Villainess Of Hearts

Love.

Rosalyn Lockhart stared at the man that poured out his heart to her. Her cheeks burned and there was a strange tightness to her chest. She couldn't look him in the eye. What a thing to say… somehow it felt like this already happened before, but it was about him telling her that she was the only one he desired.

Similar, but different all the same.

And she had been willing to accept desire and find logical reasons for it. She was beautiful and the history they had together made some sense that she would be the object of his affection—while he had been working hard to be a Knight, she was the only one he paid attention to.

The young Lady had even chased off the maid servants that looked in his direction or approached him, jealous of any attention that he might have provided those women. 

So it made sense.

One might even call it orchestrated that she would be the only source of his affection… unless the Knight where to find any sort of attraction with his fellow Knights, but that didn't happen. But why was her heart pounding right now still? This was unacceptable. Words were words.

"You're putting me in a difficult position, Gine—"

"All I need is an answer, Your Majesty." he said. There was a pleading look on his face, "I am not expecting—"

She tightened her hands into fist and shook her head, "You can't just expect to be like this your entire life, Gine." She met his gaze furiously. "What if I told you that I loved you, but I can't be with you? What will you say to that? Will you simply stand aside? Is that the life that you've planned out? Will you still be here… of course you'll still be here, you're my Knight." she rubbed her face furiously. "And yet haven't you said that you wish to return back to like how we used to be before."

But he could leave if he wanted to.

Some part of Rosalyn wanted him to leave now to avoid all of the complications that this was bringing them, she was supposed to have one thing in her mind—Alice's demise. The Queen of Hearts had indulged herself for far too long in the past, in the way that she ate, slept and spent her time with him in pleasure. But she had refocused herself. And now she couldn't be pulled astray by such things like this. Love. Affection. Endearment.

'Have a good time!'

The Time Man's words reverberated back into her mind, a beacon to what her life ought to be. But how could she have a good time with so many things looming around her? There was a tight noose that seemed tied around her neck, and if she were to take a step forward into a direction that might lead to her happiness. It would all be short-lived. Something that would stray away from her plans…

It would be the end of her.

Julius Ginellevé let out a soft sigh, "That is true, I do wish that we could return—"

"We can't have that, Gine." she told him with a pained look. Of course she wanted things to be easy, pleasurable and smooth. She desired to have a good life, a good time and a life of happiness. "You can't have that. Our reality is different from how things used to be, back when my parents were..."

"I know."

He looked resigned and hurt. She didn't even have to bring up her parents who were long gone to make a point. It had already hurt. It hurt both of them, but leaving things the way they are would be fruitless. "Gine, I've already said this before but if you wish to leave then—"

"How can I do that, Rosalyn?" he said. "You keep pushing me away when I only want to hear one thing from you." The Knight used her name, an honor that she should have reserved for only those of family and the closest of people. Alexander had started using it and she didn't begrudge it from him, but it was Gine who had used it first, the only one outside of his family she had given the right to use.

Clearly different from when Catherine Duke had used it when they were both candidates to become Queen. It was an odd thing to think about… but it distracted her from the situation she had on hand. Her Knight wanted an answer if she loved him.

But would it be really love if she said yes?

… She wasn't even so sure if she was capable of it. And that was a funny thing when she was from the Kingdom of Hearts. The Queen of Hearts placed a hand to her chest, letting out a soft sigh. She gave him a look and smiled weakly, "Gine, I do not think I have loved well."

"What do you mean, Your Majesty?"

"How do you even know that you love me?" She looked at him in the eye. "I do not think that it is something taught… but even back in our family, there have been more important things than love." She sighed and rubbed the back of her neck, trying to relive memories that spoke of love. The Queen of Hearts could only manage a pitiful laugh. "Unless it were to be love for money, food or indulgent and pleasurable things… but that's not real love is it?"

"There are different kinds of love, Your Majesty."

"And how do you distinguish from them?" She gave him a pointed look. "What if you do not love the way that you think you do—what if this is a love between a servant and his master? Something close to worship? You revere me so… and you find no wrong in me."

"Nobody's perfect, Rosalyn."

She pursed her lips and crossed her arms, a bit taken aback by the sudden words amidst his confession of loving her. The Queen of Hearts gave him a look, feeling a little less flustered and more piqued than anything. "I suppose, but this love is… you do point out some errors in my judgement, but is that love?" She had to clarify her question and ascertain something. "What is love to you, Gine?"

Definitions of love weren't the same. 

"Love is when you're willing to fight through storms and whirlwinds to see them, it's when you want to be with that person and keep them close to you—it's when you find relief to hear them and notice the way that they breathe and how they smell. Even their presence is enough to make you happy and you want to make them smile." Julius Ginellevé looked at her. "It's when you would like to be able to share your life with someone, intertwined and be together. Love is when you're with someone that makes you want to be better than yesterday."

"Is that love or you simply finding inspiration in someone? Finding meaning in their presence?" Rosalyn asked with a look and then remembered a time of what had been before.

"Your Majesty have you truly not loved at all?"

"I think I may have loved before, but that is when I was a child… but it was pure, childish and idealized." She remembered the King that she had left in the empty room. Her mind once stuck about him being the man that she could end up loving, for he had fulfilled each criteria she had in mind.

That was a lofty thing for her to think about and it showed.

Now she simply wanted to eat tarts and plan for the arrival of Alice to kill her, and afterwards to probably rejoice. But now things began to complicate itself, not only with her own Knight but even with the King of Hearts' wish to prove himself better. She hadn't even thought about what the King said about another world and how it factored into things. "Is there such a thing like happily-ever-after, Gine? I thought that love might be like that…"

Here she was in front of her Knight, frantic about the future.

But even then, she held both of her hands together. "What you describe as love only clarifies and put it into perspective that I don't love you, and even if I were to wish to have you with me… I am not someone who will go through such great distances for you." And yet her heart pounded this very hour, and she retracted her statement. If only slightly. "I do not love you enough. Isn't that clear, Gine?"

A look of defeat came across his face. He nodded his head silently, and he sighed. "It is clear and understandable, Your Majesty."

He accepted it all the same.

And she wished that this was the end of it and he would let her go—albeit some part of her also wanted him to remain the same. It was a confusing thing. Brought about both by her selfishness and greed.

But this was for the best.