It's a diary

Chapter 38 a5
As soon as the cold wind passed, I seemed to start to feel sick again.

How can there be anything that doesn't seem to be the same? Isn't it like this every year?So far, this is the fourth year.

As the nights get longer, the climate will slowly cool down.A slightly cold wind blew in through the gap in the window that could not be closed.

Hiss, it's so cold.

How could a thin short sleeve withstand the cold wind coming from the dark night? What's more, the owner of this body was already weak enough.

Most of what I say recently is just nonsense. I usually do it without saying anything, but it doesn't seem to make any difference. I'm always like this. I say whatever comes to mind, often going off topic, and the preface and the follower are irrelevant.

Time flies by so fast, like I said, from when I first came here crying like a dog to now in a daze, Double Eleven is here in the blink of an eye.It has been almost two months.

But if I were asked to recall what happened in the past two months, I don’t seem to remember much.

I only have a vague impression in my mind: seven days of military training under a shed, Mid-Autumn Festival, class activities, National Day, changing dormitories, 15 kilometers, 20 kilometers...and then we are now.

It's so cold in the morning and evening that people can't help but stamp their feet, but at noon, it's over 30 degrees and it feels like summer all of a sudden.

Ending on Wednesday, Thursday, then Friday.

There will be no classes tomorrow afternoon and no self-study the day after tomorrow.

The moonlight is nice tonight, but the wind is a bit cold.I still can't see the stars, which seems to be the case in the city. In Beiyu, I rarely see the stars.

I was moved to a position next to the window, and at first I felt it was inconvenient to be inside.I think the best thing to do while sitting there is _____.

Today, I suddenly fell in love with that position.

I can look at the scenery outside the window, lean against the wall lazily, and open the window to enjoy the cool breeze when I'm not awake... And I discovered that in winter, the sun always shines in from there.

In this case, will the cold winter be a little easier to endure?
do not know.

It might be better if the sun comes out.

But last winter, there was almost no sun and it rained all the time.It rained continuously for several months.

I felt the moisture from the rain seeping into my bones. ——Otherwise, I don’t know how to explain why I am always in pain and can’t help moaning late at night.It's not like today. It's just that the pain is so bad that I can't sleep tonight. It's not that bad.

I know people want to study, everyone thinks so.

They say that if you don’t study, your life will be very hard and tiring.

I would reply: "Living is tiring."

They agreed with the comparison, and then added: "But at least you won't be as tired as me after reading."

"Oh."

I don’t know what to say! If they think that’s the case, then that’s it.Living is tiring.

Tired of doing everything.

Just living makes me tired.Breathing, standing, walking, talking, doing things, eating...everything.

But there is no way, there is no solution.Unless he is no longer alive.

But I also said that everything is difficult, including living.In the same way, it is difficult to leave.

I said enthusiastically that it would be a good idea to study this major.

Someone told me that the more competitive you are, the better others will be.

I don't quite understand what to do.

Why do you have to explain it so clearly?How could you lie to yourself?

I hurt and my head started to hurt.Bones too.

I don’t want to sleep and I don’t know what to do.I felt so sad and wanted to cry, but I couldn't.

Because I am a liar, maybe even "wanting to cry" is just a lie to myself.

I hate crying, but tears always flow out of the corners of my eyes uncontrollably.

Everyone said my eyes were beautiful, and I looked in the mirror many, many times.

Growing up, everyone said that.

Ever since I was little, I have always looked at myself in the mirror.

But I didn’t understand it before, and I couldn’t see anything beautiful about it after looking at it again and again.

Got it now.

But I'm not sure whether the person in the mirror is me.

I seem to have become a numb idiot, I don’t like this, I hate this.There is no way, I don't have the energy to make any changes now.I can only accept it.

Because I'm sick, it's hard to even breathe or even live!
I have to work hard to find ways to get through this winter. As for the other things, I will deal with them after the weather warms up and my body recovers.

Idiots can be idiots. As long as they are urgently needed by others, they should live!
Since you are needed, you are liked.Then the word "idiot" seems to have suddenly become as romantic and ambiguous as "idiot".

(End of this chapter)