i'm not a bad man

Chapter 487 It doesn't matter

Faced with such a Renran who may not be so clear-headed anymore, my heart alternates between hot and cold, and suddenly I think of the scene when I first saw her. I was attracted by her beauty and conversation, so I took the initiative to find her. To strike up a conversation, if I remember correctly, she was not yet 30 years old at that time, so she would not act like a 30-year-old woman like she does today. She would always find a quieter corner to sit in. Next, she waited for her friends to find her. She usually didn't speak, just looked at the speaker quietly, and didn't agree easily. It wasn't until she drank too much that she started to become talkative, and even made some outrageous remarks. move.

For example, on the night of the prank, I accidentally touched her breasts and couldn't help but sigh at the plumpness. She actually pulled out a breast pad from her clothes and said it was this, and then laughed with everyone.

Therefore, she can also be divided, one is her before drinking, and the other is her after drinking.

At this moment, of course she corresponds to the person she was after drinking.

She was already unconscious, so I had to be even more awake. So, I opened my coat and let the sea breeze blow in unbridled. Then I smiled and said to her who was leaning closely on my shoulder: "Sister Ran, so-called Is happiness really so easy to satisfy?...As long as you are alone and accompanied by another person, you can ignore everything and pretend that this is happiness?"

"Isn't this a kind of happiness? Living in a city I like, with people around me who I can rely on, I can only have three meals a day leisurely, or I can be busy, no matter whether my life is leisurely or busy, We can all be accompanied by wine..." After a pause, Ren Ran added: "You have never been to Phuket, you really don't know how beautiful a place it is... Over there, life seems to be... Colors, and more than one color, pink sky, black beer bottles, blue sea water, green coconut trees, white buildings, and tourists of all colors make up such a Phuket island... ...If you can still be by my side, what would that be but happiness?"

"For me, this is not happiness...Sister Ran."

Ren Ran is not a person who loses control easily, even after drinking, so she just looked at me and asked: "Then tell me, what is the happiness you want?"

After pondering for a while, I replied: "A life that does not change because of anyone is a kind of happiness to me, even if it comes at the cost of loneliness... Sister Ran, I have become accustomed to this world composed of interpersonal relationships. I am disappointed. There are too many restrictions and unfairness in this world. If I want to get rid of it completely, I can only face the difficulties... It’s not just me, everyone I can see in life is facing them in their own way. It is difficult to overcome difficulties, because it is human nature to hate being humble, so I will stick to what I am doing now... The Korean Chao in the past is dead, and there will no longer be so many compromises in my life. I want to do it vigorously Fight your way out of this unfair world, no matter the cost, as long as you make a splash..."

After a short pause, I smiled and said to Ren Ran: "By the way, I have sold the RV that accompanied me to 296 cities and sold it as scrap. At that moment, I didn't feel any waves in my heart. I even kind of like this feeling of burning the boat without leaving any way for myself to fall back... So, I really enjoy this state. The Phuket Island you mentioned is just an unattainable dream. Let me When you feel powerless, there is another spiritual sustenance... I heard that the most common means of transportation on Phuket Island is motorcycles. Imagine riding a motorcycle in the evening on the seaside road with your beloved woman. Just to find a bar where you can drink and sing; on the road, the street lights light up one after another, and the wind does not stop...that feeling! That feeling..."

I suddenly ran out of words, so I filled another glass of wine and drank it all. The scene I described became clearer in my mind, but I no longer knew the woman sitting in the back seat. Who could it be, and who should it be?
Love has become a burden in my heart and a roadblock to my success. For a moment, I have lost all expectations for love, but I am not sure if this is a rebellious mentality caused by asking hard and not getting it. .

As for love, I feel it doesn't matter anymore.

My only hope is that the women who have been emotionally involved with me can all live a good life, and then gradually make the relationship experience that belongs to us become dispensable.

I almost did it, so I can be so indifferent inside. Even if Ren Ran is sitting next to me, I am still so indifferent, and no one can warm my heart.

Like me, Ren Ran also fell into a state of trance, wondering if she was also imagining the scene I described; after a while, she seemed to have sobered up, and she finally stopped leaning on my shoulder and smiled meaningfully. He smiled and said to me: "So, how could Han Chao, who has such a strong heart and is bound to fight his way out, have a relationship with a barmaid and be imprisoned for ten days?"

After saying that, Ren Ran looked at me, even more sober than when she didn't drink.

I was stunned by this, and it took me a long time to say, "Sister Ran... you... are you testing me?"

"You think it's a test, just a test... It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter." Ren Ran hugged his knees, and after being silent for a long time, he said, "I don't know where the person who can save you is... anyway. , Facing such a Korean trend, I feel very sad... I don't know what kind of things happened to change a person like this... That RV was once something you cherished at the risk of your life. But its final fate was to be sold as scrap by you... Do you really want to cut off your former self and those who care about you?"

"Yes, I just want to make a clean break with my former self...and that includes you..."

"I shouldn't have come to you, let alone said these words to you... I hope that one day, you can truly feel that today's choice is the right one, instead of suddenly regretting it when there is no one around you... "After a pause, Ren Ran said in a deeper voice: "Han Chao, people are like running water. Wherever the wind blows, we will go... No one will always stop there and wait for you... "

"It doesn't matter."

Ren Ran smiled and shook her head, then she got up and walked in the direction where she could get the car. I'm not sure when she followed the car, because from the beginning to the end, I never looked back.

I seemed to be red-eyed and completely numb, so I had forgotten that this was the second woman I had hurt since I came to Qingdao, and the second woman who had sincerely treated me well.

I bitterly thought of Guan Yubo, Yang Yiming, Qin Minhong who never regarded me as a human being, and Chang Tianming who played tricks on me several times, and then my heart became more and more indifferent, so indifferent that I could ignore everything.

Until, I took out my phone from my pocket, opened the short video, and accidentally clicked on the collection page...

I have forgotten. I don’t know which night it was. I seemed to be in a daze. I clicked and liked all the short videos about Phuket. I hope that one day I can use them when I go to Phuket.

Maybe it was that night that I fantasized about living in Phuket with a certain woman, but I was not sure whether the woman I fantasized about was Qiao Jiao or Lu Xi.

Qiao Jiao is more likely, because we once had such a plan.

At that time, Qiao Jiao told me more than once that as long as the two of us can be together, we will be happy wherever we go.

But, can happiness really be that simple?

As long as two people are together...

No, this may only be a necessary condition for happiness, but it definitely does not completely represent happiness; otherwise, I would have been happy ten thousand times...

(End of this chapter)