You don't know what you've got until it's gone

Since our heart-to-hearts on the rooftop, we both spent most of our time with each other.

We’d sit face-to-face and naturally talk with one another during breaks, sometimes even going to the cafeteria together. Other times we’d skip class and spend time just chilling and chatting on our skipping spot.

If someone were to see us together, there would probably be all kinds of rumors floating around, but with the whole student body laser-focused on Ichinose and her new relationship, few people even look our way.

What a nice situation they’ve created for us, huh?

While reaping the benefits of this whole ordeal, Hinata and I grew closer to each other while not worrying about being seen by others… But despite it all, I knew someone would get in our way sooner or later.

Suzuka Ichinose began to notice what was going on with Hinata, so she began to talk with him more often, and visit her boyfriend less and less. But since I made my move first, he had already moved on and declined every one of her invitations out of concern for her boyfriend.

She didn’t like that one bit and started following us around. Ichinose even went out of her way to tell me not to get involved with him, doing so while I was in the restroom, a place where he wouldn’t be at.

After being deprived of him for a while, she may have started to finally notice what truly mattered to her all along…

—But it’s too late now. I already understand that I can’t let go of what’s important to me.

Since that day in the restroom, I tried to be as careful as possible whenever she was around. I would always make sure I was by his side during school so that he wouldn’t be alone with her, and I always invited him to hang out after classes until the end of the day.

Once again, Hinata’s kindness embraced me in a warm and tight hug as we stayed together for days. And spending time with him was as pleasant as it could be due to his accommodating and considerate nature.

What was surprisingly helpful was her boyfriend, the baseball guy. Ever since Ichinose started to miss Hinata, she rarely went to visit her boyfriend next class, so in response, he made his move.

Opposite to what she did, he was the one visiting our class to meet Ichinose. They were quite a remarkable couple, and his openness to just come and visit his girlfriend was a big hit with our classmates. Soon, a large crowd would gather around them.

At that moment, I snatched Hinata away, and Ichinose, unable to move as she wished, didn’t try to hide her frustration. Thanks to all of that, Hinata and I were able to spend some quality time together, and we even promised to spend this coming Saturday—Christmas Eve—together.

—I’m almost there, almost there…

Inwardly, thoughts of what could happen during the Eve made my heart pump against my chest so loudly I was going crazy. Just one glance at his ever-so-warm smile was enough to burn my body from the inside out, and whenever he’d look away, my hand unconsciously reached out for his. I hurriedly suppressed these bursting emotions as hard as I could.

—Not yet, not now…

Desperately suppressing my emotions, I managed to make it to Christmas Eve.

When he arrived at the meeting place, he put on a calm front but I noticed something worried him as he looked somewhat agitated.

“Is something wrong?”

“Huh? W, what?”

I held his hand as he tried to smooth over whatever it was.

“…If you have any worries, just tell me. I want to support you, Hinata.”

“K, Kuraki-san?! Um…”

“If it’s me, you don’t have anything to worry about. You’re kind, so you always hold back, but I still want to learn everything about you.”

“O, oh… Thanks…”

His cheeks burned as his eyes met the ground, hesitant. However, soon he began to speak as if he made up his mind.

“…Yesterday, Suzuka told me not to hang out with you, and um, that she was worried about the numerous rumors surrounding you.”

“…I see.”

“I wanted her not to speak ill of you, someone who’s been so kind to me, so I got angry at her. It seems she was also pissed off, and since yesterday, I’ve received countless calls, and… I’m a little scared to talk to her…”

His gaze turned to his phone, his expression a mixture of anxiety and regret. With just one look at it, I was filled with the desire to say he had nothing to feel sorry for.

“I’m glad you opened up to me, and I’m happy you got mad in my stead.”

“Same here. Thank you for listening to my concerns. I feel a little better now that I’ve talked to you.”

“Happy to hear that! Welp, since it’s Christmas Eve, let’s have loads of fun and forget all about the bad stuff!”

“Mhm! Let’s have some fun today, Kuraki-san!”

I then told him to turn off his phone, and after that, we played around together. Fun, unbearably joyful times passed by as the day went on. One single sip of this happiness was enough to screw me over.

His smile, his voice, his faint cologne… Everything about Hinata filled me to the brim with elation. It was like a drug, and I was captured by the rising euphoria of being with him.

I don’t want to give you to anyone. I want your smile for myself, and no one else… So in order to make it happen, I’ll progress our relationship today.

We played around until evening came and it was time to bring him home. I live in an apartment alone, without my parents. They only ever send me money for living expenses so this is a place just for me. But from now on, it’ll be ours.

I deliberately didn’t tell him I lived alone, and as soon as he stepped inside and realized that, he got all fidgety. We spent time together, and I leaned my body onto him as if to push him into a corner. Subtly, but not so.

Meanwhile, he desperately tried to feign ignorance, which was an adorable sight that only served to entice me further. Then, I went to take a shower at just the right time, another thing I deliberately tried to make him aware of… But it was a mistake.

Soon I began hearing some kind of conversation coming from my room. It was Hinata, probably on a phone call. Maybe he answered one of her attempts when I got in the shower, having looked at his phone without thinking much of it.

“…Don’t even! I’ve already given up on you, even if you say so now! I thought I’d worry you if I was depressed forever, and now you’re backtracking? It’s too late now.”

I had no idea what could happen if I let him continue talking, so I approached him in my underwear and pinned him down on my bed with strength at the sound of his desperate refusal.

“That’s… Eh? Ah, wait…”

I straddled Hinata, kissing his lips as if to crush while entwining my legs so firmly he couldn’t escape. In mere seconds, he lost his resistance and I took his phone after it fell from his hand.

I’ll tell that girl.

“Hinata?!”

“You’ve already lost him, it’s too late, Ichinose-san.”

“…Huh?”

I said only those few words and hung up after a bit. Purposefully, I let Hinata’s sensual voice play for a while. This way, she should have a good idea of what we’re doing now.

I, too, would lose something that night, but it’d be a good thing to relinquish.

Hinata lay there breathing heavily. He looks tired, but it’s still not enough. More… I’ll give you more so you can’t live without me. I kept him pinned down so he couldn’t resist, putting my lips against his ear with a whisper, “From now on, I’ll always be by your side… Always…”

“Kuraki-san…?”

It’s a new term. I picked Hinata up from his house and we walked to school together, just the two of us. Even there, in public, our hands were tied to each other’s, and we did so without caring about anyone else’s stares. Whenever his eyes met mine, he’d smile.

“Hehe, are you that happy? You’ll have to bear it every day from now on.”

It will draw the attention of everybody around us, but that’s okay. That way, the whole school will recognize that Hinata is mine.

During school, during recess, and even after classes—all of his time was mine, and mine alone.

I could hear people around us talk about me, just as I’d hoped.

“Huh~? When did those two become a thing?”

“Sh*t, I’m jealous of that Hinata guy.”

“Didn’t he pay for it?”

“No, no matter how you look at it, you can feel it’s from her…”

“Hmm, Kuraki is, erm, kind of devoted? It looks like he can do whatever he wants.”

“Did she always like him in the first place?”

No one understands… It’s not about “liking” or anything, it’s more than that. It must’ve been the same for that girl.

I followed a strange and loaded gaze, and my eyes met Ichinose, who could only stare blankly at us. She didn’t respond to anyone who talked to her and only kept looking at that one precious thing she had lost. I could see a whole myriad of emotions flashing in her eyes.

Then, I got in between her gaze and Hinata. I can’t let her get close. As soon as I moved, Hinata looked at me and smiled.

“Mhm, don’t worry, okay? I’m with you, always, and I’ll forever be.”

I’m different from Ichinose because I…

I’m never letting go of you.

[End]