It's a diary

Chapter 26

Now there are signs of recovery, and my cold seems to be getting better.

No more coughing, no more runny nose.

It's strange, why is it so hot in summer and so cold in winter?

That’s not right. Can it be considered winter now?
In Beiyu, the way I distinguish between autumn and winter is to watch the migratory birds flying overhead in groups...

Although they are both coastal cities, I am not sure whether there will be migratory birds flying over Qingzhou.

As far as I know, it has become cold in many places.By comparison, my temperature of 26 or [-] degrees after cooling down is considered pretty good.

It cools down a bit during the day, warms up a bit during the day, and then cools down again at night.

With such random weather, it is really easy for people to catch a cold.Although my cold has improved somewhat in the past two days, I can't guarantee that it won't be as erratic as it was in the past few days.

I really don't like this.

The weather, the days, the things to do, all the people around me... I don't like it all.

If you don’t want to like it, don’t like it either.

For a moment, I couldn't figure out whether I had insomnia or what I was doing.I say sleepy or not, tired or not, but I am really tired.

I have said it in those journals very early on, because I lack the vitality that everyone else has.

It seems to be a little different now. Now...it doesn't matter, it's because I'm incapable, it's because I'm really tired, I want to resign myself to fate, I want to give up everything I have now...

I hate this look.

I have always been proud.I never consider myself superior to others, but I always carry myself with pride.I can’t tell where this pride comes from. In the past, it could be said that it was because of achievements. Later, it could be said that it was because of love. Now...

I can only tell you.

"Because I'm still alive, because I can still stand upright."

Can you imagine it? "How did a person who was injured, lying on the bed dying, and even breathing extremely weakly get up and stand up?

Expressed in words, it is always inexplicably tinged with emotions such as romance, strength, etc.

After walking so far and suffering so much, how could I give up?

how come……

I'm afraid.I am scared.

What if, what if I can't hold on?

The world is so big and the years are so long...

My teacher said that the time we spend together is not very long. Two years, one or two years, only account for an extremely small part of our respective lives, only one or two percent.

One or two percent.

Live to be a hundred years old?
do not know why.Now, I have begun to have endless fear of the people around me.

I really want to cry.How to say that sentence - "Cry, there is no shame. After crying, the sun is still so bright."

But now, without the sun, should I cry?

However, when the sun is shining, the sky is clear and the crowd is crowded, crying may scare others.

I'm afraid of scaring others, and I'm also afraid that others will come up to me and ask me why. The starting point is good and it can prove that they are all kind-hearted.Just, because I am a coward, a timid coward.

So I subconsciously wanted to escape.

Even if you didn't do anything wrong.

As a human being, as a member of higher social animals, I am actually rejecting this group.

In the same way, how can this not mean that you hate and are disgusted with yourself?
I won't tell you exactly what happened.Guess for yourself!There is no reward for guessing correctly, but there is candy for guessing wrong.

If you guessed it correctly, you would have seen the secret that I refused to express, which is already the best reward.

Wrong, I gave you candy because you participated and deserved to be rewarded.It's also because I made a mistake, so I gave you a candy to comfort you.

Just a little bit of regret.

I don’t seem to know how to deliver the candy to you.

As soon as the weather gets cold, I don't want to move anymore. ——Because I am extremely lazy, and also because I am terminally ill.

Let alone Qingzhou, even in Beiyu, in every cold winter, I would huddle up in layers of quilts.Even if I don't go out and don't have to face the fierce north wind, just listening to that sound makes me cry and moan uncontrollably.

Please don't blame me for complaining.

If you think so, then so be it.

Beiyu, Qingzhou.

South China Sea, Beishan.

I want to eat candied haws.I want to eat roasted chestnuts with sugar.Warm milk tea and hot cocoa are also good.

Don’t want roasted sweet potatoes.

I do not like.

Be a lazy fool while you feel like it and while you still have the strength.Just run and try to get it.

Wednesday.

The week is halfway over again.

This weekend, I want to walk around.Find a coffee shop, order a cup of coffee, sit in a daze quietly, listen to music, and write a few lines.

Then, in the last line of the chapter to be published that day, I will write: "I watched her leave, her figure getting further and further away, and finally disappeared into the crowd of people. The sky was completely dark. Now, the wind is a bit chilly, but I still remember that the cup of coffee was hot to the touch when it was first served. It was not a beautiful day, but because of the joyful mood, it turned into a wonderful chapter of years."

(End of this chapter)