Hikigaya doesn't want to be a force of strength

No one can easily ignore such a wonderful combination.

With this in mind, Hikigaya tried his best to keep a certain distance from Ichinose, making it look like the two of them did not come together.

When they arrived at the door of the ramen shop, he said very naturally: "Then Ichinose, you go in first. After you get the number, I will pay the bill."

"Eh? Is this something special?"

Ichinose didn't understand what Hikigaya meant and thought it was some special requirement for eating ramen.

Seeing the innocent look on the girl's face, Hikigaya felt embarrassed to deceive her, so he could only speak silently: "If we go in together, we'll be considered as coming together, and we might even be assigned to a double seat in the corner. Ichinose, you definitely don't want that, right? So as long as we pay separately, we can each choose a single seat at the counter."

"Hikigaya-san..."

After hearing what Hikigaya said, the expression on Ichinose's face suddenly changed from joy and anticipation to an expression that was hard to describe, and even looked vaguely angry.

"What, what's wrong?"

"I'm telling you, do you really hate me?"

"Ah?" Not understanding how Ichinose came to such a conclusion, Hikigaya quickly denied it, "Why would I hate you, Ichinose?"

"Do people normally eat together and have to order separately and sit separately?"

"No, I just thought you might not enjoy sitting down to eat with someone like me."

Hikigaya is very confident in his ability to express himself in interpersonal relationships, and he is never arrogant enough to think that he will be happy if someone accompanies him in doing things.

To this end, he even once designated a completely meaningless Lone Ranger two-person action manual.

All the two-person events that normal people would do were split up, including but not limited to eating at separate tables, watching two different movies at the same time, and using the restroom in Starbucks until the gathering time was over...

All of this is based on his concern for others, which is a very gentle expression.

After all, this is a method that Hikigaya came up with after exhausting his own thoughts in order to maintain fragile interpersonal relationships and not be disliked by others!

"..."

As for Hikigaya's heartfelt expression, Ichinose's brain suddenly shut down and he fell into an inescapable silence.

She seemed to be thinking frantically with her poor brain, wondering why a normal thing would develop into such an abnormal state in Hikigaya.

Finally, she came to the conclusion: "Hikigaya-san, are you sick?"

"You are the one who is sick! Please don't curse me!"

Seeing Hikigaya's extremely awkward look, Ichinose took a long time to admit the fact.

"Hikigaya-san you really are a weirdo."

"No, I'm not a weirdo, okay!"

Since he had always regarded other people as weirdos after entering school, Hikigaya had a conditioned reflex-like obsession with this word.

As soon as Shigenose mentioned this, he refuted it almost uncontrollably.

However, after rebutting, he realized that his words seemed to be untenable, and he could only look like a salted fish lying on the beach, falling into complete silence.

And Ichinose glanced at Hikigaya and said helplessly: "Ah, I finally understand why Shiina-san always has that indescribable expression every time he mentions you."

"Why did you mention Shiina? By the way, have you two met in private?"

Hikigaya looked at Ichinose with a little surprise. He never expected that the other party had private contact with Shiina Hiyori.

"Yes, after all, she is in Class C, no, now Class B. After all, she is a very influential person in Class B. Both boys and girls will give her some face. Her status is very similar to that of your class's Kushida." Ichinose spoke to himself, "The most important thing is that she is not as difficult to get along with as Ryuuen, so for such an important person, of course we in Class A should try to get in touch with her more."

"That makes sense."

"Besides, she and I have a lot in common when it comes to you, Hikigaya-san."

"What kind of common topic is this..."

To be honest, Hikigaya didn't really care about the fact that Ichinose and Shiina talked about him in private.

After all, he was the subject of discussion among other students in the class from time to time, and sometimes he even became a 'hateful guy'. Of course, he didn't care about other people's comments behind his back.

Whether he hates himself or wants to stay away from himself, that is actually what Hikigaya himself wants to see.

Therefore, in his opinion, Ichinose and Shiina are most likely in a similar situation.

"Oh, forget it. It's just as Shiina-san said..." Ichinose saw Hikigaya's performance and seemed to have completely given up. "Anyway, I don't dislike sitting in the same seat with you, Hikigaya, so don't think too much. Let's go in and eat."

Under Ichinose's almost forceful dragging, Hikigaya had no choice but to step into the temple of ramen with him.

After entering the ramen restaurant, Hikigaya found that the decoration of this school's ramen restaurant was very gorgeous, which was completely different from the ramen restaurants he had eaten outside before.

Although it has lost some of its urban flavor, to be honest it has its own unique flavor.

“Is this a ramen shop?”

It seemed that this was Ichinose's first time in a place like this, and there was obvious curiosity and awe in her eyes.

Mmmm, be in awe of ramen!

I somewhat agree with you on this point, Ms. Ichinose!

Of course, although the decoration is different, the basic process of eating ramen has remained basically unchanged.

The two went to the front desk to place their order, received their own number slips, and then found a place at the edge to sit down.

At this point, Hikigaya was the one who was nervous because he didn't know whether Ichinose would like ramen.

When I walk down the street every day, people often ask me whether girls like to eat ramen. Unfortunately, I guess there is no way to answer this question.

Because from my personal experience, most girls rarely go into ramen restaurants.

The only girl in Hikigaya's memory who liked to eat ramen was his junior high school homeroom teacher, Hiratsuka Shizuka.

But the other person's age seems to have long been unable to be described as "girl"...

So, what about Ichinose?

With some nervousness like a Brahmin recommending an unpopular anime, Hikigaya waited silently for the ramen to come, and tried not to say anything extra at this time.

As a lone ranger, Hikigaya knew very well the meaning of moderation. Especially when he was with a cute girl, it was much better to keep silent than to talk nonsense.

For example, many boys like to talk about knowledge about ramen and snacks when they go out with girls, and they are proud of it. In fact, that is a behavior that is not popular with girls!

Anyone who thinks they can woo girls this way had better be careful!

That's right, this is talking about Hikigaya himself in the past. He still remembers that after he told the girl who was traveling with him some little ramen knowledge that she had treasured for a long time, she looked at him with a cold gaze, and her upper body was slightly leaning back, as if she wanted to stay as far away from him as possible.

At that time, Hikigaya realized that the furthest distance in the world is not between life and death, but that the other person is sitting next to me, but there seems to be an invisible wall between us...

"Is this ramen?" When the ramen was served, a strange look suddenly appeared on Ichinose's face. She looked at the thick soup in the bowl with a nervous expression, "This, this thing is the soup base?"

"Oh, the type we just ordered is super thick. If you don't like it, you should have changed it earlier."

"This……"

When Ichinose heard Hikigaya's explanation, his expression was almost terrified.

In response, Hikigaya shook his head with a hint of regret.

If the other person is scared by this kind of soup, then the kind of soup that he used to eat, which was like drinking fat directly, he probably wouldn't even look at it.

"It's okay if you can't eat more." Hikigaya looked at Ichinose, "For this little bit, consider it my treat. Let's go eat something else later."

"No, I will eat it!"

Ichinose was like a brave warrior challenging the devil. She made up her mind, picked up the chopsticks, and clasped her hands in front of her chest.

"I'm gonna start now!"

Hikigaya watched as Ichinose picked up the chopsticks and picked up the ramen regardless of everything, pushing her long hair behind her ears, then scooped up the soup and noodles into her mouth and drank the thick soup.

During the process, the movement of the girl's throat seemed somehow charming, and Hikigaya couldn't help but look away.

The next second, she froze suddenly. After a while, she came to her senses, picked up the noodles with chopsticks, blew on them a few times with her tender lips, and then started eating.

Seeing the other person's look, Hikigaya had a rough idea of ​​what was going on, so he started eating his ramen with peace of mind.

A few minutes later, the two finished their ramen in silence.

"It's really delicious." Ichinose wiped the soup on the corner of his mouth with a napkin, and said in a complex but fulfilling tone, "It's really great to be able to eat ramen with Hikigaya-san."

“Is that so?” Hikigaya pretended not to notice as if Ichinose was emphasizing something. “The ramen is delicious, but you may not be happy to be with someone like me.”

In Hikigaya, if the happiness of eating ramen is 150 points, then it would be -50 points if I were with myself.

But the total is still 100 points, so it’s still worth being happy about.

As for his incessant self-deprecating words, Ichinose was speechless. It took her a long time to break the silence and slowly spoke:

"I've been wanting to ask you this for a long time. Why do you, Hikigaya-san, distrust other people's kindness?"

Chapter 406: I wish I could be as straightforward as you, Hikigaya

Why don’t you trust the goodwill of others?

The fatal question from Ichinose's mouth stumped Hikigaya for a moment, leaving him completely at a loss as to how to respond.

Looking back now, I do often doubt other people and imagine everything to be the worst. I almost never consider that other people may really be doing something out of good intentions.

This almost suspicious way of thinking has taken root in my heart without me realizing it, affecting my thinking and judgment.

But can we say that this kind of thinking is bad and wrong?

That's not the case. Hikigaya believes that this is the best approach and the approach with the least chance of problems based on his long-term experience, so he continues to think in this way.

This is similar to natural selection in nature. It is not that thinking in a certain direction will lead to a certain result, but due to the influence of various screening mechanisms, people who have hardware mechanisms similar to Hikigaya and have been able to survive to the present day will inevitably have a similar thinking pattern as him.

While he was thinking about these trivial things in his mind, Ichinose in front of him let out an even more helpless sigh.

"It seems that it is impossible to change your mind with just one sentence, Hikigaya-san."

“I don’t think there’s any need to change my mind.”

Hikigaya answered in a tone that was almost indifferent. The last thing he wanted to be exposed was his overly paranoid personality.

In a sense, this is even his most profound minefield, the part that no one has been able to easily shake so far.

Ichinose seemed to understand this as well, and said with a rather wry smile: "Sorry, maybe I'm a little too involved. I really don't have the right to intervene in your affairs, Hikigaya-san."

"No, that's not what I meant." Hikigaya shook his head. "Everyone's ideas and wills are inherently conflicting. What you think is a wrong idea may be the only survival rule that another person can rely on. In the end, people still can't rely on others and can only rely on themselves to survive, right?"

In fact, Hikigaya himself often reflects on whether there is something wrong with his own ideas. Sometimes he also wonders whether he can become different from now and live a more normal life if he changes his way of life.

But if he thinks about it carefully, he will give up this kind of thinking, because the reason why Hikigaya Hachiman is Hikigaya Hachiman is because of the path he has always taken and the will he has exercised. He has relied on the accumulation of all this to come to where he is today, and there is no possibility of changing himself.

What's more, it would be too easy for people to change themselves if it was just a matter of making a different choice from the past.

But in reality, it is difficult to change one's nature, and a temporary change cannot directly turn a person into a completely different personality from the past. Over time, any disguise will be exposed, revealing one's true nature.

Therefore, instead of wasting time making meaningless changes and disguises, it is better to accept your true self from the beginning and show your true self to prove that there is nothing wrong with what you are doing.

In this regard, he believes that everything he does can be described as 'real stuff'.

In comparison, most of the people in Class D are too unreal, whether it's Horikita Suzune, Hirata Yosuke, Kushida Kikyo, Karuizawa Megumi, or Ayanokouji, they all gradually lost themselves in the long process of acting and forgot what the essence of being human is.

With such a strong will, he naturally didn't mind Ichinose trying to change his behavior, because such a thing would never succeed and would not shake his iron will.

Of course, Ichinose was gentle enough to give me this advice, and it was based on some good intentions.

If there was someone who had no regard for his thoughts and was just talking nonsense, Hikigaya couldn't bear to even look at them, let alone let them get close to him.

However, Hikigaya would not tell these words to Ichinose. He was not so self-conscious that he could not say such embarrassing words.

Therefore, he chose to speak in a more understandable and more in line with his style:

"Let me give you an example, Ichinose. People often say that they want to live a happier life, but the public's understanding of happiness seems to be a group of people having fun together. But a person who likes to read alone or stay at home playing video games and understands the fun of these things, isn't that considered happy?"

"The measure of happiness is not how loud the noise is or how many people are gathered together. I hate people who get this wrong. Not only that, they seem more energetic when there are many people or activities, as if they have found a perfect opportunity to express themselves."

"I can't stand those who pretend and deceive themselves. Why can't we prove the happiness we feel and our own truth by ourselves?"

From my own perspective, the "happiness" they keep emphasizing always feels a bit empty.

There is no doubt that if a person cannot hold his head high, it is because he lacks confidence in himself.

Presumably, in those people's hearts, there is a calm voice asking, "Are you really happy?" In order to dispel this doubt, they use words to emphasize "very happy", "having a lot of fun", "now is the most wonderful moment", "super high", and scream at the top of their lungs.

Hikigaya didn't want to associate with that kind of guy, didn't want to become a hypocrite who only knew how to deceive.

"Hikigaya-san is really amazing." After listening to Hikigaya's description, Ichinose showed obvious admiration on his face, "I wish I could live as straightforwardly as you."