a memo

Chapter 28 Death
The most obvious change after I went to high school is that I think about the concept of death very frequently.

In the beginning, it should have been a vacation homework assigned by Sister Guozi, and I had to read a book at home during the winter vacation.

I was decadent for a holiday, and when school was about to start, I was chatting with my roommate in the group and suddenly woke up, oh, I still have a book that I haven’t read.

Looking through the bookcase, I saw "To Live" that I bought at some time, so I just read it. I feel that the title of the book has a lot of connotations.

To be honest, at first I watched it to complete the task, and I was a little absent-minded.Then slowly into the plot, my heart became more and more peaceful.

In the end, I saw that all the relatives around Fugui passed away, and only he and a cow were left alive, and only alive. It was four o'clock in the morning, and I suddenly felt very uncomfortable.

My mother got up to go to the bathroom, saw that the light in my room was not turned off, gently pushed the door and asked me why I was not asleep.

"After reading this book, I couldn't fall asleep." I closed the book, covered the quilt, and looked at the ceiling with my eyes open.

"Why can't I fall asleep? Is the content of the book too sad? If you feel sad, don't read it." Mom said a few words, and then gently closed the door.

In fact, I'm not that sad, I just miss my grandparents all of a sudden.I thought that their health seems to be not very good recently. After moving to the urban area, I have not visited them as frequently as when they lived in the countryside.

I suddenly asked myself, if one day, someone I cared about passed away, how would I feel, would I be sad?Will I not be able to hold back my tears?Will I continue to live with heavy thoughts of my loved ones like Fugui?
I found that growing up seems to be a process of slowly losing, like my mother’s face has a lot of dark spots unconsciously, and my father’s hair seems to be not as much as before. I think, if I am Fugui in the book , When I am at a loss in the face of the departure of my loved ones, what kind of state will I be in, and how long will it take me to get out of grief, so I start thinking about death, and I also start to fear death.

Living in school is far away from home, and I would become nervous when I occasionally heard the sound of an ambulance passing by during evening self-study.

In the dormitory at night, I often dreamed of my mother. When I woke up the next day, I went to the downstairs of the dormitory to call my mother, asking her how she was doing, and telling her to be safe, even though we hadn’t seen each other for two or three days.

Also after "Alive", I often put attention to my body and safety, and even asked my mother to deliver things if I needed anything before, and changed to "If the weather is bad and the rain is heavy, I will pay attention to it after two days." It’s okay to send it over.”

After one exam was over, I went back to the rented house and read Zhang Jiajia's "There's a Small Shop by the Cloud", and I read it all night. I cried for most of the last [-] pages, so much so that when I went to school during the day, Principal Lu saw me. Asked me if I didn't sleep well, and my face looked very bad.

"Sorrow and hope are both a ray of light." It seems to have answered the questions I thought after watching "To Live", but more importantly, I want to see my grandparents, the sooner the better.

So that weekend, I took an extra bus, went to see my grandma and grandpa, and chatted with them about my situation at school, so I felt at ease.

Later, when the epidemic broke out, I was deeply disturbed by staying at home and watching the daily update of the news on confirmed cases and deaths.

When the epidemic broke out, I was at my grandmother's house, and my grandfather suddenly vomited halfway through his meal one day, and then said he was going to the hospital.

During this special period, the hospital does not allow too many people to enter. As a child, I have to stay at home and wait for the hospital's notice.

During the three or four days that my grandfather was hospitalized, there was no news at all.

About a week later, I received a call from my grandpa. His voice was very soft. I could feel that he was weak and afraid that I would worry, so I pretended to be calm when talking on the phone: "Grandpa is fine, we have to see it after we have agreed." You went to college."

In an instant, my tears came down.

In high school, I am really more afraid of losing than ever before, and slowly, more and more experiences tell me that I can do it and cherish it.

　If you feel depressed after reading this chapter, you can watch the movie "Coco".

　　
　
(End of this chapter)