i'm not a bad man

Chapter 486: Take you away from right and wrong
My thoughts couldn't help but go back to that prank night, and my mood couldn't help but fluctuate; I never deliberately thought about what would happen if it wasn't a prank, because it was the most dissolute period in my life, and I no longer wanted to Go back and remember the slightest bit.

The night I decided to go to the small town with Zuo Xiaowei, I completely deleted the contact information of the women who had had inappropriate relationships with me. I wanted to bid farewell to the chaotic past in this way.

Strictly speaking, the small town is a watershed in my life...

In other words, Zuo Xiaowei is a watershed in my life. Regardless of whether I really love her or not, when I decided to leave Qingdao, I already longed to be close to the kind of life that normal people would have. With daily income, you have a fixed partner, a fixed place to live, and fixed friends...

So, with such a watershed standing between me and Ren Ran, does it still make sense to talk about that night?
It makes no sense, but I have a very clear answer in my heart: I will have a relationship with her. After all, it was the Korean wave before the watershed. It was muddling through and having corrupt thoughts.

Because of such an answer, I looked at Ren Ran but didn't know how to speak. I no longer wanted to face the person I once was and felt disgusted.

……

My silence made Ren Ran feel a little sad. She finally shifted her gaze from me, silently picked up the wine glass, drank another glass of beer, and then lost her mind, as if if I didn't say something, she wouldn't speak again. of.

This state lasted for as long as a cigarette.

I don’t know since when, cigarettes have become a unit of measurement, but the person smoking this time is Ren Ran, not me; I don’t know what kind of life she lives in Phuket. All I could see was a slight change. She had stopped smoking women's cigarettes and had switched to the fat cigarettes I always smoked, and the same brand I always smoked.

After she put out the cigarette, she finally said to me: "Han Chao, maybe you think you are very good now, but I miss the old you a little bit..."

I finally spoke and said with a smile: "Sister Ran, I can really see a lot of contradictions in you. At that time, you always hoped that I could live a peaceful life, but now you miss the old me. What’s there to miss about the old me?”

"I also know that I...I am very contradictory...but at this moment, I just miss the you before...because that you seems to be able to help me escape all the rules and troubles in life...So, maybe I I don't like that bar that much, I just like... the feeling of being with you... no loneliness, no worries, full of the pleasure of going my own way... It's a pity... we finally returned, returned to the prison of life. In a cage, even in a place like Phuket where the living atmosphere is relatively relaxed, I will still have the feeling of living in a cage when I fall asleep... I will miss the days when we were in the bar, over and over again... ...That feeling is really great, as if I have expectations every day, looking forward to meeting you at the bar in the evening... However, such a group of people eventually got separated. I went to Phuket, and you went to the small town, you slut After returning to his hometown, Tu Lin went to a bigger city, Xiao Wei became a star... We can never get together again!"

After saying that, Ren Ran covered his face and cried.

She must have drunk too much. Only people who drink too much can express themselves so unreservedly, but they forget that after these people dispersed, she had the best life, because she was the first in the true sense. A financially free person.

The reason why she was able to achieve financial freedom was because she was divorced, which she earned with her youth and marriage.

Life is like this, everyone is wandering about gains and losses, worrying about gains and losses; but I have never disliked her as a divorced woman, because I know that in her marriage to Lin Shengen, She had never done anything wrong. It was Lin Shengen who felt sorry for her.

…I didn’t know how to comfort her, so I had to take out the tissue, walked to her side, and tried to hand it to her.

Renran cried and signaled no need, and I sat down next to her, listening to her cry and looking at the lighthouse in the distance. At this time, the sea could no longer be seen, only the sound of the waves was clear.

In a daze, Ren Ran took my arm and leaned on my shoulder, looking at the lighthouse in the distance with me...

The sea breeze blew over, and the smell of alcohol on our bodies also dispersed, but it was only the smell of alcohol, not the alcohol. I also felt a little restless in my heart because of the alcohol, and then turned to look at Ren Ran, Her eyes were blurred.

She is a woman five years older than me, and she is also the most mature and charming woman around me, which gives her an irreplaceable position in my heart.

I wanted to protect her and give her a sense of security, so when she leaned against me, I didn't refuse; at the same time, I didn't stop thinking about: what made her feel pain and what she needed to make her feel safe. Feel contented in this vast life?

Life is really too profound!
It seems that everyone is not really happy, so they spend their whole lives searching. I can't help but think of the teacher in the small town who was persecuted to death by Guan Yubo. He was addicted to gambling, which was also a search for happiness and satisfaction. Looking for excitement.

But, are these things really that important?So in the end, he lost his life. I suddenly wanted to know what he was thinking at the moment he decided to commit suicide...

At this moment, my heart was full of darkness without a trace of light, because I was also addicted to this search and trying to get pleasure and satisfaction.

"Han Chao, do you know what a 30-year-old woman is most afraid of?"

I have dated countless women, so this is not a difficult question for me to answer. I finally said to her: "It's loneliness, it's loneliness, it's having physiological needs for a long time but not being satisfied."

"Yes, for a 30-year-old woman, not having a happy marriage is really a nightmare!" After a pause, Ren Ran said to me again: "Although you don't say anything, I know, On the day of Qiao Jiao's wedding, you wouldn't do anything... I also know that if it wasn't a prank, we would have sex that night... In fact, in my heart, you have always been a happy-go-lucky person, many things , you will do it if you meet her, forget it if you don’t meet her... Therefore, you are a person who particularly needs others to take the initiative, so Xiaowei at that time could bring you to such a completely strange town... If, If you were still the same Han Chao as before, I would also like to take the initiative..."

Ren Ran's eyes became more blurred and her breathing became more rapid. This made me nervous and my heart beat faster.

"My biggest purpose of coming back this time is not to get a new certificate, nor to attend Qiao Jiao's wedding... I want to take you away, take you to Phuket, away from these right and wrong, and the hostility in your heart... I I wish you could go back to the Han Chao who was idle and not doing his job properly... I don't want you to fight against those evil forces for the sake of desire... Let's go to Phuket together, I'll open a bar, and you'll be singing there. It doesn't matter if there's no business, I I can afford to support you..."

At this point, Ren Ran stopped, combed her hair that was messed up by the sea breeze, and then said to me with an extremely satisfied smile: "You know what? This is the happiest thing I can imagine. life... We run the bar together, live together, and stay away from the endless right and wrong... If there is a man in this world who can rekindle my desire to have children, it is after he has stayed away from right and wrong. you……"

(End of this chapter)