When I Loved You

Yiyoung only realized how fast time had passed by after she cleared the table following a chaotic dinner. She went to Joonho’s room to read a book for him.

“Mom!” Cha Joonho was always stuck to Yiyoung.

“It’s my turn to read a book for you today, right?” Yiyoung asked.

“Yes. So I prepared this.”

Yiyoung glanced at Joonho, and was then shocked when she saw what was kept next to his pillow. Usually, there would be two books, but there was only one there today. But she also thought it was nice that he’d only prepared one, since it meant that she could return to Muyeol faster.

“There’s only one book today?”

“Yeah. I took a nap after playing with Jiyoon earlier, so I can’t sleep.”

Yiyoung cocked her head to the side in confusion. “Then, will one book be enough?”

“It’s okay! Look, isn’t it really long?” Joonho opened the book and showed it to Yiyoung.

It was a thick book with lots of pages… It occured to Yiyoung that she needed to read a book that was probably as long as ten books combined. But… Muyeol was waiting for her. He’d told her that he would show her how much he loved her with his entire body. Yiyoung’s face stiffened.

Joonho probably read her face because he asked, “Are you tired? Or sleepy? Do you want to change the book?”

Yiyoung quickly put her arms around him. It was hard not to, seeing how lovely he was. She tightened her embrace, feeling sorry now. “No, it’s okay. I will read the whole book to you.”

Muyeol would wait for her. He’d never gone to sleep before her, always waiting for her to come to bed. So Yiyoung trusted Muyeol, sat down next to Joonho, and opened the book he wanted her to read.

She started reading. Yiyoung, along with Muyeol, had read books for Jiyoon everyday, too. Regardless of the stories she had to read, it had been peaceful to spend time with her child. The unique mild scent and temperature of her child comforted her tired mind and body. Yiyoung loved the healing experience, so she had never skipped out on reading the books for Jiyoon.

She did the same for Joonho, but the comfort it brought her was different than the comfort reading to Jiyoon brought her. To be exact, it was more fun.

Joonho’s expressions changed according to the flow of the story. When the main character of the book ran, his own face twisted as if he were running. When the character ate, he looked like he was eating. He seemed angry or sad when the character experienced anger or sadness. Joonho was aware that they were just stories, but he was really into them.

The ability to see, hear, and feel, and accept those senses immediately was probably the speciality of a child. And when she saw Joonho like that, Yiyoung always gained energy for the next day.

Yiyoung had a wish. The world was corrupted, and it changed so much, but she wanted to protect Joonho’s innocence. As a parent of two children, Yiyoung wanted to create a world where they could forever be innocent. So she had tried her best yesterday, done it today, and would try her best tomorrow, too.

Yiyoung continued reading the book out loud with her calm voice. She checked Joonho’s expression. He looked angry, his fists clenched tight. She needed to continue reading, knowing that Joonho would peacefully fall asleep once the main character overcame his hardship.

* * *

Muyeol kept waiting and waiting. Yiyoung was late, which wasn’t like her. He checked the time; it was already past 10 p.m. But he had inkling as to what might have happened, most likely because Jiyoon had made Joonho nap. The power of naps was amazing, able to keep Joonho awake until late night when he usually went to bed early.

Muyeol didn’t mind waiting for Yiyoung, since it was a Sunday the next day, and he knew he would be resting at home. But Yiyoung was different; she needed to go to work the next day, so she needed to sleep well at night.

But he knew Yiyoung would not leave their child behind, aware of how fun it was to read books to Joonho. She probably would not return until Joonho fell asleep, all so she could witness his expressions, just like Muyeol always did.