You've Got Mail: A Cautionary Tale

Chapter 3 – Receiving A Pile of Pengornis Drawings

The 10th arrived very quickly. On that day, Wu Xingzi awoke before the sun even rose, and tidied up his house. Polishing his furniture until they shone, he then ran to the waterfall at the nearby mountain and washed himself clean. Then, full of joy, he went off to hire Old Liu’s cart to head to Goose City.

During the entire journey, Wu Xingzi was very fidgety, feeling as though there were butterflies in his stomach. It was not until Old Liu shot him a third glance, did Wu Xingzi realised that he had been humming a tune.

However, he did not know many songs. All that he knew were those storytelling scripts that his father had taught him when he was still around. For some reason, he had started humming to <The Injustice to Dou’e>.

His face stained red, rubbing the back of his neck, Wu Xingzi tried to pretend as though nothing had occurred and looked at the familiar scenery instead. However, his heart had long flew to the antique shop in Goose City.

This trip was likely to be the most arduous yet pleasant trip in Wu Xingzi’s lifetime. Upon reaching the city gate, he hastily jumped off the cart and asked Old Liu, “Uncle Liu, do you need to buy anything in Goose City?”

Old Liu bit at his pipe before looking at the restless Wu Xingzi, “No, not really. If you do need more time to handle your things, I’ll just wait for you.”

“It’s fine it’s fine, I’m just going to collect something. I’ll be back once I’m done.” Wu Xingzi gave a few firm nods, then ran off.

Before Old Liu was even finished with his pipe, Wu Xingzi had returned carrying a parcel that was neither big nor small in his arms.

“Uncle Liu, please try this.” Climbing onto the cart, Wu Xingzi pulled out a little bag, and inside were four pieces of exquisite looking pastries. Slight surprise could be seen on Old Liu’s face, as he looked at Wu Xingzi’s bright and black eyes and the flush on his cheeks.

“Thanks, I’ll have some.” Although he did not know where Wu Xingzi got these snacks from, but Old Liu knew he was not one to carry out harmful deeds, and so he picked one up.

Wu Xingzi carefully placed that bigger parcel on his knee. He stroked it a few times, as though smoothing out invisible creases, his happiness evident on his face.

Back at Qingcheng County, Wu Xingzi handed all the pastries to Old Liu. He also arranged for another trip to Goose City the next day, then, hugging the parcel, he quickly left.

Watching as the usually quiet and restrained Wu Xingzi left, Old Liu smoked his pipe without uttering a word.

After returning home, Wu Xingzi first prepared a basin of water to wipe his entire body clean. He then washed his hands twice, and dried them with a clean cloth. Only after he confirmed that his hands were completely dry, he carefully opened the package.

Inside it, was a book.

It was not too thick, probably about a hundred pages. The cover of the book was simple and elegant, with the words “The Pengornisseur” written on it in beautiful penmanship. The words were very good looking, symmetrical, the strokes were imposing, and the strictness of the characters was laced with a touch of casual pleasantness. Wu Xingzi’s finger glided lightly over those words a few times, his fingertip trembling slightly.

The paper was also of a good quality. Wu Xingzi could not identify what type it was, but when he touched it, it was soft like cotton.

Inhaling deeply, just as he was about to flip open the book, Wu Xingzi suddenly remembered something and pulled his hand back. He ran to the door to check that it was securely locked, then to the windows to make sure they were securely closed. Only then did he pat his chest in relief and returned to the table, finally opening The Pengornisseur.

So this was paradise! Fifteen minutes later, this was the only thought in Wu Xingzi’s head. He was giddy with joy, smiling as though he was drunk.

There were a total of one hundred and twenty pages in The Pengornisseur, disregarding the first and last two pages, every page was a portrait of a man and his details.

Some had descriptions that left no details out, mentioning their likes and dislikes, their dressing, and even their family background, while others only mentioned their names and their interests.

Wu Xingzi saw his own portrait on page ninety-six.

That was not the drawing he had submitted, it seemed that Rancui had found a professional artist to redraw his portrait. That drawing was extremely vivid, looking so real as though he could just walk out from the page. Feeling sheepish yet pleased, he stroked the drawing. He did not look too bad after all, maybe he might really be able to find a partner to spend his life with.

Unconsciously, Wu Xingzi had already forgotten about his plan of committing suicide on his fortieth birthday.

The other drawings also looked like they were drawn by a professional. The Peng Society was very meticulous when it came to their work, it seemed like they truly wanted to find a partner for their members.

After scanning through all the pages quickly, Wu Xingzi went back to the start of the book and looked at each page carefully.

Only until the sky turned dark and when he could not see anything clearly without a lamp, did Wu Xingzi had no choice but to put The Pengornisseur down. He lit the lamps and rubbed his growling stomach.

Quickly cooking a bowl of noodles, adding an egg and a bunch of vegetables into it, he slurped it all up and filled his belly. Then, going back to The Pengornisseur, Wu Xingzi, with great effort, wrote letters to the five people he had selected. By then, he was so tired that he could barely keep his eyes open. Still, lying on his bed, his delight kept him awake. Only when a cock’s crow sounded in the distance, did he finally fell asleep.

The next day, when Old Liu saw Wu Xingzi’s swollen and bloodshot eyes, yet still looking very energetic, he gently raised a brow but did not say a word. He stuffed two buns and an egg into  Wu Xingzi’s hands, wanting him to eat them on the cart.

Reaching Goose City, Old Liu again waited under the shade of the tree outside the gates, while Wu Xingzi ran off into the city after thanking him.

He took a slightly longer time than yesterday. By the time he hurried back with a bag in his hand, the sun had already moved its position.

“Uncle Liu, I’ve made you wait.” Wu Xingzi’s eyes were bright, completely different from his calm and slightly dreary past self. He presented two large meat buns and a container of cool water to Old Liu, “Please have these, the buns are very delicious.”

Old Liu felt that something was not quite right, but he still did not ask. Accepting the buns and water, he gave his thanks in return, then they both headed back to Qingcheng County.

On the way back, Wu Xingzi could not help but start humming again. He recalled the salesman’s instructions when he sent the letters, “Sir, the replies usually take about three days to return. In your case, as your letters are being delivered so early in the day, you should be able to receive the replies within two days. Please remember to come and collect them.”

“Definitely, definitely.” Wu Xingzi nodded vigorously. Only until the pigeons that were delivering the letters had disappeared from his sight, did he finally pull his eyes away.

He had thought about everything already. Although there were many in The Pengornisseur that he was interested in, but he knew that his age and his lack of assets were a disadvantage. As an adviser, his salary was only enough to cover his daily necessities. If he was to be overly fastidious, he would end up only wasting the money spent on sending the letters, vexing himself.

He had selected these five people very carefully. Their age was around his, the youngest was about thirty plus, near forty. They had all studied before, and two of them were even scholars. They also did not live too far away from him, the letters were all delivered to Fragrance City, which was a day’s worth of travelling from Goose City.

These five people were the only members of their family left, without parents or any siblings. They looked honest and upright, and one of them was even rather good looking. Wu Xingzi privately hoped that he would be able to make friends with that good looking one.

During this two-days wait, Wu Xingzi seemed euphoric. He smiled more often, and became even more likeable. On the afternoon of the second day, Constable Zhang even brought him a bowl of mutton soup with beancurd and patted his shoulder encouragingly. Overwhelmed by his kindness, the soup tasted even better than usual to Wu Xingzi.

However, at this moment, he had not come to a realisation. Why did Constable Zhang had to specially encourage him? Was it not just a simple issue of making penpals through the pigeon express?

After Wu Xingzi received the replies, he returned home happily and locked all his windows and doors. Reading them, he was stunned, and could not believe what he was seeing.

He first opened all five letters, flattening them out one by one. His smile was frozen on his face, looking somewhat scary. He rubbed his eyes, inhaling deeply, then rolled up each letter with trembling hands and packed them neatly on the table. Going to the kitchen to cook a bowl of noodles, he finished up everything, then returned to the table and spread the letters flat on the surface again.

As the drawings in the letters revealed themselves, Wu Xingzi’s eyes widened, almost falling out of their sockets.

He took in a deep breath, his vision dim, as though he fainted for a moment. However, his hands were still holding those letters flat against the table.

What were these!

What exactly were these! In front of him, were… were… were these not five drawings of that certain male anatomy?!

Wu Xingzi was about to go crazy, he tried to recall what he wrote, it seemed to be: This gentleman, I beg your pardon. Seeing your image at first glance in The Pengornisseur, I could not help but be moved towards you. I hope that I can become penpals with you, and in due course hopefully become each other’s life partner.

Of course, he felt that he was a little too direct. When he sent those letters, he also felt somewhat embarrassed. However, he was worried that if he did not express enough sincerity, the other person would think that he just only wanted to be friends, and that would have wasted his money.

Had he been really too direct?

Wu Xingzi gripped those five letters, his body shivering till his teeth chattered, only recovering after a long time. Releasing those letters that were in his hands, he again went to the kitchen to prepare a huge bowl of noodles, gulped it down, and then came back.

With two bowls of noodles, his stomach was so full that it hurt, but he managed to calm down a little.

Now, he was able to carefully savour these five drawings of phalluses.

He had to admit, this technique was really… striking! The drawings were so true to life, it was as though he could feel their warmth already.

Wu Xingzi was suspicious, these drawings could not also have been redone by the professional artist of ThePeng Society, right? If that was the case, then those fifty coins were really truly well spent!

It was said that there were as many different looks as people in the world, and everyone had their own taste. However, Wu Xingzi had never thought that that would be the case for phalluses as well.

About the first one, it looked neat and clean, the foreskin at the top retreating to show a rounded head. The slit was pink and tender, looking as though it had never been used. It seemed as though the owner also rarely masturbated. Wu Xingzi also belonged to this type of phalluses, but it was less substantial.

As for the second drawing, it looked a lot thicker and sturdier, the veins showing through the skin. It looked somewhat threatening, its head huge, while its root was slightly thinner. The length was not as long as the first one, the slit at the head gaping slightly. Glancing at it a couple of times, Wu Xingzi swallowed his saliva unconsciously.

The third one was a little smaller, and belonged to that good looking gentleman. However, even though it was not as thick and long as the previous two, but it still looked very nice, as though it was carved from a beautiful piece of jade. From the root to the tip, even the slit at the top, it looked exquisite and warmed with an inner glow, there was no flaws to be found with it.

Wu Xingzi could not help but exclaim. That artist’s skills were really good, able to imbue the drawing of a phallus with the texture of jade. He really wanted to reach out and touch it.

The fourth drawing was a little different. The foreskin was longer, covering the tip of the phallus, with the slit peeking out from under the skin. It was rather thick and long, but not as ferocious looking as the second one. The hair at the root was lush, the artist even drew it like a patch of grass. It looked untamed, and when pressed against a tender part of the body it was sure to feel itchy.

Wu Xingzi could not help but adjust his seating position.

The last drawing was an eye-opener for Wu Xingzi. The letters were all of the same size, and this one almost could not fit into the page. The considerable size of the phallus made it seem as though it was about to burst out from the paper. The balls also seemed weighty and full, and the head was nearly like a small chicken egg, round and sturdy. The entire phallus was not ruler-straight, but slightly curved upwards.

Wu Xingzi’s breathing became heavier. He put those letters down in a fluster, rubbing his hands together incessantly, as though there was something hot burning his palms.

He still did not understand, why would he receive such replies from his penpals, was this the usual convention? Wu Xingzi looked down at his crotch, his body heating up.

This, this, this… He definitely would not be able to draw his own prick as a reply! The outside world truly overwhelmed Wu Xingzi, a person who had lived in a remote village for his entire life.

However, although it overwhelmed him… Wu Xingzi stared at those five letters, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed.

His body was a little restless, like there was a flame in his belly. Even through his trousers, the swelling little Xingzi could be seen.

Fretfully, he walked around his house twice. The fire in his belly did not abate, but instead burned even more fiercely.

Pushing open the windows, he looked outside. The sky was already dark, no one was likely to come visit him… As he thought, Wu Xingzi sucked in a deep breath, and again made sure that his windows and doors were latched securely. Then, he brought those five drawings of phalluses and a candle back to his bedroom, removed all his clothes from his lower half of his body, and lay on the bed.

To tell the truth, Wu Xingzi was about to turn forty, but he had barely ever masturbated before. To be so eager was really the first time he had felt like this… Tonight, Wu Xingzi finally had a taste of a pleasure he had never experienced before.