i'm not a bad man

Chapter 139 You must have confidence

I chose not to reply to Qiao Jiao's question.In my memory, I have experienced this kind of night where I was so lost that I didn’t know what to do next. The first time was the night when I decided to run away from home; the second time was when Luan Yu quietly disappeared. leaving; the third time is today...

In the end, I was forced by the situation to make a choice. I ran away from home because I was lost, and I chose to stay in Qingdao to wait for Luan Yu because I was lost. This time, I chose to be with Zuo Xiaowei because I was lost.

Every time, I am like a prison escapee who has no choice but to climb mountains and ridges and walk through thorns. Even though I am suffering physically and mentally, I am still not sure whether the choices I made are wrong or right...

This time, it is no exception, because I am still trapped in a strange circle that needs time to be verified. Maybe, one day, I will suddenly fall in love with Zuo Xiaowei, fall in love with the life she gave me, and then live an ordinary life together in a small city. life; otherwise, I will definitely leave Zuo Xiaowei and her city in disgrace.

Before there is no result, I don't want to explain to anyone, including Qiao Jiao.

There is no way to explain this kind of thing. It is a bit absurd, but it has become a reality, so I am very upset and very painful.

……

In the dessert shop, I put the liquor and snacks I bought on the table. I didn’t drink, but ate desserts with Zuo Xiaowei. Zuo Xiaowei said, I should eat more sweets at this time, can I Make me feel better.

Therefore, she knows everything in her heart. At least, she knows that I am not happy because I have established a relationship with her as boyfriend and girlfriend.

Of course she knows. I once told her very frankly that the woman I like is Lu Xi. Whether I like it or not can't change in a minute, but Zuo Xiaowei doesn't seem to want to figure out why I do it. There was such a change, so I never mentioned it, just writing the words "rarely confused" on my face.

As soon as I finished a bowl of poplar nectar, she pushed another bowl of milk-stewed eggs in front of me, and then looked at me with her chin in her hands, her eyes full of love and joy, as if her In the world, I am the only one left.

I picked up the cigarette case and took out a cigarette, and she hurriedly lit it for me with a lighter. Then she put her chin in her hands and looked at me with unchanged eyes.

"Sir, you are not allowed to smoke in our store. Please put out the cigarette."

A male waiter came up to me and reminded me.I apologized, but just when I wanted to put out the cigarette, Zuo Xiaowei said to him softly: "Handsome guy, there are only two of us customers in the store now, just let him smoke this cigarette. If We won’t smoke when someone comes later.”

After saying that, Zuo Xiaowei made another please gesture; no man can refuse the beautiful and sexy Zuo Xiaowei, not to mention this is just a trivial matter, so after a slight hesitation, the waiter replied: "Okay, Just make sure it doesn’t affect other people.”

I was able to continue smoking the cigarette, but the moment the waiter turned around and left, I clearly saw strong envy, and even a little jealousy, in his eyes.

……

This was a turbulent night, and it was also the first night after Zuo Xiaowei and I fell in love. We walked together and ate dessert together. Before we left, we hugged and kissed while hugging.

This is the feeling of falling in love, so when Zuo Xiaowei returned to the hotel, I did not leave decisively. I kept looking at her back and watching her off, and when she was about to disappear from my sight, she He looked back at me and then reluctantly got on the elevator.

……

I lit a cigarette and smoked it while enduring the emptiness in my heart as I walked towards my apartment. On the way, I gave the liquor and snacks I bought earlier to a homeless man sleeping in a bridge cave.

This night was as I imagined, but not so thorough. After all, I did not have sex with Zuo Xiaowei, but everything seemed to be better because we did not have sex; I am almost certain that if we were not in a hurry to have sex, Instead, I will look for the feeling of falling in love like today. I will have different thoughts about Zuo Xiaowei...

I don’t know if this is a common problem among men. Once he has sex with a woman quickly, everything related to this woman will become boring, because during the process of intercourse, it seems that he has taken her out quickly. Empty; therefore, you must have the experience of love. When these experiences accumulate to a certain extent, you will not become empty quickly if you have a relationship again, because in addition to the temptation of the body, there will also be spiritual dependence. The combination of the two One, is a perfect love. …

After I gave the white wine and appetizers to the homeless man, I did not leave immediately. Instead, I sat across from him and watched, watching him devour the wine and drinking the white wine like water...

The smell of alcohol spread, and I became a little dizzy. In my dizziness, I remembered everything I had experienced with Luan Yu.Under the current result, pain or happiness are not so important, so I took the phone out of my pocket, then opened the photo album and cleared all the photos related to Luan Yu. In the process of clearing, it seemed that I relived that experience again. At first I still felt pain, but then I became numb. I was so numb that I didn’t have the patience to delete one by one, so I directly used the batch deletion function.

……

When I returned to my residence and stood downstairs, someone flashed my car lights in the distance. I followed the lights and saw that it was a Porsche Cayenne. That was Ren Ran's car. I was not surprised that she came to see me, because She will definitely see the Moments updates that Zuo Xiaowei and I posted, but she doesn’t want Zuo Xiaowei and me to go back to small cities to develop.

I opened the car door and sat down in the passenger seat. Before Ren could speak, my mood started to get complicated.I have not forgotten my promise to her. I once told her that I must help her complete the company's first project. It is precisely because of my promise that she is so confident to do this. If I really decided to leave Qingdao, and she was undoubtedly the one who was hurt the most.

He opened the car window and lit a cigarette. He had no face to look at Ren Ran and could only look at her in the rearview mirror.

"Han Chao, we are people who have known each other, so I think I know you better than anyone else... I know who you really like, and you are a man who must defend your own ideas... If nothing special happens You would never admit your relationship with Xiaowei in such a way... I came to you so late just because I wanted to know what happened to make you so abnormal."

After a moment of silence, I whispered back: "I can't speak."

"Can't you talk to me?"

"Yes."

This answer made Ren Ran very sad, because I stopped talking to her tonight, but before that, we had determined to be a pair of siblings who were closer than real siblings.

Ren Ran also lit up a lady's cigarette, took a deep breath, and then said to me again: "Have you decided to go back to their small town with Xiaowei?"

"Ah."

Ren Ran sighed, and then put out the cigarette she had only taken a puff of in the car ashtray. It could be seen that she was also in a very irritable mood.

"You really don't want to talk about the changes here, so I won't ask."

"it is good."

"I still said what I said before. Before you found your parents, I was the person you were closest to in this world. I always wanted to stay in Qingdao and start a career with you. To this, I I really have a lot of fantasies... I want to wait for the money from the project to help you buy a house in Qingdao, so that you can have a home where you can live a down-to-earth life, and then watch you get married and have children... But people calculate It's not as good as God's will. Since you want to leave, you can leave... Don't feel sorry for me. In my heart, whether you are living well or not is far more important than a project, so I can accept it... I don't like to say If you want to wish me well, I can give you something before I leave."

After saying that, Ren Ran took out a box from his bag, handed it to me and said, "When you get there, you will inevitably be wronged, so you must have confidence in your heart... There is something in this box. For bracelets, the workmanship and materials are considered to be of the highest quality. If you don't use it, it is the best. If you encounter something that requires money, you should sell it to someone who knows the market, at least it will not be less than 20 Ten thousand."

After saying that, Ren Ran handed the box to my hand. My hand didn't move, but my heart was trembling...

(End of this chapter)