middle school, I was bullied by classmates because of my personality and appearance."

Karuizawa leaned against Hikigaya quietly, and the latter could even feel the girl's clear heartbeat. "Can you imagine? There were thumbtacks in my indoor shoes, animal carcasses in my desk drawer, dirty water splashed on me after I went to the toilet, words like promiscuous or whore written on my uniform, hair pulling, punching and kicking were all taken for granted. I have experienced all the bullying you can think of, countless...even what I just said is only a small part of it."

Karuizawa uttered words that made Hikigaya want to vomit instinctively.

If Hikigaya, as a lone ranger, had experienced deep despair and loneliness, causing him to lose trust in the world, Karuizawa had been in hell from the very beginning.

The environment she lives in is a cage that binds her, tightly blocks her movements, and imprints unshakable nails in her mind and body.

In this way, everything is finally clear.

Why did Karuizawa Megumi choose Hirata Yosuke as her boyfriend? Why did the other party look very strong but actually always showed an inexplicably fragile attitude? Even when facing bullying, Karuizawa did not resist at all? This was finally explained.

Karuizawa had already collapsed long ago, and her state was just a barely preserved personality under extreme collapse.

Not to mention the courage to resist, this girl couldn't even be affected by the slightest spark of fire.

While Hikigaya was deeply shocked and shaken by the fact he had never imagined, Karuizawa suddenly hugged his hands, bent her body as much as possible, and pressed completely against him.

"Hey, Hikigaya, you are actually a very powerful person." The girl's eyes were full of emptiness, and her puppet-like gaze projected only throbbing. "If you can replace Hirata and protect me, I can be your girlfriend, and even let you do anything to me... I can do anything."

Karuizawa Megumi spoke words that no man could easily ignore.

Especially when the other party, in order to enhance her own temptation, takes the initiative to open the buttons of the collar and gently lifts up the skirt with her hands...

It is almost impossible for a man to resist such temptation.

But this also proves how great the darkness that Karuizawa Megumi has to endure is, to the point that she is willing to sell her body and try to gain the only sense of security at all costs.

Chapter 378 Why Are You Not Willing to Save Me!!!

The state that Karuizawa Megumi fell into was completely beyond Hikigaya's expectations. He had never imagined that there was such shocking darkness sleeping deep in the other person's heart.

In comparison, the other members of Class D, Horikita Suzune, Sakura Airi, Kushida Kikyo... probably don't have the pain that Karuizawa has to endure.

And judging from the hesitation in Karuizawa's face, the despair she was really enduring might not just be what she said...

If you want to save such a person as Karuizawa Megumi, perhaps the best approach is to agree to her request and protect her as another Hirata Yosuke?

However, although Hikigaya had no experience in this area, he still instinctively had some doubts - is this really the best approach?

Ignoring Karuizawa Megumi's own trauma, he protected the other person who was stagnant because of fear like a small animal, allowing the endless darkness to exist in the other person's heart.

Can this really bring true redemption to this girl?

Hikigaya looked at the trembling body in front of him, and unknowingly, Karuizawa had completely lost his former strong appearance. He sighed and murmured, "Do you really think I can protect you?"

"Hikigaya, you have such ability, don't you?" Karuizawa spoke with no doubt, looking directly at Hikigaya, "Although other people in the class don't know, you have actually helped me many times in private. Sometimes it even makes me feel incredible, because if you have such ability, you shouldn't be so ignored. If you want, Hikigaya, you can completely replace Hirata..."

"Impossible." Hikigaya shook his head, "I can't replace Hirata Yosuke."

Hikigaya has a clear understanding of himself and is very aware of his own abilities. He is also aware that although he has some clever tricks, those are things that he cannot put on the table.

Most importantly, he lacks the will to take things for granted for others and is unable to identify with the general principles of normalcy that are recognized by the public.

Therefore, it is impossible for Hikigaya to gain the support of others like Yosuke Hirata, and it is even more impossible for him to become a leader to lead others forward. He cannot do such a thing.

"That's right, I didn't ask you to replace Hirata..." Karuizawa said with a wry smile, her vulnerability now completely exposed, "I just hope you can protect me instead of Hirata."

"protect you?"

"Even though I've already encountered such danger, Hirata is still talking about the right principles. How can I accept this?"

"Do you think it's natural for Hirata Yosuke to protect you?"

Hikigaya looked at Karuizawa and asked seriously.

Hearing his words, Karuizawa Hui's expression changed slightly, but she still spoke silently: "Hirata said at the beginning that he would protect me from being bullied by others, and said that he didn't want to see anything related to bullying happen... I once believed him, but in the end I was disappointed. That man only said some lip service, and he actually had no ability to protect me."

"So you think I can replace Hirata and protect you?" Hikigaya had expected what Karuizawa would say and had already prepared his answer. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can do that."

"Why... don't you want to save me?!!"

"First of all, do you think I can have a unique status in the class like Hirata Yosuke? Will other people in Class D have a special respect for you because of me? What Hirata Yosuke can do, I can't do."

"But, but..."

"Secondly, I think there is nothing wrong with what Hirata Yosuke did. Based on his own principles, he does not want to solve the problem by means of destruction. This is reasonable self-protection. Just like you, Karuizawa, try to protect yourself, Hirata also does not want the things he has been protecting to be destroyed."

Hikigaya used calm and cold words to describe the reality that Karuizawa Megumi was currently experiencing.

This is undoubtedly something that Karuizawa himself cannot accept.

"You mean, no one can save me?"

"Karuizawa, if you keep seeking to be saved by others, you will only end up with the opposite of what you want." Hikigaya stared at Karuizawa's face with deep eyes, "No one is obligated to save you. If someone intends to save you and is even willing to sacrifice himself for it, there are only two possibilities - either he is a fool or he is a liar... It is impossible for a person to do something that requires self-sacrifice for no benefit."

"But I'm willing to give something. As long as someone can protect me, I can do anything!"

Karuizawa's attitude is close to giving up, and her eyes are more like lamentations than pleading, a state of extreme despair that comes from being extremely powerless to fate and having to let it control her.

Judging from her tone, she is really willing to give everything to protect herself.

But there was no way Hikigaya could be the one to protect Karuizawa. He was neither good at doing that kind of thing nor able to do that kind of thing.

Whether it is replacing Hirata Yosuke or saving Karuizawa, that is not something Hikigaya Hachiman can do.

What's more, he didn't think that kind of practice could be called "salvation" at all.

"Even if someone can protect you, you won't feel truly safe." Hikigaya said with certainty, "Even if someone solves Manabe and the others' problems and replaces Hirata Yosuke as your protector, the mistakes you made will not disappear, and the regrets you experienced will still happen again. This is not alarmist, but pure fact."

There will always be people who say that escaping is shameful but useful.

Some people feel that after experiencing a bad situation, they can only achieve real security by escaping from the crisis.

But in fact, Hikigaya has confirmed through experience that this is wrong.

Even if you avoid a problem, it doesn't mean the problem itself disappears.

Lonely people always think that their loneliness is a problem of environment, and that they can change their loneliness by simply changing the environment. But in fact, this is not the case. If they do not choose to change themselves, they will never stop being lonely.

Similarly, timid people always think that as long as they escape from a terrible environment, they will be safe. But people will always encounter the same fear in their lives. Do they have to keep choosing to escape every time they encounter it?

The most important thing is that fear and escape are cumulative.

After escaping fear once, you need twice as much courage to face it again.