i'm not a bad man

Chapter 549 The Bad News Comes

Thinking of the grievances between Zuo Xiaowei and me, my thoughts couldn't help but be confused; so far, I don't know if I really loved this woman, but if I want to summarize my emotional experience, there is no one Women make me feel more conflicted than her...

To her, what I owe is a real debt, and what I give is really what I give, so that it is not wrong to love, nor to hate, nor to want to let her go, nor to not want to let her go.

This is the source of my real confusion, because the situation has developed to this point and I can no longer control it 100%, including Zuo Xiaowei’s ending. This makes me feel a little uncomfortable. I know that she brought me here at the earliest When I was in this small town, I just wanted to be an ordinary woman. After having a stable family, I could take care of my husband and raise my children. Compared to now, I have deviated too far from the original track.

It was impossible for us to return to that track, so wars raged and we were displaced.

……

I lit a cigarette and smoked hard until Wu Luoge asked me, "What are you thinking about?"

"Brother, do you think there is really a winner behind the battle between people's hearts?"

Wu Luoge thought for a while before replying: "If you firmly believe that the other party is an enemy, if you win, then you have really won; if you have no way to be sure and get entangled, you will win in the end, I'm afraid. I will also peel off a layer of skin and lose a piece of meat..." After a pause, Wu Luoge looked at me again and said: "Actually, this is what Sister Ran said. She knows the past between you and Zuo Xiaowei very well. Already..."

"Since she can say that, she will definitely talk to Zuo Xiaowei in private."

"Then do you think she can convince Zuo Xiaowei?"

I shook my head.

"You think you can't?"

Wu Luoge misunderstood what I meant by shaking my head, so I said again: "I don't know... Sister Ran is a person who is very good at persuading others, but Zuo Xiaowei seems to be determined by the scale."

"So, do you think there are still variables here?"

"There are variables."

"As for what the variable is, you can't tell?"

"That's what I mean, brother... But I still hope that Sister Ran can persuade her and let her give up... For us, we don't have to engage in a dispute between people and win this scenic spot at the original price. Best possible outcome."

"Yes, this scenic spot is like a patient suffering from cancer. If Zuo Xiaowei and Guan Yubo are tossing it again, even if we take over again later, they will only be able to use the most powerful drugs for chemotherapy... But if they give up now If we withdraw, we still have the opportunity for surgical treatment and removal of the lesions.”

I looked at Wu Luoge, and my heart suddenly tightened. Of course there was nothing wrong with his metaphor, but I felt sad. My heart felt like it was stabbed hard by something, and then I suddenly felt a strong sense of uneasiness and difficulty breathing. .

"Did I say something wrong?"

I pinched my neck with my hands and shook my head. Then I felt a little more comfortable. I said to Wu Luoge, "I suddenly felt a little stuffy."

"Not feeling well? Do you want to go to the hospital?"

"It has nothing to do with my body, it's just that I suddenly feel depressed... This will be much better."

Wu Luoge nodded, and then he felt relieved, and I suddenly realized why I felt dull, because the first woman I fell in love with died of cancer. I hate this word, it was the first time I fell in love with it. You know what it feels like to die.

...When I returned to the hotel where I was staying, I lay on the bed. I was a little tired and wanted to rest for a while, but the moment I closed my eyes, the feeling of uneasiness suddenly came over me again, as if there was an invisible feeling. The radio waves are sending signals to me...

And my cell phone rang at this moment. Although I had written down Lu Ming’s phone number when I was in Kunming last time, I never thought he would call me, at least, not so soon. , so I was stunned and suddenly connected again.

I called out "Brother".

There was silence on the other end of the phone, which made me feel even more uneasy, so I asked again: "Brother, can you hear me?"

"Yes, Luan Yu's father passed away... he left at 23:[-] in the afternoon."

This feeling of uneasiness spread crazily in my body like the most powerful virus, and finally turned into a stone weighing a thousand kilograms, pressing hard on my chest. I opened my mouth, but could not say a word...

I don’t know how long the silence lasted, but Lu Ming on the other end of the phone said to me again: “Are you coming to see him off for the last time?”

Luan Yu, it must be Luan Yu, she is a spirit in the sky, giving me a signal to release, otherwise, the uneasiness in my heart would not come so suddenly and so timely, she must want me to send it off, because they There is no one else at home anymore, and her mother will definitely lose her ability to act due to excessive grief. Someone has to handle the funeral, and Lu Ming may not be able to handle it alone.

"Go, I'll leave now."

There was no unnecessary nonsense and no extra luggage. I only brought a mobile phone and ID card and drove to the airport where I could fly directly to Kunming.

……

This was the first time I saw Luan Yu's father, and it was also the last time. He was lying on a simple bed made of wooden boards. His face was devoid of any color or vitality. His body was completely shriveled, as if he had been taken away by a long-term illness. All flesh and blood.

I could just vaguely see that Luan Yu's tall nose looked a bit like him.

Is this really a man in his early fifties?

I felt extremely uncomfortable, and then I thought of Luan Yu. What would she look like when she left?I didn't even see her body.

After a while of confusion, Lu Ming finally spoke to me and said: "Uncle and aunt have no descendants. If there must be someone to die for my uncle, I think you are more suitable than me, because... you are the one who Luan Yu will never forget. The lost person, for her, I am just a safe choice. All the passion and extraordinary experiences in her life were spent with you. We only have three meals a day, which is ordinary."

After saying that, he turned to the deacon's confidant and said, "Let him die."

Zhibin handed me the filial piety cloth. When I put it on and knelt on the ground, he said to everyone: "The filial son has arrived, let the body be put into the coffin."

Everyone carried the body into the refrigerated ice coffin, as if to declare that his life was completely over.

I lowered my head and cried. It was the first time I met this person, but as a filial son. Of course I accepted this identity and felt guilty for it, because when Luan Yu was alive, what he hoped for most was a person who would jointly form a family with me. I should give her a family, but I didn't do that at the time. I just felt that I was too young at that time and there were countless possibilities in life. I didn't want to sell my freedom to the rules. Who said that people are still alive? You must get married, you must have a family, you must have children?
I was wrong after all. There really aren't that many possibilities in life, because some people will leave you completely as they walk. Therefore, I never could call this man "Dad" from beginning to end.

However, her daughter gave me everything she could.

I can't forget that cigarette, I can't forget the 296 cities we traveled together, and I can't forget how my cynical heart slowly woke up after she left me.

(End of this chapter)