Worthless

He was in his room before he knew it. Wheezing in a way that made him think that this was the moment. The moment where the news about his death was announced with the most ridiculous cause. 

Huge petals that were once white were now tainted with blood, scattered at the floor of his room. He coughed and coughed until he was breaking a dam when thinking about Jian Yu. 

What if the Beta wasn't feeling the same? 

What if…? 

If so, why? 

Why pretend? 

Did he pity him? 

Why did he do that? 

Zeke was coughing his life away while wondering 'why' Until a thought made the Alpha sober up. 

There was a cure. Mentioned by Lynn before. 

But first, he wanted to know why. 

Shallow breaths amidst the pain of his body and Zeke refused to make a sound at all. His coughing fit still continued, muffled by his hands. 

***

It had gotten worse than before. 

It had come to the point that he had to excuse himself even during dinner with his family to evacuate himself to the bathroom. 

There, he would cough and cough, hard and wheezing when he was done. Multiple petals had slowly morph into full bloom peony which made him even wonder how those huge flowers could fit in his lungs. 

It was no wonder it was getting harder and harder to breathe. Even exhaling hurts. 

He laughed. 

And laughed. 

It sounded a little deranged, but he couldn't help himself. 

It was impossible not to when you see a stem followed by. 

Yet all he could think of was… 

How cruel. 

***

"Are you sure you have nothing to tell me?" 

Zeke decided to ask directly, he didn't even want to beat the bushes anymore. 

He had silently snuck out and visited a doctor the other day for a check up. Well, not exactly sneaking out, because his father and uncle Lynn were worried sick about him. 

Blazing fevers in the middle of the night and difficulty in breathing. 

Of course, they would worry. 

It took multiple attempts to convince them not to accompany him while doing the check up. He didn't know why but he just didn't want them to know he suffered from this kind of disease. 

And oh dear God, the look of sympathy he was given by the doctor. Zeke winced just by thinking about it. The doctor had sighed and shook her head before offering him a surgery to remove it. 

Turned out, the flowers had fully bloomed inside his lungs and the roots were spreading, winding themselves around his blood vessels and chaining his heart, restricting its movements. 

But Zeke only smiled, or at least that was what he tried to pass onto. "I… I will think about it." 

That's what he said and he really, really was thinking about it. But the consequences were heavy, forgetting about someone he used to love so much, it really wasn't as easy as said. 

He just… Wanted to hear it for the last time before finally letting go. For real. 

So here he was, under the moonlight, asking for the impossible. 

"Are you sure?" He repeated the question that weighed tons in his tongue and heart. 

"What's going on?" Jian Yu asked. His eyes glanced worriedly at Zeke, so pure and earnest that the Alpha felt bare and vulnerable at the same time. 

Zeke swore under his breath. 'Don't look at me with those eyes. Please, just don't.'

"You. What's happening to you?" The Beta rasped. "You have been coughing non-stop--" 

Zeke laughed. He wished he didn't, but the chortle laughs had escaped his mouth. And he couldn't stop. He wanted to go on until he lost his voice, until he stopped finding it funny and cried instead. 

He glanced at Jian Yu, who stood under the lamppost. Light from the lamp made his silver hair glow even brighter like a halo, his cheeks supported faint red from the cold weather. 

The way he stood like he wanted to know what was wrong and Zeke swallowed around the heavy feeling in his chest. 

"Zeke, please," Jian Yu said quietly. His face frowned, worry was clear in his voice. "Everyone is worried about you." 

'But are you?' Zeke wanted to retort back. 'Are you worried about me?' 

Those words were stuck in his throat, never wanting to leave, instead, another thing-- another living thing-- decided to make its appearance. 

The desperate flower inside him shooted straight past his throat and out of his mouth. Petals surging forward, pushing through each other that Zeke didn't even have time to think when they were forcing their way up and out. 

He coughed and hacked, bloodied flowers and petals dripping with spit fell out of his mouth and Zeke couldn't breathe. He was choking; the flowers wouldn't stop. 

And all he could do was to continue trying to cough them out and get them out of his lungs unless he wanted to choke on them. 

He crashed on the snowy ground on his hands and knees as his body crumpled at the force of his hacks. Bloody petals went flying, tainting the white snow with the color of ruby and Jian Yu-- 

Jian Yu startled, lurching forward with anxiousness in his gaze and Zeke wanted to say 'Don't look at me like that.' 

"Oh Goodness… What's happening to you?" 

Zeke couldn't answer, too busy hacking flowers so he would not die, but fuck, everything hurted. His body shook with the force of his heaving and it hurted. 

Panic coursed through his vein and his vision blurred. The scenery all mixed together in a swirling mess but his eyes were only able to focus on a certain silverette. 

A face full of fear, pain, clueless of what was happening, worry, and 'is that the look of pity he just saw? Hopefully not', and Zeke desperately wanted to scream at him. 

'Why do you look like that?' 

'Do I look that pitiful to you?' 

'I don't need such sincerity coming from you!'