i'm not a bad man

Chapter 182 About Loneliness
My eyes have never left Qiao Jiao. For me, asking her to open a bakery in a small town is not a suggestion, but a way of hoping that she can give me understanding. After all, I know that it is impossible in a small town. There is soil for her to live in. She said that she loves Qingdao. Compared with Qingdao, the small town is at the other extreme. There is no sea, dry climate, and there are no various complexes.

Qiao Jiao sat on a bench on the street before me, and finally said to me: "What kind of city is the place you went to?"

Speaking of the small town, I felt a burst of unknown emotions in my heart, so I lit a cigarette, took a deep breath, squinted my eyes and said, "It's so small that there isn't even a decent shopping mall. There's only one street in the territory." The highway leads to the outside world. If you are willing to take a stroll, you can ride an electric bike from the east to the west of the city in 10 minutes. The small town only has an east-west direction, and the north-south direction is almost negligible, because the stacked mountains limit the north-south direction. The development of the city is precisely because of the many mountains, so there are two 5A-level scenic spots in the small town. During the peak tourist season, there are many people. It is winter now, and there are not many tourists. At this point, there are almost no people on the streets..."

"How do people live there?"

"The number of jobs in small towns is limited, so most of those who can stay are those whose parents have completed primitive accumulation, or some young people who simply lie flat. They don't think about the future at all, and they don't pursue quality of life. Therefore, in small towns The overall life is very leisurely, and the most effective way to kill time is to drink. They don’t drink to the point where they drink, as if they have put all their emotions in the wine, but they will not talk to you about the origin of these emotions. I just want to compete with you at the wine table..." After a pause, I spit out the cigarette in my mouth, then smiled and said, "If you like a city like Qingdao, there is no other way. Adapt to this environment and life.”

I evaluated what I saw and heard in the small town very objectively. I neither praised nor slandered, but I don’t know whether Qiao Jiao could objectively insert herself into the scene I described.If you substitute it, is it yearning or boredom?

There is a high probability that I won’t like it. Except for people like me who travel all over the world and adapt to different cities and lives, it is impossible for normal people to easily accept another lifestyle that is completely different from their original life; Qiao Jiao is even less able. Because she had been living a very extravagant life in Qingdao, arriving in a small town meant a complete confrontation with her father. She would lose her source of income. The only issue of livelihood was enough for her to worry about.

Ever since Qiao Jiao and I got to know each other, she would be irritable, laugh, look at others with anger or show blatant anger, but I had never seen a sad expression on her face; at this moment, she was actually a little sad, she He said to me: "Listen to what you said, I'm afraid I won't be able to repay the debt you owe me in my lifetime!... You know, when I just cut my hair, I kept looking at myself in the mirror, and suddenly I felt special Psychedelic, this is actually my last night in China, and I am going to study abroad! My dad said that this is to make me better, so that I don’t look unwilling... But I am really confused. How should I find a house after I go abroad? How should I get along with new people? Also, can I live not too far from a supermarket? I am a person who plays games very easily. People who are addicted can sometimes play games for several days without going out. The supermarket is too far away and I will starve myself to death... But I heard that many international students rent houses in remote suburbs. It’s convenient to go to the supermarket, and I chose the urban area. Will there be no one to accompany me when I go to school?... I really don’t like being alone, so I like to call friends when I do everything.”

Qiao Jiao is a woman who is very talented in language, so she can specify her worries into a certain detail, which gives me a strong sense of belonging. If I were a character like her who must be accompanied by someone, Presumably, I will also be anxious because of these unknowns.

After a period of silence, I finally said: "When people come to this world, loneliness is the norm. We will definitely lose many friends, close and not close; and then our own relatives, because no one can escape the law of birth, aging, illness and death. Those who are older will always leave this world first, and finally you, because death is a process that you must face alone. At that moment, you will say goodbye to everyone and go on the road alone... So , why not learn to adapt to loneliness and enjoy loneliness as soon as possible while you are young?"

"Why do I feel so desperate when I hear you say this?"

"But these are all facts."

"Aren't you afraid of loneliness at all?" "No, I have spent the past two years by myself, even during the Chinese New Year... Precisely because I have adapted to loneliness, I have gained absolute freedom from it. Freedom, no one around me is urging me to start a career, and no one requires me to find a girlfriend. I live at the rhythm I like every day. If I am happy, I will stay in this city for a while. If I don’t like this Once you are in a city, go to the next city. I am as free as a gust of wind, passing over the mountains, crossing the sea, and caressing the grassland..."

Qiao Jiao fell into silence for a long time before she looked up at me and said, "You are the most awesome person I have ever seen. You seem to have jumped out of the cracks in the rocks. You don't even need your own parents." , and your ex-girlfriend, you also let it go as soon as you said you would let it go, but there are bonds between people, why didn't you?"

"You want to call me inhumane, right?"

"No, I didn't mean to scold you..."

Qiao Jiao seemed to have only half of what she said, and she stopped talking. She seemed to be really afraid of being alone, so that when we talked about this topic, she seemed to be a different person. She hesitated to speak, and her logic It's not clear, she even became sad. The Qiao Jiao I know would not be like this!
I am also sad, but my sadness is not shown. How can I not have a bond?If I didn't have bonds, I wouldn't have left Qingdao because of Luan Yu. If I didn't have bonds, I wouldn't have been reminded of what my dad once said to me. The reason why I haven't set off to find them yet is just because I haven't left Qingdao yet. He didn't find the courage to face the harm he had done to them...

In these years, living alone, I have actually figured out a lot of things because of loneliness; so this time, I did not choose to go on the road alone, but returned to the small town with Zuo Xiaowei, I needed company.

In fact, what I said to Qiao Jiao was because I was trying to show off my strength to help her overcome her fear of loneliness. After all, it was a certainty that she would study abroad. Instead of rejecting and fearing it, it was better to accept it calmly.

……

In a daze, Qiao Jiao had already stood up. She trotted to the jewelry store that was about to close. When she came out again, she was already holding a pair of earrings in her hands, and then she said to me seriously: "I still feel that Your hair style is suitable for wearing a pair of earrings. Forget about the incident at the bakery, you have to wear these earrings when I leave."

(End of this chapter)