It's a diary

Chapter 83 1.3
After dinner, I fell asleep for a while.I was woken up by the sound of fireworks going off. Listening to it, I felt like they were burning at the side door of the community.

I don’t know why, but I always have a hunch that this year will be more interesting than previous years.

I always feel that it will be very lively.

Unfortunately, I hate excitement the most.

I don’t know when the ban on burning in urban areas started. My family didn’t celebrate Chinese New Year in the city before and went back to the countryside.

No one cares about our countryside here. Those who should burn cannons will burn cannons, and those who should set off fireworks will set off fireworks...

In the years when I was young, a village not too far away would start setting off fireworks at around 08:30 in the evening for several nights starting from about the second grade of junior high school.

Children from all over the country like it very much.This can be regarded as free whoring in disguise.

I also asked my family - "Why do they set off so many fireworks?"

The answer was simple and crude.

"They have money."

It's the truth.

Nothing happened at that time. It was normal for people to make money from doing business and spend more money during the New Year to be lively and lively.

It’s been two years since I went back for New Year’s Eve.

They always go back on New Year's Eve and come back the same day.I was stuck in traffic when I went back, and I was stuck in traffic when I came back. I didn't dare to eat anything. I was worried all day long, for fear that I would vomit.

It will be like this in the future, it can only be like this.

Staying in those places is tiring, boring, and pointless.

I can't name most people, and I don't want to say a word to those people who hate each other... It's really boring to have to play and act with each other because of human feelings.

It was obvious that they spoke ill of me behind my back and criticized everything I said and did.

It won't work if you don't speak, it won't work if you say the wrong thing, it won't work if you don't do something, it won't work if you don't do it well... there will always be someone who can find fault.

Although I don't care about this and know that it is inevitable, I still find it troublesome.

Fortunately, I only go back for half a day a year.

At this age, what the elderly man wants to see most is a harmonious family.

It's not my child's turn to talk about anything else, it's all adults' business.As for me, it’s not interesting, I just find it troublesome to get along and communicate with others, so I subconsciously want to run away.

My relationship with my family is very average. To be precise, I can't get close to anyone.

As the years grow older, this situation becomes more and more serious.

Since childhood, I lived in my grandpa’s house and grew up there.

I have no friends and am not suitable for making friends.When I think back to those early years, all I can think of are the everlasting green hills one after another, the endless fields, the little birds on the top of the telegraph poles, and the wild flowers growing wantonly...

I have never felt lonely. Until now, this kind of life is still what I yearn for from the bottom of my heart.I remember last year, before she sent me away, my grandmother told me to go back and see them when I had time.

I thought to myself that this was for sure.

But before she could say anything, she added, "We are the only two old people who are still here. Come back and have a look. By then we will be gone, and it won't be interesting if we don't come back."

This makes sense, and I can’t fault it, but I still subconsciously said, “No way.”

It will not die.

how is this possible.
After I finished speaking, I felt my nose was sore, and I couldn't help but shed tears again.

I am a crybaby, always crying for no reason.

Sometimes when I walk among the bustling crowd, I shed tears.Sometimes when the weather gets colder, I cry.Sometimes, lying in bed and looking at the lights on other tall buildings outside the window, I would shed tears.

Living is so painful, so bitter, so sad...

I don't hate anyone, I always have, it's just that I can't get close to them.

That's why I want to be a cat.

Like Shaomai, you only need to meow lazily to get meat.

In my next life, I will also be a cat in a music store near school, with someone to play with every day.At that time, if I see which girl is pretty, I will rub her trouser legs.

A few days ago, I started to crave the sesame cakes from the breakfast shop run by a northerner behind the community.

The morning before I got a fever, I went to the store next to it to buy rice rolls. I talked about it all morning that day, saying that I was going to buy sesame seed cakes the next day.

Didn't make it.

Recently, that point has just woken up.Not to mention the sesame cakes, there is no ashes left in the pot.

Hope to get up tomorrow.

The sesame cakes made by northerners are full of meat and are very delicious.When I was still studying in Beiyu, I would usually eat it once every two weeks (I think the fillings are a bit salty, so I only eat it once in a while.)
When I was studying in Beiyu, I got up very early, usually around six o'clock.

Because I'm very lazy, I do everything slowly, and I'm particularly careless in the morning.

Sometimes when I get to the first floor, I realize that I forgot my key or got the wrong key.I remember one week, I got the wrong key two days in a row, and I didn’t get the access card one day...

But when I first wake up, I feel really sleepy, especially in winter.

Summer is a little better because the weather is hot.

On the way to school, you can see Brother Youbing running in the morning in the summer.This is in vain if you don’t see it. [dog head]

Alas, sesame seed cakes are more fragrant and more authentic.

I'm having a rest, I hope I'll wake up tomorrow.If I can't get up, it means I have no chance to enjoy the shaobing in that store.

(End of this chapter)