I'm afraid I'm not interested in love

Chapter 176 People Trapped in the Past

"Why are you here?"

Almost as soon as Su Chengyi asked this question, he thought of the burn mark on He Wufei's hand.

So he added immediately:
"Did you pick it up?"

He Wufei said nothing and nodded.

"You're following Chen Jinzhi, aren't you just trying to find some money?"

Su Chengyi turned over the half-burned student ID card. It smelled like burnt food. Even if it was returned to her, she wouldn't be able to use it.

He Wufei seemed to be stimulated by his wild speculation and coughed several times in succession.

Every time he coughed, his voice was hoarse and hoarse, as if he wanted to cough up his entire lungs.

Su Chengyi casually pulled out a few pieces of paper and handed them over.

"You don't have asthma or something, right?"

"bronchitis."

"Smoking?"

"Ah."

Su Chengyi leaned back with his hands in mind.

He actually wanted to ask, how did you live your life to be so bruised and riddled with holes?

But after He Wufei regained his breath, he fell silent again.

This man always looks like he is in a state of wandering mind.

Thinking of what Chen Jinzhi said, Su Chengyi now agreed.

He is like the kind of person who physically lives as time goes by, but mentally stays on a certain day in the past.

The two were silent for a while, but He Wufei spoke first.

"Medical Expenses"

"I handed it over, you don't have to worry about it."

Su Chengyi interrupted him and waved his hand, as if he didn't care.

He Wufei shook his head,
"I'll pay you back later."

"How do you want to pay it back?"

Su Chengyi turned her head and looked at his skinny appearance.

"Malnutrition. You haven't eaten for a long time. Did you spend the last money you had on buying potions for bruises?"

"."

He Wufei said nothing, closed his eyes and sighed.

"If we hadn't happened to be downstairs and ambush you, you might have died there quietly. Do you understand?"

Su Chengyi frowned slightly.

It was past eleven o'clock at that time, and the alley was very remote. Several people had been squatting there for so long but no one passed by.

"What's wrong with that?"

He Wufei suddenly smiled, and the corners of his mouth touched the scars on his face. They looked painful, but he seemed unknown.

This was the first time Su Chengyi saw this man smile.

And it wasn't a bitter smile, as if he was looking forward to death and had no desire to live.

"You know someone who looks very similar to Chen Jinzhi, right?"

he tried to ask.

He Wufei looked at him for a while, as if evaluating whether he was trustworthy or not.

Su Chengyi suddenly felt like he was being looked at by the examiner during the interview.

After a long time, He Wufei suddenly reached out and touched his inner chest pocket.

He pulled out an old-fashioned wallet.

It seems that the interview was successful.

Su Chengyi felt that the last time she saw such an old wallet style must have been used by her grandfather when she was a child.At that time, my grandfather would often take out one or two pieces from it and ask him to buy snacks.

He Wufei treated it with extreme care, opening it as gently as if he were handling some kind of treasure.

Su Chengyi observed carefully that there was not a dime in the wallet.

He Wufei pulled out a 2-inch photo from the compartment and handed it to Su Chengyi, not forgetting to add:
"Be careful."

Su Chengyi took it and it was a girl's ID photo.

She was smiling at the camera and was wearing the school uniform of No. [-] Middle School.

Over the years, although the styles of school uniforms have been improved several times, they are still the same.

And the classic color scheme of blue and white has never changed.

This girl's facial features are indeed somewhat similar to Chen Jinzhi's, but only a few points.

Chen Jinzhi's appearance is more bright and beautiful, while this girl is much softer. At most, at a glance, she looks somewhat similar.

Or in other words, it is difficult to find someone who looks really similar to Chen Jinzhi in the world.

After the Iris hit in the last life, South Korea, which is famous for its plastic surgery technology, has put in no effort to recreate the so-called "second Iris", but without exception, it failed.

After confirming that such a person existed, Su Chengyi stopped looking at it and handed the photo back.

Chen Jinzhi's idea was right. Sure enough, there was such a person like her.

He Wufei suddenly had a reasonable explanation for all the puzzling behaviors she had displayed so far.

He Wufei wiped the photo with the fingers of his uninjured left hand and stared at it for a few seconds before putting the photo back into his wallet.

"Who is in the picture?"

Not wanting to disturb the person who was lost in memories, Su Chengyi waited for the nostalgic look on his face to fade away before continuing to ask.

"It's a former classmate."

He Wufei lowered his head and spoke very slowly.

"The one you like?"

Su Chengyi stood up, poured himself a glass of water, and got straight to the point.

He had a hunch that he would hear a complete story later.

"Correct."

He asked decisively, and He Wufei answered simply.

"You are not together?"

Hearing this question, He Wufei's hands suddenly grasped the quilt tightly, trembling uncontrollably.

Su Chengyi watched his violent reaction calmly and took a slow sip of water from the glass.

".Are you willing to listen?"

He Wufei let go of the quilt that was balled up by him, and squeezed out these words from his throat.

"willing."

Su Chengyi nodded and looked at him.

The two looked at each other, and He Wufei felt that the young man in front of him had a temperament that was different from his peers, he was stable and indifferent.

Although this was his first face-to-face communication, He Wufei somehow felt that he was a trustworthy person.So he leaned back, collected his thoughts, and slowly said:

"Her name is Xu Zhihan. I transferred to No. [-] Middle School when I was in the second grade of junior high school, and I was a classmate with her."

"She is very beautiful and studies well. In comparison, I am just an extremely ordinary person. But I think that I have liked her for as long as I have known her. This should be considered something unusual. Is it okay?"

When he talked about it, Su Chengyi actually heard some tenderness in his hoarse voice.

Falling in love at first sight and then ending up there is indeed not an ordinary thing, Su Chengyi thought silently. "Because I am a transfer student, so in order not to be isolated by everyone, I try my best to please everyone, including the teachers at the school."

"When I introduced myself, I said I came from a fishing village on the southern coast. Everyone laughed and said that it was no wonder they smelled fishy. I felt embarrassed, but I could only laugh along."

"Only she quietly turned around and asked me - the sea must be beautiful, right?"

"The No. [-] Middle School at that time was very different from now. There were unreasonable and inhumane regulations everywhere. Break time could only be used to go to the toilet, and there were no garbage in the trash can. Even if you were idle during self-study class, you would be notified and criticized."

"Everything is very different from my previous school. When I am surprised by the various new terms, I will find that other students have long been accustomed to it.

"Only Xu Zhihan is different. She will speak out bravely whenever something she feels is unreasonable. Although her own grades are very good, when others are fined for ten or twenty laps because their grades have dropped, she will try to do it. Convince the teacher.”

"However, her efforts alone are insignificant, and no one will care at all. Instead, she herself is isolated because of such a legitimate voice."

"You will ask why I like her but don't want to stand on a united front with her, right? Because I have low self-esteem and cowardice. I have to muster a lot of courage to even say a word to her. Even I look down on myself."

"She knew better than anyone that I was a despicable person, but she still smiled at me and thanked me for being willing to chat with her."

He Wufei smiled bitterly and covered his face, then his voice trembled from between his fingers.

"Later, she started to have some conflicts with her family. She wanted to study art, but her family didn't allow it. The school also put a lot of pressure on her. The head teacher scolded her in front of the whole class every day, saying that she had evil intentions and wanted to take shortcuts. Said she ruined the atmosphere of the class and the school."

Su Chengyi's heart skipped a beat.

The campus legend in Building F of the laboratory building, Uncle Wang's description at that time, and the senior who wanted to take the art exam, everything suddenly connected.

But for the first time, he didn't hope that his association was correct.

"I can actually see it, I can see it. She changed a lot during that time, and it was very painful. But I didn't do anything until the end."

"And then she died."

"Her death is inseparable from everyone. It made me see clearly that I am a cowardly and incompetent person."

He Wufei's voice made Su Chengyi think he was crying. When he raised his hand to hand over a tissue, he found that his eyes were dry.

"You know what? When she was alive, no one cared what she thought. When she died, it was the same."

He suddenly grabbed Su Chengyi's wrist with great strength. Su Chengyi lowered his eyes and glanced at it without trying to break away.

"The school's management system has not changed at all, but many so-called masters have been invited to perform rituals. The door of that classroom is actually covered with yellow paper charms. How ridiculous you think it is.

Her parents came to school to cause a scene, got compensation and left.

The classmates who got along day and night all regarded her death as a topic of conversation after dinner. No one cared about why she died, and no one even felt that their daily life was different because of this incident. "

"Before I even began to accept the fact that she was no longer in this world, people around me were already laughing and sharing all the gossip about her."

"I couldn't stay in a place like this, so I dropped out of school. And then, I ended up living like this."

He Wufei laughed, his tone full of self-deprecation.

"You must think I'm useless, right? When Xu Zhihan was still alive, I didn't dare to do anything. Now that she's gone, I've lived like this again."

Su Chengyi shook his head and said nothing.

"That day was her memorial day. I bought flowers to see her. When I walked over, I saw Peng Zhi there from a distance. He looked very flustered and was burning this thing."

He Wufei held half of his student ID card in his hand and said slowly.

Peng Zhi should be Old Man Peng’s famous name.

According to He Wufei's description, during the Xu Zhihan incident, Mr. Peng, as the head teacher at the time, worked with his parents to severely suppress Xu Zhihan's mental state because of his personal prejudices, which ultimately led to her demise.

Su Chengyi sneered in his heart. No wonder he was so panicked when he saw Chen Jinzhi, who looked similar to Xu Zhihan.

Then he probably believed in some superstitious method and took it away overnight. No, he stole Chen Jinzhi's things and wanted to burn them in front of Xu Zhihan's grave.

"He saw someone coming and ran away before the fire was extinguished. I put out the fire and saw this ID photo."

He Wufei lowered his head and sighed.

Su Chengyi glanced at the burn scar on his hand. At that time, he probably thought it was something belonging to Xu Zhihan, and he was so anxious that he pounced on it with his hands.

"Of course I know it's not her. But if it's similar, I want to see it with my own eyes no matter what."

Su Chengyi nodded, stood up and poured him a glass of water.

"Now that I see you, how do you feel?"

"I am even more aware of the fact that Xu Zhihan is no longer around a long time ago."

He Wufei thanked him softly and slowly took a sip of warm water. His tone of voice was full of sadness.

When he said this, the ins and outs of the whole matter were already very clear.

Many years ago, He Wufei transferred to No. [-] Middle School, met Xu Zhihan, and fell in love with her.

Xu Zhihan was targeted by Old Man Peng because he stood up for the punished classmates and was isolated by his classmates.

Later, she wanted to learn the art she loved, but was suppressed by her parents and school. After a long time, she finally couldn't bear it anymore and chose to end her life.

He Wufei thought that he was not brave enough and did not stand up to support her.Therefore, I felt regretful and painful, so I chose to drop out of school, and I have been living in despair until now.

On the day of Xu Zhihan's memorial day, Old Man Peng was looking for trouble with art student Chen Jinzhi in the Rocket Class classroom. Instead, he was frightened by her somewhat similar appearance to Xu Zhihan.

He hurried to Xu Zhihan's tomb overnight, intending to burn Chen Jinzhi's student ID card to "remove bad luck". Unexpectedly, he was bumped into by He Wufei who came to pay homage.

After He Wufei got his student ID card, he really wanted to meet Chen Jinzhi, so he started the "stalking" incident.

Su Chengyi sighed deeply.

Because he couldn't think of anything to say to comfort He Wufei.

At this time, you can't say you feel the same way, nor can you say you understand.

You do not understand.

So he just reached out and held He Wufei's slightly trembling hand.

"I have liked Xu Zhihan for 15 years, and it has been ten years since she left this world.

Now I can't even remember her face clearly, but my liking for her hasn't diminished one bit.Do you believe? "

He Wufei raised his eyes, as if he was asking Su Chengyi, or Xu Zhihan in another world.

"Believe."

Su Chengyi nodded.

His performance is enough to show how much that relationship is worth remembering for a lifetime, which is why he is still trapped in the past until now.

"But I haven't even told her how much I like her. I am almost 30 years old now, but she will always stay at 17, so I feel that my heart will stay at 17 with her.

I don't want to and don't dare to move towards a new life. I don't even dare to die.

Her classmates probably no longer remember her name, and her parents have already had a new child.If even I forget her, who else in the world can remember Xu Zhihan? "

He Wufei said these painful words with red eyes, but no tears fell.

Su Chengyi's mood was also very heavy.

Just by listening, he could feel the despair spreading from He Wufei's body.

So Su Chengyi took a deep breath, resisted the urge to blush, and said:

"I once watched a play, and there was a line in it -"

He paused and slowly said as he recalled:

""Forget her, forget her so you don't have to endure it anymore, forget her so you don't have to suffer anymore.Forget her, forget what you don’t have, forget what others have, forget what you have lost and cannot get in the future, forget hatred, forget humiliation, forget love. "

"Like a rhinoceros forgetting the grassland, like a water bird forgetting the lake, like a person in hell forgetting heaven, like an amputee forgetting that he once walked as fast as flying, like a fallen leaf forgetting the wind, like Tula forgetting the female rhinoceros."

"Forgetting is the only thing most people can do, but I decided not to forget her."

After Su Chengyi finished reciting the lines, he held He Wufei's wrist tightly and continued:
"Perhaps I should tell you something like, people should look forward. But I don't want to say it, because you are probably tired of hearing it.

So what I want to say is, don't forget her and live with your feelings for her. "

He Wufei felt the force coming from his wrist, and listening to these words that no one had ever said to him, he suddenly felt very grateful for his honesty to the young man in front of him half an hour ago.

Tears welled up in his eyes, streaking across the fine scratches on his jaw.

Tears are salt water and must hurt.

Su Chengyi lowered his head to hold back his tears, and slowly said the last sentence:
"Because maybe one day, in a daze, you will find that you have gone back to the past, and it is not too late. And she is standing in front of you with a smile."

　Thanks to the book friends who are tired and have no way to recover, low power, and a peaceful life for the rest of their lives!Thank you everyone for subscribing and voting!
　　
　
(End of this chapter)