Wang Shan smiled coldly and sadly at that time: “Bai Huai, so you think this kind of thing can be hidden? You can’t hide it. But don’t worry, I would not say a thing. I just want to see in my own eyes how you’d try to cover this all up until your best friend that you care about the most finds out and thinks of you as dirty and disgusting. God is still fair, and no one will be spared.”

 

When Bai Huai left the ward that day, the first thing that he asked Jian Songyi was: “Jian Songyi, what am I to you?”

 

Jian Songyi didn’t even hesitate at that time: “A brother. A lifelong friend that is closer than a brother.”

 

Bai Huai smiled at that time as if he had received a very satisfactory answer.

 

Then he left the next day with nothing but the pot of cedar.

 

He promised his father to give up medicine and study literature and politics on the condition that he would go to Beicheng and transfer on his own without the intention of returning.

 

If he couldn’t keep his feelings hidden, then he must go so that he won’t embarrass the both of them. It would be better to only have this as a beautiful regret in Bai Huai’s memory. And maybe, just maybe, one day he won’t like Jian Songyi anymore, and then he can come back. 

 

Sure enough, Bai Huai came back.

 

But not because he no longer likes Jian Songyi, but because he likes him so much even after those 3 years apart. He wants him so much that Bai Huai feels like nothing else is essential so long as he can stay and watch him on the sidelines.

 

He was prepared for the worst.

 

But now, after being able to express his long-neglected and lonely feelings and still be able to sit quietly with Jian Songyi, they both watched the headlights cut through the night as they passed through the city where they had lived together since they were young. Then he realized that there was nothing wrong with him.

 

These are Bai Huai’s thoughts.

 

He looked outside the window, and suddenly, a smile formed upon his lips: “Jian Songyi, except for this time, I do not think I have lost to you before.”

 

‘I’m afraid so.’

 

Jian Songyi thought about it. Growing up, Bai Huai never lost. 

 

He is the best in everything, always, excruciatingly good.

 

And if it wasn’t for Jian Songyi this time, he probably wouldn’t have lost.

 

Jian Songyi looked out of the window and said, “I am sorry.”

 

Bai Huai originally wanted to say that there is nothing to be sorry about that he will willingly lose for him. 

 

But he never opened his mouth. 

 

Jian Songyi heaved a breath on the glass. The thick white fog blocked the red corners of his eyes reflected from the car window.

 

What he did not say was that he was sorry because if he had not been so slow, reckless, and self-righteous, Bai Huai would have suffered less for so many years.

 

It’s a late autumn night with thick fog and mist flowing through the city enough to only leave vague shadows behind.

 

On the window, there was only the reflection of the person behind him. It was a pity that they could not read each other’s minds. Else, it could’ve been more straightforward.

 

There’s only silence for the two of them.

 

And then, the car stopped. 

 

Are they to get out and say goodbye?

 

Jian Songyi was the first to falter. He suddenly turned and called Bai Huai, “Don’t you have anything else you want to say?”

 

Bai Huai stopped in his tracks, but he didn’t dare turn around to face him. “Yea, a lot. But I am afraid that you won’t like it.”

 

“Bai Huai, why are you always like this? How can you hide things like this from me? Unlike you, I can’t hide anything from you, so I can’t always guess what you are thinking. I’m really sick of you acting like this.”

 

Jian Songyi lets out a deep breath as he tries to get rid of the fog from the corner of his eyes. 

 

“I am also annoyed at myself. I am a fool. For so many years, I did not understand anything. I figured out nothing as I kept on blaming you. I was so angry with you. I thought you like some other Omega, and then we are good friends every damn day. I also tried to ask if you had a crush on me, but… I am an idiot.”

 

Jian Songyi swallowed the lump in his throat: “So today, can we straighten this all up?”

 

Bai Huai did not know what to say for a moment that his shoulder line stiffened. “I thought we have made this clear already, and your reply to that was an apology.”

 

“I do not fucking understand a thing.” Jian Songyi was so angry that he burst into foul language. “How can you make it clear? What are you even clear about? Do you like me or not? When did you like me? Why do you want me? What do you like about me? Which question have you made clear? How can you wrong yourself? Say those words, let me feel guilty and feel bad, can’t you do that? “

 

The corner of Jian Songyi’s eyes become redder.

 

He is still the same impatient and bad-tempered teenager: fierce and full of thorns.

 

Jian Songyi preferred not to hide his true self.

 

How can people not like him?

 

Bai Huai took a deep breath before turning around to face Jian Songyi. He took a couple of steps toward him to stand close to him. He lowered his eyes to meet his, and with his gentle tone, Bai Huai spoke with affection and determination: “Yes, I like you.”

 

“When did I like you? I couldn’t remember. It probably started from the very beginning.”

 

“I like you because you are Jian Songyi.”

 

“I like all of you, everything about you.”

 

“All your questions have been made clear now.”

 

“I can be very wronged, but I can’t wrong you once.”

 

“In this way, I should love you, spoil you, and treat you very well in the future. So I want you to be my boyfriend. Is that alright?”

 

 

 

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