imperial psychologist
Chapter 180 Because You Can't Even Cry
Chapter 180 Because You Can't Even Cry
Bai Ling stared at Bai Yi, and shook his head for a long time.
Bai Yi stretched out his hand and scratched his head, but the expression on his face turned gentle, "I laughed at myself before as a person who survived medical school and was fearless, but taking care of mothers and children is really much more tiring than expected. Especially children, My sister was too young at the time, unable to listen to reason or understand, she directly disrupted the rhythm of my life and revolved completely around her."
Bai Yi took a deep breath, with a smile in his eyes that couldn't be concealed, "But my sister really loves me so much, a child loves you because she really loves you, she smiles when she sees you, and crawls over when she sees you ..."
Bo Ling supported her chin and listened silently from the sidelines. She saw Bai Yi's eyes seemed to be gilded with highlights when he was telling these past events, and she knew the weight of these memories in his heart.
No wonder he never mentioned it.
"Did auntie's depression get better later?" After Bai Yi told many anecdotes about his sister, Bai Ling suddenly asked.
A moment of stiffness flashed across Bai Yi's face, then he shook his head.
Bo Ling stretched out his hand and lightly pressed on his clenched right fist.
After a long time, Bai Yi finally opened his mouth, but he said a series of drug names that Bai Ling had never heard of, "Guan Mu Tong, Guang Fang Ji, Qing Mu Xiang, Teng Xiang, Huai Tong, Bei She Sheng..."
"This is……?"
Bai Yi looked at the swaying tree shadows on the ground, his voice had completely calmed down, "...This is the prescription my dad found. After I returned to the laboratory, he secretly stopped my mother's imipramine at home and replaced it with It's... those traditional Chinese medicines just now."
Bo Ling took a breath, "... Has Auntie's depression relapsed again?"
"There was no relapse, and there was no time to relapse." Bai Yi's eyes dropped, "My mother passed away due to liver failure. These medicines contain aristolochic acid, and he didn't control the dosage well..."
Surprise and pity welled up in Bai Ling's eyes.
"I was the last to know about these things." Bai Yi said lightly, "My mother loves me and keeps it from me; Went to see my mom one last time... but I only made it to the funeral."
"It's really strange, those western medicines with strong side effects, you can't buy them in pharmacies without a doctor's prescription, but those traditional Chinese medicines with unclear side effects, you can just go to any Chinese pharmacy and grab as many as you want How much. There are also many Chinese patent medicines, because they are the quintessence of traditional Chinese medicine, so they can be marketed without even the most basic clinical tests..."
Bai Yi said in a low voice, "I later found a lot of messy earthwork at home, such as rootless water from the sky, ashes from the corners of old houses... The pollution in the city is so serious, these things will be collected by my dad For medicine, I really..."
Bai Yi's voice stopped abruptly.
He covered his forehead with one hand, and stared hard at the small piece of land in front of him.
It has been such a long time, but every time he thinks of this, Bai Yi always feels that somewhere in his heart is still like a knife.
Until now, he still couldn't help thinking, if he hadn't applied to go abroad, would all this not have happened?
If he had stayed in the country, it would have been a few hours by train to go home.If I could go home and have a look every week, how could my father's little actions be hidden from my own eyes?
But it doesn't make sense to think about it now.
He closed his eyes to deal with his emotions again, and when he opened them again, he glanced at Bo Ling with some concern—fortunately, Bo Ling didn't look at him, she rested her chin on one hand, looking at The bamboo branches of the green mound not far away.
"My mother likes bamboo." Bai Yi whispered, "When I went home to take care of her and my younger sister, she always liked to pull me to talk about the plans for the future. Fortunately, I listened patiently at that time, otherwise I might I regret it even more."
"She said that when she was young, my grandfather took her and a few brothers to visit my grandmother's grave. Every time, he would cut a young bamboo and insert it on the grave, and sometimes he would take them to sing in front of the grave."
"She was too tired in the second half of her life, maybe she left earlier, it would be a relief." Bai Yi stood up with his hands on his knees, he looked at the swaying bamboo leaves not far away, this sentence was more like talking to himself murmur.
He stretched out his hand to pick up Boling, "Let's go... It's all over, and I can only do so much."
Bai Ling was quieter than ever, she held Bai Yi's hand all the way, and her heart couldn't calm down for a long time.
Many things that I thought were strange before, but now that I think about them, they are all taken for granted.
Why Bai Yi refused to follow Bai Shijun to study medicine;
Why did Emperor Jianxi want him to admit in public that cinnabar is harmless to the emperor, and his expression would be so tormented;
Why is it that he has already survived the difficulties of Xiaoer Zhibao Pill and teething powder, but he still takes the job of testing the medicine on himself...
So this is ah.
Recalling the bits and pieces of the past, Bai Ling suddenly realized that under Bai Yi's persistence and stubbornness, there may be self-blame and guilt that will never be erased.
"All hope is an illusion."
"Actually, in Sartre's thinking, the so-called optimism is rooted in despair that eliminates all hope."
"I hope that people will have illusions about all kinds of results, but instead of letting people sink their boats and rely on their own strength to act."
Is that so?
So when he said these words, was he thinking of these things?
Bo Ling suddenly felt a sore nose, and tears fell one by one.
Bai Yi originally just walked forward blindly, but soon heard the sobbing of Bai Ling beside him, and when he looked down, he found that Bai Ling was wiping tears.
"...Why, why are you crying?"
Bai Yi stopped at a loss, squatted down in front of Bai Ling, and took out his handkerchief to wipe Bai Ling's face, but Bai Ling's tears were like a bead curtain with broken threads, Bai Yi wiped some, and the new Tears welled up again.
"Don't be sad, don't be sad." Bai Yi didn't know how to organize his words, "...I didn't even cry."
However, Bai Ling, who was just sobbing softly, frowned after hearing this, and cried even more sadly.
Bai Yi's movements froze, he didn't dare to speak anymore.
A girl's mind has always been like a butterfly to him, something that is always elusive and unpredictable.
Sometimes they cried for no reason, sometimes they laughed for no reason... He never really understood.
After a while, Bo Ling took his handkerchief from Bai Yi and wiped away his tears.
Bai Yi quickly handed over the water bag again.
Bo Ling took the water bag and muttered, "Thank you."
"Why are you crying?" Seeing that Bo Ling seemed to have calmed down a bit, he couldn't help asking.
Bai Ling glanced at him, shook his head helplessly, his voice was still choked up, "Because you can't even cry, Bai Yi."
(End of this chapter)
Bai Ling stared at Bai Yi, and shook his head for a long time.
Bai Yi stretched out his hand and scratched his head, but the expression on his face turned gentle, "I laughed at myself before as a person who survived medical school and was fearless, but taking care of mothers and children is really much more tiring than expected. Especially children, My sister was too young at the time, unable to listen to reason or understand, she directly disrupted the rhythm of my life and revolved completely around her."
Bai Yi took a deep breath, with a smile in his eyes that couldn't be concealed, "But my sister really loves me so much, a child loves you because she really loves you, she smiles when she sees you, and crawls over when she sees you ..."
Bo Ling supported her chin and listened silently from the sidelines. She saw Bai Yi's eyes seemed to be gilded with highlights when he was telling these past events, and she knew the weight of these memories in his heart.
No wonder he never mentioned it.
"Did auntie's depression get better later?" After Bai Yi told many anecdotes about his sister, Bai Ling suddenly asked.
A moment of stiffness flashed across Bai Yi's face, then he shook his head.
Bo Ling stretched out his hand and lightly pressed on his clenched right fist.
After a long time, Bai Yi finally opened his mouth, but he said a series of drug names that Bai Ling had never heard of, "Guan Mu Tong, Guang Fang Ji, Qing Mu Xiang, Teng Xiang, Huai Tong, Bei She Sheng..."
"This is……?"
Bai Yi looked at the swaying tree shadows on the ground, his voice had completely calmed down, "...This is the prescription my dad found. After I returned to the laboratory, he secretly stopped my mother's imipramine at home and replaced it with It's... those traditional Chinese medicines just now."
Bo Ling took a breath, "... Has Auntie's depression relapsed again?"
"There was no relapse, and there was no time to relapse." Bai Yi's eyes dropped, "My mother passed away due to liver failure. These medicines contain aristolochic acid, and he didn't control the dosage well..."
Surprise and pity welled up in Bai Ling's eyes.
"I was the last to know about these things." Bai Yi said lightly, "My mother loves me and keeps it from me; Went to see my mom one last time... but I only made it to the funeral."
"It's really strange, those western medicines with strong side effects, you can't buy them in pharmacies without a doctor's prescription, but those traditional Chinese medicines with unclear side effects, you can just go to any Chinese pharmacy and grab as many as you want How much. There are also many Chinese patent medicines, because they are the quintessence of traditional Chinese medicine, so they can be marketed without even the most basic clinical tests..."
Bai Yi said in a low voice, "I later found a lot of messy earthwork at home, such as rootless water from the sky, ashes from the corners of old houses... The pollution in the city is so serious, these things will be collected by my dad For medicine, I really..."
Bai Yi's voice stopped abruptly.
He covered his forehead with one hand, and stared hard at the small piece of land in front of him.
It has been such a long time, but every time he thinks of this, Bai Yi always feels that somewhere in his heart is still like a knife.
Until now, he still couldn't help thinking, if he hadn't applied to go abroad, would all this not have happened?
If he had stayed in the country, it would have been a few hours by train to go home.If I could go home and have a look every week, how could my father's little actions be hidden from my own eyes?
But it doesn't make sense to think about it now.
He closed his eyes to deal with his emotions again, and when he opened them again, he glanced at Bo Ling with some concern—fortunately, Bo Ling didn't look at him, she rested her chin on one hand, looking at The bamboo branches of the green mound not far away.
"My mother likes bamboo." Bai Yi whispered, "When I went home to take care of her and my younger sister, she always liked to pull me to talk about the plans for the future. Fortunately, I listened patiently at that time, otherwise I might I regret it even more."
"She said that when she was young, my grandfather took her and a few brothers to visit my grandmother's grave. Every time, he would cut a young bamboo and insert it on the grave, and sometimes he would take them to sing in front of the grave."
"She was too tired in the second half of her life, maybe she left earlier, it would be a relief." Bai Yi stood up with his hands on his knees, he looked at the swaying bamboo leaves not far away, this sentence was more like talking to himself murmur.
He stretched out his hand to pick up Boling, "Let's go... It's all over, and I can only do so much."
Bai Ling was quieter than ever, she held Bai Yi's hand all the way, and her heart couldn't calm down for a long time.
Many things that I thought were strange before, but now that I think about them, they are all taken for granted.
Why Bai Yi refused to follow Bai Shijun to study medicine;
Why did Emperor Jianxi want him to admit in public that cinnabar is harmless to the emperor, and his expression would be so tormented;
Why is it that he has already survived the difficulties of Xiaoer Zhibao Pill and teething powder, but he still takes the job of testing the medicine on himself...
So this is ah.
Recalling the bits and pieces of the past, Bai Ling suddenly realized that under Bai Yi's persistence and stubbornness, there may be self-blame and guilt that will never be erased.
"All hope is an illusion."
"Actually, in Sartre's thinking, the so-called optimism is rooted in despair that eliminates all hope."
"I hope that people will have illusions about all kinds of results, but instead of letting people sink their boats and rely on their own strength to act."
Is that so?
So when he said these words, was he thinking of these things?
Bo Ling suddenly felt a sore nose, and tears fell one by one.
Bai Yi originally just walked forward blindly, but soon heard the sobbing of Bai Ling beside him, and when he looked down, he found that Bai Ling was wiping tears.
"...Why, why are you crying?"
Bai Yi stopped at a loss, squatted down in front of Bai Ling, and took out his handkerchief to wipe Bai Ling's face, but Bai Ling's tears were like a bead curtain with broken threads, Bai Yi wiped some, and the new Tears welled up again.
"Don't be sad, don't be sad." Bai Yi didn't know how to organize his words, "...I didn't even cry."
However, Bai Ling, who was just sobbing softly, frowned after hearing this, and cried even more sadly.
Bai Yi's movements froze, he didn't dare to speak anymore.
A girl's mind has always been like a butterfly to him, something that is always elusive and unpredictable.
Sometimes they cried for no reason, sometimes they laughed for no reason... He never really understood.
After a while, Bo Ling took his handkerchief from Bai Yi and wiped away his tears.
Bai Yi quickly handed over the water bag again.
Bo Ling took the water bag and muttered, "Thank you."
"Why are you crying?" Seeing that Bo Ling seemed to have calmed down a bit, he couldn't help asking.
Bai Ling glanced at him, shook his head helplessly, his voice was still choked up, "Because you can't even cry, Bai Yi."
(End of this chapter)
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