White Christmas

Jack-

"Keep it tight to your chest, and far enough out so that you don't get hit when it recoils."

"Like this?"

Nate nodded looking over my form with a satisfactory smile.

"That's about it. Remember, center axis relock is for close quarters. In halls or tight places like that. A normal shooting stance works better at range."

I nodded and tried putting myself into the position from a draw a few times. Nate took it upon himself to teach me the center axis relock shooting style. He paced the garage floor looking at me from different angles.

"Keep your stance a little low so you've got good balance. Someone comes at you when your legs are fully extended like that your likely to get knocked off your feet."

I bent my knees a bit and pulled again. My shoulder caught and popped painfully this time causing me to falter and almost drop the gun. He patted my good shoulder and took the gun off my hands.

"Good work. We can work on form a bit more tomorrow if you want."

I stumbled over and crashed on the couch Adal had pulled in here for us. It sat against the wall next to Tony's old tool shelf. Adalwolf and Nate both figured that right under Ricky's nose would be a good place to hide. After my car crash it was easy enough to say I was dead. This threw off the scent of any possible rats in Adal's team, and put me on a lower priority.

The general idea was that I died in the woods. As far as anyone besides Nate, Adal, Johnny, or Jessica knew I hadn't been seen since the wreck. That was about a week ago. Maybe more it was hard to tell since days ran together a bit when you just sit in one room for hours. The story for Johnny was that he hit the road with the three-oh-two and was never seen again when I died.

The two of us plus the car had been sitting in Tony's garage since then. Our parents remained in protective custody. Jessica told the police that when she came to my house the day she disappeared some of Ricky's men attacked her. She escaped with the three-oh-two, and came back when she thought it might be safe. As far as were the car was she told the police she crashed it on some back road between here and Des Moines before she caught a bus back here.

She was in protective custody now too. This left Johnny and I with plenty of free time in the garage waiting for our chance. I got the chance to finish the suspension work on the sixty-nine. Tony had the parts on hand before he died so it was only a matter of installing. Johnny had to be my arms for most of it because of my bum right shoulder.

The pain had subsided for the most part, but I still didn't have my full range of motion. I was left handed so it didn't hinder me too horribly, but it was annoying. Between doing whatever it was that Nate did he found time to come see Johnny and I. He gave pointers and full on lessons which was a great break from the nothingness we had to deal with.

"Where did you learn all this stuff Nate?"

"Secret Service for ten years."

"You have got to be fucking me. Secret Service?"

He nodded loading a clip into his gun, and pulling the slide back.

"Secret Service. I felt like I wanted a change of career, and I happen to run into Adal's father. The rest is history. Any more questions?"

"Uh, Yeah. Tons. First off how did you go from that to the drug trade?"

Nate turned to me crossing his arms.

"I was working as a bodyguard for a less than morally righteous man. A rapper I believe. He happened to have a deal with Adal's father, and tried to cross him. I got banged up pretty bad after taking down five of his men. Rather than gun me down he offered me a job. Couldn't say no when I was bleeding out on the floor."

I blinked a couple times before crossing my arms and legs.

"That sounds like a huge lie Nate. All that sounds way too unbelievable. Why would he offer you a job and trust you just like that? Why would you just be ok with working for a guy who killed your last client, and beat the hell out of you? It doesn't add up."

Nate laughed loudly leaning against the doorway to Tony's old office. He shook his head smiling slyly towards the ground.

"Sharp kid. You got me. It was a lie. Adal's dad and I grew up together, and ended up on very different paths. I ended up being responsible for the death of a couple civilians. No charges were put on me, but I just couldn't deal with the job after that. Not working tends to make you poor so when that happened Adal's dad offered me a job."

"That sounds a little bit more believable. Why lie in the first place?"

He shrugged, absentmindedly gazing over his piece.

"I don't like bringing up the civilian thing. Still bugs me after all these years. In this line of work everyone I end up taking out pretty much deserves it so I feel a bit better about it. Adalwolf, and his father had an understanding with me. No innocent people. I refuse to fire on a cop, or a civilian. Everyone in this line of work is a bad guy. Even me."

"you're a lot more complex than I thought Nate... At the same time though that is the most straight forward line of thinking I've seen in this field. Everyone in this game is either crazy like Ricky or delusional like Johnny and I."

"I just know exactly what I am. I'm not good anymore, and I won't pretend to be."

I sat there for a moment working up the courage to ask the question. The million-dollar question. The same question I had been asking in one form or another since Chicago.

"Do you think Johnny and I can change after this? I know we've done some bad stuff, but can we change and be good people again?"

Nate watched the concrete floor for a moment seemingly deciding on an answer. He slipped his gun under his shirt in a holster tucked away in his waist line. His dark eyes peered deeply into the floor trying to see past it. Like an answer might be under it.

"You and Johnny have changed Adal. All his life he thought this would be it. With you guys around he thinks he can change, and that's never happened. I don't know if you guys can change, but I know you guys are doing something here. What that something is remains to be seen."

Earlier it looked like Nate was on his way out, but now he seemed content to stay lost in thought. He looked unhappy. A deep frown lingered and his eyes squinted down at the floor before he drug them up to the three-oh-two. It was sitting up on a lift. The suspension was done now and it was all ready to rip up some back roads.

"What are you going to do after Ricky dies? Work on cars? Maybe be a race car driver?"

I shook my head smiling wide. It was a nostalgic smile. The question brought back memories. All my life everyone had thought I would work on cars or drive them for a living. Admittedly I didn't think that would be a bad path. I loved cars, and I could drive like hell. The idea got tossed around in my head a bit, but I could never commit to it.

"No Nate, but I wouldn't fault you for thinking that. I don't know what I want to do, but I don't think its cars... I used to know what I wanted when I was little."

"And what's that?"

"My grandfather was a Marine. Twenty some odd years. Growing up I always said I wanted to be like him. I wanted to join the force and see the world. Serve my country and all that."

He gave me a sideways look with a ghost of a smile.

"Why didn't you?"

"I don't know. Somewhere in high school I lost myself. It was a slow progression. Each day ticked by and I lost a bit of my drive every day. After my ex was done with me I really didn't know what I wanted out of life at all let alone what I wanted to do."

Nate turned now leaning on his shoulder looking fully at me.

"What do you want to do then? Right now, in this moment what do you want to do the most?"

"Protect, I want to protect my family, and Jessica, and Johnny. I don't want to see my friends and family hurt anymore you know?"

Nate nodded as that ghost of a smile came into being a bit more. Half of his face curled up in an odd remorseful smile.

"Then protect."

He pulled the gun he had been using to help me practice from his waist. It was a beautiful matte black finished Sig p226. Fired nines with a twelve round magazine. He dropped the mag out, cleared the slide, and tossed it to me. I caught it and then the mag he tossed after.

"The world sucks. People like me and Adal make it a horrible place. If you think you can change yourself why not try to change that too?"

"Big words from someone who says they can't change Nate."

He shrugged smiling genuinely this time.

"Prove me wrong Jack, and I'll see what I can do. When Ricky is gone maybe I'll try to get out of this too."

He left leaving me alone with my thoughts. Johnny came back a few minutes later with some greasy fast food burgers. I talked to him for a while on the subject, and finally figured out what I wanted to do if we survived this nightmare. It wasn't an easy choice. I was terrified of it , butI finally found myself again. I would be damned if I would lose it again over some fear.