When I meet the brilliance

Chapter 146 But Not All

Jing Yu blinked her eyes, feeling flustered as if she had been seen through. It took her a while to find her voice. "But regardless of other things, the real him is different from what I thought."

"What's the difference?"

Zhuozhuo's tone was clearly gentle and doubtful, but Jingyu felt that there was a voice in her heart asking her the same question, and the tone in her heart was firm and questioning, but how should she say it? He Qianshen now felt that he was very thoughtful and persistent. Just as he said, he was scheming her. She didn't even dare to think about their previous relationship, what were his methods behind it, and what he said about spying on her life. He just said these things just like that. Wasn't he afraid that she would be afraid of him?
She whispered, "Zhuozhuo, you don't understand."

Zhuozhuo had turned around to help her serve the porridge. When the warm bowl was placed in her palm, Zhuozhuo's voice rang out again.

"Yeah, but I feel like you still care about him."

Jing Yu's eyes trembled slightly, but Zhuo Zhuo smiled, "Okay, don't think about it. You didn't eat yesterday, so you must be hungry now. Drink some porridge first, and then think about other things when you are physically and mentally fit. Or don't think about it at all. Things will become clear someday. Things that you can't think of now will suddenly become clear one day."

Jing Yu looked at the sweet porridge in the bowl. She had only talked a few words with Zhou Run yesterday and didn't eat. Later, she went to the bar to drink. Now her stomach was really empty. Now she smelled the sweet hot porridge and suddenly felt hungry. But when she walked to the living room with the bowl, she still asked, "Did he say that?"

"What?" Zhuozhuo didn't react at once. After thinking for a few seconds, he hummed and said, "He said you didn't eat anything last night and drank a lot of wine. He asked me to cook some porridge for you around noon..." Zhuozhuo paused and said nothing more. Then he pushed her to drink the porridge.

……

He Qianshen woke up groggy. He hadn't had a nightmare for a long time, but after telling her those things last night, he had a nightmare again.

A long time ago, he had nightmares every night. In his dreams, he was surrounded by insults and looked up at faces that looked like demons. In the distance was the thick night, which attacked him blatantly. It was so dark that he couldn't breathe, as if he would be swallowed up in the next second. He would wake up in the middle of the night, covered in cold sweats, and then suffer from insomnia.

But after meeting her, perhaps he wanted to integrate into this world, some of his obsessions slowly faded, and his insomnia symptoms improved a lot.

In the dim room, He Qianshen sat up slightly and turned on the bedside table lamp, then picked up a blue smiley face pendant from the bedside table and stroked it gently in his hand.

He was honest with her, but not everything.

After returning to the village, he was often bullied by the children there. Originally, he was not a kid who loved to laugh. Because of his wealthy family and excellent academic performance, he was arrogant and proud in school. But after he went bankrupt, everything changed.

Children of similar age in the village enjoyed bullying him. If he ignored them, he would be bullied even more severely. If he resisted, the parents of other children would come home to complain. The adults in the village would scold him harshly, as if they had a better reason to scold his parents.

At that time, he had nightmares every day and night. In his dreams, the villagers surrounded their house, pointing and insulting them at will, and he was often woken up in the middle of the night.

Later, when he was beaten, he endured it silently and also observed other people, trying hard to remember the characteristics of each one.

Gradually, he began to learn how to disguise himself and practiced smiling in front of the mirror every day. Even when he was bullied or scolded, he would first look for his own faults, even if there were none, he would make an excuse, and then call uncles and aunts with a smile.

His innocent appearance sometimes worked; he would stir up infighting among the children, and with just a few words he would cause them to kill each other.

His father was no longer around, and his mother noticed his changes. She was afraid that he might have some psychological problems, so she gritted her teeth and took him away from the mountains. He became more and more adept at using the protective color of hypocrisy, but that night, when he saw her being followed, his heart, which had long been calm, was filled with anger. He punched the man hard, but he didn't even have the courage to look at her face in fear of being seen.

On the day when he had a high fever and his desire to live was the weakest, he thought he was going to die, so there was no point in pretending. But it happened that he met her again.

With his cold and hard face, hoarse and unpleasant voice and lifeless appearance, he felt inferior, especially when faced with her bright and clean smile, he felt deeply inferior.

This inferiority complex still exists today.

After the breakup, he thought that he was not worthy of her in the first place, so why should he insist on being involved with Bai Yueguang, so just like she thought, the two of them just treated each other as colleagues, but he couldn't control his longing for her, he missed her so much.

On New Year's Eve, he went to H City and watched the fireworks at Haiyan Square, because he had heard her say that the best fireworks in H City were at Haiyan Square. In fact, what was important was that he could celebrate the New Year with her in the same city.

The huge square was crowded with people, but all of them were unfamiliar faces. However, after returning to the hotel, he looked at her circle of friends. Even though he knew she might have left, he still ran to the square.

The fireworks show was coming to an end. He stood at the place where she had taken pictures of the fireworks and took a picture as well, but he cut out the Haiyan Square logo, leaving only the night sky illuminated by the fireworks.

He imagined that she must be smiling brightly when she saw the fireworks, and he smiled too.

At this moment, stroking the blue smiley face pendant, he laughed softly. After throwing away everything and confessing his love for her over the years, he never regretted it, even if it was insignificant to her.

……

He Qianshen's confession seemed to have no effect on Jingyu. She continued to live her busy and ordinary life.

If they meet at work, they will still just talk and communicate like colleagues, and they still don't contact each other privately. If others accidentally come in front of her, Jingyu will just smile faintly, seemingly not caring about anything, but in fact, her heart, which is already in a mess, will not change much no matter what else is added.

She will not be stubborn about things that she can't figure out the outcome of. Just like Zhuozhuo said, one day, everything will become clear.

Zhou Run called her once later and apologized to her. She said it was okay and hung up the phone. In fact, she knew that Zhou Run had something else to say. His subconscious told her that it was about He Qianshen, but she didn't want to listen, for fear that it would make her thoughts even more confused.

Jingyu was the commentator on the last day of the regular season. On that morning, Jingyu received a call from He Da, inviting her to attend the school anniversary next week.

Jingyu was very confused. After all, it was the first time she was invited to the school anniversary celebration after so many years of graduation, so she talked to Zhuozhuo about it.

Zhuozhuo shrugged and said casually, "I guess it's because you're a famous person among the alumni, so they invited you. It's nothing. You can go around and maybe meet some new friends and distract yourself."

(End of this chapter)