i'm not a bad man

Chapter 390 The bravery that makes me ashamed
I walked into Lao San's courtyard, and he seemed to have an impression of me. After staring at me for a while, he smiled at me. Lao San was too lean, so when he smiled, he always showed He didn't have the habit of smoking. His teeth were as white as jade, and this became his most striking feature.

The third child adjusted his red headscarf and still smiled and asked me, "Chao, when did you come back?"

"Last night... I didn't expect you to be the new mage of this village!"

There was a sad look on Lao San's face. He was still polishing the steel knife in his hand, and there were dozens of polished steel knives in the basket beside him. He said to me: "Master Now that I'm gone, there must be new mages in the village, but I haven't been able to learn all the master's abilities..."

This is the regret of the third child, but I can't sympathize with him about inheritance, so I don't know what to say to comfort him.

After a while, I just changed the subject and asked him: "These steel knives already look very sharp, why do they have to be polished over and over again?"

The third child worked harder, so that his words became sonorous and powerful: "In the belief of our Miao people, the more dangerous it is, the more sincere it is... I can't get some stupid steel knives to fool this inheritance."

"Well...the ceremony is about to begin, are you nervous?"

"If you think of it as something you have to do well, you won't be nervous."

After saying that, the third child threw the last polished steel knife into the basket, and then asked me: "Did you come back alone this time?"

"No."

"You and Luan Yu should be married, right?"

I shook my head, feeling sad.

"Be brave, isn't getting married something you must do?"

My voice was low: "We are no longer together. She married abroad... So, she is not the one who comes back with me this time."

The third child looked at me, shook his head and said, "Chao, you are really not a brave man."

"There is no such thing as bravery or not in the relationship between men and women, only whether they are suitable or not... There are many difficulties between men and women in the city that you can't imagine."

"A man who is not brave will always have many excuses."

"If you must regard bravery as a label for a man, then I am really brave."

"Why are you so brave?"

After a period of silence, my desire to tell things had faded away, so I replied: "It's meaningless to talk about things in the past now."

"Then you're still not brave."

I looked at Lao San, and suddenly I felt that there was a kind of stubbornness in this man that I couldn't understand... Not only Lao San, but most of the men in this village had this kind of stubbornness, even my godfather had it, so after so many years, Even though I severed contact with them, he never gave up on me as his godson until I returned to him and until he talked to me again about letting him have a grandson.

... After lighting up a cigarette and taking a deep breath, I finally said to the third child: "You haven't found a girlfriend yet. I told you, don't feel embarrassed..."

"You just have too many distracting thoughts in your mind. What you want to say, but you are thinking about whether I will be embarrassed."

"Then I'll say it!"

"After leaving you, Luan Yu and I went to many places and spent a lot of money... At the most difficult time, we had no money left... That day, Luan Yu and I were lying in bed, and she suddenly She pushed me...I looked at her...Before this, she had never made any demands on me. We lived in the same place and ate the same food every day...but that day...she said to me, I don't want to do anything anymore. I use condoms that cost one yuan a piece, but I always have allergies... Can you buy a box of Durex?... I feel very sad. I suddenly discovered that even a box of good condoms has become a luxury between us. products... At that time, I was thinking that I would get a box of Durex no matter what... I went to the convenience store and pretended to want something that the convenience store didn't even sell. While the salesperson was distracted, I I stole a box of Durex and a box of desserts from the counter... It was the first and only time in my life that I stole something... I knew it was wrong and embarrassing... but I had this thought in my heart, This is the first time she has made a request of me. No matter how high the cost, I will satisfy her... This is a kind of courage for me... I was not a poor person before, I have always been quite proud... That time, I saw myself clearly... We finally used the Durex she wanted and ate a box of desserts..."

When I talked about this past incident, my mood was extremely complicated, so I kept my hands spread out and hanging on my chest. I tried to make the third child understand the me who stole things at that time...

But he blushed. For a pure and simple Miao people, something like Durex is indeed very contrary and evil!

We are really from two different worlds, so it is impossible for him to empathize with me, so I put down my hanging hands in helplessness...

I lit another cigarette for myself. I was thinking, was that kind of behavior considered brave?Or, this is a kind of shamelessness, and I regard this shamelessness as bravery.

But in that extreme situation, I had no choice. If I couldn't satisfy Luan Yu with even a box of Durex, I would have wanted to kill myself; compared to killing myself, this kind of shame would not be the same. It seems so difficult to face.

But until now, I have never forgotten the feeling of being suffocated by nervousness and almost weak in my legs after I stole the box of Durex and desserts.

……

After spitting out the cigarette in my mouth, I subconsciously looked back and found that I had gone to Luxi at the foot of the mountain, but she was standing outside the yard. She seemed to have heard what I and the third child said.

At this moment, I wished I could find a crack in the ground and crawl into it. This was a past event that I had sworn I would never talk about to any woman, because it was so embarrassing!If the third child hadn't questioned me for not being brave because of Luan Yu, I wouldn't even want to say it as a man. After all, this kind of courage is accompanied by a lack of morality.

Lu Xi walked towards me at this time...

I asked her politely: "Why are you back?"

"After thinking about it, this is the first time my godmother has made breakfast for us... I can't help but eat it."

I looked at Lu Xi...with mixed feelings in my heart. I knew that until this moment, she was still caring about my face, the reunion and the sense of atmosphere that I cared about.

Seeing me at a loss, Lu Xi added, "I can't stop eating, and you can't stop eating either... Let's go home and have breakfast."

After saying that, she pulled me, like a little boy who had made a mistake, and walked higher.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but the moment I was pulled by her, I felt even more uncomfortable when I thought about her leaving in the afternoon; I finally realized that until now, I had never given her a chance to really explain myself clearly. Opportunity.

I never mentioned Yang Yiming to her, nor did I give her the space to talk about Yang Yiming, even though half of the regrets between us were because of Yang Yiming.

(End of this chapter)