endless roses

Chapter 150
Saturday's dream:

[-]. The girl in the dream speaks Japanese, behind her there is a white boy with a Middle Eastern face.They are very good friends, want to go somewhere together, did not call a taxi.The boy saw several tricycles listening to him beside him, and motioned the girl to communicate with the old man to use the car, which was regarded as a relief to the poor.She first asked kindly in Japanese, but the driver couldn't understand. The girl realized her impoliteness and smiled and said "Hey", and asked in broken Chinese: "Grandpa, go to Yuhuatai."

Following her perspective, I saw that the three wheels were covered with broken red plastic sheeting, and an old military green tarpaulin was outside.

Say to yourself, forget it, ask in Mandarin.

So I chatted with the old man about the route, and finally asked the price.

Not expensive, more than 1000 yuan.He added: "The craftsmanship is there, and I won't lie to you."

I was born and raised here, and I know he is deceiving, and I also understand that the simplicity and self-reliance in his eyes are unquestionable, such as the burden of life.

[-]. The cat and the mouse are chasing each other on TV.

I was sitting at the bar, drinking vodka alone, even though it was the wine in my dream, I still ordered it, aimlessly, the wine cabinet in front of me was full of spirits, all of them were crystal clear bottles, the light was not very bright , I can't read any words on the bottle.

[-]. In the jungles of Northern Europe, I heard a man playing the flute. He was in the early morning mist, and the light was a little dim, and then my mask fell into the flower bed.

Sunday ravings:

After the epidemic is over, I want to go to the beach alone, any sea, I hope there will be no people.It's just that it's a little empty and a little greasy.Generally speaking, this relationship is very comfortable most of the time. The problem is me. Establishing a relationship with a stranger, the future can be seen, so be it, it’s not interesting, it’s like playing house, and I lost all the fun again.

What he means is: I like you very much, don't worry about anything.But I don't seem to have such a strong need for a boyfriend.

My love is over from the beginning.

The stone was thrown into the lake, and a ripple was created, rippling, rippling, rippling for two days, and then calmed down.In fact, I like him quite a lot. It is rare to be respected, and we get along very warmly. Not only him, but I also can't imagine living with anyone.

Even if I like it very much, even if I'm in love, but, uh, I really don't know how to get along with people, even if nothing happens, my energy will be exhausted.I am also afraid that the beautiful bubbles that stay in the imaginary world will appear on the table. I know it is unrealistic, but let it disappear later.

It feels strange for a moment that a human being enters into a relationship with another human being and lives together for a long time.They have to be loyal to each other, restrain each other, and face the grinding boredom together.If given a chance, I would certainly be able to do it, but I would definitely not invest in it.It's great that people have pressure and pursuit, I hope he will always be like this, happy or sad, in short, don't be empty.

Raving:

Good morning, date, walk and silence, a little boring, a little boring

Walking in the teaching building at night, the black front road, the silent windows on both sides
I feel horrible, but there is no wave when I walk through it, the darkness is just what it looks like, I can walk through this darkness calmly
They give me a kind of horror.It was still raining, the rain caressed my body, and occasionally stepped on the pond
When I look at myself, I look at my own behavior even if I sigh, it's like looking at another her
She, it's me, the problem is me, I don't know how to continue to participate in this game, or the mode

Acting as girlfriend, dating, chatting, telling missing...

Are you still hurt by the last relationship, no?

That doesn't even count as affection, but I instinctively want to avoid people who would be intrusive

People are living, what is all this for?It's weird that I'm neither happy nor sad

I stood under the lamp, watching the rain jumping in the air, holding an umbrella, which was carried on my shoulders

motionless, thoughtful

The question is how should I live, what do I want?nothing special
You can experience some events at any time, and you can passively own or lose something

I don't hate it, I don't like it, it's just strange, it seems that all this has nothing to do with me

monday dream
In the bathroom in the dream, I looked at myself in the mirror and said: I know that all enthusiasm will dissipate.

The self after waking up: not only enthusiasm, but also all events will dissipate.

tuesday's dream
When I woke up, I was still thinking about what the woman said: Really, I have several possible lives now, and I can never get back on track.

Wednesday's dream:

They could see each other and thought they were clowns.Until one day they looked at the mirror together, and suddenly found that the opposite was a completely different existence, although the movements, appearance, room furnishings, and even the creases of the messy clothes were the same.

However, I just noticed that the strange world, the same scenery, completely different stories.I just stared at her in the mirror, unable to know each other.

Thursday's dream:

H is by my side, with curly hair and slightly thinner.The rainy season has passed, and many mold spots have grown on the walls, and my photos have been yellowed by the water vapor.I bent down, ripped off the photos and handed them to him, thinking to myself, "Okay, I know what the problem is."

H asked: "When?"

"Two years ago." I pointed to the photo again and said, "Look, does this look like a violin?"

At that time, I searched in my mind, and it took me a while to find the word "violin".Because I can play the guitar, but here I use another instrument, maybe it is me in the forgotten memory.In the photo, I rest the piano on my shoulders, wear a tube top suspender, and the skirt is flying in the wind, and I am playing music in this flying, intoxicated and ecstasy.

He held these few pieces of paper, as if reminiscing.

The melody of music whirled in my mind, they became lighter with the wind, and I remembered that this was a dream.

My reflexes are much more sluggish than the average person's. I don't know how to explain it. I just recently realized that I have experienced some particularly bad things, and I started to feel sick about it, and I fell into a directionless disgust.I didn't talk about it before, and I didn't realize the seriousness of the problem.But the part that has already happened is treated as a dream or someone else's story, which is equivalent to not existing at this moment, but what is happening now makes me sick.The mixture was stirred up like swill that had settled and been forgotten.I will talk to you about this chapter when I have really crossed this period, at least physically able to face it calmly, and psychologically.Like the collapse of the group, it is only a matter of time before the barriers in the heart dissipate.

Nausea is an occasional adjustment. Recently, I have been in a bad mood, not sad or happy, but in a state of suspension.Generally realize that I stop thinking about this, stop.

8/19

(End of this chapter)