i'm not a bad man

Chapter 334 Long Talk
I held "Xi Xi" in my hands and looked at it carefully for a moment. It was really similar to the dog I used to have, so I tried to find the feeling of interdependence in it again, but it struggled. He seems to like Lu Xi more, constantly stretching out his claws to scratch Lu Xi's clothes, and making whimpering sounds eager to be held by her...

Lu Xi took it from my hand, and it stopped instantly, lying quietly on Lu Xi's body, looking peaceful.

Lu Xi looked at me a little embarrassed and said, "It may not be familiar with you yet, so you can spend more time with it."

I smiled sadly, and then replied after being silent for a long time: "I really had a wonderful feeling in my heart just now. I felt that there might be reincarnation in this world. I was still thinking that it was an unfinished fate. I was given another dog like this... But the fact is not that, they just look alike. Dog breeds, especially native dogs, look too much alike... There is really no need to add anything. A special feeling, because the more you ask for, the greater the disappointment in the end..."

Lu Xi asked tentatively: "Then do you still want to raise it?"

"Keep it, why don't you raise it... Ma Zai (the name of the previous dog) is Ma Zai, and joy is joy. No one can be a substitute for anyone. Just like you said, after it gets familiar with me, It will be close to me."

After saying that, I reached out and touched Xi Le's dog's head, and then put my hand on its mouth. It stuck out its tongue and licked it. We seemed to have established a preliminary relationship because of this; dogs are humane. Something, it must have felt it, I did not reject it because of its rejection, I am actually a very easy to get along with.

……

In the evening, the wind on the seaside became stronger and stronger, blowing the withered grass around me and making the sea water turbulent, so that the setting sun falling on the sea also swayed; under this scene, I started to reminisce again... But this time, it was not just Luan Yu, but also my own life. I even thought of my first girlfriend Zhao Yingrou. When I was with her, we would always sit on the beach, blow the wind together, and talk about the future together. Talking about ideals, talking about how to find one's own position in this complex social environment... Most of the time, she is the one talking, because these are what she cares about, but I hate the future, hate ideals, hate the need to wear clothes to integrate into this world. In a society where you can only survive by wearing a mask, I just want to live in the present and find as much happiness for myself as possible.

Lu Xi let go of the joy, and the joy of freedom started running and jumping among the thick weeds. Finally, it became interested in a discarded plastic bag. It fluttered for a while, and then faced the plastic bag blown up by the wind. Barking wildly, as if the wind has given life to a plastic bag. This is probably the cute thing about a dog. They don't have the ability to see the truth clearly, and everything goes as they please.

Lu Xi seemed to like the way he looked like this. He smiled and took out his mobile phone to record the scene. At this time, I finally spoke to Lu Xi: "Does your brother know about Luan Yu?"

The smile disappeared from Lu Xi's face, and she replied after pondering for a while: "I didn't plan to tell him originally, as long as I could delay it... But, my mother called and told him about this."

I sighed in a low voice: "He is indeed the man Luan Yu feels most sorry for in this world!"

"There is nothing to be sorry for, even if it is not sincere companionship, it is still companionship... Besides, Luan Yu has also given him a lot of help in his career. If there is no romantic relationship between them, they should become very good friends."

I was speechless, and after a brief silence, Lu Xi said to me: "After he knew about this, he didn't answer anyone who called him... So, I don't know how he feels now. , he seems to be in pain, but he is unwilling to come back... Luan Yu still has many relics in the house where they once lived, and he should come back to deal with them. "

I sensed Lu Ming’s contradictory side in Lu Xi’s words, so I asked, “What kind of person is he?”

Lu Xi shook his head and replied: "I don't know, he must be a very old-fashioned person...otherwise, how could he have such strange beliefs?" After a pause, Lu Xi added: "Actually, he also It's quite pitiful. After Luan Yu knew that she had no hope of living, she refused to let my brother come back to see her. This is actually a kind of not being needed. What Luan Yu wants from him is a stable life. , but this is based on being able to survive, so when she really felt desperate, she didn't have my brother in her heart. Instead, she told me a lot of things related to you. She actually wanted to see you again, but……"

Lu Xi didn't say any more. Her mood seemed very complicated, and I didn't choose to ask further questions. There are some things that I should just stop talking about.

When Lu Xi spoke again, she had already taken the initiative to change the subject. She asked me, "Have you gone to Kunming to see Luan Yu's parents?"

"Ah."

"Do they hate you?"

"Her mother said that as long as Luan Yu doesn't hate me, she won't hate me... However, she doesn't want me to have any more human relations with them. She thinks it's a burden on her mind."

"Auntie is indeed a very transparent woman, so don't bother them anymore." "I know...but I still want to do something for them."

After saying that, I took out the bank card from my wallet that I had not given away before, then handed it to Lu Xi and said: "Her mother said that you want to take her father to Denmark for treatment. I will give her the money. She refused, so you accept the money...Whether she wants it or not, I should do something, just don't let them know...When I make money later, I will continue to do this Whoever pays money on this card must do her best to cure her father’s illness.”

Lu Xi nodded, and then took the card from my hand. I told her the password again, and then I felt a little better.

……

I lit a cigarette, squinted my eyes and took a deep breath. I was in a trance facing the sea again. The joy that had been jumping around before completely quieted down at this time. It lay between me and the deer stream. As if it has become a tool to measure time, we have been sitting here for a long, long time, even an energetic puppy is tired from playing.

The wind blew even colder, so I took off my fur coat and put it on Lu Xi's body. I didn't want to leave yet. I wanted to sit for a while, because after returning to the small town, there would be no sea. The sea is a symbol of breadth. , it can accommodate all melancholy emotions.

Yes, I have gradually turned from sadness to melancholy, because my heart has accepted the fact that Luan Yu has completely left.

"Han Chao, let's chat... just chat, but don't talk about the past."

I looked at Lu Xi, and she said to me again: "Everyone thinks that you will not stay in that small town forever. I think so too. Maybe after the things in the scenic spot are finished, you will leave... If you leave, Where will your next city be?"

After pondering for a while, I replied: "I haven't thought about it yet, maybe I will go back to Qingdao... maybe it will be a city I have never been to."

"That can only be a certain city in XJ."

"Well, what about you...where is your future?"

"BJ... Unless, I make up my mind to leave this circle."

"Will you leave this circle?"

Lu Xi had a confused expression on her face. I knew she had never liked this circle, but she couldn't find a reason to leave. Besides, there was Qin Minhong and a team behind her, and these people needed her. To feed.

After a long while, Lu Xi finally said to me: "I don't have a reason to leave this circle yet... But many times, I always fantasize that I no longer have to wear a hat and a mask when walking on the street, and I can eat whatever I want. I just eat whatever I want and chat with whoever I want... I don’t want to live in this circle where there are no scandals but fabricated scandals. I feel very fake and not free... So, when I was chatting with Luan Yu , I especially like to hear her talk about your experiences along the way. It seems that there are no constraints or shackles. Today you can eat hot dry noodles in Wuhan and eat hot pot in Chongqing tomorrow... How good it feels... Even in I have never experienced this before entering this circle... This is not something that can be done with money. It requires liberating the mind and letting the spirit be absolutely free, but I don't have such courage... So, Luan Yu Finally, I felt relieved. Although her life was short, the experiences you gave her were things that countless people would never have the chance to experience but yearn for infinitely... This is probably the real reason why she has always been obsessed with you. Because there are many people in the world like my brother who can give her a stable life, but you are the only one who can give her this experience. The thing that a person will never forget the most in this life must be the one who can never be replaced. people..."

"Yes, this is equivalent to your experience from Qingdao to Shenyang... Apart from him, no other man in the world can give you the same experience, because it is almost impossible for your life to fall into such a low point again... So, I can understand your feelings for that man."

Lu Xi looked at me and then fell into silence.

This silence also means that this is not only a long conversation, but also a deep conversation. We have talked thoroughly about the feelings between people, and the last thing in this world that cannot be created out of thin air is probably feelings, so I understand Why is she so obsessed with that impossible quadruple jump? Just like she understands why Luan Yu can't forget me.

This is fair, and this fairness comes entirely from experience, and no one can easily eliminate or obliterate it.

(End of this chapter)