i'm not a bad man

Chapter 59 Quadruple Jump

In the deep night, facing the pink light, I looked at the lonely deer creek...

I tried to peek into her heart, but her tears were like raging waves. I was swept in when I first came into contact with them, and finally sank to the bottom of the sea like a stone.

Everyone has a past, and memory is a container. When the container is full, the past will turn into tears and overflow; this is a kind of catharsis and a kind of protection.Maybe it’s because Lu Xi doesn’t like to show off, so the container in her heart, to me, is the vast ocean. I need a big boat to drift in her heart, little by little. Understand and explore.

In fact, I am the same. I have friends all over the world, but I have only told Ren Ran about the pain and unbearable pain in my heart. But I will not cry because of the pain. I will only drink, smoke, and act recklessly in bars. But none of these can really cure me. In the dead of night, I will still be moved by the scene, thinking of those good things and mistakes, as if I have been strangled by the neck, and then I will miss and regret in the suffocation. In the end, I am still so powerless... …

Therefore, all human suffering comes from the container in the heart, and no one has ever really broken it.

……

After I coughed dryly and attracted Lu Xi's attention, I applauded and walked towards her. At this time, she wiped away her tears with her hands, obviously unwilling to reveal her thoughts in front of me.

"The quadruple jump you just did was really awesome, and the one-horse move behind you was also awesome!"

Lu Xi released his hands holding the guardrail, then turned around and leaned against the guardrail, and whispered to me: "The movement just now didn't have a quadruple, it was only three weeks. I am 23 years old this year, and I will never have the chance to jump out of the quadruple."

"When commentating on skating competitions on TV, don't they always talk about four directions? And I really saw you spinning many times in the air. It won't be lower than four directions."

Lu Xi's expression became more and more disappointed. After a long time, she replied: "The TV shows are all top events, and the participants are also top athletes. They can jump out of the quadruple... I have never jumped out of the quadruple, even three weeks in a row." I have never encountered half of the threshold... People who have never been exposed to it will not understand the gap between three weeks and four weeks. This gap cannot be overcome by hard work, what is more needed is talent..."

"As you said, the four weeks are moves that can only be performed by top athletes. Those three weeks are already very impressive. For an ordinary person like me, let alone three weeks, it would be difficult for me to idling around the ice. .”

"Stop saying that, three weeks is three weeks, it's a fact!"

Since I met Lu Xi, I have never seen her lose her temper, but at this moment, she could hardly control her emotions. Her shoulders were trembling, but she resisted not crying in front of me... At this time, I finally understood , why does she want to be alone so much? When she has me by her side, I don’t understand, and I will always touch her sad past inadvertently...

"You know what? It's very difficult for me to even do a triple axel now. This is the first time I've completed this action this year... So, he will never come back to me again."

Lu Xi was choking, and I finally saw a clue at this time. She was so persistent in the three weeks and four weeks, probably because of an agreement.

After a short silence, I finally said: "Do you really believe in the agreement?"

"He has never lied to me... He said that when I jump around, he will definitely come back to me."

"Then have you ever thought that on the day he left, he had no intention of coming back to you, because he knew that this was an action that you could never complete... using something that was simply impossible as a bargaining chip , it cannot be regarded as an agreement."

Lu Xi turned to look at me, her eyes full of sadness and disbelief. At this moment, it seemed that her faith had been challenged.

I was also very sad, because I had a crush on her, but there was a past hidden in her heart that could keep me away. I am not a person who likes to listen to stories, but this time, I have to listen. , just because she is Lu Xi.

I lit a cigarette, and after I calmed down a bit, I said to her: "Sister Lu, tell me your story. There are some things that the authorities are confused about... Maybe if you tell me, I can tell you Some advice, even if I can’t give you advice, can at least help you share some of your emotions..." After a pause, I said with a wry smile: "When people are over 20 years old, they shouldn’t believe in the word agreement, unless there is The contract is welded word by word... Otherwise, even if it is a beautiful agreement, it will appear empty and powerless without accompanying you later..."

This is the truest feeling in my heart. Wasn’t the past between me and Luan Yu romantic and beautiful enough?But now when I recall those moments that can be called beautiful, I only feel empty and weak; sometimes, I even want to completely erase this woman Luan Yu from my memory, so that I will not live with hatred...

It's funny to say, but Luan Yu and I also have an agreement.We said that when the weather gets warmer, we must go to XJ to have a look and fulfill our ultimate dream of traveling around the country. But in the end, she left, leaving me alone to pursue this shattered dream. .

……

On the bench at the ski resort, Lu Xi took off her skates and put on her previous pair of white casual shoes. I was sitting next to her. I kept waiting for her to speak, but she didn't. Didn't say anything either...

I can only comfort myself in my heart: I am just in junior high school, so it will definitely not be love. Even if I have a good feeling in my heart, I am afraid it is just ignorance; however, looking at Lu Xi’s lost look, and the worry about the quadruple jump , I still feel guilty.

If it wasn't unforgettable, how could it keep her in love for so many years and make her reject all temptations related to love around her? However, is there really such a man in this world, worthy of her doing so?Even if it is worth it, what kind of past is it for her?

No matter what the past is, as long as she didn't devote herself to that man, I can accept it.

I admit that this idea was a bit selfish and even a bit evil. After all, I was only in junior high school at the time; however, Lu Xi was already infinitely close to perfection in my heart, and I really couldn’t carve such a crack into my understanding of her... That’s why I take care of her so carefully. I want to make her happy, want her to open up, and want to enter her life...

For this reason, I followed her to Shenyang shamelessly.I was a little anxious because of the unknown, but my fondness for Lu Xi was even greater than before, because this emotion of waiting hard and rejecting all temptations was enough to prove that she was a woman who regarded love as sacred. When she fell in love with a man As a man, he would never choose to betray because of the temptation of the outside world, like Luan Yu did.

……

This night, I failed to get into Lu Xi's heart after all. She and I returned to the bar where we drank before, and Qiao Jiao was still asleep in that seat.

I went to pay the bill, and then with Lu Xi's help, I carried Qiao Jiao on my back and walked to the hotel closest to the bar.

On the road, it started to snow, but it was clearly only the beginning of November.I was in a daze for a moment, and suddenly remembered that this was Shenyang, the Northeast. Then I raised my hand and looked at my watch. It was already past 11 o'clock, so it was November 12th. I saw the first snow this year. It deepened my memory of Shenyang.

A desire to create suddenly arose in my heart. I actually wanted to write a song!Write a song about Shenyang, with the snow, the deer stream, her elegant figure on the ice, and my mood...

I was really shocked because I really didn’t know where this desire to create came from.

Maybe it's because of loss, envy, and the regret of not getting what you want...

It turns out that pain and regret are the source of inspiration for creation.

……

When we arrived at the hotel, we were told by the front desk that there were only two rooms left. After booking the room, she said to Lu Xi and me, "There are only two rooms left in the hotel. Do you think it would be convenient for someone to live with whom?"

It’s not the fault of the front desk. One man and two women. Regardless of our relationship, two rooms are enough. Even if either Lu Xi or Qiao Jiao and I are not in a relationship, at least they can share a room.

Seeing that neither Lu Xi nor I answered, the expression on the receptionist's face became more and more confused.

I finally said, "Sister Lu, if you don't mind, I can make do with sharing a room with Sister Jiao."

"I'm worried."

"Then you and Sister Jiao live in the same room."

"I'm even more worried."

I forced a smile and said: "Look, the most unnecessary person this night is Sister Jiao... I'm kidding you, whether you are relieved or not, I will not stay in this hotel... I will go to the bathing center just now. You can spend the night there too.”

"Ah."

Lu Xi responded, and we went upstairs with the room card under the depressed and puzzled eyes at the front desk. (Follow the author’s WeChat public account: *** to view photos of the protagonists!)
……

Lu Xi still cared about Qiao Jiao. She took off her shoes for Qiao Jiao, covered her with a quilt, wiped her face with a hot towel very considerately, and removed Qiao Jiao's contact lenses. Before leaving, Another cup of hot water was placed beside her bed.

Poor Qiao Jiao calls Lu Baoer while talking in her sleep...

It's a pity that Luo Hua is ruthless on purpose. Compared to me, Qiao Jiao has been eliminated first. At least I still have hope, because I am a man, and the man in Lu Xi's heart seems to never come back.

So what if I come back?People change, and Lu Xi may only care about the person he was at that time, and companionship is the longest confession of love in the world, especially for women.

……

Quadruple?
Oh, is it interesting to deceive an ignorant little girl at that time?

I smiled disdainfully, and now I also know that there are only a handful of female athletes in the world who can complete a quadruple jump.

Wouldn't it be better to just talk about the five-wheel jump and make Lu Xi give up completely?

(End of this chapter)