June is our farewell song

"Teacher Guan also got up early to water the flowers. Isn't this the job of the school staff?"

Chen Ge glanced at the large bucket that Guan Zhongting was bending over to carry. Inside was a puddle of clean water that was almost transparent. In the small box in the other hand were some mung bean-sized balls of different colors. Looks like fertilizer or something.After all, he was getting old, and the old man turned around carrying a tin bucket full of water that weighed [-] jins, panting from exhaustion, Chen Ge frowned, and took a step forward, taking the bucket over.

The old man with his head bowed didn't respond right away. Instead, he stood under the wishing tree with his knees bent and gasped for a while. He wiped his face with a white towel hanging around his neck, and then slowly straightened up.

"I can't sleep when I'm old, and now I don't teach. Sometimes I feel very lonely, so I have to care more about flowers and plants."

"Then why don't you continue to teach?" Chen Ge asked casually, "With your level and qualifications, it's not difficult to rehire after retirement. As long as you have this intention, the school shouldn't have any problems."

"Time is not forgiving... How can I teach with my body?"

The moment I straightened up, the clouds and mists surrounding the hilltop dissipated, the dry morning sun shrouded the sky above, and the dew attached to the leaves dripped to the ground in small groups.In sight, the south side of the mountain is covered by the sun, and the light golden color extends from the top of the mountain to the foot of the mountain, enveloping several buildings in the student dormitory area.Guan Zhongting took the bucket from Singer Chen and poured it into the sewer beside him.In February, the old man over [-] years old was wearing thin clothes. Was it because the bucket was too heavy?

His eyes were very enthusiastic, but there were only flowers and plants in the enthusiasm, and Chen Ge stood aside.

Always feel very lonely.

"Your body is probably better than many young teachers now." Chen Ge said, "I heard from the principal that he wants you to come back to lead the research group in every possible way, but you are as stubborn as a donkey. Several people couldn't persuade you, they did your ideological work for several months, and you didn't let go at all, so you had to give up."

"Well, there is such a thing, but it was more than three years ago." The old man replied very straightforwardly.

"That's it... The principal thinks that we young teachers are useless, saying that our methods have problems and that we lack experience. Jiang is still old and hot. If there is an experienced old teacher leading the team, the teaching effect will be great. It could be much better."

"What do you think? Does he have a point?"

"Things seen from different angles will show different sides." Chen Ge smiled, "So it is also doomed that people in different positions cannot understand each other, there is no way."

"This is what I told you before. Are you using it here to respond to the principal?"

"Well, probably." Chen Ge squinted his eyes and looked at the old man, "I didn't quite understand the meaning of this sentence in the past, but now I gradually understand."

"That means you are growing up slowly, or rather, getting old."

Chen Ge was taken aback for a moment, probably because he didn't expect him to say that.

"Just say what you have to say, you don't need to make so many twists and turns. Of course, if you really came to persuade me to go back to be the leader of the research group on behalf of the principal, then." The old man waved his hand Waving, "However, I don't think so."

"As expected of Teacher Guan, I can't hide anything from you, so I'll just say it straight. Teacher, the reason why you chose to retire early from the front-line teaching position is probably not the physical reason written in the report?" Chen Ge looked up. To the wishing tree, fragments of golden light leaked from the gaps in the lush branches and fell into his deep pupils, "It's because of Qiu Ling, right?"

"Ah, you can put it that way." The old man didn't deny it, but just looked down at the newly sprouted flowers and plants at his feet.

"So, teacher, you really know something, that's why you said that at that time." Chen Ge repeated the sentence just said, "Things seen from different angles will show Showing a different side. Teacher who is in a different position from us, what did you see differently?"

"Do you still think I'm hiding something from you?"

"Isn't it? Teacher." I originally wanted to use a question sentence, but when I said it, the tone was lowered, and it became a statement sentence just like that.

"Do you all think so, or are you the only one who thinks so?"

"I just want to know the answer to the question. Teacher, what do you know? What is the secret behind Qiuling's death? Recently, I carefully recalled and investigated the events of the year, and I think I have It’s close to the truth, but I always feel that it’s a little bit off. I don’t know what’s missing. Later, I thought about what you said, and realized that it might be a misunderstanding caused by a difference in perspective, but I don’t know what to do. solve this problem……"

"That's why you thought of me. Even though I have already told you clearly that I don't know anything, you still want to try again." The old man sighed, "Oh, you also found those children Well, why can't you let go? Is it true that pursuing a possible truth is more important than a good life now?"

"A good life, huh... Teacher, do you really think your life is good now?"

"Jun Mo gave up his studies and came back to open a small dessert shop after graduating from his undergraduate degree. Shi Yu gave up her dream of being an orchestra and came back here to become an ordinary music teacher. Troubled by this, I haven’t had a good night’s sleep for so long. Every time I close my eyes, the scene of that day will appear in front of my eyes uncontrollably. This tree, this flower, everything here, I feel can not forget."

As Chen Ge said, he closed his eyes. In the pitch-black darkness, a tall banyan tree slowly grew out, as if soaked in blood. The sky, the grass, and the banyan tree were all covered in dazzling scarlet.

Recalling the past that I don't want to recall is like walking in a mess.I want to get out, but I can't find the thread.

"You guys..."

"Isn't that the same for you, teacher? Isn't it because you can't get rid of Qiu Ling's death that you hastily ended your career as a teacher who devoted most of your life?"

"Hey... Are you determined to find the truth because you want to find a relief for yourself?"

"Well... that's right. It's for myself and for others. Teacher, don't you want to..."

"If the truth is not what you expect it to be, if...the truth is unacceptable to you, if uncovering it does not free you or anyone else, it only adds to the pain, let us, let you, Would it even make Qiu Ling suffer even more?"

Chen Ge opened his eyes, and saw that the old man with vicissitudes of life in front of him gradually overlapped with the middle-aged man who laughed heartily in his memory.

The sun had risen completely, and he saw the wrinkles on the old man's face, which were much more than before.

Time will not spare anyone.

"Really... will it be like this?"

It seems to be a question to the old man, and it seems to be talking to himself.

"As people around her, me as an elder, and you as peers, don't we really have no responsibility at all?"

Don't talk anymore, don't talk anymore.

Chen Ge suddenly didn't dare to look at him.

He didn't know what the overwhelming chill in his heart was.

"I'm sorry, teacher," he heard his own cold voice, "I came here to find you on my own initiative, and said so many things that shouldn't be said."

"I know," the old man said, "this is a hurdle in your heart, and it is also in my heart. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that you should be responsible for that. In fact, I am the one who should be responsible." people."

What's the meaning?What does "I am the one responsible" mean?
Chen Ge bit his lip, wondering what the direction of this nondescript conversation would be.

"At that time, she came to see me once, just before New Year's Day."

Chen Ge heard this in a daze, and suddenly looked up at him.

The old man talked to Chen Ge with a calm expression throughout the whole process, his black bean-like eyes were calm, and he looked indifferent.

Speaking of this sentence, when Chen Ge looked up at him, he couldn't help avoiding his gaze.

"It wasn't long after the meeting, and I was about to go on vacation again, but I was assigned to be on duty in the duty office. I thought about resting for a while, so I dozed off on the chair. During the period, I heard someone knocking on the door and vaguely speaking. The voice was that of a student. I was too tired at the time, so I didn’t get up to answer the door. Thinking about it later, it was indeed Qiu Ling’s voice.”

Chen Ge wanted to say something, but held back.

Continue to listen to the old man.

"I've talked to her many times before, so I know that even if I opened the door that time, maybe it won't change anything, but I can't talk myself into ignoring this mistake, so I don't think I deserve to be a teacher again. The next year , as long as I stayed in the office, I would hallucinate to hear the knock on the door, in order to find peace of mind, I offered to resign, which eventually turned into early retirement, and started working as an administrator in the school history library.”

"Then... have you found it? Peace of mind." Chen Ge finally interrupted him, "Have you found it? Teacher Guan."

He suddenly patted Chen Ge on the shoulder, the temperature of his hand was warmer than the morning sun in early spring.

"Chen Ge, I am no longer your teacher, and I can no longer teach you anything. The previous life is over, it is really over. In fact, if you look back, Shiyu and the others are actually having a good time. Don't you You're so stubborn, you... well, it's all over."

"Stubborn...?" Chen Ge took a step back, assuming a farewell posture, "Teacher."

"Ah."

"Maybe you've found your inner peace, but I haven't."

He didn't give the old man time to answer, turned around and left in a hurry.