Unspeakable

Gu Yansheng ate his meal distracted.

He thought he has no more feelings for Su Tong, but after receiving Su Tong’s wedding invitation his buried feelings still rushed out and caused him pain and trouble. When he saw the wine, he went crazy and wanted to drink. And didn’t even know how much he drank, in short he couldn’t remember what happened after getting drunk.

Shen Kanyu should have cleaned up the mess for him, he couldn’t remember whether he did anything bad to him when he was drunk but he always feels strange looking at him so somehow he don’t know how to face him.

Thinking of his appearance just now, his chest felt strangely as if it was blocked. After feeding Gu Yutian, he sent her to their neighbor’s house to play with other children after he barely stuffed a few mouthful of food. He then walked to Shen Kanyu’s bedroom door, he originally wanted to go in and ask him what happened but saw him already covered with quilt lying on the bed through the half closed door.

The weather was still quite hot so why was he covered with quilt?

Gu Yansheng pushed open the door: “Shen Kanyu.”

There was no response.

Gu Yansheng walked in and saw Shen Kanyu’s head curled up into a small ball while clutching a pillow in front of his chest and his face was also buried on the pillow. He could only see a head and its messy hair—the already faded blonde hair.

Gu Yansheng could hear him breathing heavily and with difficulty, along with the hissing. Afraid that he would suffocate if he buried his face this way he couldn’t help but reached out and push him.

After pushing him for several times, a stifled cough was heard as he struggled to lift his head.

Gu Yansheng seemed to saw an illusion of rosy complexion on Shen Kanyu’s face, but in fact the person in front of him was covered with cold sweat, his face pale and his lips were chapped and cracked to molt, there were dark circle on his eyes and he seemed to be delirious. He couldn’t focus for a long time, but when he was finally facing his direction for the first time he showed a silly smile as usual.

“A’sheng, what do you want?”

His voice was already too dumb to listen to but Gu Yansheng felt as if there was a piece of sandpaper grinding on the tip of his heart, it didn’t hurt but it was stuffy and uncomfortable.

“Where are you not feeling well?”

Gu Yansheng asked softly.

Shen Kanyu didn’t answer his question even though his pair of eyes were open they were out of focus, but he was still looking at his direction and asked again.

“A’shen….do you want anything? Do you want fruit?”

Gu Yansheng frowned.

“Shen Kanyu, can’t you hear me?”

Shen Kanyu showed a dimmed and confused look, he reached out his hand and tried to probe forward.

But he didn’t dare to reach out too far for fear that if he did touch him, he would be dusted off in disgust so all he touched was the cold air.

He withdrew his finger as he hung his somewhat wet eyelashes and muttered to himself.

“You’re not here…..”

“I am.”

“A’sheng I miss you so much….”

Gu Yansheng couldn’t help frowning again as he moved closer to him and raised his voice slightly.

“Shen Kanyu, I am here.”

“A’sheng….I miss you….want to see you more….I miss you….”

Gu Yansheng’s throat was suddenly a little strained.

He was in front of this person right now, he just spoke to him face-to-face ten minutes ago but he always still misses him.

Gu Yansheng felt particularly uncomfortable.

Shen Kanyu’s feeble voice dropped, and was replaced by an incessant cough from a low muffled cough to a violent wheezing cough, tearing his heart and lungs.

Gu Yansheng subconsciously patted his back but found that his body was hot, he felt his forehead like soldering iron.

Shen Kanyu was breathless due to incessant coughing, he reached under the pillow and groped tremblingly as he took out a packet of pills and swallowed them.

Then he struggled to prop up his body, and reached out the wet towel he hung over the headboard then carelessly put on his forehead.

Gu Yansheng looked at him in daze, stiffened both hands on the edge of the bed clutching the sheet.

He looked so uncomfortable but he couldn’t help a bit, just watching him do everything alone with difficulty but skillfully.

If he didn’t do this often, he couldn’t do it so skillfully while being not fully conscious.

Shen Kanyu shrunk back into the quilt as if afraid of cold and hugged the pillow tightly. Except for his heavy breathing he made no other sound, even his cough was tightly pursed with his lips.

Gu Yansheng himself has never had a high fever nor has he never seen others have a high fever, but when he has a high fever he would have splitting headache and difficulty in breathing. He would also feel cold and hot all over, it was indescribably painful. Even people like Su Tong who could bear high fever would involuntarily toss and whimper.

But Shen Kanyu was quietly curled up there, except for breathing he was like a rag doll that does not hurt and does not scream.

Gu Yansheng was afraid that he would suffocate when his face was tightly buried in the pillow so he tried to take the pillow he was holding and softly persuaded and coaxed.

“Shen Kanyu, let go, let’s go to the hospital. It won’t be so uncomfortable if we go to the hospital.”

Shen Kanyu used all his strength to hold the pillow tightly, with his two hands clutching the thin fabric was almost ripped by his grip.

Gu Yansheng saw that his left hand which was full of blue and purple bruises from being stepped on and was twisted strangely as if it didn’t have much force and trembled more than his right hand. Seeing that his short nails has cracked again he didn’t dare to pull his pillow with brute force and could only pat his back repeatedly to soothe him.

“Let’s go to the hospital okay? You’re burning up badly, this won’t work.”

Shen Kanyu vaguely heard “go to hospital”, he didn’t know whether it was his own auditory hallucination or someone was really talking to him, he just couldn’t help thinking of a lot of things in the past after hearing this.

He remembered that when he was a child he was afraid to tell his parents about his fever and ended up infecting his brother, his father would then beat him up while his mother asked him why he didn’t go to the hospital when he was sick and if he wanted to kill his brother.

He remembered that he was in poor health for a long time after giving birth to Tian Tian. He kept having a low fever and coughing in the middle of the night, A’sheng told him to go to the hospital right away when he was sick and not make any noise or the child couldn’t sleep.

He just thought it was too expensive to go to the hospital and he didn’t want to go to the hospital for something that could be cured by taking medicine.

But if it would hurt his family, even if he doesn’t go to the hospital he would just not stay at home.

So he went out, he must go out.

Since dinner was ready, he couldn’t stay at home anymore. He has to go out and find a place to sit down and wait a little longer to see if there were any fresh fruits to buy.

With his mind filled these thoughts Shen Kanyu recovered some consciousness and strength. He let go of the pillow in his arms and from his nest he crawled up.

Leaving the quilt he felt a little cold so fumbled next to the suitcase wanting to take more clothes out to wear but could not even pull the zipper.

When he felt someone holding his arms as if trying to drag him in a certain direction, he seemed to hear Gu Yansheng’s voice but he couldn’t hear what he was saying.

Was it A’sheng?

Was he going to beat him?

He was deserving to beaten up, he caused him and Su Tong to be no longer possible and broke something important to him. He cooked for him and Tian Tian and was too closed to him even though he has a fever.

But, not now.

He turned his head a little and smiled conditionally at Gu Yansheng who he didn’t where he was and said,

“A’sheng, I know I’m wrong….You wait for me, wait for me until I came back before beating me, okay? I’ll go out first or I’ll ….infect you.”

“Don’t you….get close to me yet, it’s contagious.”

“I’ll take some clothes, okay….I’ll take them and go out, you wait for me.”

Gu Yansheng couldn’t listen any longer to his nonsense, he was clearly very uncomfortable. He didn’t even have the strength to open his suitcase and yet he was still talking about these boundless nonsense.

Shen Kanyu coughed so hard that he could hardly breathed and squatted, seeing that the whole person was about to fall Gu Yansheng picked up the person quickly but found that it was raining cats and dogs outside.

He was afraid that going out at this time would make Shen Kanyu suffer from cold again so he could only give up taking him to the hospital and took out his phone and dialed a number.

The person on the other end of the line yawned when he picked up the call.

“Young Master Gu, what do you want from me at this late hour?”

“Tang Xiu, you….”

Tang Xiu suddenly interrupted him with displeasure.

“Who are you calling Tang Xiu? Call brother1.” (T/N: brother here is gege meaning older brother)

“….brother.”

Gu Yansheng choked for a second and then obediently called.

“Well, what do you want with your brother.”

“Can you come to my house, I have someone at home with a fever.”

“…I say young master, I just worked overtime to finish a major surgery. Can’t you take care of a fart like fever on your own?”

“I wanted to take him to the hospital but it was raining heavily outside, I was afraid that if I take him out he would catch a cold.”

The person in his arms began to get a little restless, Gu Yansheng used one hand hold him tightly and his tone was urgent.

“I don’t want to bother you but it’s really not a good situation.”

Tang Xiu seemed stunned for a moment, and then tensed up.

“What is the situation? Don’t you need to go to the hospital? What about of taking medicine and applying cold compress by yourself?”

“I think it’s useless, he doesn’t listen.”

Gu Yansheng paused for a moment, because there was no extra hand so he directly leaned over and used his forehead to paste Shen Kanyu’s forehead.

“The fever is too high, especially hot.”

“Okay, don’t panic. I’ll pack up and go over.”

Tang Xiu’s end had rustling sound of packing.

“Is it your girl? Tell me roughly what’s going on?”

“….it’s Shen Kanyu.”

Tang Xiu paused and confirmed again with some doubt.

“…Xiao Yu?”

“En, he has a terrible fever has been coughing and talking nonsense, and I think he can’t hear or see clearly.”

“He’s fucking burn to crisp, isn’t he?”

Gu Yansheng sighed.

“Come here quickly.”

“Okay, I’ll come right away don’t panic ah, even if it’s serious it’s just a high fever, it won’t be too serious.”

Tang Xiu comforted after this, but his tone suddenly turned gossipy.

“Well, someone’s voice is shaking noh.”

Gu Yansheng frowned and said.

“Don’t joke around, come quickly!”

Tang Xiu still jested.

“Wow, so temperamental? Didn’t you not like Xiao Yu, what’s going on now? You’ve been married for a long time but you’re only showing distressed now with a fever? What were you doing in the previous years?”

Gu Yansheng could not stand him and hung up the phone directly.

Tang Xiu this person, indeed even he became a doctor he was still Li Shizhen’s skin2. (T/N: internet slang for being awfully mischievous and awfully naughty.)

Tang Xiu’s parents Tang Yanzhi and Xin Yuan, and Gu Yansheng’s uncle, Gu Yun have been friends for many years. Gu Yansheng was four or five years younger than Tang Xiu so Tang Xiu always takes care of him like a brother. Although when Gu Yansheng was in the fifth grade of primary school, Tang Xiu was send abroad. Two years before returning as an attending on a local hospital, during this period thehy did not contact each other that much but the feelings have never faded.

At this moment Gu Yansheng does not know how lucky he has to have Tang Xiu otherwise he really doesn’t know what to do with Shen Kanyu.