Unrequited Love

Luo Zhi once watched Iwai Shunji's "April Story". The girl who was admitted to Musashino University miraculously because of a secret love and worked hard to study is much more innocent and happier than herself. If she is ignorant of the ordinary and only regards him as the goal and motivation to persist, then this forbearing secret love may be even more embarrassing. But she is not. She has her own pride and responsibility. The belief of "chasing him and becoming as strong as him" only helps her walk more fun and motivation. After all, thinking about him is much easier than thinking about the shrugging shoulders that her mother was crying in the back day after day.

He leads confidently in this way, and she likes and chases, without delay in studies and love.

However, even if she didn't dare to say anything, she was still seeking some kind of opportunity to get her attention.

Every afternoon in the early summer of the first year of high school, she would go to the playground after class to see if he would play on the playground. What is ridiculous is that she never dared to move blatantly near the basketball hoop where her class played, instead she avoided it, blushing and heartbeat in the remote corner, as if a peculiar way of physical exercise.

It seems that the whole world will see through her intentions and pierce her thoughts for fear of getting closer.

Every time Luo Zhi thinks about it, he will be surprised. He is really innocent enough.

The Chinese teacher in her liberal arts class also teaches three classes at the same time, which makes her excited and uneasy. Luo Zhi knew that the only thing he was better than him was his composition, but those old-fashioned topics, bad arguments, arguments, pros and cons, parallel metaphors... She guessed that he must be disdainful, otherwise the sentence would not appear. The famous "Who is Sheng Huainan, do you want to go to college?"

Therefore, every time she takes an exam, she writes essays conscientiously, devoting herself to renovating those lifeless routines, from the state of mind to wording and sentence making, so that the essay can be well-regulated and get high scores, and it will not make the reading. Life is bored-In this way, when the Chinese teacher takes the model essay to the third class, or prints the excellent composition as a model during the school year, the article he sees will not be the eight-legged essay that makes him sneer.

However, she wrote so carefully that he didn't even read a single article.

Although they had never met each other, the one thing Luozhi wanted to know most in high school was whether he knew himself or not? Have you at least heard of it? What is the impression? Talented? diligent? Or a lifeless nerd? He has heard of who is the first in the academic year of the liberal arts class, and has read her composition, does he like it?

Later, in the so-called first date, she finally got the answer.

He had never read those compositions before, they were just used to make calculation paper. In class, the Chinese teacher read her composition aloud, and he fell asleep peacefully in the audience.

Zhang Mingrui said that Sheng Huainan "never paid attention to you."

There are many small thoughts in the time and space of memories, like floating bubbles, pierced one by one by a fine needle of truth.

Tired of walking, she jumped onto the window sill on the fourth floor of the administrative district and sat down, turning around to look at the deserted playground.

She has always liked this window sill, and since her first year in high school, she likes to come here to sit and think. The wide edge allows her to sit up sideways, hug her knees and watch it all night. It's a pity that Sheng Huainan and Ye Zhanyan somehow always came to occupy this place. She often walked nearby and only recognized the two figures in the dim light, but turned back regretfully.

I don't know if it counts as a sad and ridiculous tacit understanding between her and him.

Luo Zhi fixedly looked out the window. On the desolate playground, the fallen leaves are entrained in circles by the wind, and occasionally small sandstorms will roll up on the soccer field where the loess is exposed next to it, making a rustling sound on the windows.

It's still more beautiful at night, and everything in the day is so real and ugly. Luo Zhi suddenly woke up, no wonder that when Sheng Huainan took herself to the science building platform to watch the night scene, she felt so familiar with Zhenhua's night scene, actually with twin faces.

The pure land surrounded by the bustling urban area, the black hole guarded by thousands of bright lights.

When the second semester of high school starts, Sheng Huainan meets Ye Zhanyan.

Luo Zhi's uninterrupted diary was blank for ten days.

Her sadness is more not because he has a girlfriend, but because his girlfriend's personality is so different from her. Luo Zhi suddenly understood that no matter how active she was, she was not his cup of tea.

Before that, she originally thought that youth could stay there, he moved forward safely, she happily chased after him, and carefully collected everything about him, even in understanding some of his small details, she was more confident than him. . What's more, the bond between them has lasted for so long. What might this so-called fate mean? Isn't it all written in the novel? Her fantasy is not unfounded.

She wrote in her diary:

I have never been confident, but, for some reason, I always feel that he and I will be together one day, or that we have always been together before.

It turns out that she is better not to be too confident.

Several times, before dreaming, she told herself that one day she would open the diary to him in a fair manner, and told him, I can see when you are really happy, when are you polite, and when are you impatient. I think you are lonely, I hope you can believe me, because I...

Luo Zhi rarely had the little pink dreams that belonged to a girl of that age, if the "showdown" just now counted as one.

But now there is no need, Ye Zhanyan will understand his secret emotions. Even if Ye Zhanyan didn't understand it very well, he didn't have to observe and figure out like Luo Zhi-he would take the initiative to tell her.

Forget it, Luo Zhi.

She spread out the diary at the table, blank, but did not cry.

People's obsessions are not cut off if you want to cut them off. You can swear to forget as much as you want, but then you can only rebuke your incompetence and backlash in vain.

When Luo Zhi spread out the diary again and wrote down carefully, she found that it was too tired to pretend to be free and easy. Being honest with herself is a very important thing, otherwise, she will only be more lonely.

Just as she once stubbornly told Jiang Baili "Don't be a passerby in other people's stories", she implemented this in her diary. Ye Zhanyan seems to have been mentioned only once in the three-year diary-that rainy day, the pink and green raincoat, the little frog he wore was a promise that her father failed to fulfill, so ironic. All kinds of emotions were intertwined, Luo Zhi expressed deep envy for their happiness in the diary for the first time! In this envy, there is an infinite sense of exhaustion to his own life.

This is the only time. Luo Zhi leaned his head on the cold glass, glanced at his vague shadow from the corner of his eyes, and laughed mockingly.

The diary was full of him eating with three chopsticks, the shredded Mekong that he didn't receive, several fixed combinations of his clothes, and the washing powder she smelled when he squeezed past her at the junior high school entrance meeting. With the smell of fabric softener, and what clothes he was wearing appeared in the corner near the school every morning, he always carried a schoolbag in his left hand and hung white headphones... She could write differently even if it was repeated.

One content, one name, one perspective.

That's how her three years came.

Sometimes the pure description is boring to repeat, then she will pray and wish in the diary, for her achievements, for her future, and for his.

For example, when he went to take the exam for recommended students, she wrote in her diary very girlishly:

As long as you play as before, it’s fine, right? And you never get nervous, I know.

Another example is that he inexplicably fell out of the top three in the first monthly exam in high school. She laughed at him in the diary for a long time, and finally concluded lightly:

Being so kindly ridiculed and gloating at misfortunes by everyone is actually really because of your strength that convinces us.

She has gained a lot of color from him, but he has never lost anything because of her request, but has received a lot of understanding and blessings.

It's just a pity that diary.

Before the college entrance examination, the school was completely closed to let high school students go home to prepare for the exam. On the last day of the chaos, everyone needs to take a lot of things home. When Luo Zhi was squeezing the bus with a big bag and a small bag, he suddenly wanted to ask Sheng Huainan if he had tried this feeling.

She went home to check her things and found that her diary was missing along with a large stack of papers and a "Huanggang Tiku".

Luo Zhi panicked and remembered that he had thrown a large plastic bag of waste papers and school workbooks into the trash can at the back door of the class. At that time, he was in a rush to clean up. Did he bring his diary in too? ?

Luo Zhi said in her heart, "Zhenhua Middle School, please hurry up!" "

However, when she rushed to the door of the class, she only saw Zhang Min locking the door.

"Zhang Min, um, that trash dump...have been thrown away?"

Zhang Min looked at her blankly: "Right."

Luo Zhi opened his mouth several times and ended up coughing: "Um, cough..."

"Don't worry," Zhang Min thought for a while with his mouth open. "The director said that there was a lot of **** today, and told us not to pile it in the big trash can in the toilet. The classmates who had just cleaned up carried all the **** to the **** station in the backyard. It seems that the trash of all the classes is there, it's all papers and calculation papers, it's spectacular!"

Luo Zhi heard it, and before he could catch his breath, he ran to the playground behind without saying a word.

The sky has turned dark blue, and the light is getting darker and darker. She had to hold the paper close to herself to see what was written on it. Luo Zhi stood in front of the garbage mountain, rummaging desperately. Although most of it was waste paper and old books, she accidentally caught dirty things several times: half a bottle of Nutrition Express with no lid left, slimy banana peels... She resisted nausea and opened all her pockets. Judge whether it is garbage in your class through the information inside.

"Hey, Luo Zhi, this is it!"

Zhang Min didn't know when he followed and waved to her at a **** plastic bag.

Luo Zhi rushed over, and the two of them pushed the garbage bag down completely. Zhang Minsi didn't dislike it and accompany her to look through it. Only halfway through it, she suddenly smiled in a jealousy: "By the way, Luo Zhi, what are you looking for?"

Luo Zhi had already rummaged through all three bags, and there was no shadow in the diary. She raised her head and asked anxiously, "Are these only three bags? Are there any more?"

Zhang Min tried hard to think about it: "I am not responsible for collecting garbage. I remember it seems that there are more than three bags, but I only found these."

Luo Zhi sat down gently, the Nutrition Express on his hands was already dry, sticky, and stained with ink, turning black. She spread her hands in front of her, facing the huge mountain of rubbish, and smiled bitterly with the corners of her mouth.

"Zhang Min, thank you. I'm not looking for it."

She told herself, it's fine if you can't find it. If you have some burden, you can throw it away. The college entrance examination is about to come, and she has to work hard to get to his university. It's just a diary, not a real person. Why are you crying?

Yeah, why are you crying? She was sitting on the ground, tears as if she hadn't closed the gate. When her nose wasn't sour and her heart didn't hurt, it seemed like a cold sweat in her eyes, without warning.

She always felt that the diary was the key to going back. And now she can't go back.

The papers and calculation papers flying all over the place, some signed, some not, all kinds of handwriting were abandoned here by the owners, burying her diary, and also burying her three-year youth. They will be taken away tomorrow, and will rot and ferment with Nutrition Express, banana peels, and bites of bread, turning them into a stench.

She lay down on Zhang Min's arms and wept, but Zhang Min didn't ask anything. She opened her sour and sweaty chest to embrace Luo Zhi, and gently patted her back.

Luo Zhi just abandoned her youth in the backyard and slowly decayed.

All the way in a trance, she finally reached the end, the empty top floor.

She sat here back then to recite the new concept 4.

Luo Zhi found that the walls had been repainted. The corners and corners have been brushed clean, so naturally I can't find that sentence.

After the graduation ceremony, she came here alone and wrote carefully in the corner with a ballpoint pen—

"Luo Zhi Ai Sheng Huainan, no one knows."