Ch12 - “Morel, you can be more willful.”

It was only dawn when Morel and Bill left Hania’s room.

The two children wanted to spend more time together, but Hania had classes to attend later. 

When the academy’s upper echelons learned that their sponsor, Earl Mephistopheles, had come to visit them, they hurriedly invited him to a meal.

The Earl had intended to leave straight away with Morel, but upon hearing the rumbling of the little guy’s stomach, he walked into the dining hall.

At the dining table, the academy leaders eagerly tried to toast the Earl, but unfortunately, they were all politely declined. They sang praises for the Earl’s glorious accomplishments and in the passing, also mentioned things such as the events occurring at the academy.

However, the Earl always had a distracted appearance. 

His body was slightly tilted. One of his hands propped his pale cheek and the other held a white porcelain cup as he leisurely drank the dark coffee without any milk. He never glanced at the leaders who constantly buzzed by his ears. His gaze was solely fixated on the child who was wolfing down food.

Morel was starving. As he munched on croissants and sandwiches, he plotted in his mind how to sneak the cheese pieces and hot chocolate back to his didi.

But when he raised his head, his swift movements stopped.

The Earl slid his slender fingers through his pitch-black hair, his hand was propping his head, and his half-lidded slender eyes were locked on Morel. Occasionally, when he took a sip of black coffee from the porcelain cup, the outline of his pale chin was as exquisite as a swan.

When he noticed Morel’s gaze, his lips softened and lifted upward almost imperceptibly.

But Morel quickly lowered his head!

Was he smiling at me?

He was smiling at me?! 

The tip of Morel’s ears were bright red.

Why is my face suddenly hot…maybe my body is warming up since I filled my stomach…

Morel successfully left all sorts of food in Hania’s room and got on the horse carriage that came to pick them up with Bill.

After the issue with his didi was resolved, Morel was in an great mood. 

He gently brushed aside the velvet curtain and gazed at the scenery outside.

The golden hour sprinkled light across the black fields where flocks of sheep and lambs dotted it like white roses.  There were thorny shrubberies growing everywhere. The cloudy, azure sky was waking up, and in the horizon lies the band of grey clouds and the foggy mountain range.

“Is it beautiful?” Bill’s clear and frigid voice asked.

Morel pulled his head back from the window and nodded quickly. 

There was a long period of silence. Morel clenched his fist and mustered up the courage to look at Bill, “Thank you, Bill gege!”

Bill raised his brow slightly.

“Thank you for sending my brother to this academy and for returning the necklace I sold back to me…thank you for covering my ears when there was thunder at night, thank you for curing my illness and letting me stay at your house…”

Morel’s voice climbed higher and higher, his large emerald eyes looking directly at Bill. 

Bill was stunned for a moment before smiling strangely, “You don’t hate me?”

Morel was speechless for a second, “You saved my life, why would I hate you?”

He paused for a moment before continuing, “But I always thought Bill gege hated me because Bill gege wouldn’t talk to me…”

Saying this, Morel pursed his lips. Then right after, he smiled. 

His voice was soft, like freshly picked cotton, “But now I feel like you don’t hate me after all…that’s great!”

Sunlight peeked in through the gap in the curtain and scattered on his face.

We’re sorry for MTLers or people who like using reading mode, but our translations keep getting stolen by aggregators so we’re going to bring back the copy protection. If you need to MTL please retype the gibberish parts.

His irises were nearly transparent. To Bill, it was like his entire body was giving off light.

C nblmf rmgfjwfv lcrlvf Dlii’r wlcv. 

No!

This development isn’t right…

You have to say something…
　
Quick, tell him you do hate him…

Dea lc ogbca bo atja rwlif, tlr gjalbcjilas jii yea mgewyifv. 

Let this child remain by his side ba.

Ufgtjqr tf kbeiv yf atf jcufi kliilcu ab gfvffw j vfnli, ktb mbeiv rjs?

Qtfc remt atbeutar gbbafv lc Dlii’r wlcv, tf rwlifv jr kfii.

“Sc…P vbc’a tjaf sbe.” 

From that day on, Bill’s attitude towards Morel improved significantly.

From time to time, he would buy Morel presents like clothes, books, paintbrushes, paint, canvases, and such. More maids were also hired to look after Morel despite Morel’s objection and if he was too busy to return that night, he would send Morel a telegram so he wouldn’t end up waiting.

He also allowed Morel to stay by his side to watch him paint.

Occasionally, he would teach Morel some knowledge about art, such as how to mix colors, how to treat the palette, how to maintain the brushes, how to preserve an oil painting, and how to achieve rendering effects. 

Morel had fallen in love with stormy nights, because he could show up outside of Bill gege’s room and after receiving permission from the other, he could jump into the other’s bed!

At times, Bill even took Morel sketching in the suburbs.

Under the light blue sky, there was the meandering indigo mountain range in the distance. Amidst the dense and green trees in the forest that were like cotton candies, there was a small chapel with an ash grey spire.

They sat on the hilltop underneath a big tree. As far as their eyes could see, it was an endless stretch of meadow and from it grew cosmos flowers that rippled in the wind like waves. Some were white as snowflakes, some were light pink, and others were dark purple or deep red. 

The larks sang gracefully and the rays of sunlight danced on their bodies.

Bill could go without speaking for an entire hour and quietly sketched the scenery.

Morel picked up a pen and mimicked how Bill gege was drawing…but the result was too abstract; it was 100 times more abstract than Bill’s drawing.

Busy as Bill was, he would spend a peaceful afternoon with Morel like this every now and then. 

It was only for a few short hours, but Morel couldn’t be happier.

He could view the field of flowers, observe the different kinds of insects, learn to draw, have bread and cheese when he was hungry, receive occasional chocolates from Bill gege, and sleep in the bushes when he was drowsy…

And most importantly, he was by Bill gege’s side.

This point alone was enough for him to rejoice over for a long time. 

Morel cherished moments like these.

Even more so because although he wasn’t willing to admit it…

He knew happiness like this was fleeting.

Although Bill’s attitude towards Morel had improved so much that Morel felt like he was dreaming, Morel was still acutely aware that he was freeloading in someone else’s home and felt embarrassed…Bill never told him how long he could stay, nor did he ever mention why he helped him… 

Morel couldn’t help but feel uneasy.

So, he acted obedient and sensible. He always helped Auntie Karin with cleaning the rooms, he never disturbed Bill when he was concentrating, and if he was slighted, he never complained or let it show. For example, people whispered about him, saying he was a beggar picked up by the Earl and perhaps when the Earl ran out of interest one day, he would be tossed back. They also said the Earl’s interest was generally short-lived; he used to adore a certain white horse and treated it very well for a month, but it was forgotten after he saw a more beautiful horse…

And if on some days, Bill gege was truly too exhausted to talk or pay attention to him and spoke frigidly to him, Morel would habitually swallow and smother his own grievances.

He was really unlike other kids. 

Take Auntie Karin’s daughter for instance. If there was something she wanted to eat, she had no qualms about making it known, and if the adult wouldn’t give it to her, she would cry until they did.

But Morel was different. His wants, his likes, his dislikes, he never told them to anyone, including Bill. It was because he didn’t think anyone would be interested. So long as he could live, what he ate or wore wasn’t actually important…so even if he didn’t like to eat it, if someone gave it to him he would still scarf it down happily. As for the things he wanted, he knew he wasn’t worthy so he would hold himself back and shake his head, saying he didn’t want it at all.

He was aware; this beautiful castle wasn’t his home.

There wasn’t a single thing here that belonged to him. 

He was exactly as those people said. A beggar who had been on the verge of death. A stray cat picked up by the Earl…

It was still fine in the beginning, but later on, he began having frequent nightmares.

The beginning of the dream was a profusion of colors.

He and Bill gege walked through the beautiful meadow where birds chirps and flowers grew. 

Then the scenery was marred with black ink from head to toe.

He fell into the dark vortex, his face full of horror.

He kept sinking, until the black and dirty mud swallowed his neck, dirtying his clothes and face…he struggled and fought to breathe.

He frantically reached out to Bill who was crouched in front of him and cried continuously, “Save me! Save me, Bill gege!” 

But the other didn’t move.

Those eyes were cold and grey. Like millennial frost.

The mud slowly crept up his face…

He had stopped struggling. He gulped for air and stared at Bill… 

Bill suddenly smiled beautifully.

But his words thoroughly crushed Morel’s heart.

He said, “Why should I save you?”

Morel woke up from the dream. 

His body was drenched in cold sweat.

He didn’t know what was going on with himself.

Wasn’t he living well right now? Bill gege was very good to him…

But… 

“Why should I save you?”

That’s right! Why is he good to me?

How was he special?

Should he ask Bill gege…ask him why he was treating him so well… 

But Reason screamed at Morel not to do so!

Bill gege told him he didn’t hate him…Bill gege was already nice enough to him…what else did he want? Some words of reassurance? Morel was appalled by his own greed!

What he should do right now was play the role of a well-behaved kitten.

While Bill gege still treated him well, he should just enjoy the moment of bliss. 

Then, when Bill gege no longer liked him and grew tired of him…he would obediently leave…in any case, he was capable of living by himself! He was almost 13, he’ll eat more now…grow bigger and taller faster, then he’ll be able to work at construction sites and earn more silver to feed himself and save for his didi’s tuition fees.

Oh, right…the Milo Royal Academy of Arts.

Morel nearly forgot it was a private academy for aristocrats. The tuition must be expensive, ba?

How would he pay it back to Bill gege? 

In truth, Bill had also noticed something was off about Morel recently. During mealtimes, he wasn’t like how he used to be. Rather than burying his head in the food, he would sometimes drift off into a daze. His complexion also didn’t look too good and there were large bags underneath his eyes. It seemed like he wasn’t sleeping well at night. Every time he went to see him, his brows would be knitted together and sweat drenched his forehead, causing his golden hair to stick to it.

Was he feeling restless because of the summer heat?

Or was he feeling unwell somewhere?

He had asked Morel about it during the day and even invited his private physician over to examine Morel, but Morel was in perfect health and even grew taller by 2 cm during this period of time. 

His thought wandered to Morel’s habit of keeping a diary.

Truth be told, Bill found it distasteful to look through other’s private possessions, but the party in question was Morel…in the end, he surreptitiously snuck into Morel’s room while he was asleep and extracted the diary from underneath his pillow. The paper scraps from before had been glued onto the pages by Morel. Bill flipped to the most recent entry.

It was shabbily written, but Morel’s thoughts were clearly expressed on there.

Bill had no idea Morel felt this way! 

How did he not realize?

His actions really did appear questionable…

He purposely acted cold in the past, but he was suddenly had an epiphany and his attitude did a 180. This child had experienced a lot of hardship since he was young. For him to think happiness came with a price and could expire, it was very normal!

Bill quietly closed the diary and placed it back underneath the pillow. 

He thought back to when Morel was just a little kid. He obviously didn’t want his mom and dad to leave and he hated how they were never home, but every time they told him “you have to behave when you’re home alone”, he would always smile and nod his head. Even though he wanted to grab his parents and make them stay!

His pale fingers stroked Morel’s cheek and smoothed his creased brows.

Morel slept very lightly and Bill’s touch woke him up.

He had yet to react and stared blankly at the person beside him. 

In Bill gege’s eyes, the captivating purple reflected light in the dark and was inordinately gentle.

Following after, he heard the faint sound of breathing and a sentence he would never forget.

That person sighed softly, “Your likes, your dislikes, if you don’t tell me how would I know? Morel, you can be more willful.”

After Bill left, Morel’s heart continued to pound. 

No one had ever said that to him.

Even his grandma told him he should be sensible and obedient and when he was outside, he should be compliant. He shouldn’t make trouble or be willful.

No one had ever told him that he could be more willful.

Morel didn’t know why, but he burst into tears. 

Warm tears soaked into the soft pillow.

That night, the nightmares were kept at bay. He slept until morning.