endless roses

Chapter 149 The Day I Lost My Emotions

A dream friend had a birthday.

We were told the celebration was in a yellow school bus.The car was parked on the road, looking like it was going to leave after school, and a small rock concert was going on inside.But apart from it, the entire parking lot was extremely silent. Several of our friends sat in the back seat of a small car and drove around it twice. The singing changed with the distance, the left channel, the right channel , making people feel immersive.After wrapping around, we left humming a little song, and the singing faded away towards the country road ahead.

another dream.There was a shooting star last night, I told everyone at night, and then I dreamed about it.I was lying on the carpet, hugging the fluffy cat toy, he was lying in the opposite direction to me, our heads were next to each other, a little bit, the feeling of ear-to-eye contact.

"There is a meteor shower today, you can make a wish."

"What wish?"

"You promise quietly, it is best to have a good wish related to me, but don't say it."

He smiled softly and brightly when I spoke lazily.

He and she in the dream are very occasionally the exact person in reality, but we are familiar in the dream, so generally what I mentioned can be understood as he a, he b, he c, she a, she b, she c... But the one who talked about shooting stars yesterday is the lover in the dream, right?

I'm scared and I'm looking forward to it.I know that enthusiasm will always dissipate and return to mediocrity.But occasionally, just because I have to.

I want to have a wonderful life that I recognize.Suffering can be great, it can be unhappy, it can be embarrassing, if it deserves the word, and I hope it's worth it.

Because the restaurant on the second floor will mop the floor next night, I went to the third floor and fixed my eyes on a table by the window, where I could sit undisturbed for a while, drinking the iced coffee I just bought while calming down.I walked there, and a girl was walking towards the tableware recycling area with a half plate of spicy hot pot. Her gait was a bit slippery, and then her feet slipped, and the casserole, plates, and the vegetables and oil inside were almost flying The gesture bumped into me.The oil stains on the ground were splashed for one or two meters. My legs started to ache after being hit by the casserole for a few seconds. The orange-red oil in the incense pot, and after that, I found that it was not only the pain from the impact, but also the oil was a little hot.The girl said to her companion: "Haha, it's embarrassing to slip your hand."

I didn't know what to say, so I stood still for a while, looking at the oil stains that were sinking on the skirt, I probably looked unhappy.They were still in a huge "embarrassment", walked away embarrassedly, did not clean up the ground, did not apologize, and then took their places, they left, the canteen aunt picked up the tableware on the ground, and I sat by the window to take out dinner .

However, the oil was still flowing, and I could clearly feel the greasyness of my body, as well as the nausea from the strong spicy spicy pot smell.There must be fish or shellfish in that pot, and there should be a lot of meat dishes. At this moment, my body exudes this disgusting smell, which is extremely strong. I feel unbearable for my situation, and put bottled coffee and corn into In the bag, he walked back holding the hem of the skirt with one hand.Because the skirt is full of oil, if you don't lift it, it will seep through the cloth and get more on your thighs.When I went downstairs, they were in front of me, and they were still discussing, having lingering fears and teasing about the embarrassing scene, yes, the most embarrassing person was behind you, the latter two turned the corner to another place to avoid, I dragged my feet Oily leather sandals for the return trip.

The oil has some fish jelly smell that has been in the refrigerator for a few days, or fish cards. They come from my skirt, my legs and shoes. Although I came back and started washing clothes and myself, the smell is still strong. At this moment, the skirt is soaking for the second time , I used dishwashing liquid to clean my legs back and forth, but they couldn't get rid of them, and then I used shampoo, gold spinning, facial cleanser, etc. to clean them in turn, but the faint greasy feeling lingered, and I wanted to throw away that piece for a moment. Clothes, shoes, scrape off this oily skin, this dress is a relative favorite in my closet, not cheap, shoes are new, skin is body, but feel great about them at the moment disgust.

It was difficult to explain at first, I had no impression of those two girls, maybe I was angry at the moment when everyone was silent just after the accident happened, because my face was definitely not good, but it was not an angry expression. The oil dripped all over his feet, and there was an oil stain running down his left leg.

Perhaps, this is the dissociation mentioned by Akai. In the past, I called it the dissociation from the body. It is very strange. When cleaning the oil stains, for a moment, I felt that the skin and clothes are actually the same.

It's not love, it's just a moment of surprise and warmth, I don't know if it is.If there is even a slight chance that he will feel guilty for something, I just want to say, don't worry, take care of yourself, I'm fine here.Sad, non-existent, I'm numb, even if the heartache doesn't talk about it, that's not cool.

If only it were easy to compliment and lyrical, if only I was a man.

I don't know, I don't know my own heart, is it because of a woman's incomprehensible reason?Or is it your own reason?In addition to being able to guarantee that the feeling is true at a certain moment, most of the time when hearing someone speak is just a speech, whether it is true or false, or a moment of confiding, in fact, it is neither belief nor disbelief, so I don’t think much about it.

I feel like I'm downright bad.Recently, I had a very headache, and I still don't know what to say. I'm going to let the situation develop naturally, and then deal with it when it dissipates or becomes serious.Of course, I'm not sure I can hold back my words.

One thing is for sure, I am 100% unable and unwilling to live a traditional family life, which refers to a marriage that does not understand each other, does not respect, and may be messy.It is impossible to find someone to marry casually, and I would rather not marry to avoid the risk of being disturbed.Unless you really don't care, oops, don't talk about this.

Is it too easy, or extremely underwhelming?
I sold a few skirts and coats related to the past, and sold the Polaroids. Guitar estimated that he would not make further progress, and planned to give it away in the future.The money from selling clothes was exchanged for a set of cups and saucers, and I used it to drink coffee in the morning. After tidying up the desktop several times, I finally decided that it would be better to streamline the books. , the rest of the place is stacked with notebooks, and the only things that are messy are the occasional extra bottled coffee and pens.

Cohen's voice has a magical power, as if pulling your ghost to let him guide you. Listening to his "Hallelujah", I feel that it doesn't matter if you put your faith in the image of God.

It’s still raining outside, and today is Qixi Festival. I heard a strange sound at the door, like turning a key. Maybe it’s the wind, the opposite door, or the sound of pipes. I took off the earphones, and nothing happened.If it's not at school, but in a rented house somewhere, it's time to be wary

And the truth is, even at school, every such unnatural fluctuating sound caused a palpitation.

This is a small thing, I guess, maybe there has never been numbness, stinging, and it will still sting, and those who love it will still love it, and those who hate it will never turn around and change.

8 month 13-14 days

(End of this chapter)