in nightmare time

Chapter 85

He likes her, has liked her since he was a child, and after the year of the college entrance examination, he thought that he would never see her again in this life, but he was very unwilling and reluctant to give up.

When he was about to leave, he called her for the last time. He knew that she knew that he was going to leave. Since he was a child, his parents had been very strict with his studies, almost reaching the edge of abnormality.

Under this kind of pressure, his grades have naturally remained at the top of the grade without any suspense. If Fang Yun hadn't appeared in his life in those years, he might not have survived long ago, and the grass on the grave might have been mowed One dial and another dial.

He couldn't understand his parents' abnormal demands on his grades and financial affluence. In those years, he always felt that he was no longer himself, and that he was just the capital for his parents to show off to others, and their own achievements.

It's as if he's good for nothing other than maintaining the first place in his grade year after year.Because the parents have nothing else to do except take him to the restaurant every time they see his grades.

But what he wanted was never these things. What he wanted was the kindness that he could see his parents smiling when he came home every day; what he wanted was that his parents could see him more, instead of being full of other people's children and things ;he wants his parents to remember his every birthday.

But none of these, his home is not warm to him at all, but he is so 'happiness' in the eyes of others.In the eyes of others, he will always be a child of other people's family, and in the eyes of others, he will always exist like a son and brother of the Qiu family.

Is it really?

Maybe only he himself knows that all this is an illusion, he is not happy at all, he has lived like a child without father and mother since he was a child.

Yes, his parents never lack for him to spend, but what does he want money for as a student?

He just wants to see his parents when he goes home every day. Is this too much to ask?
Whenever he heard someone pointing at him and whispering whose son he was, he was in pain and subconsciously wanted to cover his ears.He could feel the same pride on the faces of those who spoke.

As if he was their son, maybe the people who talked about it thought it would be very honorable to know his parents who are "great kind people" who are keen to help others. He didn't understand, and he didn't want to understand.

He just wants to escape, to escape from these noisy voices, to a place he likes, a place that is quiet and beautiful, without coercion, comparison, and parents who force him to take the first grade exam every time.

At such a young age, he used to cry out "Mom and Dad" alone in the dead of night countless times in the dead of night, and his echo echoed faintly in the room, but no one answered him.

Countless him who stay at home alone are used to go to WeChat, go to QQ to look, look at that smiling face, look at the girl who can feel her happiness and sunshine in the photos.

To him, her body is like a huge magnetic field, with ten thousand gravitational forces. He has asked himself countless times, 'Why can she be so happy'.

Then I found the answer by myself and told myself, maybe she is still young, when she grows up, when she is as big as me, maybe she will have troubles.

Later, when they became good friends, he realized that this was not the case. She should have lived in more pain than him in her family.

Her parents' patriarchal views are so serious that they only need to give her a bite to eat, and don't think about anything else, let alone her education.

He once asked her, why are you not sad at all when your parents treat you like this, on the contrary, you can live so optimistically every day.

She replied to him that it's good that they still let me study, I just hope that I can grow up quickly and don't become a burden to them, maybe they will love me then.

When I grow up, I can also earn a lot of money for them to spend like a boy, and I can also provide for them when they die like a boy. At that time, they will love me to death.

He still clearly remembers how shocked he was when he heard these words. He was four years older than her, but his thoughts were not as mature and open-minded as hers.

When she said this, her grades were actually not good, and she was in the lower middle class in the class, but she dared to say that she would be able to earn a lot of money when she grew up.

This made him feel ashamed like never before, who had been shining brightly with a pencil sharpener for countless nights. He was instantly enlightened to understand that everyone's growth is actually painful, and whether life is good or not in the end. people's mentality.

But later he found that even if he understands this truth, it is useless, as long as there is no sunshine around her, it will immediately become dark, and the dark side of himself will try his best to persuade himself to give up, telling himself that only giving up is the ultimate hapiness.

But he also knew that this was not the case at all. Life is a painful process, and growth is a process of fission. Should we give up just because of this?

What about after giving up?
To reincarnate again, and give up again?

He understands that the thoughts of his dark side are terrible, and he understands that his dark thoughts are purely for the service of the dark side.But he just can't get out, he can't live without her light, can't live without her company, can't live without her careful care.

Later, he also slowly learned to take care of others and play the role of a good brother.

Later, he gradually got used to the life of no one at home except himself, and made plans for the future.

Later, he also gradually felt that good grades are really good, and his sister would often take the initiative to ask him for homework.

Before meeting her, his whole life was gloomy, even pitch black, no matter how good his grades were, he could see no hope and no end; after meeting her, he began to think about the future, work, and which city he would choose to live in in the future .

Before meeting her, he never thought that he would fall in love with others. After meeting her, he thought about his whole life, got a job, settled down, got married and had children.

Learning is no longer painful, but a daily expectation; the empty home is no longer lonely, but gives him 100% personal space.

Now she said sorry to him again, that year she just said sorry and ignored him again.

Who knows how he overcame the years without her, he would think about his little sun every moment.

Once the sunny side is eroded by the dark side, he will try his best to control it.

Then tell yourself: "You must be fine, you still have unfulfilled dreams, your little sun needs the sun now, she has illuminated you for so many years, do you really want to give up on her?"

(End of this chapter)