White Christmas

Jack-

"Shit like this is why I wanna move back down South."

Johnny was moaning about the weather again. It was his go to way to pass the time.

"I'm thinking Florida. Miami maybe. When Ricky is out I'm headed to Miami. Beaches and babes for as far as the eye can see."

I was busy at the kitchen table cleaning my Grandpa's old 308. It was in several pieces on the table as I worked. I smiled to myself answering Johnny.

"I hear the cocaine trade is booming down there. No shortage of work."

He laughed so hard I heard him snort. From my seat at the kitchen table I couldn't see him. The couch he was laying on was placed right against the kitchen counter that wrapped around two walls of the kitchen, and marked were the kitchen stopped and the living room began. The far wall away from the counter had the back door, and across the Livingroom was the front.

"I am done with this drug running shit. No more. No more guns, no more drugs, and no more fast cars. I want to just cruise and look good doing it."

"Sure you don't want to have a fast car? I'd be more than happy to teach you how to drive like me."

"Thanks Jack, but I don't have a death wish."

"Never once have I been afraid I was going to get myself killed driving."

"That's because you got some kind of crazy power or something"

He answered back and sprang up from the couch leaning over it to look at me. His hands slammed down on the counter staring me down.

"I've watched you drive. You turn into a whole other person behind the wheel."

I shrugged and sat down the piece I was cleaning.

"I just focus. You focus on the road and the car. Feel what it wants, and what it can do. It's that easy."

He slammed his hand again and pointed at me as if he had just stumbled onto to something.

"That too! You talk like your car is alive or something! When I drive it's just a machine I don't get how you feel that way."

I shrugged again and started putting the gun back together.

"Driving stick helps. You feel connected. It's also just how I was raised I guess. Had my Grandpa there the whole time teaching me about cars. I'll never forget the time that he and my Grandma got into it because he insisted that all cars are girls. She said he was crazy and that it was just a tool."

I smiled wistfully. Johnny sank down on the counter resting his head on his hands.

"They always disagreed on that. She was never into cars. I guess it's just how you were raised. If you were raised by car lovers you'll like cars. I guess it is possible to be into them in other ways. Before I came along Jess never cared about cars."

Johnny flopped back down on the couch out of view. I heard him sigh deeply before he spoke.

"Ever since we started hanging out I started to notice sports cars more. Like before I never paid attention to cars, but now I'm more mindful of them. I sure as hell couldn't tell you that cars could drive with different wheels before I met you. I thought all cars were front wheel drive."

I chuckled to myself as I finished putting the gun together. It was new when my Grandpa bought it back when I was a kid. Since he died it just sat in the house. An old 308, clip fed, with a five-round clip. Solid black all the way. Beautiful piece of work.

It handled like a dream too. I never got much time hunting with Grandpa, but even with my inexperience I had no trouble catching a few rabbits that were unfortunate enough to be out and about when I was. They had kept Johnny and I fed for our time up here. I wasn't very good at all when it came to skinning and cutting the meat, but we made due with my butcher job.

Honestly, I enjoyed the time. It was peaceful. For once we were free of all that fear and anxiety. I didn't have to keep a gun on me to feel safe, and I hadn't had a nightmare since our first night up.

"What do you plan to do with the Fox Body?"

Johnny poked his head up past the counter. His eyes just made it high enough to peer over at me.

"Well after Chicago Adal had a lot of it fixed. All the stuff that needed done before were done for me. The paint, the A/C, and they even fixed the interior. Unless I decide I want to do some performance mods it's pretty done."

He nodded and glanced down at his lap.

"Oh, That's all?"

"Why, do you have something you want to say?"

He shrugged and fidgeted a little in his seat. Those blue eyes disappeared back behind the counter, and a few seconds passed before he answered.

"I was wondering if you were thinking about selling. I mean after you get the three-oh-two up and running you want it to be your daily don't you?"

I laughed out loud and got up moving towards the right side of the Livingroom. The 308 tossed over my shoulder, and my grandpa's old gun cleaning kit under my arm.

"Do you want to buy the Fox Body off me?"

"I mean... I thought about it."

I paused thinking about it for a moment. I shifted the rifle's weight on my shoulder and continued down the hall.

"You know what? I'll think about it Johnny."

"You will!?"

There was a lot of excitement in his voice that he tried, and failed, to hide. I nodded passing a few doors till I hit the master bedroom at the end of the hall. I slipped the kit under the king-sized bed, and sat the rifle next to the nightstand.

Out of caution more than fear I took one of the clips for the gun and loaded it. That sat openly on the nightstand just in case I needed to be ready for action. In the nightstand sat my .45 with a clip in.

I pulled it out and checked the clip. After that I got up and went to the guest bedroom where the Mossberg 590, and Johnny's Glock were stashed. I checked Johnny's Glock and the shotgun before going back to the master bed and crashing.

It was compulsive at this point. An instinct rather than a reaction. The guns had become such a big part of us it was just normal to check ammo, and keep them clean. Of course, if Ricky and his men did show up we would be damn glad we kept the guns up.

"You going to sleep?"

Johnny called across the house. I had a direct sight line from the master bed to him on the couch down the hall.

"No just relaxing. Feels good to be able to do it for once."

"I feel you. We haven't been able to rest in so long."

We were silent for a moment. Enjoying the peace for however long it might last. Johnny sat up fully from his couch looking down the hall at me.

"I guess my luck really did run out."

"I wouldn't say so. Look at all the shit we made it through. Plus, our friends and family are still alive. I'd say we are the luckiest assholes out here."

"You're right... I guess it's the ones around us who are the unlucky ones."

I frowned at the ceiling. Tony crossed my mind. Then Jess, and my parents. Tony was dead and no doubt Jess and my parents were worried sick about me. I hadn't even begun to think of a lie for where I was whenever we got to go back.

"We are the bad guys Jack. It's really starting to sink in."

I kicked myself up into a cross leg position looking down at Johnny.

"They say the first step to fixing a problem is admitting that you have one. Or something like that. You get what I mean."

"So, you think after all this we can still be good people? Can someone do all the horrible shit we've done and still be a good person?"

I flopped back down. The roof didn't have an answer for me. No one could answer that for me. It was a subjective as hell question. So, what did I really believe?

"Johnny I'm not half as smart as you guys think I am... I don't know if we can still be good people or not. I don't know if there is salvation for us at the end of this. But if you want to be a good person then don't let your past stop you from trying. Don't let anything stop you from trying anything for that matter"

Johnny stayed quiet for a minute. I heard him shift around on the couch before getting up and walking to the guest bedroom door.

"I don't know Jack I think you're pretty damn smart. Smarter than me for sure. If it wasn't for you I would have died doing this a long time ago."

"If it went for me you wouldn't be doing this. You would have never had a driver and would have never started this shit."

"If you had said no I would have found a way to do it. I would have got into this somehow. I needed the money real bad. My family was broke as hell man. I was going to get that money somehow."

He paused gathering up a thought before he continued it.

"If you said no I would have done it alone. Imagine how Chicago would have gone without you. You always take charge and get it done man. I respect that about you. I'm not as good with words as you are, but you get what I mean right?"

I nodded with my eyes closed smiling ever so slightly.

"Yeah Johnny. I got you."

"Good. I'm headed to sleep. Night Fox"

"Night Hound."