It's a diary

Chapter 183 8.6
August.

Until now, every day in August has passed by the non-stop rain.

As the rain reaches my ankles, it flows into the sewer.Maybe, probably, maybe it was discharged into the sea.

A tree downstairs was cut down.

I can’t even name the tree’s scientific name, but I just feel so sad.

It grows all year round, and every time I look up by chance, I can see tender green shoots.

On many early mornings when I just walked out of the corridor, I could see the sunlight shining evenly on this tree.

I'm thinking about putting pen to paper, but I still don't know what to say.

When neither person nor spirit is tired, when there is still the ability to think...

Many words can be twisted when they come to your mouth.

When it comes to words, even more so.

I always prefer communicating with people through words.

Letters, emails, WeChat...etc.

I don’t like making phone calls, making voice calls, or video calls, and I don’t particularly like face-to-face communication with people.

I am very afraid of saying the wrong thing, and I am very afraid of others.

Because, if you say something, it’s even more inappropriate if you say it.

As for text, it can be deleted and modified repeatedly.

I also wrote a lot of unflattering words on many nights.

Miraculously, the sadder I am, the more out of place I am, the more awake I am.

Actually, I don't like chatting with others.

I talk a lot and can always talk for a long time.I can start self-study in the evening from the first period to the end of both self-study classes.

Until the person who was listening to me asked me, "You are really good at talking. Aren't you tired?"

I can't figure out what I want to express now.

It’s not that I want others to understand me, nor is it that I want to miss the past.

For example, I know I won’t have food to eat tomorrow, so I eat more today.

I am also recalling all the good years worth talking about, as if this way I can ignore all the suffering during the period and forget everything I have to face now and in the future.

It seems that this is the only way to go on.

I'm useless.

it's the only way.

I said this myself, and I allow myself to say it.Because this is really me.

I also agree with what others have said.Because this is an indelible fact.

Me, that's weird.

There are many strange people in the world, but they are not me.I went to apply for a bank card and pass.

I successfully applied for a bank card today and the pass will arrive next week.

During this period, it took a long time and was very troublesome.

Worried about this, angry about that.

It seems that most of the time, I am unhappy.

I went back to my grandma's house in the countryside and stayed for a while.

I would imitate the old man to enjoy the cool air on the hanging net under the longan tree, carry a wooden stool out of the door to watch the sunset, and occasionally go for a walk in the fields.

All the rice has been harvested and is bare. From a distance, you can see the water flowing forward in the canal and pouring into the river.

Squatting on the ridge of the field, I watched a crab with its head sticking out of the ditch.It should be called Tian Crab.

If it were ten years ago, I would have risked my hands being pinched by it to catch it.

I like to stay under the old trees to enjoy the shade.

When I was young, I would sit on the hanging net and my legs would sway, but I could never reach the ground.

At that time, I was most afraid of someone suddenly appearing behind me and suddenly pushing me forward with great force.I will be so scared that I will cling to the edge of the hanging net. It is very scary and exciting.It's funny, but also seems to be ignorant and malicious.

Thinking about it now, that was the closest I got to the spots of light transmitted through the leaves and the sparrows jumping lightly on the branches.

Recalling these in a quiet environment is a good self-healing process, and it is also like the last line of the story.

When I was a child, I was naughty and playful.

I always go to the creek at the foot of the mountain to play in the water, I always go to the bridge beside the road outside to watch others fishing, and I always walk along the canal to the riverside unknowingly.

Now that I think about it, this is dangerous.

I am very scared now. I am afraid that I will walk along the canal and end up on the river bank without knowing it.

Went to another city.

The wind blew there for a long time, and then I caught a cold again.

After a while, I should go to more places.maybe.Hope so.

Last night I dreamed that I turned into a sparrow and flew into the bamboo forest. I stood here and flew there.

Suddenly, the bamboo beneath my feet moved.

Countless green lights seemed to light up behind him.

The wind was rustling, but it seemed like it was more than just the wind.

August.

This is the first time I have insomnia.

and so.

I wish you sweet dreams.

(End of this chapter)