endless roses

Chapter 148 Suzhou Rain and Messy Dreams
On the platform, rain.

I don't know how to describe it, but the heavy rain in Suzhou is continuous and mild.

I took the nucleic acid report for the second time, missed the platform I was supposed to get off, and looked around the overpass over the park station for a long time.It was still raining at this time, so I hid at the bus stop, surrounded by various people.There was a man in his fifties, pacing up and down solemnly. I heard a "bang", and saw the trash can hat that was hooked off by the corner of his clothes rolling on the ground. kicked.Afterwards, when it rained heavily, a passer-by who was connecting with his teammates came running, talking, I don’t know why, and vaguely felt that he was deliberately showing something, as if he was introducing to the people who were sheltering from the rain. His trendiness and avant-garde, those daddy and "sarcasm" words he utters out loud, have, to be honest, a slightly disgusting air.I was in a daze in the rain. For some reason, I remembered that ten years ago in S City, a new ramen shop opened at the end of the road where the shop turned inward. It was so hot in the afternoon. I didn’t want to go out. I carefully found my business card and called and said I'm so hungry, can you bring it here for me?That big brother XJ brought a bowl of beef noodles, walked slowly into the store, and told me, a lazy little girl, to study hard, don't go out when the sun is hot, and go chat with my father...

The intervals between these buses are usually 10 minutes, haha, wait.

7/25

on Monday:

Old sandals with a heel height of four to five centimeters. The two straps of the shoes are made of leather, with dark red and black intertwined fine checks, and the toes are exposed. I have worn them for many summers, 18, 19, 20, and 21 summer.It was bought by my father. Before my first college entrance examination, during the summer vacation of 18, I wore these high-top sandals to climb the Great Wall, stepped on ancient bricks, and stepped on the rain in the capital...

Today, black plastic bags are the home.It is really broken, the soles are folded in half, although it is barely wearable, the huge gap can already be felt with the feet.I dropped it, dropped it without reservation, and still remembered something, something I decided to forget.The new sandals I replaced were also a pair of red dragonfly leather sandals. I finally bought them for more than 70 yuan. They are flat-bottomed, more comfortable, and have no elasticity. breath.

A friend said: "I can't be defensive when I talk to you. In fact, I also know that you have kept a lot of things." Well, yes, but I don't know what to say, neither is it a question, nor is it that I need to deny or change question, what to say.

Hot dry noodles method: Cook the noodles and drain the water.Heat dry pasta seasoning.Pearl milk tea method: Cook brown sugar powder balls, add milk tea powder and oriental leaf tea.

Sometimes I feel very strange, how can I like someone when I don't know anything, I know it's easy and common, but I can't understand it.After taking morning tea and taking a walk, I suddenly wondered whether my travels in the past few days resembled Dean in Kerouac's works.and about your own life.

Thursday's dream:

Dreaming of holding an umbrella and standing in the rain.It was the usual navy blue one, with no glue on the back, and the umbrella was dilapidated, with a ribbon sticking out from the edge, and it was blowing in the wind.

Heard a voice from nowhere: The older you are, the more childish your mind is.I took it very seriously, and made a contemptuous look towards myself and everyone in the dream.Both I and they bear this criticism, which is pejorative, childish.

I am deeply ashamed of this sentence.I don't know what others are like, but after thinking about it, I'm not interested.

I haven't written a letter for a long time.I just feel like two or three days, there are a few old letters on the table for a long time, the main problem is that I don't remember what I said, and I worry that the same thing is too serious.Talk more, talk less, in terms of effective information, I am really the kind of person who is especially silent.When autumn really comes, I will take good care of the cobwebs on it.

In the early morning, I wanted to go to the lake to wait for the morning glow. I went out at the gap between dawn and sunrise, exchanged some daily greetings with a few cats, and bought breakfast. The sky was already slightly bright, and I walked back unconsciously. I didn’t remember it at all. Plan to watch the sunrise.

While in the shower, some indeterminate thoughts popped up:

I may not have been born for intimacy.Whether it has happened or been ruled out, "feeling" seems to me to be hasty and strange.I have no reason to continue and no reason to end.I am not a person who gets angry easily. Once I want to get angry, I almost immediately realize that this matter is not worth getting angry.

If it is not Zweig, anyone who is not disgusted after contact will probably feel very good.Of course sincerity and respect are required, at least in my opinion.I'm a guy who loses interest extremely easily and doesn't have enough patience with most things and people, which is one of the reasons why I said that I tried to talk to strangers for a few days but was almost unwilling to have a second conversation.Now, talking to strangers is also in the pass item, which is very boring, but when I hug, what I think of is not the person in my arms, but the hug itself.

One afternoon, in the dormitory.The water was about to soak me, and the bathroom mirror was fogged, and I suddenly felt worried. Is it possible that I will have some unfaithful behavior in the secular sense, and it does not mean cheating. It may be some kind of event or complex, which cannot be explained clearly.Similar to Borges' dream of chivalry and Dylan's fictional wandering stories, I really long for romance and escape from reality. At the same time, I clearly know that the romance that I can truly experience can only be brought by myself, and has nothing to do with other people's words and deeds, love words , the emotion of reunion, the noisy promise... It's hard to touch that nerve, so I don't expect others.As for the feeling of liking and liking, it's just a small fight.The ice is too thick for me to be easily obsessed with, but it must be fatal if it happens, there is no cure for it.

Or, just not yet in the state.When it comes to the future of the relationship, Zweig didn't make my heart settle. This relationship is a failure.He is very hardworking and serious, and he takes work and language learning seriously. A serious person is very attractive, and so is a sincere person.I gradually tried to compliment others, but I was still not used to repeating the same words.

On August 8, I lost nearly 7 hours of sleep
(End of this chapter)