It's a diary

Chapter 64 E1.3
I always feel so sleepy that I can sleep standing up or with my head propped up.Therefore, most of my rest time is spent sleeping and dazing.

Because I never get enough sleep like this, because I always have nightmares, and because the bed is really comfortable, I can't help but think about something when I wake up.Sometimes, just waking up, tears would suddenly slide down my face.

Time flies so fast.As soon as you open and close your eyes, the day is over.I slept in a daze and the week passed.The moon rises, the sun sets, and then a season comes to an end as I feel drowsy again and again.

Some time ago, I really wished that it would be ten weeks before exam Tuesday when I woke up, so that I could go back to Beiyu, leave, and get as drunk as I wanted.

But lately I've always been scared, I'm afraid.

I'm afraid that one day, when I wake up in a soft big bed and feel happy because of the good weather in the early morning, I will find that I have become a gray-haired old woman.

Some people seem to be born to travel far, take risks, and fight against all bad things.Just like some people are never meant to be in this world.

When I was in Beiyu, I was always in a daze, always thinking about questions that I already knew the answers to.Thinking about these stupid questions makes me feel scared and panicked, but I still keep thinking about them and never tire of them.

Some people think it’s bad to think too much, but I think, for me, it’s just the opposite.

Force yourself over and over again, let yourself know what the worst outcome is, and accept that outcome.When something happens, you won't have anything to fear anymore.

Already ready.

Prepare to lose everything.

It's wrong to say that. You have nothing, so what's the point of losing?Once you have it, losing it is better than not living at all.

So I don't want anything.Do not need anything.It's still like a child saying that he doesn't want candy, but he refuses to move.

Then, let’s take another look.

If you can get some candy if you stop, that's great.If not, forget it.Not force.

That day I dreamed about the pear tree at home.

When I was a child, I didn't know what kind of flower it was, and I didn't dare to pick it. After all, it was someone else's house.A few years ago, I wanted to pick it, but at that time, there was a very old man living in that old house.Time is running out and no one wants to have contact with her. Food seems to be sent by relatives.

My family wouldn't let us get close.We didn't know the reason at first, we just thought it was because the place had been abandoned for too long and was overgrown with weeds, and they were afraid of her.

It wasn't until one day when I was wandering around on the field ridge with nothing to do, and saw the old man, that I understood why.

She can still remember me, remember my appearance, and remember my name.But I can't seem to remember her.

When people live, they are constantly forgetting the old people and getting to know new people, right?
She said that I look very similar to my mother, and my eyebrows are equally beautiful.

I've heard this sentence countless times, from everyone.

She sat at the door of the house she built later, and kept looking at the fields without spring plowing and the mountains at the end of the fields.The pear tree was only a few dozen meters away from her, and the tree was full of flowers. The flowers that bloomed were as white as the hair on her head.

Under the pear tree is the well.

Maybe some pear blossoms will fall in.

I didn’t dare to go in and see it before.Because it was deserted and there was no one there.There is also a wall, although it is not high.

I started looking outside the wall, and then the wall collapsed and I saw more scenery.But I still dare not go in, maybe because I am a coward.

Later, she left.

Because of YQ, no one was asked to go.So quietly, he left.

In the same year or the following year, the land in that area was acquired for road construction.

The houses built later remained, but the dilapidated tile-roofed houses and the pear tree were bulldozed.

(End of this chapter)