It's a diary

Chapter 5 Fresh Life

I spend most of my time writing these journals every day, but I don't get anything out of it. I have to say one thing, that is, I am happy.

I don’t know how to tell others about my troubles. How could I possibly do it?My sensitive personality and my pride (albeit almost none) do not allow me to talk about these bad things.

Actually it's not bad, there are enough good people around me.

And, since my writing is mediocre, my troubles cannot be expressed clearly.This will bring more trouble to me, or other people may not understand or agree with me.

This is of course true, everyone has their own opinion.

But in my opinion, it is very troublesome.In order to avoid this trouble, I became an idiot who only laughed and didn't speak. (But it’s probably more because I’m a coward!)
When I left home to study, I naturally didn’t dare to bother my parents anymore, fearing that they would also worry about me in addition to various life pressures.

Naturally, it is not easy to annoy my classmates because they are separated for further studies. They themselves are also facing the same troubles as me.

As for the teacher, although he said that you can tell him if you have anything that doesn’t go well with you, I still can’t say it.

Not because he was a male teacher, but because I was a coward.

I don't know what to say about this.Even if I say it like that, I still can't explain it to you.

Those little things, those things that don't matter at all, those little moments that you will forget as soon as you close your eyes... Tsk, I don't understand it either.

I went back to school yesterday. I was very sleepy last night and went to bed at around ten o'clock.I thought it was because I was too tired after a long day.

I just realized today that something seems wrong.

I still felt sleepy all morning after going to bed early. I slept for nearly three hours at noon and still felt sleepy in the afternoon.

I started to reflect on whether it was because my health was getting worse, whether it was because of the side effects of the medicine, whether it was because I couldn't sleep at all...

None of these questions have answers.

There are always many, many people on the way to the canteen.The students who work hard in the canteen are diligent and diligent.Friends who travel together always seem to have endless things to say.

I walked beside them, just myself.

I don't think this is a problem. On the contrary, I really like being alone. I always feel that this can avoid a lot of trouble.

The sun is still very warm, that's enough, isn't it?

My mood has not changed.

I deliberately let myself live like this, and I can only let myself live like this.

This is the result of all my efforts.

I don't know what to say or what I can say.

All the courage I had accumulated in the past three years was used to get out of the city of "Beiyu".

I'm afraid this winter will be particularly difficult.

Winter is coming soon, and I’m going to be a year older again!
Let me tell you, when my birthday comes, it will be the new year.I feel old.

In this not-so-bad school, I can always easily detect the gap between myself and others.

I was missing something that all of them had, which was vigor.

My best friend told me, “Everyone is special and we don’t need to be like them.”

I also send these words to you.

But the same thing, everyone has something.I don't.

Something that all humans are born with.I don't
It doesn’t have to be.

Just looking at them around me, smiling so cheerfully, I can't help but sigh.

As you know, sighs often contain some envy and regret.

I envy others what they can have, but it’s a pity that I can’t get it.

I really want to tell you: "Don't worry about me, I am living well!"

But no, I still can’t do it now.

After that, I don’t know after that.

The unknown means infinite possibilities, right?
I almost accounted for everything, including conflicts in the dormitory, conflicts between classmates, teacher abuse, being isolated, targeted, and excluded...

These have never affected me, because as I said, I keep to myself.Of course, none of these things happened, everything seemed fine.Just the two somking ones annoyed me a bit and they left.It's in the past.

I thought too much and calculated too much. I spent half a year thinking about these painful problems and then came up with my own solutions.

Alone, alone, I never thought that I would lose in the laughter and laughter around me... Is this considered losing at the starting line?

Tell me, am I a coward?

I can't give an answer to this question.

But I feel like, very similar!Still like an idiot.

At that time, I only had four yuan in my pocket, which was just enough for the round-trip fare. Then I skipped school and ran to the beach to enjoy the sea breeze and watch a beautiful sunset on the sea for an afternoon.

Quite romantic!
Then the result was that I had a fever the next day.

Now I don’t dare to do it anymore, for fear of catching cold and fever and being sent to quarantine.Tsk
The reason why I live a good and bad life may be because the sun is too warm, the evening breeze is too cool, and the life around me is too vivid.

Although there was still time, I stopped nagging, continued to sleep for a while, and then went to class.

　Anan

　　
　
(End of this chapter)