You've Got Mail: A Cautionary Tale

Chapter 11 – The Great South Garrison General

Stationed in Bastion City were the fiercest troops of the Great Xia. So strong and overpowering was their presence that they seemed to be the very rulers of the territory that they stood upon. Even if the other three military forces in the land were to be combined into a single army, it would pose little threat to the camp in Bastion City.

If not for the fact that the Protector General had came from a line of ministers, and was as thick as thieves with the Emperor, the Emperor might have become worried, and… well, the Emperor would not be able to do much as well.

Logically, putting aside the savagery of the southern barbarians, before Guan Shanjin had defended Southern Xinjiang with his General status, every year, they would be pillaged by the southern barbarian king. However, within five short years, the southern barbarians had been completely dealt with, and obediently slunk out of the demarcated limits of their territory, accepting their defeat and paying tributes. The Emperor did not think that his head was as hard as that of the southern barbarian king.

Of course, it was not that there were no people who hated and were jealous of Guan Shanjin, but so what? He was always in Bastion City, and never returned to the capital, and under his hand was the Great Xia Dynasty’s most fearsome troops. Just mentioning his name was enough to stop little children from crying at night, and even if they were drunk, no one had the guts to openly speak ill of Guan Shanjin.

As for the ingratiating ones? There were many.

At first, they started sending him beauties. Plump ones, thin ones, all beautiful in their own ways. Just like a hundred flowers blooming together, all sorts of beauties were amongst them, and the Emperor’s harem might even lose to them.

However, Guan Shanjin was not interested.

That was no ordinary lack of interest.

When Guan Shanjin made a name for himself, he was only sixteen years old, and had long achieved military merit for himself in the northwest region. The Guan family army was renowned, and so the Western Garrison General did not dare to spearhead the campaign. Also, the Western Garrison General used to be a commander under the Protector General, and later, the Protector General had handed him command of his own troops and promoted him. Hence, he would naturally be more lenient with his previous little master.

After he came of age, Guan Shanjin was finally willing to return to the capital, idling about for two years. On the surface it looked as though it was the Emperor who had taken pity on him for having spent so much of his young life on the battlefield, and never got to enjoy the feeling of being with his family. Now, he gave the family a chance to spend more time together, and also to conveniently settle his marital matters, birth a successor, and soothe the Protector General’s love for his child.

In private, it was a lot simpler. The Emperor was afraid that this young man would be too difficult to control, but it was a waste to leave this sword unused. He planned to let him marry and start a family as quickly as possible, and in that way, he would have a few more chips in his hand.

No one was sure if Guan Shanjin had seen through the Emperor’s plan, but young General Guan was completely disinterested in the various beauties that appeared at his door daily. The scrolls of paintings in his study piled up in stacks, and if there was no space on the wall for them to be hung up, they would be sent to a corner of the house and left to collect dust. The clever steward came up with an idea of replacing the paintings on the wall daily,  so as to somewhat give face to the various aristocratic families.

But by the time half the beauties on the paintings had found their marriage match already, young General Guan still did not pay an iota of attention to those drawings, not to mention selecting one of them.

Of course, this was not difficult to understand. After all, these beauties were still not as good looking as young General Guan.

Next to him, how could the beauties even compare? All eyes would definitely be drawn to young General Guan instead.

The Protector General too had no idea how to deal with his son. Beating him? This son of his was ruthless, whether the Protector General was able to beat him was one thing, but even if he did manage to beat him, he himself would probably lose a pound of flesh in the process. Scolding him? The Protector General was a boor, and could not be compared to his son, who was well-versed in both literature and military affairs. With all accomplishments that a scholar should have, this son might not leave his father with any dignity.

It was not as though the relationship between the father and son was bad, but somehow, as parents, they had brought Guan Shanjin up to be a strong-minded person since he was a child. As long as one could convince him with logic, it was fine, as he was a person who would listen to advice, as long as it did not exceed his limits. However, if one decided to insist on getting their way with him, he could fight with them till the end of time.

Still, as he could not let this matter drag on like this, the Protector General could only suggest for his wife to talk it out with his son, and to inquire if he had any preferences. In this way, they could then have an idea of what to do!

After the talk, they finally learnt that Guan Shanjin liked — men.

Although the Great Xia Dynasty was at the top of its peak, and there were quite a few famous male wives, the aristocratic families were still somewhat disapproving of such matters. Even if a person liked men, they would do it in secret, and would not consider accepting a man as a legal wife.

However, young General Guan did not care. He was candid about his lack of interest in females, if they wanted him to get married, in this life, he would only marry a male wife.

With these words, the Emperor was much less worried. In the Great Xia, the Protector General was one of the rare ones who chose to only spend the rest of his life with one wife, and he did not even have a companion maid1. The Protector General had married his wife when they were young, and since then, they were very sweet together, giving birth to their only son, Guan Shanjin.

Seeing that this sole son only wanted men and did not like beauties, it meant that the Protector General would no longer have any descendents. The Emperor was hugely relieved, immediately decreeing Guan Shanjin as the Southern Garrison General and sending him to Southern Xinjiang.

What a misfortunate family. After the Protector General and his wife sent off their son, he returned to the ancestral hall and kneeled for a night. The next day, he started seeking a good man for his son.

It could only be said that he was big-hearted.

As for Guan Shanjin, ever since he left the capital, he never returned.

But despite being so far away, it could not deter a parent’s love and concern for their child.

As such, on some random day some months back, Guan Shanjin received a book that consisted of over four hundred pages. The workmanship was exquisite, and the pages within the book were made of bailu paper2, and the cover was made of jinsu paper3. On it was inscribed The Pengornisseur, and at the bottom was a label whose words were as tiny as a fly — The Capital and Southern Xinjiang Version.

Together with the book came a letter from his family. Guan Shanjin did not feel like reading it himself, and gestured at his vice general, Man Yue, to read it for him.

Just like his name, Man Yue was round and fat like a full moon. His skin was fair and could never hold a tan, smooth and flushed with a slight pink tint. Other than the Guan family army and the current Southern Xinjiang army, no one would have guessed this this plump little bun was Guan Shanjin’s most valiant general.

Reading the letter, Man Yue burst out laughing.

“General, it’s a letter from the Protector General.” Guan Shanjin shot him a cold look, warning him to say less rubbish.

“Don’t look at me like this! General, you know that with your pair of alluring eyes, they could easy cause a person to fall for you. Man Yue is still young, I won’t be able to bear it.” He clearly did not take Guan Shanjin’s warning to heart. The relationship between Man Yue and Guan Shanjin was different from the rest, and he could afford to tease him.

“Don’t be so talkative.” Guan Shanjin reached his hand out to pinch at Man Yue’s cheek harshly. “Tell me about it.”

As for why he did not let Man Yue read the letter out loud, it was because Guan Shanjin understood his father too well. He was clearly an old, big, tall and boorish person, but his letters always went on and on, and even could include things like how the little yellow dog at the city gates had now given birth to a litter of puppies, and Guan Shanjin was helpless against his father’s disposition.

Fortunately, although Man Yue was a very lively and boisterous person, he could handle Guan Shanjin’s temper perfectly. He laughed, “It’s nothing much. General Guan, do you know about the Peng Society?”

“Yes.”

Not only did he know, but ever since Guan Shanjin came out with the news that he preferred men, someone from the Peng Society had looked for him, saying that they would like to have the honour of being his matchmaker.

Guan Shanjin sneered, even random passersby were now concerned with his marriage, if the Emperor did not have a hand behind this, he would not believe it. As for who exactly was the boss behind the Peng Society, he had delegated the investigation to a trusted subordinate of his, and soon got all information about that man in his hands, so he had set it aside and no longer bothered with it.

Who would have thought, after so many years, the Peng Society had again appeared in front of him through his father. They were really seeking their deaths.

“This Peng Society specialises in matchmaking for men. Here, it’s by this Pengornisseur.” Man Yue flipped through The Pengornisseur, and clicked his tongue continuously in amazement.

“Who do you think started the Peng Society? They really know their business.”

“It’s Dong Shucheng.” Guan Shanjin tightened his lips derisively. “If you’re interested, you can take it. My marriage still doesn’t need the old man’s concern.”

“Dong Shucheng?” Man Yue did not refuse it, and joyfully accepted the book. When he flipped through a few pages just now, he came across all sorts of outstanding men. Their family backgrounds were also all clean and proper. Having kept himself chaste for so many years, it seemed that it was now the time for him to look for someone too.

“The owner of Azure Pavilion.”

“So it’s actually the owner of Azure Pavilion!” Man Yue gasped in admiration. About that Azure Pavilion, almost everyone in the Great Xia Dynasty knew about it. It was the top entertainment venue that reigned supreme across the land, and only the most distinguished elites were allowed to enter its premises. Even a person like Man Yue, who preferred men, was a little interested in checking it out, as such, one could imagine how impressive it was.

This pavilion owner was too far reaching, he could even earn money off the matters between people, what a sharp business acumen!

“But talking about this, General, you can’t remain as a bachelor for life.” Having gained some benefits by taking The Pengornisseur, he should help speak on the Protector General’s behalf.

“I won’t.” With a shadow of a smile on his face, Guan Shanjin looked at his deputy from the corner of his eyes. “You know that there’s someone in my heart.”

“I know, but so what? He’s in your heart, but you’re not in his heart.” If this was said by anybody else, he would definitely be chopped up into pieces and fed to the wolves, but only Man Yue had the confidence to say such things.

Still, he could not withstand that murderous cold glare of Guan Shanjin. After a couple of jeering laughs, he grabbed The Pengornisseur and ran away with it.

In the next few months, regardless of the weather, The Pengornisseur would be delivered every month, and it would all be received by Man Yue, who then joyfully made friends through the pigeon express.

After time passed, Guan Shanjin too finally understood the impressiveness of this Pengornisseur. One day, he could not resist his curiosity, and so asked Man Yue for the latest edition of The Pengornissuer and flipped through it.

“You’re thinking of indulging in the worldly desires?” Man Yue had an exaggerated look of astonishment on his face, offering the book to Guan Shanjin with both hands.

“Poo.” If a person was beautiful, even his vulgar words were music to the ears. Guan Shanjin reclined on the daybed next to the window. He felt a little lazy today, after the morning training, he then returned to his room for a bath. Without even tying up his hair, he dressed in a thin inner robe and lazed on the daybed, flipping through The Pengornisseur idly.

“How is it?” Man Yue sat by the side, itching to know the answer.

Guan Shanjin did not reply, looking through the book page by page. He had always been erudite with a good memory, with one glance he could read ten lines, and so without much effort, he had gone through more than half of the book, and had only a few pages left. Man Yue felt a pain in his heart, in The Pengonisseur, these were all good men. Leaving the rest aside, the ones that he had contacted over the past few months, they were all the cream of the crop, there were the gentle and elegant ones, the strong and heroic ones, and there were even ministers and powerful ones in there.

However, looking at how Guan Shanjin flipped through the pages, even a pearl could only be treated as an eye of a fish and thrown away.

Suddenly, Guan Shanjin straightened up, then stood up from the daybed. His lazy expression had changed, and that amorous pair of alluring eyes gleamed.

Man Yue’s heart thumped, abruptly realising that something might be wrong. He leapt up as well, reaching out to snatch The Pengornisseur… Of course, this was only in his imagination. When his hand had moved just slightly, a sharp black sword was immediately at his throat.

Damn, when would this person stop taking his sword out without a word?!

“Keep your sword! No matter what, I’m still your vice general!” Man Yue hurriedly took a couple of steps back before he dared to grumble.

“So?” Guan Shanjin shot him a look, and with a flex of his arm, he kept his sword.

“You…” Man Yue sighed. “At least, let me know who you’re interested in?”

Although he wanted to lean closer, after evaluating the darkness in Guan Shanjin’s eyes, Man Yue decided to not risk his neck.

“Tell me, what exactly does it mean to make friends through the pigeon express?” Guan Shanjin did not reply to Man Yue’s question, instead asked in reply.

“Hmm… Essentially, it’s just writing a letter to the person you’re interested in, then mail the letter to a collection point, and someone would take it from there.” Man Yue had no choice but to answer obediently. He had to first calm this person down, before he could prevent a tragedy from happening.

“A collection point?”

“Yes, isn’t it all written there? Goose City, Fragrance City, Bastion City, the capital etc., all these are the collection points offered by the Peng Society.” Man Yue could see that Guan Shanjin’s mood had improved, and so he took a few steps closer. “Why? You’re really thinking of indulging in the worldly desires?”

Guan Shanjin still did not reply to his questions, and only curled his lip. “Prepare the horses, and find 4 men to accompany me. I want to go to Goose City.”

“You want to go to Goose City?” Man Yue jumped, his soft flesh trembling. “If you really are interested in someone, you just need to send a letter, there’s no need to do this!”

“Hmm?” Guan Shanjin’s tone was gentle, and even Man Yue blushed upon hearing it. His heart twitched, and his mouth was open, yet he could not say a word.

Guan Shanjin was after all the general, so, there was nothing he could do about it. Could he get someone to tie the general up and prevent him from leaving? If he really did that, that Chenyuan sword would definitely have a good meal. Although lives might not be taken, there was still a high possibility of at least lying in bed for a couple of months.

“General, aren’t you afraid that Mr Lu would be unhappy once he hears about this?” Man Yue had no choice but to take his last stand. He was extremely unwilling to mention Mr Lu in front of the general, as this person was the underlying cause to all this trouble! However, he could now only try quenching a thirst with poison.

“Isn’t this what you want?” Guan Shanjin scoffed, and slammed The Pengornisseur close. “When I’m gone, send someone to tell Mr Lu where I’m going and what I plan to do. If there is any news, inform me through the mail.”

“I don’t know what you’re planning to do.” Man Yue was really upset, his usual cherubic smiling face was now gloomy.

“I’m only going to rob some male civilians.” Guan Shanjin pinched Man Yue’s cheek. “Quickly ask someone to ready everything; when I’m done with packing, I’ll leave.” With him being so urgent, Man Yue could only obey his orders.