Shepherd Tantra

Chapter 764 I Will Be With You
Although Isabel referred to Aiwass as a third person...Aleister could feel the overwhelming emotion.

And Isabel continued:
“Before I really fell in love with him… I was in awe of him, and I relied on him and trusted him. Even though we were the same age, I felt the love and reliability of an elder.

"Then, I was curious... I was very curious at the time - is this really the complete him? Is he really that young? Is this some kind of performance? Or is it that underneath that omniscient, omnipotent, god-like aura, he still has some hideous flesh and blood that cannot be revealed?"

After that uncontrollable curiosity, Isabel gradually felt Aiwass's gentleness and reliability.

He was like an excellent commander, a wise monarch, or a loving grandfather, a doting brother... At first, Isabel did not feel loved because Aiwass was too far away from her.

"But amidst these complex emotions, I gradually peeled off Aiwass's heart. And unexpectedly... I captured something deep in his heart."

——That was a hint of "Aiswas's humanity."

"That was exactly the melancholy, timidity, inferiority and panic in Aiwass's heart. He never showed these things to others. Only after Aiwass completely relaxed in front of me did he secretly release a little bit of them and then quickly took them back. It was as if he was afraid that I would discover this secret... But what I didn't tell him was that I had actually felt it a long time ago, but I didn't say it because I cared about his self-esteem.

"You know... the path of beauty is the path that has the strongest ability to perceive people's hearts."

Isabel whispered in Aleister's ear: "Actually... this is why I really fell in love with him."

There were two reasons why her feelings towards Aiwass changed from "like" to "love".

When she had just ascended the throne and was exhausted, she thought of Aiwass first. Only in his arms could she, the "Queen", cry without worry.

At that moment, she knew she could never leave Aiwass again.

Although Isabel has been a crybaby since she was a child, she has never cried in front of others.

The more a child is looked down upon by others, the stronger his self-esteem becomes, almost to the point of paranoia.

However, humans cannot truly fall in love with gods.

People's worship of idols is nothing but false love. It is love for the perfect person in their own heart, but it never points to the other person's true heart.

Because of this, Isabel's self-esteem prevented her from accepting love that was only given but not returned - if Aiwass loved her selflessly but did not desire any return from her or pursue anything, then she could not accept this kind of equal love like "God loves the world". Because she could not accept that she was meaningless in this relationship.

"… Fortunately," Isabel leaned closer to Aleister's ear and whispered softly, "When I cried on his chest, I heard his heart crying silently."

When she completely collapsed, Aiwass also showed a moment of vulnerability in front of her, which he had not even revealed yet... At that moment, she realized that they were indeed a couple who could support each other to the end, rather than just lovers with "liking" and "attachment".

"Let me guess."

She whispered, "What Lord Aiwass said at that time... [So, don't cry].

"You're talking to yourself, right?"

At that time... at that moment, the shell of the glorious statue named "Aivaz" suddenly broke.

The person she embraced at that time was not her omnipotent and loyal minister, but a young boy who was equally melancholy and uneasy.

Just like when Isabel received the hand-knitted sweater from her grandmother, Aiwass's violent reaction - it was better than every carefully drawn magic painting I gave to Aiwass. Isabel was still a little jealous at the time, but it was not until then that she truly understood everything.

Aiwass is not perfect, he just hides all his wounds and stands strong on his own.

Even in front of me, he would never admit or accept his own weakness...but my crying could melt the ice in his heart.

“A person who wants to laugh but can’t will want to see others laugh; similarly, a person who wants to cry but can’t will want to see others cry… Therefore, a person who has deeply felt sadness is either a tyrant who acts recklessly or a good doctor who heals the soul.”

Isabel said softly.

She has received an all-round education in the path of beauty. Therefore, she knows that the purpose of people watching tragedy is to release fear, satisfy pity, inspire grief and anger, and enhance determination...

It was not wine, but bitter medicine—a remedy for a deadened soul.

It was from then on that Aiwass began to gradually show his not-so-perfect side. He gradually let down his guard, like a snail gradually emerging from its shell, exposing his fragile and fatal softness to Isabel.

And now, with Aiwass's separation...his complex heart was also dismembered and ripped open.

Just like medical specimens have different internal organs exposed outside, Isabel can also read Aleister's true heart more clearly.

Once the nobility of sacrificing oneself for a higher purpose is lost, the humanity in Aleister becomes so clear.

"do not be afraid."

Isabel whispered softly, hugging Aleister, who looked so young and tender in front of her, like a gentle mother, and conveyed her words to the most vulnerable part of Aiwass: "Don't worry, cry, girl. I will be with you."

That was what Aiwass had said to Isabel once upon a time...similar but opposite.

Aleister didn't look back or say anything.

When Isabel was halfway through her speech, her eyes became moist.

It was like watching a sad movie, or like the grievances and fears that had been accumulated for a long time finally had room to be released - when Aleister blinked again, a line of tears slowly fell.

Suddenly, the black-haired girl turned around with her eyes closed and shrank into Isabel's arms.

"I... I lied..." Aleister sobbed softly, "I don't want to disappear... I don't want to be forgotten..."

After the first sob, her crying gradually became louder.

That was something that Aiwass, as a man, would never do - even if he had a breakdown one day, he would just curl up in a corner and drink alone, even though he didn't know how to drink at all.

All he could do was to comfort himself with the pain of self-harm, like a knife wound deep in his throat, and every time he swallowed the bitter water, he would feel the piercing pain. In this way, he would not be able to taste the bitterness.

Because once he falls, the world will be destroyed.

Aiwass had no room to give up - there were no great "players" in this world who could solve all disasters and defeat any powerful enemy. He could only rely on himself. He didn't need to do anything... He just had to watch, and everything would eventually lead to destruction.

Disaster after disaster. Incredibly powerful bosses. The game of gods, the fate of chess pieces, and another future that is destined to be destroyed...all of it is piled up on one person.

A mortal bears such a heavy fate.

Aiwass must be strong - until the very end, to open up a new path for the whole world.

He was never afraid of sacrifice, but he was worried that if he sacrificed himself too early, the remaining crises that followed would still destroy the world.

Of course, he has his own desires and lusts as a mortal. He also wants to enjoy life, he wants to study comfortably on campus, he wants to play with Isabel in the palace, he wants to enjoy the glory and wealth of his life as a rich man, he wants to be a great man and help everyone he wants to help.

But he couldn't.

"The future" is like a curse, pushing him away from the places where he has developed feelings, and heading to the scenes where disasters will happen. Sometimes he also wants to tell others about the future he carries...

But in this world, there are no absolute secrets anywhere. Whether in the dream world or the physical world, as long as the words are spoken or written, there will definitely be many people and gods who will find out, and the future is bound to turn to a direction that Aiwas cannot predict.

So Aiwass had to be strong.

He had reasons to keep going.

…But Aleister is different.

Her body is that of a little girl, not even an adult yet, and she will cry at the slightest pain; her race is the Children of the Moon, and she is notorious for having uncontrollable emotions; she was born less than a month ago, and will live less than half a year; her name is not Aiwass, but Aleister...

——In this case, it’s okay even if I can’t help crying out loud, right?

"Cry, just cry it out. You're already drunk... You can only cry in your dreams, that's how strong you are."

Isabel whispered softly, “Aleister…can I call you Alai?
"Well, Alai. I swear... no matter what, if I have a child with Aiwass, no matter if it's a boy or a girl... I will name the first child Aleister. I will love Aleister as I love myself until the end of my life.

"As long as I'm here, you won't be forgotten. And I also believe that Aiwass won't let you disappear completely. Because he would rather die than hurt someone who loves him... You and he both have this kind of tenderness."

Isabel patted Aleister's back gently and held the girl, who was so light that even she could lift her easily, in her arms.

This girl, who was so dangerous that she could kill an extremely dangerous demon alone, was like a cat that was afraid of the cold, and she instinctively curled up in Isabel's arms.

She felt the weight of the girl's body, and her suffering spirit which was even more fragile than her body - what kind of weight must she have to bear to leave such a brilliant and sacred soul like Aiwass full of scars?

At this moment, Isabel felt very deeply and clearly the loneliness, pain, sadness and fear hidden by Edwards.

…It was like he was facing a crisis where one wrong move would destroy the world, but he had to solve it himself and couldn't tell anyone about it.

Isabel vaguely sensed the pressure on Aiwass.

She knew she couldn't help Aiwass save the world. She was already sweating and exhausted just dealing with Avalon's problems.

But she could save Aiwass, and now Aleister.

All the political affairs that had piled up in Avalon and all the words of love that had accumulated in her heart could be put aside at this moment.

The most important thing is to heal the long-damaged mind of this older child.

"Cry...I love you."

Isabel closed her eyes slightly, and her emerald pupils looked at Aleister compassionately.

At this moment, she deeply felt the beauty of "dedication", just like an actor gradually getting into the role... She gradually understood completely what Aiwass was thinking.

At this moment, she was holding Aleister, but it was as if Aiwass was holding his own clone.

If she were to leave this dream again, she would be confident that she could make a mask of Aiwass.

And Aleister - after sobbing, under the shining of that warm light, her crying gradually became louder and finally turned into a howling.

The crying turned into screaming, becoming hysterical, even breaking, and so loud that it seemed as if she was going to vomit.

By the end, even the soft sobs could no longer be heard, but rather it was more like an irrational, instinctive roar, venting the fear of life and death.

——And this is just like the first cry of a baby, announcing the true birth of a life.

(End of this chapter)