a memo

Chapter 36 Senior Brother
I have a cousin who is two grades higher than me and is a junior at the beginning of school. I like to call her Big Brother.

As mentioned earlier, the one who told me the story of the lotus flower and gave me the stamp of "pass every exam" in the third year of high school.

I grew up together in the countryside when we were two children. At that time, our relationship was not very good, and we often compared each other.

than what?Which child do you love more than your grandparents?

Sometimes my grandma went to the street to buy something for the elder brother, but she didn't buy it for me, and I could cry all day.

Similarly, if I have more snacks than my elder brother, she will take my grandma to the street to buy them for her.

Children are like this, and it will be fine when they grow up.

When I was in the first grade of junior high school, the elder brother was in the third grade of junior high school.

In the middle school entrance examination that year, she passed the quota in the countryside and was admitted to the best high school in the county.

But the elder brother can't be happy, because her own grades are not good, and her grades in the past are the lowest in their class. This will also mean that she will have a group of students who are much better than her in the third year of high school. When people study together, thinking about it makes people feel a lot of pressure.

Although there is a lot of pressure, since choices have been made for many things, I have to bite the bullet and go on the road.

As soon as my junior high school was on vacation, I would go to a small county town to find my elder brother to play. We would go shopping at the night market together, eat a bunch of skewers for five yuan, and take a walk on the playground of her school together.

"Hey, how does high school feel? Is it difficult?" I forked an octopus ball into my mouth.

"It's okay, I'm used to being in the class, and suddenly I can accept myself." The senior brother took a sip of milk tea, looking indifferent.

But grandma didn't say that. Grandma said that when the elder brother just started school, he got stomach problems because of nervousness. He went to the clinic downstairs for IV drips every three days. I ran until I was tired, afraid that my grandma would worry that she would come home too late, wiped away my tears after the run, and walked home slowly like a normal person with my schoolbag in my hand.

In fact, everyone walks a long way in silence, moving forward slowly amidst countless times of self-denial, obviously very painful, very bad, and often shed tears, but when they reach the end of the road, they will suddenly let go , It's okay, that's all.

When the big brother took the college entrance examination in 19, I wrote a diary, and then sent it to her in a private message.

"Actually, I don't feel anything. It's like sleeping for a long time and waking up so big. The person who wore crotch pants and followed grandma when he was a child shouted that he was going to take the Tsinghua University exam. He is really going to take the college entrance examination."

"A few days ago when you went online, I asked you how it feels to take the college entrance examination. You said that one moment you think you can go to heaven, and the next moment you are so cowardly."

"Looking back on these years, I'm still a sensible person, but as soon as I came to you, I would be ashamed, eating and drinking. Grandma said that I was like a bandit every day, and you occasionally complained about me, why do you talk about money?" Growing up so fast. Because we're really close enough to show our worst and truest self."

"We are like gas tanks, flammable and explosive. When we were young, we quarreled as soon as we met. It was not for any reason. We could even quarrel with the different things we picked up on the road. Who knew that we grew up so close. We can laugh all day when we meet. Sometimes I laugh so much that my mother thinks something will happen if I don’t stop and yell at me, we will pause for a while, and then burst into more violent laughter in a sudden quiet atmosphere.”

"I often think of you when I am free recently. I think that in the future, no one will accompany me to walk in the street in a sister's outfit, and no one will take a taxi from the county to see me because of my one. In the early morning, accompany me to watch a love movie at zero o'clock in the cinema, and accompany me to make a bed on the floor, but because the floor is too dirty, I wake up the next day with four-legged mosquito bags."

"Sometimes I have a lot of selfish thoughts. I hope you will go to college later, and we will be together after the college entrance examination. The age difference is only nine months, but because of the strict control of school in the city, it is two grades behind. You have to remember to come back Look at me, I remember what you said about treating me to Starbucks after the college entrance examination, and remember being rich, treat me to a lot of big meals."

"Finally, I want to say that we don't have to be the kind of promising people, we can go wherever we pass the exam, live an active life, and be the happiest."

"In short, I am waiting for you at the end of summer, and I am also waiting for your good news. I wish you all the best and a bright future."

2019.06.02
　The big brother later passed the exam and majored in history. He will become a high school history teacher in the future.

　　
　
(End of this chapter)