A leisurely life that begins with the possession of a game character

It is not clear whether Zhang Jintao has reached the master level of loneliness, but he should have reached the master level of selfishness.

Of course, Zhang Jintao himself doesn’t think so. He said that apart from being unmarried and living alone, he still has many friends in his daily life.

Regardless of whether they are true friends or drinking buddies, Zhang Jintao means that he can still call them over with just a phone call or a WeChat message.

The loneliness that people often experience is not because no one understands them, but because they have closed the way to others. They are unwilling to understand others and get along with them deeply.

For us today, loneliness is no longer the barrier of thousands of mountains and rivers or the slow traffic of the past. In contrast, it is like a pet that is deliberately raised and will grow up little by little under the careful cultivation of its owner.

In this era where people can express themselves in all directions, the relationship of mutual listening between people has gradually turned into mutual expression.

We are all eager to express our so-called positions, to gain recognition, and to use the power of the crowd to achieve a certain goal. However, we tend to ignore that others are also like this.

In this subtle tension between people, people are becoming more and more impatient to listen to what others are thinking.

When a person is completely occupied by himself and driven by the desire to use others, the so-called need for the existence of others is only to satisfy a certain purpose of his own, rather than a long-lasting emotional interaction.

To put it bluntly, people's investment in the future is becoming more and more utilitarian, while their investment in emotions is becoming less and less.

What about loneliness? Loneliness has become commonplace and even numb in this environment.

The emergence of loneliness not only means a person's blockage and rejection of approaching other people's hearts, but also, paradoxically, means that deep in his heart he is still waiting for the arrival of others.

What are you waiting for from others? You are expecting others to approach you who are curled up and closed, understand you who are afraid of disappointment, and bring you a new kind of enjoyment in life.

However, no matter what the original reason for maintaining loneliness is, this behavior of being unwilling to take the initiative to approach others, while deep down in one's heart one is eagerly waiting for others to save one, is almost equivalent to selfishness.

Humans are born selfish animals. We instinctively feel that some actions should be taken by others for us, we instinctively feel that others should think the same as we do, and we instinctively feel that emotional connections should be maintained spontaneously without our own efforts.

Those high-sounding excuses of shyness, timidity, and fear of rejection actually have the subtext of, can't you just take the initiative and come to me?
But why?

Those who are forcibly given the halo of savior by the lonely, those who are forced to become listeners, don't they feel tired? Won't the energy they need to get along with others be exhausted? Don't they have their own pain, loneliness, and expectations?
In fact, we have no right to regard anyone as a potential savior or listener, because the first step in building a relationship is to understand each other, and the identities of savior and listener are unequal from the beginning.

We want to express ourselves more than we want to listen to others, and we want to be understood by others more than we want to understand others. As a song goes:
"Loneliness is a carnival for one person

Carnival is the loneliness of a group of people"

If such lyrics can resonate with people, then those who resonate with them are most likely extroverted lonely people.

Extroversion and loneliness seem to be contradictory. People are always accustomed to thinking that extroversion means being cheerful and lively, and loneliness means being empty, lonely and cold. But the truth is, in the adult world, "loneliness" and "extroversion" never conflict with each other.

Being extroverted means drinking and singing with familiar or unfamiliar people at a party, while loneliness means facing the inner emptiness alone after the crowds disperse. Being extroverted means being lively and cheerful on the surface but heartless, while loneliness means having a huge worry in your heart and not daring to tell anyone. Being extroverted and lonely means liking to be lively and solitude, but being afraid of loneliness.

Lonely extroverts crave attention. Extroverts are people who need a lot of love and attention. They are eager to express themselves and hope that others can see their shining points. They treat others with great enthusiasm and hope to be treated well by others. To put it bluntly, extroverts are pitiful narcissists who pay a lot of social costs and crave for affirmation from others. Extroverts are like this. They are eager for a sense of existence and social recognition.

Modern and advanced online social technology has given people more ways to express themselves and shape their social image according to their personal preferences. If others think your photos are good-looking or your jokes are funny, they will give you a like, which creates a false impression that I am very popular. How many of those who like and praise you are willing to spend time with you to have a meal, drink, or chat?
Therefore, online social networking is an accomplice in promoting inner loneliness. Others say that people who frequently post on Moments are lonely because they do not have a fixed person to share their daily trivia with.

Indeed, if you already have someone with whom you can babble a bunch of nonsense, would you still want to announce it again on your Moments?

Why don’t they have true friends? Many so-called introverts have close friends, but most extroverts have fewer or even no close friends.

Introverts have very passionate inner emotions. Because they participate less in social activities, there are fewer things to distract them, so they can focus more on a friend.

Extroverts who are equally passionate about their emotions are distracted by too many interesting things, and end up with less time and energy to devote to a particular friend. So it is understandable why such extroverts are lonely and have no (real) friends? Blame it on yourself for not managing your relationships well.

Extroverts spend their lives pursuing positive energy. They like to spread positive energy and influence others with their happy emotions. But on the other hand, they hate negative energy and will even try to avoid getting along with people with negative energy.

If your friend has been full of negative energy recently, you are willing to enlighten him, hoping to share some of your positive energy with him. However, if time goes on for a long time, the positive person will find that he is being dragged down by the negative person, so he will try to save himself and avoid getting along with this negative person from then on.

This can also explain why such people have few friends. They are only willing to share good times but not bad times.

Imagine someone around you is crying and feeling down, you will probably go over to comfort them. But if you ask yourself, your behavior is not out of genuine concern, but more out of "social etiquette". If you do nothing when someone is crying, you will feel very embarrassed.

On the other hand, you are very reluctant to show negative emotions in front of others, and even more reluctant to cry in front of others. Because you are afraid that the people around you will be embarrassed and embarrassed; you also feel embarrassed when others come to comfort you. After all, this destroys your usual cheerful and lively image. (End of this chapter)